AN: This is it. The home stretch. Tell me what you think, and I might do
a little dance..
Thanks, you guys, for all your feedback in support- if it weren't for you,
there seriously would not have been a chapter six...So hugs to you all for
your encouragement!
Chapter Six
Ha. Everything will be fine. What a lie, I tell myself as tears slide down my cheeks now, heavier than they did then. The last thing I said to my six-year-old daughter was a mere fairy tale of things Sydney would never see.
I can't believe how Sydney persevered through her childhood. I've realized that she's lost almost everything around her, but she still keeps charging on. She lost Laura...she lost Jack to work and grief...she lost Danny to Sloane. She didn't have what I envisioned for her...yet she became more than I could have ever dreamed. And yet she can still find it within herself to love.
If anyone can bring Jack out of his shell, it's Sydney. His eyes light up when he sees her in a room. He's so fiercely protective of her, just as he had been when she was a baby. She brings every emotion out of him that I can't. He'd die for her. And he would have died for Laura too.
Why didn't I realize, when I was younger, how this mission would alter my life? Laura's death affected me too: in the years that followed, I was no longer as bold and reckless, nor as self-assured. I mourned Laura's death too, because I realized that I couldn't find a bit of her inside of myself.
Anya, I think, realized as we grew older that I never recovered from what I experienced that decade. But as she told me, just a few months before I saw my daughter again, "You chose this life. You said it would make you powerful. And look around you. You have everything you could wish for."
But I don't. I don't have him. I don't know if I ever truly will.
***
They came to tell me about Laura's funeral. I was sitting on the dirty floor, in the little cinder block box they'd kept me in since Laura died.
And as they told me about how he'd stopped coming to work in despair, and how he could come back to her grave and cry for hours, I knew I'd screwed up. He was supposed to keep working and never quit. Tears cascaded down my cheeks as they practically danced in joy, exclaiming about how he'd never be the same.
Must've come as a shock when he returned to work with a vengeance after hearing about my lie. When he took down everything they'd worked for.
I was proud. I thought he'd made it through everything okay...he was known and feared throughout the world by anyone who opposed what he stood for. That thought didn't prepare me for our first meeting together, after I turned myself in. I wasn't ready for the malice and anger that waited for me.
***
And I realize, now, that this secret is one that needs to be shared, as I hear his footsteps in the corridor. Jack tries to hide his concern as he glances at me, but I can see it in his eyes.
"Can you- can you come in here?"
He senses my need to talk with him without the interference of a wall of glass in our way. He steps in, and I take his hands, and will myself to get my act together despite his flinch at my touch.
"There is something I need to tell you about. Something I should have told you and Sydney years ago."
He doesn't want to listen...he doesn't want to know. He can't imagine that I'd love him, even though I told him repeatedly our last night together. After I made him swear he wouldn't forget. Did he think that was a lie too?
I wonder if he still thinks of Laura the same way...or if I've tainted those memories. I wonder if he could ever come to love me.
I lead him over to my makeshift bed. "You told me- no, Laura- that she could make everything right for you, no matter how desperate things were. And I think you were right when you said years ago that she could make things right. So, just listen to what I have to say, because I need to fix everything."
I tell him my story, hoping he'll see who I am. That he'll be able to see the truth behind all the lies.
And when I finish, tears course down both our cheeks as we realize we have found Laura once more.
Chapter Six
Ha. Everything will be fine. What a lie, I tell myself as tears slide down my cheeks now, heavier than they did then. The last thing I said to my six-year-old daughter was a mere fairy tale of things Sydney would never see.
I can't believe how Sydney persevered through her childhood. I've realized that she's lost almost everything around her, but she still keeps charging on. She lost Laura...she lost Jack to work and grief...she lost Danny to Sloane. She didn't have what I envisioned for her...yet she became more than I could have ever dreamed. And yet she can still find it within herself to love.
If anyone can bring Jack out of his shell, it's Sydney. His eyes light up when he sees her in a room. He's so fiercely protective of her, just as he had been when she was a baby. She brings every emotion out of him that I can't. He'd die for her. And he would have died for Laura too.
Why didn't I realize, when I was younger, how this mission would alter my life? Laura's death affected me too: in the years that followed, I was no longer as bold and reckless, nor as self-assured. I mourned Laura's death too, because I realized that I couldn't find a bit of her inside of myself.
Anya, I think, realized as we grew older that I never recovered from what I experienced that decade. But as she told me, just a few months before I saw my daughter again, "You chose this life. You said it would make you powerful. And look around you. You have everything you could wish for."
But I don't. I don't have him. I don't know if I ever truly will.
***
They came to tell me about Laura's funeral. I was sitting on the dirty floor, in the little cinder block box they'd kept me in since Laura died.
And as they told me about how he'd stopped coming to work in despair, and how he could come back to her grave and cry for hours, I knew I'd screwed up. He was supposed to keep working and never quit. Tears cascaded down my cheeks as they practically danced in joy, exclaiming about how he'd never be the same.
Must've come as a shock when he returned to work with a vengeance after hearing about my lie. When he took down everything they'd worked for.
I was proud. I thought he'd made it through everything okay...he was known and feared throughout the world by anyone who opposed what he stood for. That thought didn't prepare me for our first meeting together, after I turned myself in. I wasn't ready for the malice and anger that waited for me.
***
And I realize, now, that this secret is one that needs to be shared, as I hear his footsteps in the corridor. Jack tries to hide his concern as he glances at me, but I can see it in his eyes.
"Can you- can you come in here?"
He senses my need to talk with him without the interference of a wall of glass in our way. He steps in, and I take his hands, and will myself to get my act together despite his flinch at my touch.
"There is something I need to tell you about. Something I should have told you and Sydney years ago."
He doesn't want to listen...he doesn't want to know. He can't imagine that I'd love him, even though I told him repeatedly our last night together. After I made him swear he wouldn't forget. Did he think that was a lie too?
I wonder if he still thinks of Laura the same way...or if I've tainted those memories. I wonder if he could ever come to love me.
I lead him over to my makeshift bed. "You told me- no, Laura- that she could make everything right for you, no matter how desperate things were. And I think you were right when you said years ago that she could make things right. So, just listen to what I have to say, because I need to fix everything."
I tell him my story, hoping he'll see who I am. That he'll be able to see the truth behind all the lies.
And when I finish, tears course down both our cheeks as we realize we have found Laura once more.