It's time to torture new people. That's always fun. Time to get acquainted with more people from the Joe Universe!
Welcome to the Slaughterhouse
The next day four figures stood alone in an open desert. The leader wore silver sunglasses, army fatigues and a sergeant's hat. One of his companions, a tall man with short brown hair and wearing a red uniform snapped. "I can't believe we're stuck babysitting a bunch of kids!"
Sgt. Slaughter turned to him; "This bunch of kids has more power between the lot of them than an entire Cobra battalion Mercer."
"Mutants or not," A dark skinned man wearing a football jersey with the sleeves torn growled. "We're supposed to be the Renegades! An elite group of soldiers who do the most impossible jobs! Not a bunch of nannies to a group of hyperactive baby superhero wannabes!"
"Red Dog is right," Tauros, a bald man in a yellow uniform spoke in an Eastern European accent. "Why do we have to do it? Even when I was in the circus I hated kids!"
"That's because they were always stealing your cotton candy Tauros," Mercer snickered.
"I like cotton candy," Tauros folded his arms.
"Look," Sarge told them. "You and these kids have something in common, you're all a group of destructive maniacs who haven't always stayed on the straight and narrow. Hawk thinks we can whip these kids into shape and scare them straight so that they don't use their powers for evil again. It won't be any different than any other soldier sent here for punishment. Besides, it's only for a month or so until their new home is finished."
"If they live that long," Red Dog growled as they saw the Tomahawk chopper arrive in the distance. "Here they come!"
The Tomahawk started to land. "What has this come to?" Mercer growled. "Used to be the chopper didn't even land! They just tossed the poor sods out with at parachute!"
"They are just kids," Sarge told him.
"Ah," Mercer waved. "Kids today have it too soft! They need to toughen up!"
Right on cue the first one out of the chopper was Lance. He immediately rushed to the side and started to vomit. "See what I mean?" Mercer grumbled in disgust.
"Is he all right?" Sarge asked Roadblock who disembarked.
"Never mind Avalanche," Roadblock waved. "He gets airsick."
"That's good to know," Sarge grumbled. "What is that smell?"
"It ain't me!" Todd said.
"Sorry," Shipwreck appeared with Claudius in a baby holder on his chest. "The kid seriously needs a diaper change."
"You brought the baby?" Sgt. Slaughter yelped.
"Well it's not like I could leave the kid alone," Shipwreck snapped.
"Oh boy," Mercer grumbled. "Just like any other soldier that comes here huh?"
"Goody!" Brittany popped up. "We're going camping!"
"It is not camping stupid!" Daria told her.
"She thinks anything that doesn't have room service is camping," Quinn followed.
"And the Triplets," Sarge groaned. "This is just getting better and better."
Soon all the kids were off as well as Roadblock, Shipwreck, Low Light, Spirit and Cover Girl. "Have fun!" Lift Ticket laughed as he took off.
"Some fun," Wanda grumbled. "What's fun to do out here?"
"Well let's have a nice ten mile run to the base," Sarge grinned. "That ought to be fun!"
"Great! See ya!" Pietro sped off leaving them in the dust.
"Let me guess?" Althea asked the Sarge. "You forgot he could do that right?"
"Uh yeah," Sarge gulped. "Something tells me we'd better get back to the Slaughterhouse pronto!"
"If there's a Slaughterhouse left," Roadblock grumbled.
"We'll fly ahead!" Daria said as the three girls lifted up into the air.
"I am not seeing what I think I'm seeing!" Mercer's mouth dropped.
"WHEEEE!" The triplets took off into the sky.
"THEY CAN FLY NOW?" Sarge shouted.
"Yeah they just mastered that the other day," Cover Girl told him. "They finally got control of using telekinesis as a group."
"COME BACK DOWN HERE!" Sarge screamed. "Shipwreck tell them they're not supposed to use their powers!"
"You go up and tell them!" Shipwreck grumbled. "Hey I've got too much stuff! Somebody's gotta carry the kid here!"
"I would but I got all this other stuff!" Fred indicated the huge mound on his back.
"You take him," Shipwreck handed the baby to Sarge.
"But I…" Sarge started to protest.
"Oh for crying out loud just take him!" Cover Girl snapped. "What? You can't handle a baby on your back?"
"Uh…" Sarge couldn't believe the situation he was in. Claudius giggled. "I don't believe this."
The Renegades snickered. "What are you laughing at?" Cover Girl snapped, handing each of them some baggage. "You carry the diapers! You carry the toys! And you carry all the clothes and baby bath stuff! Anybody got a problem with that?"
"No ma'am," Mercer gulped under Cover Girl's glare.
"No problem," Red Dog replied.
"I like toys," Tauros grinned.
"Well then let's move out!" Cover Girl shouted. "No telling what damage those three will do!" She started to run.
"You heard the lady," Sarge said. "Move it!" They all started to run.
"Where's the Blind Master?" Sarge asked as they ran.
"He said he needed to go on a retreat," Low Light told him. "Personally I think that he needed to get away from these little lunatics!"
"Are they that bad?" Red Dog asked.
"You have to see it for yourself to believe it," Low Light sighed.
Several hours and a few rest periods later, they finally made it to the Slaughterhouse. It was an odd base. It was situated inside a canyon. Half of it was a carved out rock dwelling inside a huge mountain; the other half was an abandoned jumbo jet. "There it is boys and girls," Sarge pointed to the base. "Home sweet home."
"Uh I have a question. It didn't used to be purple did it?" Lance asked.
"No it was not!" Sarge growled as he saw the sight. "WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Three guesses how?" Low Light sighed.
"Well it's about time you slowpokes got here," Pietro was at the front door. "I was running out of things to do."
"You painted the base?" Sarge yelped.
"Well I got bored," Pietro said. "It was real dirty inside so I tided up a bit as well."
"What do you mean a bit?" Low Light asked.
"TA DA!" Pietro swung the door open. "Boy this place was a pigsty!"
"Oh my lord…" Red Dog looked around. The entire front kitchen/living room area was completely spotless. "I've never seen this place so clean in my life!"
"I'll be the judge of that! There'd better not be any dirt…." Sarge inspected the place. "I'll be damned. There isn't!"
"Look at this!" Taurus balked. "He even got the ketchup stains out of the ceiling! They've been there since last New Years!"
"He even made pink curtains," Red Dog gulped.
"Pink?" Sarge looked at Pietro.
"It adds to the ambiance," Pietro said.
"Okay this is starting to creep me out," Mercer looked around nervously. "Mutant powers I can handle. A total germ free environment is another matter!"
There was a huge explosion upstairs. "What was that?" Tauros shouted.
"Oh the Triplets are working on a new laser cannon or something," Pietro waved. "Or maybe they're just making improvements on the old one. I forget which."
"MY LASER CANNON!" Tauros screamed as he ran upstairs. "NO! DON'T TOUCH THAT! AAAAAAHHHHH! OWWW! SARGE TELL THEM TO QUIT TOUCHING MY STUFF!"
"Okay Sarge I just gotta ask," Mercer said. "Who's supposed to be scaring who straight?"
"To be honest, right now I'm not so sure," Sarge gulped as he heard the noise above.