Buffy let herself into the dark house. Thankfully, everyone appeared to be out. The house was silent.
She made her way into the living room and collapsed on the sofa. She looked down at her hands, still covered with the dust of what had been Spike. She's killed him. Well, technically not, as he was already dead. But she had staked him. Sent him to the rest he should have gone to many years ago. It didn't make it any easier.
Sure, she hadn't loved him, but she had had some kind of feelings for him. She had to have, or else seeing him at the abortive wedding with someone else wouldn't have hurt so much.
"Come on baby, you almost did it. You can finish it. You can come back to us. Its not real Buffy. Nothing in there is real."
"Mom?"
Buffy stood up and looked around. She was alone. Slowly she walked upstairs to the bathroom and turned on the shower.
'Am I losing my mind?' she asked the pale face looking back at her in the mirror. 'I must be if I'm standing here waiting for a reply.' Rolling her eyes at herself, she checked the water temperature. Perfect. She shed her clothes, throwing them into the corner, and stepped into the shower.
The water felt so good as it flowed over her weary body. It also masked her tears. She reached for the soap and slowly washed the dust off her body.
"It was just a movement. I wouldn't get your hopes up just yet. She might never come out of this," said the doctor as he looked from Hank to Joyce.
"But her hand did move," said Joyce. "I didn't imagine it."
The doctor nodded. "Yes, her hand did move. I just don't know if it was some kind of reflex movement or if it was a sign. Just don't get your hopes up. If she was trying to come back, its a long journey she has ahead of her. She couldn't do it the last time she tried."
"Maybe now she's ready," whispered Joyce.
She lay on her bed, wrapped up in just a towel. The others had come home, but she'd feigned sleep and they hadn't disturbed her. But she couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Spike's blue eyes as he looked into hers. Heard his pained last words. Maybe he had really loved her. Maybe it wasn't just a power trip sleeping with her after all. It was much too late now though. He was gone, forever, and she was the one who had sent him there.
'Morning,' she said to herself. 'It will all be better in the morning.'
"Did you sleep well?" Willow asked as Buffy walked into the kitchen.
"Ah, yeah," she lied. She didn't want them to know about the nightmares that had plagued her all night. Of Spike's eyes boring into hers. Accusing her of using him and then killing him. She couldn't deny it. She had used him. He'd made life easier for her. Made her feel again.
"So whatcha up to today? Work?"
"Work? Uh, later," she said.
"What's up Buff," asked Willow. "You seem distracted. Bad night patrolling?"
"If only you knew," she said under her breath.
"What was that?"
"Nothing," Buffy said quickly. "Where were you last night?"
"We went to see that movie, remember?"
Buffy nodded. She vaguely remembered Dawn saying something about a movie and Xander saying that they'd take her. Her memory was becoming fuzzy. She was hearing the voices more too. Her mother mostly. But she was dead...wasn't she?
"...and then when you saw Dorothy Hamil skate. That's all you wanted to do. Be a skater like her. Oh Buffy, why did this happen to you?" Joyce wiped her tears.
"We should go sweetheart," Hank said. He didn't know how much longer he could do this. How much longer he could watch Joyce tearing herself apart waiting for Buffy to wake up. She might never wake up again, but Joyce wouldn't give up hope. She did move. But she had retreated back into her coma.
"Soon," Joyce replied. "I just don't want to leave her alone."
"I'm going to Spike's," Dawn said again.
"No you're not," repeated Buffy.
Dawn stalked over to where her older sister stood. "Why not? You always let me go to Spike's. Why not now?" she demanded.
"He's...gone away for a while," Buffy replied.
"Gone? Where? Why?"
"Do I look like his travel agent?" she snapped. "He just left."
Dawn ran from the room.
"I should go after her," said Willow. "You should patrol."
Buffy nodded, not knowing what to say. Things were getting hard again. She just wanted out, desperately. She finally knew how, but could she do it?
She made her way into the living room and collapsed on the sofa. She looked down at her hands, still covered with the dust of what had been Spike. She's killed him. Well, technically not, as he was already dead. But she had staked him. Sent him to the rest he should have gone to many years ago. It didn't make it any easier.
Sure, she hadn't loved him, but she had had some kind of feelings for him. She had to have, or else seeing him at the abortive wedding with someone else wouldn't have hurt so much.
"Come on baby, you almost did it. You can finish it. You can come back to us. Its not real Buffy. Nothing in there is real."
"Mom?"
Buffy stood up and looked around. She was alone. Slowly she walked upstairs to the bathroom and turned on the shower.
'Am I losing my mind?' she asked the pale face looking back at her in the mirror. 'I must be if I'm standing here waiting for a reply.' Rolling her eyes at herself, she checked the water temperature. Perfect. She shed her clothes, throwing them into the corner, and stepped into the shower.
The water felt so good as it flowed over her weary body. It also masked her tears. She reached for the soap and slowly washed the dust off her body.
"It was just a movement. I wouldn't get your hopes up just yet. She might never come out of this," said the doctor as he looked from Hank to Joyce.
"But her hand did move," said Joyce. "I didn't imagine it."
The doctor nodded. "Yes, her hand did move. I just don't know if it was some kind of reflex movement or if it was a sign. Just don't get your hopes up. If she was trying to come back, its a long journey she has ahead of her. She couldn't do it the last time she tried."
"Maybe now she's ready," whispered Joyce.
She lay on her bed, wrapped up in just a towel. The others had come home, but she'd feigned sleep and they hadn't disturbed her. But she couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Spike's blue eyes as he looked into hers. Heard his pained last words. Maybe he had really loved her. Maybe it wasn't just a power trip sleeping with her after all. It was much too late now though. He was gone, forever, and she was the one who had sent him there.
'Morning,' she said to herself. 'It will all be better in the morning.'
"Did you sleep well?" Willow asked as Buffy walked into the kitchen.
"Ah, yeah," she lied. She didn't want them to know about the nightmares that had plagued her all night. Of Spike's eyes boring into hers. Accusing her of using him and then killing him. She couldn't deny it. She had used him. He'd made life easier for her. Made her feel again.
"So whatcha up to today? Work?"
"Work? Uh, later," she said.
"What's up Buff," asked Willow. "You seem distracted. Bad night patrolling?"
"If only you knew," she said under her breath.
"What was that?"
"Nothing," Buffy said quickly. "Where were you last night?"
"We went to see that movie, remember?"
Buffy nodded. She vaguely remembered Dawn saying something about a movie and Xander saying that they'd take her. Her memory was becoming fuzzy. She was hearing the voices more too. Her mother mostly. But she was dead...wasn't she?
"...and then when you saw Dorothy Hamil skate. That's all you wanted to do. Be a skater like her. Oh Buffy, why did this happen to you?" Joyce wiped her tears.
"We should go sweetheart," Hank said. He didn't know how much longer he could do this. How much longer he could watch Joyce tearing herself apart waiting for Buffy to wake up. She might never wake up again, but Joyce wouldn't give up hope. She did move. But she had retreated back into her coma.
"Soon," Joyce replied. "I just don't want to leave her alone."
"I'm going to Spike's," Dawn said again.
"No you're not," repeated Buffy.
Dawn stalked over to where her older sister stood. "Why not? You always let me go to Spike's. Why not now?" she demanded.
"He's...gone away for a while," Buffy replied.
"Gone? Where? Why?"
"Do I look like his travel agent?" she snapped. "He just left."
Dawn ran from the room.
"I should go after her," said Willow. "You should patrol."
Buffy nodded, not knowing what to say. Things were getting hard again. She just wanted out, desperately. She finally knew how, but could she do it?