Author: Camry Maxwell
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Son Goku and Genjo Sanzo (main)
Disclaimers: Gensomaden Saiyuki characters and setting don't belong to me. ^_^
Journey To His Heart
Chapter Six: Come Back To Me
I love you...
Goku screamed in despair as blood filled his vision. He surged forward, knowing that he was too late to save Konzen and the rest, but he had to get to them. He didn't want them to die that way, without knowing that there was someone crying and mourning for them among the crowd roaring with pleasure at what had just happened. He felt the guards jabbing their weapons at his head and stomach, but he rushed on blindly, pushing away those who were in his way. He jumped on the stage, grabbed Konzen's head and screamed his name over and over again, hoping that the blonde was still conscious. He shook Konzen a few times, tears streaming down his face. "Onegai...open your eyes, Konzen! Open them..."
As if hearing his plea, Konzen's eyes slowly opened, but there was nothing in them. There was no light, no emotion, nothing. It was as if he was staring off into the darkness without a choice.
Goku wept even more at this, drawing the bloody body closer to his chest, wishing that if this happened in his past life, it was all just a nightmare. His sobs racked his body, his arms shaking hard as he sobbed louder and louder. When he buried his head into Konzen's shoulder, he felt a gentle pressure on his head, looked up, and saw Konzen's hand moving down from his head to wipe away the tears that were blurring Goku's sight.
Konzen smiled softly, and even though he couldn't see, he whispered, "I wish...I told you...what I felt...a long time ago..."
Goku shook his head hard. "NO! Don't talk now! Please!"
Konzen smiled, coughed out blood at the effort, but he still continued. "Don't blame Nataku...He was only doing his job...and I'm grateful that he'll...be the one...to take care of...you in my place." Another bloody cough, then softer, "He tried...to save us...but it was too late...Goku...I did not survive...but at least...I managed to save you...from suffering the...same fate..."
Goku cried in pain. "Please...stop it...I forgive Nataku, okay? Is that what you want to know? I forgive him. And I love you...I love you so much. I'll love you forever..." Goku didn't know where that came from again, but it was as if something pushed it out of his mouth. He was beyond reason, so he didn't care where those words came from. All he had in his mind now was to stop Konzen from talking, to stop his pain.
The blonde smiled serenely and said, "I love you too...ever since I met you...and for all eternity..." He reached up and caressed Goku's face, as if memorizing every line, every detail.
Goku closed his eyes and cried softly, realizing that if his past was this depressing, even he didn't want to remember it. He place one hand over Konzen's wanting this moment to last forever, but when he felt Konzen's body slump against his, his hand falling from the side of his face, he knew that Konzen was gone. He opened his eyes, looked at Konzen's face, and felt stunned.
Konzen was smiling.
He was smiling as if he didn't regret anything now, as if he was free of all pain and sufferings. Goku stared at him for a while, then, he felt all the stress catch up with him, and as he traced Konzen's lips with his finger, darkness swallowed him.
"Goku...Goku..."
Goku opened his eyes, noted that he was on a bed, but instead of being on the bed, he was floating. Realizing that that the real past Goku was lying on the bed, he decided to stare at the things that will take place. It seems that from this point on, he was only meant to witness the past, not live it. He was okay with the idea. After what had happened a while ago, he was in no mood to cry again.
[Note: From this point on, it's based on the PAST Goku's point of view. ^_^]
Goku moved his eyes to Nataku, who stood at the side of his bed. He closed his eyes again, wanting to be alone. Konzen, Kenren and Tenpou were dead...he didn't want to converse with anyone just yet.
Nataku bit his lip, sat on the bed, and brushed Goku's hair away from his eyes. "Please...Goku...talk to me...It's been a week now. You haven't eaten, gone out, anything. Please...say something..."
Go away...I forgave you already, so please...leave me alone. Goku made no move. A week? It's been that long already? How time flies.
Nataku leaned in, his patience gone, as he shook Goku hard by the arms. "Snap out of it, Goku! He's gone! They're gone! I'm here! Talk to me! Make use of my presence!"
Goku kept still.
Nataku's hold became limp, but he didn't release Goku's arms. He place his face on Goku's chest, stayed there for a while, then, Goku felt something warm trickling down the side of his chest. Nataku lifted his head, and Goku stared back impassively at the tears the God shed for him. In a softer, hurting voice, Nataku pleaded, "Please...talk to me...I love you, you know. I love you so much...I care for you. I-"
"Urusai..."
Nataku drew back in surprise at the cold eyes that were once filled with happiness. He remained still as Goku sat up, the bed sheet falling to the bed as Goku glared at Nataku. Nataku swallowed. He hoped to get a reaction out of the boy, but he never expected this reaction. "Goku..."
Goku looked away and whispered, "I love Konzen. I will love him until the day I die. I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll ever love you back."
Nataku was hurt as he stood up. "But, Goku...
Goku burst out angrily, "Can't you get it through your shitty head?! I told you, I DON'T LOVE YOU! I LOVE KONZEN! I'LL NEVER LOVE YOU, so just get out! Get out and leave me ALONE!!"
