Started and Finished: January 4, 2002
Last Episode Seen Before Writing: Skinwalker
Pairing: Lana fic
Rating: R
Category: Drama, Horror, Dark fic
Spoilers: None
Summary: Lana counts her mistakes, making sure she pays the consequences.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except a baseball cap and about 7 sets of SV trading cards!
Author's Note: Warning: this is a very dark fic. If you aren't old enough, go away! Also, anything portrayed here doesn't necessarily reflect what the character actually does. In other words, don't flame me for going dark with her. There will be a sequel coming up very very shortly. (I can't just leave the poor thing like this!)
Payment For Sins
Lana brings the razor slowly over her thigh. Once, twice. What has she done today? Oh, that's right. Once more. Just deep enough to draw blood. She makes sure there's blood. If there isn't blood, it doesn't count and she has to start all over again.
"Lana, how could you do that to me?!" Chloe shouted, her hurt showing in her eyes. "You were supposed to be my friend. I trusted you."
"Chloe, I'm sorry," Lana said sincerely, begging her friend to accept the apology.
"You stabbed me in the back, Lana. I won't forget so easily," Chloe sneered.
Lana ran a finger over her scars, not really seeing what she was doing. She felt the smooth ridges, too many to count. She remembered what every one was for. She had made sure to keep a log of them so she could learn from her mistakes.
"Chloe, please," Lana pleaded. "It just happened."
"First, you steal Clark's heart. When I finally get over it and move on you do, too," Chloe said, tears springing to her eyes.
"Not on purpose, Chloe. I could never hurt you on purpose," Lana said, her eyes burning.
"You were kissing him, Lana. I saw you doing it."
The blood smeared over the tops of her thighs, making morbid patterns on her skin. There was a girl in Lana's class who was a cutter. She wore long sleeves, trying to cover them up. As much as she tried to hide it, she talked about it more. Trying to get people to feel sorry for her. She even brought a razor to school once. Gave it to a guy friend to get rid of it for her. When she handed it to him the razor had nicked him. The guy's girlfriend had exploded, screaming about diseases and such. Lana wasn't like that girl.
"No, I- I didn't mean-" Lana tried to explain.
Chloe's eyes flared in rage. "You couldn't handle the fact that I was happy, so you destroyed what I had."
"Chloe," Lana said in despair.
"No, Lana. You kissed Pete. Simple as that. I can't forget that," Chloe said angrily.
Lana was smart about what she did to herself. She didn't hurt her arms. No, someone might see. Her sleeve could come up, or she could forget to wear a sweater. And what about the summer?
No, Lana cut her thighs. No one would se her thighs. They were always concealed. In the winter they were covered by her jeans. In the summer by her shorts. She even had a plan for a bathing suit; a tankini with boy shorts. No one would ever know.
"I'm so sorry," Lana said, standing as Chloe turned.
"You should have thought before you did it. Stay the hell away from me," Chloe warned, walking from the room.
Lana began to cry. Something silver glistened in the corner of her vision. A razor. She turned to it and a thoughtful expression took over her face. Lana shut her bedroom door, then turned to her desk.
Lana took the wet rag from the end of her bed, using it to slowly wipe the red from her legs. The coldness made her shiver. She looked over at the bright pink journal on he desk. It was opened to today's date. It marked every wrong word, every mistake, every misplaced action Lana had performed throughout the day. It was Lana's counter. Her calculator of sorts. It told her when she had messed up, and how many times she should be hurt to make up for it.
Lana picked up the razor. Fingering it, watching the metal shine in the light. Without realizing what she was doing she shed her pants, then sat on her chair. She was appalled by what she had done to the girl who had quickly become her best friend. She had to be punished. She had to learn that what she did was wrong.
The book was filled with Lana's mistakes. She wrote them down so she would remember. Remember what horrible thing she had done so she wouldn't do it again. Page after page was filled with her transgressions. Starting with the biggest one of all; her betrayal. Most of her scars were from that first day.
Lana brought the blade to her legs over and over. She enjoyed the feel of the pain. It made her feel like she was paying for her sins with her own blood. She had to face the consequences of hurting her best friend. She brought the blade to her legs over and over until she felt like she had caused enough pain to make up for what she had done.