Cobra Commander Takes Control

"Where is everyone?" Mystique hissed in her guise as Cobra Commander. They were lounging in the throne room.

"I don't know," Zartan told her. "I can't find Sabertooth or any of the mutants he brought with him anywhere!"

Copperhead walked in. "Copperhead you numbskull!" Mystique hissed. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Out," Copperhead shrugged.

"Out," Mystique snapped. "Well now that you're back get me something to drink!"

"Get it yourself!" Copperhead snarled.

"What did you say?" Mystique growled.

"I said, get it yourself," Copperhead said haughtily. "What's a matter, you deaf?"

"How dare you?" Mystique roared.

"Ah shaddap!" Copperhead waved.

"Do you have any idea who you are talking to?" Mystique roared.

"Yeah I do," Copperhead folded his arms. "I know who you are. And what you really are!"

"GUARDS!" Mystique shouted. Immediately several guards showed up. "Arrest him!" Not one person moved. "Didn't you hear me?"

"You heard the Commander!" Zartan snapped. "Arrest the traitor!"

"Good idea," Copperhead said. "You heard the man, arrest him and his mutie girlfriend!" Immediately the guards turned their weapons on Zartan and Mystique.

"This is not good," Zartan gulped. He grabbed her arm. "Let's get out of here!" They tried to leave by the door but their way was blocked.

"Hello there," Cobra Commander stood before them. "Remember me?"

"Cobra Commander?" Zartan yelped. "How did you escape?"

"I'm afraid I had something to do with that father," Zanya said. "Road Pig!"

"My apologies Zartan," Road Pig grabbed Zartan. "Yeah, sorry boss!"

"Oh no you don't!" Mystique attacked Cobra Commander. Soon the two of them were fighting each other.

"How do we tell which is which?" The Baroness asked as she and the others arrived and saw the fighting.

"Are you sure we can't shoot them both?" Mindbender asked.

"I have an idea," Destro said. "Just punch her out you idiot!"

"What?" One of them turned on Destro. "Who are you calling an idiot?"

Immediately Destro shot the other Cobra Commander. This one revealed herself as Mystique. The real Cobra Commander glared at him. "That was uncalled for!"

"It worked didn't it?" Destro asked. "Take her!"

Immediately Mystique was tied up along with Zartan. "Well it seems like all the loose ends are tied up," Cobra Commander joked.

"Not quite," Zanya said. "Remember our bargain?"

"Yes Zanya," Cobra Commander sat on his throne. "I'm sure you will be a very effective leader of the Dreadnoks."

"You can't do this to me!" Zartan shouted.

"Oh shut up!" Zandar snapped.

"And all of you are just going along with this?" Zartan yelped at his former henchmen. "I created the Dreadnoks! I'm the one who pays your salary."

"Not anymore," Road Pig told him.

"Sorry Zartan," Torch shrugged. "Nothing personal, but Zanya here promised us raises if we followed her. You know how it is."

"I don't believe this!" Zartan bellowed. "How could you betray me? My own daughter?"

"Be quiet Father!" Zanya snapped. "You are so lucky I was able to cut a deal in order to save your hide!" She then gloated at Mystique. "You on the other hand are another story. Sorry sweetie, but you're on your own. Oh and by the way…"

She punched Mystique in the nose. "I owed you that!" She snapped.

"Take them away!" Destro shouted.

"Not just yet!" Cobra Commander told him. He stood up and walked to the middle of the room. "I've heard you two were having a bit of trouble running Cobra," Cobra Commander said. "Watch and learn!"

He snapped his fingers. Immediately aides ran around him showing him folders. "I want that one," Cobra Commander pointed to various papers and barked orders at the aides. "That one and that one, not that one. And that one! Death Squad 12 is missing? We lost another one? For crying out loud! Oh well. Cash in their insurance policies. Then use the money to send payment to Fidel. Also, send him a huge basket from Harrods. Give me a pen and some paper! Attach this note to it! 'Fidel, sorry about the mix up. Hope this will make up for it. How about tennis next Thursday? We'll do lunch and talk business. I'll bring the scotch. Send my love to the kids, Cobra Commander.' NEXT!"

He looked over more papers and barked more orders. "No. Yes. Forget it. I want him sacked, him shot and him promoted. Fund the biological weapons program, but send a few of our agents to steal some smart bomb technology and improve on it. Next! Use volcano power fool, why waste good plutonium? Lost the base huh? Did anybody think of using the remote control self-destruct detonator? That's what they're there for people! If they haven't deactivated it by now! You, tell those morons at the casino if they don't get back to work right away they won't have any teeth to worry about! Make an example out of the ringleader! Go! You put together a squad to steal some oil from one of the earth's oil reserves!"

"Which one sir?"

"Pick one! Surprise me!" Cobra Commander barked. "I want a full report on the Sierra Gordo situation on my desk in twenty minutes. I want all the mutant officers rounded up and locked in a cell right now! I want you to get me the plans on our new weapons designs. I need the latest issue of the Wall Street Weekly so I can figure out what stocks to invest in and do some insider trading! And somebody get a note to the cook, no more jelly doughnuts! And get my decorator up here! I wanna redo my personal quarters and have them fumigated!"

He strutted up to the bound Mystique. "You see my dear, leadership just comes naturally to one like myself. You on the other hand, well…I really haven't decided just what to do with you yet. However between myself, Destro, the Baroness and Dr. Mindbender I'm sure we will think of some very amusing things to do."

"Oh yes Commander," Destro folded his arms. "I have some old fashioned racks and torture devices that have been gathering dust."

"Don't use her up too quickly," Dr. Mindbender leered. "I'm sure I can think up some fascinating things to do with her DNA."

"Just give me five minutes in a room alone with her," The Baroness growled in Mystique's face.

"Take a number!" Zarana snapped.

"I got dibs to go first!" Zanya said.

"Oh we are going to have such fun! Now that I have returned to Cobra nothing will stand in my way!" Cobra Commander shouted.

Just then a huge explosion rocked the place. Cobra Commander turned around and to his horror the walls seemed to open up. The figure of a familiar red cloaked man floated into the room. Two other figures then strode into the room. "Here he is Magneto," Sabertooth grinned. "The head snake himself."

"Oh crap," Cobra Commander grumbled.