Chapter Six: The End of It

"Erik?" The Daroga, wearing a black suit and carrying a couple of hamster-sized bouquets of flowers, knocks hesitantly at the door. "Erik, are you alright in there?" He is answered by a loud crashing noise, followed by a bunch of sneezing. Nadir frowns and opens the door.

He finds Erik perched on the floor next to the torture chamber, his hands on a panel of levers. When he hears someone inside yelling for Erik, he panics and drags the Phantom away from the chamber. "Erik! What are you doing?" Shakes his head up at the torture chamber. "I knew I shouldn't have given him that Erector set for Christmas."

Erik blinks in confusion. "Um, Nadir, I really think you'd better let me get back to my torture chamber."

Nadir shakes his head fiercely. "No. Now stay back, while I go get the battering ram."

"Um, Nadir, wouldn't it be easier to just push the "open door" button?" Erik ventures, pushing the button.

A very dusty Raoul tumbles out, with his sleeves rolled up and a socket wrench in his hands. "ACHOO! It sure is dusty in there. Okay, I think she's ready to roll, old pal."

Erik motions to Nadir. "Wally, this is Nadir. Daroga, this is my new friend, Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny. He's been helping me to repair this wretched homemade security system."

Nadir looks confused. "Oh. Uh…okay then."

Erik nods. "Yeah. No burglars are going to be getting in now." He sighs. "But look at us now. We're covered in dirt and this industrial strength oven cleaner."

Raoul sways dizzily to and fro. "Yeah, it was great on those soot stains, but the fumes are starting to get to me." His eyes roll back into his head and he slumps onto the floor.

Erik pulls him to his feet. "Now, now, Raoul, don't get all woozily on me. Christine promised to meet us in her dressing room with her choice tonight, remember? Come on, let's go find something to wear." He drags the half-conscious Viscount away, his cat trailing after them. The cat hisses angrily.

Erik scowls. 'No, we are not going to get soot on the good carpet. Are not! Are NOT!"

Nadir drags a perplexed looking man through the door and follows them. "Erik, Wally, come back here! I want you to meet a friend of mine."

Raoul and Erik emerge from the hallway in tuxedoes. "Nope, can't talk now. We've got to find our girlfriend."

Nadir drags his friend along after them. "Guys, come back here! This guy promised me five francs if I showed him the freak! Guys!"

Erik is leading Raoul through the corridors, both men ignoring Nadir and his customer. "Let's see…which of these doors is Christine's?"

"Dunno." Raoul opens one. Piangi is on the other side, dressed in a cat costume and singing. He laughs and shakes his head. "That crazy guy. Who ever heard of a singing cat?"

"Wrong door." Erik tries a second one. The moment he looks inside, however, he slams it shut and jumps back with a horrified look in his eyes. "AGH!"

"What's wrong?" Raoul moves to see what has upset him so, but Erik pounces on him before he can reach the door.

"No!" Erik insists. "That's Carlotta's dressing room. Remind me to board that door up." He tries a third door. "Ah, here we go." He and Raoul poke their heads in, unseen by Christine, who is sitting at her dressing table with…Firmin?

Erik and Raoul look confused, and lean in closer to hear their conversation. "…Yes, I love you too, Firmykins. Now, get out of here, before Andre sees us together and has a fit."

Firmin, covered in lipstick marks, giggles and blushes stupidly. "M'kay, pretty lady."

Christine leads him over to the door. "That's a good boy. Now, I'll see you tonight at--"

She is cut off as Andre bursts through the front door with a bouquet in one hand. "Christine? Darling, I thought perhaps we could steal a few minutes together before that bloody partner of mine get back, and--" He suddenly notices Firmin. "Hey, what's he doing here?"

Firmin glares at him. "It's all over, Andre. Christine is in love with me now." He nudges Christine. "Go on, tell him!"

Christine giggles. "Now, boys, if you want to settle this, there's going to have to be a duel." She pulls the pistols out of her dresser again, squealing excitedly. "Mmm, this is all so thrilling!" She hands the pistols to the managers and waves her hands at them. "Alright, boys. Ten paces, you keep going till first blood. Let's go! Come on, I haven't got all day, now!"

Erik and Raoul tumble out of the doorway, looking perturbed. "Christine!" Erik frowns disapprovingly. "Have you been leading these two on all this time, too?"

Christine looks nervous. "Hmm…well…this is awfully awkward. I never thought you'd all be in the same room together."

Raoul shakes his head. "Why'd you do it, Christine?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. My psychiatrist, Doc, says it's because I have low self esteem."

Erik sighs. "That's no excuse for tearing four men to bits!"

Christine looks at the floor. "Well…uh…five, actually."

"Five?"

The door swings open yet again, and in walks Phillipe de Chagny. "Why, Christine, mon cher, I didn't know you were having a party tonight!"

Firmin and Andre look annoyed. "Oh, well," sighs Firmin. "Maybe that girl from Miss Saigon could use a pair of suitors."

Erik and Raoul look at each other, shrugging. "Well," says Erik, " I guess I'll go over and see if any of those nice ballet girls go for the dark, angst-ridden type. Hey, Wally, wanna come with?"

Raoul swings an arm around his shoulders. "Right behind ya, old buddy!" They run off toward the ballet girls' rooms. A few minutes later, a chorus of girls' screams echoes down the hall, followed by a man's voice laughing. "Now, girls, there's no need to play hard to get!"

Nadir and his friend are still hanging out of the doorway. Nadir's friend whacks him over the head. "You idiot! You charged me five francs for that? That's the worst freak show I've ever seen in my life!" He storms angrily down the corridor. "I'll really have to doctor that incident up if I'm ever going to turn it into a story!"

"Hey, wait! Where's my money, Monsieur Leroux?"

THE END