Chapter Three: I'm Listening
Erik crashes down from the rafters and onto the desk of an unfortunate old gentleman with a pipe in his mouth. "Hey Doc," he greets calmly.
The doctor shakes his head and looks at the shattered remains of his desktop. "Erik, how many times have I asked you to enter my office through the door?"
Erik rubs his head. " I tried to, but the doorman started screaming and beating me with a stick."
The doctor shakes his head again. "Erik, have you ever considered plastic surgery?"
Erik's lower lip trembles. "But I thought you said I shouldn't dwell on my physical appearance. You weren't just patronizing me because of my reputation for murder, were you?"
"Uh…no, no, of course not!" The doctor fixes him with a slightly forced smile. "So what the matter this time?" He pauses warily. "Erik, if this is about that cat of yours again-
"No, actually, I need some romantic advice." The Phantom sinks onto the couch with a dreamy sigh. "Y'see, there's this girl…"
"I'm listening." The doctor sticks a pipe into his mouth.
"Well, her name's Christine Daae, and she's a chorus girl at my Opera."
The doctor lifts an eyebrow curiously. " Chorus girl? Exactly how old is this Christine?"
Erik shrugs. "Twenty or so. Why?"
"But you're near fifty years old. Isn't it a little difficult for you to form a stable relationship with so little common ground?"
Erik scowls. "Shut up. I'm an evil genius-I found a way around that in a jiffy." He reclines back smugly. "I told her I was a supernatural being sent by her dead father."
The doctor frowns. "Erik, it sounds to me like this young lady of yours has some projection issues. You shouldn't be messing with her mind."
Erik wipes his eyes on a handkerchief. "But I just want girls to like me!"
"First you must learn to like yourself."
Erik looks at the floor uncertainly. "I-I just…"
"Erik, you must not let your problems with your mother taint all your future relationships."
Erik jumps to his feet angrily. "I'll never forgive her! She ran away to Las Vegas with that male stripper and forgot all about me!"
The doctor moans miserably. "Here we go with the mother stories again!"
Erik is pacing furiously. "…and one time when I was seven, she ran my teddy bear through the dryer and he fell into a million pieces. And when I cried about it, she said I was having a tantrum and sent me to my room without any ice cream! And then, when I was five…"
The doctor makes the sign of the cross. "Next time he comes in here, I'm sending him to a specialist…"
Erik shakes him. "Hey, you're not listening!" He clears his throat and continues his monologue. "And then when I was eight, my daddy got put in jail for stealing that crate of glass doorknobs…"
Yep, to be continued again