At that point, Nataku's eyes became dull and emotionless, as if the answer Goku just gave him was equivalent to dying. He stared at Goku, his lips quivering from wanting to cry out at the harsh rejection. His hands were balled into fists, his body shaking with the effort to remain standing. Finally, he turned away, bowed his head, and exited the room, knowing that he had lost the battle against a dead person.
[Note: From this point on, it's based on the PRESENT Goku's point of view. ^_^]
Everything from Goku's point of view suddenly became blurry. Time sped up, and all he could do was watch in silence. He saw Nataku sitting on his chair with a dead-like expression as other Gods surrounded him, shouting in his to do this and that, to fight this person, saying he was the 'Killing Puppet', saying that he was a Fighting God, but Nataku never said anything back. He remained silent and still, staring into nothing.
Li Touten was so furious, he slapped his own son how many times, but still, Nataku remained impassive. Then, he shouted at the Gods that Goku did this to Nataku, that Goku was the reason for this entire mess. Goku was the reason why Konzen, Kenren and Tenpou went against God and had to be killed in the end, Goku was the heretic from Earth...It was all Goku's fault! At that point, many officials brought the past Goku in front of God and asked that he be killed just like his companions. Goku made no sound. He couldn't understand or hear anything they were saying. He was still in his own world.
Nataku heard, however. He calmly stood up from his seat, walked all the way towards God's court, burst through the door and walked up to God. When God asked him what he wanted, he said in a monotone voice that instead of killing Goku, erase his memories and lock him up in a mountain on Earth. God doubted this suggestion, asking why Nataku wanted this to be done to the boy. Nataku bit out that he had no feelings for the boy, whatsoever, but he didn't want to shed any more blood in Heaven. It was pointless if they were to kill someone who was no threat to Heaven since he doesn't have any will in his body to even think.
God thought it over, looking from Nataku's calm face to Li Touten's enraged one. Finally coming up with a decision, he chose Nataku's side. Nataku didn't look pleased, even though he won over his father, because in a sense, he lost. He watched with unchanging eyes as God chanted a spell, his eyes fixed on Goku. When Goku's entire body slumped to the floor, all pain erased from his sleeping face, Nataku knew that everything was erased. He watched when the guards brought Goku's body to Earth, watched as they locked him inside a mountain, he watched when Goku opened his innocent, golden eyes, and he watched Goku stare at the sun...
The present Goku in turn, was watching Nataku the entire time. He suddenly felt sorry for Nataku. He continued to sit there in his chair, unmoving, his eyes fixed on the pond before his eyes that was centered on Goku. Goku reached out, wanting to comfort Nataku, but then, everything turned black, and in a snap, Goku saw blinding light invade his eyesight.
* * * * * *
Goku sat up from the bed quickly, his body covered with sweat as tears streamed down his face. His arms reached out for something, but when didn't grab anything, he started to panic, his heart rate beating faster and faster, his chest heaving with difficulty. His body was shaking so hard, but he didn't know why. All he knew was that he had to get to him, to help him, to say sorry to him for what he did, to-
"GOKU!"
That voice...that voice cut through his foggy mind so fast that Goku was stunned. His vision began to lose its haziness, and when he came to, he was staring at Sanzo's, his hands grasping Goku's arms. He was wearing a towel, the piece of cloth riding low that it covered his private part, but left the upper half bare. Goku stared, his mind registering that he was back in the present, and that this was Sanzo, not Konzen. Sanzo...
Sanzo cupped Goku's cheek, his hair still wet and messy. "What? What's wrong?"
Suddenly feeling emotionally drained, Goku threw his body to Sanzo's and cried hard, his arms hugging the monks neck so tight as parts of his past flew before his eyes; Konzen, Kenren and Tenpou's death, his rejection towards Nataku, Nataku's suffering...He held on tight to Sanzo, wishing that the cold in his body to be replaced by Sanzo's warmth.
Sanzo winced at the pressure Goku applied to his neck. Hakkai came in a while ago to heal the wounds, but they were still sore. It was 10 pm, already. Sano had left the saru around 2 hours ago to eat, and since the saru didn't wake up and go down to eat, Sanzo took the food up. When, still, Goku didn't wake up, Sanzo decided to take a bath, but when he came out...Sanzo's didn't know that something that could scare your lover to death would also affect him this much.
Feeling his lover cry harder, Sanzo didn't do anything else but stay silent and comfort Goku, stroking the shaking back gently as he whispered sweet nothings in the saru's ear. It took some time, but when Goku finally stopped crying and fell unconscious in his arms, Sanzo was grateful that the tears had finally ended. He place Goku back under the bed sheets, and after drying himself briskly, he joined Goku, wrapping his arms protectively around his lover's waist. He wouldn't let go. He wouldn't make Goku disappear from his sight again.
Whatever Goku had seen in his dream had frightened him...
...And Sanzo intended to be there when Goku needed someone to cry on.
TBC
Camry: Gah! So much homework! ^_^ Well, here's the chapter! Hope you like it! This is my version on what might have happened in the past. Of course, it's just my imagination. ^_^ Hehe! Anyway, please REVIEW! Thank you! Sorry for the wrong grammar or word usage throughout the story. Don't really have the time to check for it, you see. ^_^ Hope it didn't bother you that much.