You Think You Have Troubles?
"The Baroness was in the mall?" Hawk gasped.
"Yeah but she got away," Cover Girl was explaining yesterday's fiasco to him. The Misfits were all at home and were listening in.
"I know about that," Hawk groaned. "Wonderful. We can't go anywhere without those snakes showing up!"
"She was the one who pulled out the weapon and started firing," Cover Girl said. "We were trying to capture her. Okay it did get a little out of hand…"
"That's putting it mildly," Hawk sighed. "But that's not the only reason I'm here. We have an assignment for the Misfits. So all of you kids come out. I know you're listening in."
The kids came out. "What's the assignment sir?" Althea asked.
"I want you to take a look at this," Hawk took out a map of the state of Maine. "There's been reported activity of covert operations going on there and from what our intelligence has gathered, an old friend of yours has finally emerged." He showed them the picture.
"TRASK?" Pietro called out. "Doesn't that guy ever give up?"
"I thought he was in jail?" Lance asked.
"He got out. I think Trask is rearing his ugly head somewhere around this area," Hawk said. "We need all you older kids to go there pronto. It's an emergency."
"But why?" Wanda asked. "What's so important about that area?"
Hawk and Cover Girl looked at each other. "I think it's time we told them about the Eloi," Cover Girl said.
"The who?" Lance asked.
************************************************************************
Meanwhile deep in the heart of Cobra Headquarters, Mystique was having another one of those days. Never did she dream that posing as Cobra Commander would be such a headache. A swarm of minor officials and officers surrounded her, demanding her attention for dozens of matters.
"Sir what designs should we incorporate in our new weapons?"
"Sir should our new base be built with nuclear power or thermal volcano power?"
"Sir what do we do about our captured base near the Slaughterhouse? A lot of our newest equipment was there!"
"Sir we need to know which department is going to get the extra funding? The biological weapons department or the smart bomb missile department?"
"Sir we need a decision about Sierra Gordo! Do we help with the takeover or just pay the current regime?"
"Sir what do we do about the oil reserves? We're almost out!"
"Sir Fidel Castro keeps calling! He says he wants repayment now or no more shipments!"
"Sir we've run out of funds for the bribes and kickback department!"
"Sir the hired muscle in one of our casinos is threatening to go on strike unless we give them a new dental plan!"
"Sir we can't find Death Squad 12! We lost them somewhere in the Congo a week ago!"
"Sir we're running low of ammo in the Antarctic!"
"WHAT THE HELL DO WE NEED AMMO FOR IN THE ANTARCTIC?" Mystique screamed. "WHO'S GOING TO ATTACK US? KAMAKAZIE PENGUINS? COMMUNIST POLAR BEARS? OSAMA BIN LADEN'S TRAINED SEALS OF DEATH?"
"But sir…" The poor official stammered.
"GET OUT!" Mystique screamed. "ALL OF YOU!" The minions fled. Soon there was only Zartan and his family in the room. "AGGGGH!" She reverted to her original form. "This entire organization is filled with incompetent numbskulls! Can't anyone do anything right around here without me to fix it every twelve seconds?"
"Fix it?" Zandar snapped. "You're the one who caused it!"
"Yeah if you spent more time in the planning room rather than the bedroom Cobra wouldn't be in this mess!" Zanya snapped.
"Watch it girl," Mystique snarled.
"I bet Blob could run Cobra better than you!" Zanya snapped. "At least we'd know the food would improve."
"That's enough daughter," Zartan said. "I know things are a bit rough now, but it's worth it if you are ever going to run Cobra someday."
"Says who?" Mystique snapped. Then there was a buzzer on the intercom. Mystique used her Cobra Commander voice. "What?"
"Uh sir, we had a slight collision on the landing field," A voice said. "A couple dozen of our Rattlers got into an accident and…"
"TAKE CARE OF IT YOURSELF!" Mystique screamed and turned off the intercom.
"This is getting intolerable!" Zanya hissed. "If this keeps up there's not gonna be a Cobra for very much longer!"
"You think you could do better?" Mystique snapped. "Beware girl, I will not have you undermining my leadership!"
"What leadership?" Zanya snapped. "The only thing you've ever led before was a troop of super powered morons posing as the anti-boy scouts! And you couldn't even do that very well!"
"Compared to the morons you take charge of the Brotherhood were rocket scientists!" Mystique shouted.
"Well at least my Dreadnoks won a battle every now and then," Zanya told her coldly. "Which is more than I can say for a loser like you."
Mystique slapped her. "Get out!" Mystique hissed.
"With pleasure!" Zanya snapped determined not to give her the satisfaction of seeing how much her cheek hurt.
"We'll go with you," Zandar said. He and Zarana closed ranks with her.
"Thanks Uncle," Zanya said. "It's nice to see that one male member of this family isn't thinking with his privates!" They went out in a huff.
