The Wandering General

"General," Eddington walked into Bragg's office. "I have some news for you."

"Well spill it," Bragg said. "Uh oh. I can tell by the look on your face it's one of those 'Good News' 'Bad News' situations. Okay spill it! What's the good news?"

"Well there's two pieces of good news," Eddington said. "First Trask's progress on his mutant hunting experiments are going rather well. Here are the reports. And the second part is that the Jugglers have authorized someone to observe the mutants being held by the Joes and evaluate their status."

"Wonderful, who are they sending?"

"That's the bad news sir," Eddington gulped. He handed him a folder.

Bragg read it. Immediately he started choking with rage. "Yes I had a feeling you'd feel that way," Eddington sighed.

"THEY SENT WHO?" Bragg shouted. "NOOOOOOOO! NOT HIM! ANYONE BUT HIM!"

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"Just smell that desert air!" General Whithalf shouted. "Refreshing isn't it?"

"Sir I think we're lost," His driver said. "Maybe I should drive now?"

"Nonsense," General Whithalf waved. "You need a rest. Besides it's been a while since I drove one of these babies."

"Really?" The driver gulped as the jeep bounced over some rocks. "You'd never know."

"Now doesn't this beat some stuffy desk job?" Whithalf grinned. "I tell you that's the one thing I regret about becoming a general. Not enough time to do the fun things like this! Hold on!" The jeep flew over a small pothole.

"My pulse! I used to have a pulse! I'm turning blue," The driver moaned.

"You don't look blue-ish," Whithalf said. "Oh dear…I think we broke something." The jeep rattled to a stop. "It appears we are stuck."

"In more ways than one," The driver muttered underneath his breath.

Suddenly a huge gust of wind sped by. When the dust had settled they found themselves looking at a boy with silver hair in a silver costume. "Hi there!" He smiled. "I'm Quicksilver! Are you General Whithalf?"

"Indeed I am my boy," Whithalf said.

"How did you get here?" The driver blinked.

"Well they sent me to look for you," Pietro said. "Because I'm so fast I can cover more ground."

"You must be a mutant," Whithalf said.

"Brilliant deduction," The driver grumbled underneath his breath. "So I guess you can call the base and they'll send a car or something?"

"Why need a car?" Pietro smiled. "I'll take you there myself. I'll be back for you in a flash! Hang on General!" He took Whithalf's arm and sped off with him. A minute later he came back for the driver.

"AGGGGGHHHHH!" The driver screamed as he dragged him back to the base.

There was Whithalf smiling. "What a ride! That was invigorating!"

"If you say so sir," The driver gulped before he fainted.

"Tsk," Whithalf shook his head. "The recruits we get nowadays. No stamina. Ah hello gentlemen."

"Sir!" Roadblock and Spirit saluted.

"At ease," Whithalf nodded and saluted back. "Now it's Sergeants Hinton and Iron-Knife? Am I correct?"

"Call us Roadblock and Spirit sir," Roadblock smiled. "We are in charge of the mutants. You'll also meet the rest of the staff as soon as you've rested."

"Nonsense," Whithalf waved. "I'm ready now! Although I think my driver could take a break."

"Quicksilver take the general's ride inside," Roadblock ordered. "Well this way. The rest of the kids are going through their morning drills."

They walked to the obstacle course just in time to see the kids destroy it. Fred ran through it. Wanda used her hexbolts. Lance used his tremors and the others just tore at them. They couldn't believe their eyes.

"The entire obstacle course is destroyed!" Whithalf exclaimed. "Brilliant!"

"What?" Roadblock dropped his jaw.

"Well the point is to overcome obstacles right?" Whithalf asked. "What better way of overcoming them than obliterating them?"

"He has a point," Spirit gulped.

"Well if they can go through a real enemy the way they went through those obstacles we may make soldiers out of them yet!" Whithalf smiled. "Wow! Look at how they destroyed that tire obstacle! Marvelous! This is going to be fun!" He wandered away to get a better view.

"What just happened I cannot explain," Roadblock blinked. "Except to say that general is insane."

"Maybe the kids have a shot after all," Spirit gulped.

