Wahh! Lance and Kitty broke up! Again! Let's just say I have some interesting plans for Lance and leave it at that. I just feel like tormenting him right now. As well as a few other people.

Lance the Lovelorn

Morning was breaking and still everyone was awake. The X-Men had left hours earlier. Logan and Ororo had to literally drag some of them back to the X-Jet. The remaining mutants were musing over the latest news.

"I can't believe it's over," Lance moaned. "I just can't believe it!"

"Neither can I," Todd grumbled. "I thought she'd have you on a leash forever!"

"Toad!" Wanda snapped.

"Uh why don't you ladies go into your room and let us men work this out," Roadblock and Shipwreck gently pushed them out.

"Oh just eat a quart of ice cream and get it over with!" Althea shouted.

"Feel so stupid! Stupid!" Lance kicked the wall.

"Come on now," Spirit guided him to the couch. Lance sat down dejectedly.

"Boy I don't know what I would do if Althea wanted to break up with me," Todd sighed. "Not just break up with me but fool around with another guy behind my back. And then flaunt it in front of everyone. That would be so humiliating. No, that would be beyond humiliating. That would be the lowest, worst feeling in the world! I'd want to die!"

"Toad you are not helping!" Lance shouted.

Roadblock gently grabbed Todd by the scruff of the neck and showed him the door. "Ladies please take him with you!" He looked at Pietro. "And him too!"

"I loved her," Lance sighed. "I loved her more than I loved anyone in my entire life. I never felt love like that before. Not just a crush or an infatuation, it was love. I know it was. Can you understand that?"

"Believe it or not kid we do," Roadblock sighed. "Nearly every man here has had one experience like that. First love is the hardest. Sometimes you can never get over it completely. Unless you're lucky enough to find the one the first time. It's rare but it happens. It was like that with my parents. And it's like that with Todd and Althea. I can tell by looking in their eyes."

"Thought that way when I first looked into her eyes," Lance sighed. "I was so sure she was the one…"

"Look at the bright side kid," Shipwreck patted him on the back. "At least you didn't marry her before she dumped you. Yeah, at least you didn't pledge to spend the rest of your life caring for that two timing little witch before she took off with some rich jerk!"

"Uh Shipwreck," Roadblock groaned.

"Yeah you spend your life loving her and caring for her," Shipwreck snapped. "You give yourself totally and completely to her. Okay maybe you might have helped out a bit more around the house and maybe you weren't the perfect husband but at least you were there for her! You didn't step out on her looking for something better when things got rough! And it's not like you didn't have offers! Oh no! You had plenty of chances but like a sap you turned them down so you could be a good faithful husband. And what did it get you? What does being a good guy get you? I'll tell you where it gets you! It gets you the shaft that's where it gets you! THE SHAFT! So count yourself lucky kid! You're better off!"

"Thanks a lot Shipwreck," Roadblock sighed noting Lance's shocked face. "He feels much better now!"

"Well you just buck up kid!" Shipwreck said. "You're a man! Men are tough! We are strong! We don't go blubbering all over the place because we had a little…could you pass me the tissues?" He took them from Sarge and blew his nose.

"I just feel so stupid," Lance sighed.

"Affairs of the heart are never stupid," Spirit told him. "No matter how strange it seems."

"Kid we've all had experience with love and how much it hurts," Mercer told him.

"I remember this cute cheerleader," Red Dog sighed. "Sandy. I was crazy about her. Then I find out she was two timing me with a linebacker! So I put him in the hospital! Big deal! I'm supposed to do that on the field!"

"Not on your own team," Sarge said. "That's why you got kicked out of Pro Football for unnecessary roughness!"

"God I'd forgotten how I missed her!" Red Dog groaned. "Pass the tissues will ya?"

"Oh god it's contagious!" Low Light groaned.

"Ravana," Tauros sighed. "She was the cutest little bareback rider in the world. Her eyes were the color of emeralds. Her hair black as midnight all tied up in that little pink bow. Her smile…"

"My stomach," Low Light grumbled.

"So what happened?" Shipwreck asked.

"Ah same old story," Tauros sighed. "Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl have argument. Girl runs off with Lobster Man. Boy tries to win girl back by setting fire to Lobster Man's tent. Tent turns out to be the Ringmaster's. Ringmaster sacks boy. Girl takes out restraining order…"

"Okay that's enough of that," Low Light sighed.

"And of course it wasn't bad enough she dumped me," Shipwreck continued. "Oh no! She left the kids too!"

"Shipwreck we're off you!" Roadblock shouted.

"Good onto me now," Mercer said. "I met Julia one summer in Columbia…"

"Will you people shut up and stop talking about your pathetic love lives?" Low Light snapped. "We're trying to help the kid here! Do you want him to end up as pathetic as you? Come on! How are you doing kid?"

"I'll be okay," Lance muttered. "In about a million years or so."

"It will be fine," Roadblock patted him on the back. "You just need time."

"Yeah," Shipwreck said. "One day you'll look back on all of this and laugh! Ha Ha! Hah! Ha! WAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Oh no!" Roadblock groaned.

"Pass the tissues!" Tauros sobbed.

"Stay strong man!" Roadblock said.

"I'll go make some tea," Spirit sighed.

"Kitty," Lance moaned.

"Mara," Shipwreck moaned.

"Sandy," Red Dog groaned.

"Ravana," Tauros sighed.

"Oh brother," Low Light groaned. "They're all gone!"

"It's gonna be a loooooooong day," Sarge groaned putting his head into his hands.

Cover Girl walked in. "Okay I got a ton of ice cream. Anyone need it?"

"WAAAAHAHHHH!" Half the men in the room were crying now.

"Oh yeah," Roadblock sighed. "Just bring it out."

Coming up next: You've all been waiting for this! The return of Xi! YAYYY!