"You have got to do something about that girl!" Mystique snapped.
"I have to do something?" Zartan snapped. "She has a point you know! Your leadership of Cobra has been less than sterling."
"ME?" Mystique snapped. "I'm not the only one here! This is a joint partnership or have you forgotten? Besides it was your job to prepare me for the role! And may I say you didn't exactly do a wonderful job as well! You left out a few details! About a few million of them!"
"How the hell was I supposed to know about all the things Cobra Commander takes care of personally?" Zartan snapped.
"You're a ninja spy!" Mystique shrieked. "It's your job to find out these things!"
"Technically I'm a mercenary with ninja training," Zartan told her.
"Oh excuuuuuuusssseee me!" Mystique snapped.
"Don't get huffy with me!" Zartan bristled. "If it wasn't for me, you'd still be rotting away in a prison cell!"
"Well if it wasn't for me you'd still be a lackey waiting for his next meal ticket!" Mystique hissed. That was when the buzzer sounded. "Now what?" Mystique snapped.
Zartan looked at the monitor. "Here comes two more headaches," He grumbled. "Sabertooth and the firebrand."
"Wonderful," She grumbled. "Three guesses what they want! Let them in!"
Sabertooth and Pyro came in. "We need to talk," Sabertooth snapped.
"Not now," Mystique told him. "I have a terrorist organization to run."
"Yeah and a great job you're doing too," Pyro said sarcastically. "Face it Mystique, you're no Magneto. Have you found out where he is yet?"
"I don't know where he is," Mystique told him. "But I am looking for him. Now go! Fix something! Burn something! Eat someone! I don't care! Just go!"
Sabertooth and Pyro left the room. "Are you looking for him?" Zartan asked.
Mystique looked under a chair. "Well he isn't here," She said in a sarcastic voice. "Nope not in this room. Well that's all I can do for today!" She sat down in a huff. "Tomorrow I'll look in the dining hall."
"I can't believe I'm saying this but I am starting to appreciate Cobra Commander," Zartan growled. "I never knew how many things he did to run this organization. I always thought he sat back on his throne and let everyone else do the work."
"Oh would you like him back?" Mystique asked with an edge in her voice.
"No I'm just saying…." There was a buzzer. "Never mind. Who's that now?"
"Yes?" Mystique said in Cobra Commander's voice.
"Mystique it's me," Emma Frost said.
"Have you found Destro yet?" Mystique asked.
"No," She said.
"Have you recovered the Cytorak Gem yet?" She asked.
"No."
"Well then what the hell are you calling me for? She snarled.
"I am here to give you some news about your latest attempt on the X-Men's life," She said in a bored voice.
"How did you know about that?" Mystique's voice rose. "Never mind. What?"
"It seems your pet Firefly didn't even get past security," She told her. "The X-Men caught him with ease and now they know that Cobra's after them again. I warned you to lay low."
"Oh shut up!" Mystique snapped.
"Excuse me?" Emma's voice grew icy.
"You heard me!" Mystique snapped. "I should have known that idiot would fail. I am surrounded by morons and lunatics!"
"Listen sweetheart!" Emma started to shout, her voice getting very dangerous.
"Don't you sweetheart me you bi…" Mystique started to say before Zartan covered her mouth with his hand.
"Uh maybe you should call back another time," Zartan said sweetly, trying to control the struggling Mystique. "She's feeling a little stressed. Not quite herself. You know what I mean. Perhaps the two of us can have a talk later?"
"Very well Zartan," Emma said. "I will call back when I have more news about Destro. Emma out."
Mystique then elbowed Zartan in the stomach and broke away. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" She shouted.
"Listen," Zartan gasped. "If there's one thing I do know is that you don't make any potential allies angry. It isn't good for business. And you especially don't want to tick off a telepath!"
"You are a spineless worm," She snapped.
"You know you are really going to have to do something about these mood swings of yours," Zartan snapped. "I thought the Baroness had PMS bad but you…"
"DIE!" Mystique launched herself at Zartan and tackled him. They started to fight when the buzzer sounded again. "Who is it this time?" She grumbled as she broke off her attack. "Oh I see," She grinned and used her Cobra Commander voice. "It's good to hear from you again. I'm glad you got my message."
"Yes Cobra Commander," A familiar voice on the other end spoke. "You needed me to do something for you?"
"Yes General Bragg," Mystique grinned. "I believe it's time to renew our partnership. That mutant village in Maine. I want them."
"Consider them yours," Bragg grinned.
"I'm sending some back up," Mystique told him. "Just to be safe. They may not be the most…polished individuals but they get the job done. Cobra Commander out." She switched off the intercom. "Zartan I have a job for the Dreadnoks."
Next: Who are the Eloi? Why is Bragg working with Cobra? Stay tuned to find out!!!