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"So who is this Whithalf guy?" Red-Dog asked. Some of the Joes were sitting in the kitchen talking.

"General Whithalf," Roadblock stressed. "Is a very powerful big wig. Not only that, but rumor has it he's the man who's been rumored to mastermind the plans to bring down the Soviet Union."

"What plans?" Low Light balked. "The Soviet Union ran out of money. End of story."

Shipwreck looked at him. "That was part of the plan stupid!"

"Let's forget the fact that there were a lot of other reasons the Soviet Union broke up," Roadblock groaned. "Of course according to the rumor Whithalf was behind them all. Now he may appear to have the brains of a carp, but don't be fooled. That man's pretty sharp."

Then a loud explosion was heard above them. They ran up and saw a huge amount of smoke billowing. Both Whithalf and Sergeant Slaughter stumbled out. "Sorry!" Whithalf apologized. "Didn't mean to blow up your laser cannon."

"Don't worry sir," Sarge gasped through the smoke. "Could happen to anyone."

"Oh yeah," Red-Dog snickered under his breath. "Mind like razor."

"I love what you've done with your base Sergeant," Whithalf looked around. "I hear the kids helped put the pool in or something?"

"Uh yeah something like that," Sarge gulped.

"I think I'll take a look around," Whithalf wandered around the corner.

"Uh sir," Sarge followed him. "Maybe one of us should…Where'd he go?"

"Oh yeah," Shipwreck sighed. "He's famous for that too."

"Now where did he go?" Roadblock groaned.

"Let him wander around," Shipwreck sighed. "Sooner or later there will be an explosion that will tell us where he is anyway."

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"Do you really think this general guy is gonna take us away?" Todd asked. The older kids were in the rec. room trying to figure things out.

"Wouldn't be surprised," Pietro scoffed.

"Who cares?" Lance sighed. "My life is meaningless anyway."

"Oh great," Wanda groaned. "He's on another Kitty Pity Party!"

"A what?" General Whithalf walked in.

"Everybody ATTEN-HUT!" Althea shouted. They all stood and saluted.

"Oh at ease," Whithalf waved. "Calm down. I'm just here to observe that's all. Carry on." The kids sat down.

"Sir can I ask you something?" Todd blinked.

"Certainly son," Whithalf nodded.

"Sir you ain't gonna separate us are you?" Todd asked.

"What?" Whithalf blinked.

"Please!" Todd got on his knees and begged. "Please don't take us away! We love it here! The Joes take good care of us!"

"Uh…" Whithalf blinked.

"TOAD!" Althea grabbed his ear. "I thought we discussed this!"

"Sorry," Todd shrugged. "It was a reflex action."

"Don't you have any pride?" Pietro snapped.

"Not really," Todd told him.

"Why am I always attracted to morons?" Althea sighed.

"Maybe they remind you of your old man?" Pietro snickered.

"Pietro," Wanda held him in place with a hex box.

"Shut up!" Althea whacked him on the head. "Will you try to behave yourselves?"

"So much for being on our best behavior," Fred grumbled.

"Oh great we're gonna end up in a cage!" Lance moaned. "I know it! What does it matter anyway? My life is over!"

"What's wrong with him?" Whithalf asked.

"He's still down cause he broke up with his girlfriend," Todd explained.

"I can't help it!" Lance told them. "I still can't stop thinking about her!"

"Lance nobody wants to hear you whine about Kitty!" Pietro groaned.

"On the contrary," General Whithalf said. "It sounds quite fascinating. Do tell."

"Oh no," Pietro put his head into his hands. "I'm warning you general, this isn't pretty!"

"I guess it all started back in Illinois," Lance sighed. "The day I first met her. It was also the day I found out there were others like me. I'll never forget it…"

"Oh god," Wanda groaned.

For the next hour they listened to Lance talk about Kitty. To their shock Whithalf seemed enraptured by the tale. "Was I really that stupid to call her?" Lance sighed.

"Of course not!" Whithalf nodded. "You have a right to tell her how you feel!"

"I do not believe this!" Pietro groaned.

"Now I'm not saying you didn't make some mistakes," Whithalf said. "But you weren't exactly the only one. She was the one who stopped communicating with you. Don't forget that."

"I know," Lance sighed. "And I know I should just forget her and move on but I can't! It's driving me crazy!"

"You're not the only one," Pietro groaned.

Just then the sound of a huge explosion rocked the outside of the building. "What was that?" Whithalf cried out.

Althea ran towards the window. "It's Cobra!" She cried out.

"Cobra's attacking again?" Pietro cried out. "Don't these guys have anything better to do?"

"Apparently not," Althea quipped. "But this time they're using BATS!"

"Bats?" Lance asked as they rushed outside. "You mean those flying winged rodents?"

"Not bats!" Althea snapped. "BATS! Battle Android Troopers! They're programmed to do a lot of the dirty work! Disposable soldiers! But tough to beat!"

Fred screamed and plowed into them, the lasers bouncing harmlessly off his skin. "Not that tough!" He shouted as he trashed them.

"Blob stay in formation!" Althea shouted. "It could be a trap!"

However to their surprise although there were nearly a hundred of the BATS, the kids destroyed them easily with their powers. The adults hung back and watched. Whithalf was very impressed. "I must say those kids are doing splendidly," He said cheerfully. "I'm glad they're on our side!"

The battle such as it was, was soon over. "What a mess," Althea looked over the wreckage. "Reminds me of my little brother's toys all over the room."

"I must say I'm impressed," General Whithalf walked up to them. "I sent the other adults back to ready some refreshments. I wanted to congratulate all of you perfectly! I say…are we missing someone?"

"Quicksilver!" Todd looked around. "Where'd he go?"

"Here I am!" Pietro sped up to them in a cloud of dust.

"Geeze Quickie," Fred coughed. "Watch it with the dust will ya?"

"Sorry," Pietro apologized. "But I was taking a run around when I saw something. There was somebody controlling them! Guess who? That fake nurse Dr. Mindbender!"

"Wasn't he the guy who drugged all of you and tried to take you to Cobra before Lance wrecked the school?" Wanda asked.

"Will people never let me forget that incident?" Lance groaned. "Where is he? Did you see where he took off to?"

"Better!" Pietro winked. "I gave him my watch!"

"What?" Althea asked.

"I dropped my watch with the homing device in his jeep," Pietro explained. "Now all we need is a tracking monitor…" He ran off and returned in a split second. "Like this! And bam! We got him!"

"Are you sure he didn't see you?" Wanda asked.

"No way! I'm too fast!"

"It's working!" Althea pointed to the monitor.

"There's got to be a base nearby!" Wanda said. "I mean he's on ground transport and there was a huge amount of those tin cans!"

"She's right," Lance said. "If we follow them maybe they'll lead us to their base!"

"Well what are we waiting for!" Whithalf said jumping in a jeep. "Let's go!"

"Are we supposed to do this?" Pietro asked.

"Well he is the general," Fred shrugged.

"But what about the others?" Todd asked.

"Oh they'll catch up," Whithalf told him. "Besides they'll insist that I stay behind and I don't want them spoiling my fun! Now let's move out! That's an order!"

"Well he is the general," Althea shrugged.

Not long afterwards General Hawk was talking to the adults through the monitor. "So where did the BATS come from?" He asked.

"We don't know," Sarge sighed. Then he saw Roadblock coming in with a worried look and a piece of paper. "Roadblock what is it? Where are the kids?"

"Uh…The kids are gone," Roadblock gulped.

"What?" Hawk blinked.

"They left a note," Roadblock told him. "Here's what they wrote. 'Dear Everyone. We think we've found a Cobra base nearby. We'll send the coordinates when we find it. We'll try to be back by dinner."

"Those stupid kids!" Sarge groaned. "If the general finds out…"

"Uh…He knows," Roadblock said. "There's more on the note."

"Oh god please tell me they didn't take the general with them," Hawk groaned.

"They did," Roadblock sighed.

"I told you not to tell me that!" Hawk shouted. "Please don't tell me it was his idea to go!"

"It was," Roadblock sighed.

"You don't listen very well do you?" Hawk shouted as he banged his head on the wall.

Next up: What happens when our band of mischievous mutants takes a general along for a wild ride? Find out!