Lies, Spies and French Fries

Back at the Misfit house two mutants were having problems of their own. "Barney?" Fred looked under the couch on his hands and knees. "Little C? Where are you guys? Here babies!"

"Oh great!" Lance grumbled as he looked all over the place. "The only thing we had to do this afternoon was watch the babies and they take off on us!"

"Yeah just our luck we get diaper patrol when all the other guys go do some training," Fred looked around. "Hey maybe they're over there?"

"Yeah let's check over here. YIKES!" Lance yelped as he and Fred were covered by baby powder. He looked up the stairs and saw the two babies scramble away shrieking with glee. "Oh they are so dead!"

"How did they manage to get into the baby powder?" Fred grumbled as they ran upstairs.

"Who knows how those two little maniacs do anything?" Lance grumbled. "Come back here you little rugrats!"

"Here they are!" Fred pointed to a small trail of powder that went into Shipwreck's bedroom.

"So hiding under the bed are you?" Lance sneered. He dropped to his knees. "You can't escape me!"

"Lance wait! Barney's got his…" Fred started to say.

"OW!" Lance shouted as he stuck his head under the bed. He drew it back out, and rubbed his head.

"Whiffle bat," Fred told him.

"Thanks for the warning," Lance growled. "Will you two come out of there!"

"NO! NO!" They squealed loudly.

"Look you can't stay under there," Lance told them. "Now come out here!" He reached in to grab them. "OWW!" He jerked his hand back. "They bit me! Those little…"

"Don't hurt 'em Lance!" Fred said. "They're just babies!"

"Don't hurt them?" Lance snapped.

"They're just scared Lance," Fred told him. "I got an idea. You keep 'em cornered. I gotta get something!" He went out of the room.

"Like what?" Lance snapped. "A baby sized straightjacket? Come on you guys give me a break! I'm not gonna hurt you. Although right now I'd love to…"

"NO! NO!" They both shouted.

"All right! All right! Calm down!" Lance told them. He took a deep breath. "Look you have to take your nap now. Of course first you gotta get cleaned up a bit. Now come on and…" He stuck his head under the bed.

"BAAAAKKK!" Barney squawked as he hit Lance on the head with the whiffle bat.

"I wish he'd stop doing that," Lance rubbed his head.

"Here we go," Fred came up with some French fries on a plate. "Fresh from the microwave! Come on you guys! Come on!" He got down on his hands and knees and waved a small French fry in front of them.

"What are you doing?" Lance asked.

"Coaxing them out with French fries," Fred told him. "Maybe they're hungry."

"Anything's worth a try at this point," Lance said. He took one. "Come on you two. Num num time! Yummy! Good food out here! Blob don't eat the French fries! Hey you guys better get out here and eat them before Blob does!"

"Come on!" Fred waved one. "They are so yummy! Mmmmmm! Good! That's right…" A tiny beak poked out from under the bed. "That's right! Come on out and eat the nice…HEY!" Before he could react a tiny pair of flippers grabbed the fries and the beak pecked at Fred's fingers. "THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

"Why those little…OW!" Lance shouted when the beak snapped on his fingers.

"Who'd have thought somebody with flippers could have such sticky fingers?" Fred wondered.

"How does Toad do this?" Lance moaned. "Wait a minute! I got an idea! Blob, lift up the bed!"

"What?" Fred looked at him.

"Lift up the bed and I'll grab them," Lance explained the plan. "Wait! Hold on a second!" He grabbed a football helmet from the closet and put it on. "Now I'm ready!"

"Got it!" Fred lifted up the bed as Lance swooped down and grabbed the babies.

"HA!" Lance smiled. "Go ahead and hit me now sucker!" That was when Barney bit him on the nose. "OWWWW!"

He grabbed his nose on reflex and the babies clung to him, climbing down his body. They started to race away again right between Fred's legs. "Hey watch it you two!"

"Lance I can't hold this! WHOA!" Fred cried out.

"Fred don't drop the bed!" Lance screamed.

Just then Shipwreck returned to the house. He heard yells and a crash. "What in the name of Davy Jones' Locker is going on up there?" He shouted as he ran upstairs. He saw Lance knocked into a wall wearing a football helmet, Fred under his bed, it resting on his stomach. Meanwhile the babies were happily bouncing on the bed and fries all over the place.

"What the heck is going on here?" Shipwreck cried out.

"We were trying to get them to take a nap," Lance muttered. "But I think we need one instead."

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Sergeant Phillips made his way to his locker. He took out a small key. He then went back into the supply closet. When he was sure no one was watching he opened the door and went inside. He moved several objects to reveal a small radio. He was about to turn it on when suddenly something tackled him from behind.

"What?" He shouted when Xi revealed himself.

"Pleasant dreams," Xi grinned as he punched him out.

When he came to he found himself in Hawk's office. "What happened?"

"Well, well, well…" Hawk grinned. "What have we here?"

"Looks like we got ourselves a spy general," Althea grinned. Xi, Pietro, and Wanda were there as well.

"You know what happens to spies don't you?" Pietro leered.

"Now, now children," Hawk said. "Playtime will have to wait. Sergeant Phillips, I think we need to have a little talk."

"I have nothing to say," Phillips spoke. "I was under orders from…"

"From who?" Hawk raised an eyebrow. "Spill it!"

"I can't tell you," Phillips told him. "Let's just say from some people higher up than you!"

"If you are referring to that dipstick Bragg and his lackey Eddington I would not exactly feel safe," Hawk told him. "Don't bother denying it, we traced your transmission signals. All we had to do was watch and wait to see who was the informant."

"You can't do anything to me," Philips grinned. "General Bragg is higher up than you. You can't lay a finger on me without him raising a stink!"

"Well I could always assign you to the Misfits," Hawk grinned. "I'm sure they'd love to have some 'Quality Time' with you."

Philips turned pale as he turned and saw the mutants looking at him like wolves ready for a meal. "Oh I am sure we can have lots of fun with our new friend," Wanda cackled.

"You're choice Sergeant," Hawk told him. "Either cooperate with us or…"

"It's playtime," Pietro made an evil grin. Xi showed his claws. Althea punched her fist into her open hand. Wanda started to power up. Several objects began to fly around the room.

"All right!" Philips caved. "I'll talk! I'll talk! Just keep them away from me!"

"Now that's what I thought you'd say," Hawk grinned.

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Back at the hidden Cobra base Emma was checking on some figures in her office when an alarm went off. "Now what?" She groaned as she went to check on it.

"Ms. Frost!" A soldier came up to her. "Several components of the Pulsar Cannon are gone! Including the roto-osculator!"

"How the hell could anyone steal that?" She snapped. "That thing weighs at least a hundred pounds!" She turned and saw a janitor sweeping up. "You there! Did you see anything?"

"No ma'am," The janitor whistled as he swept. "Just doing my duty."

She went to check his mind to see if he was telling the truth. "Wait a minute, how are you blocking me? Guards! Get him!" Several men appeared.

"Oh dear and just as I was sweeping up!" The janitor used his broom to take out the guards. He then removed his jumper to reveal his clothes underneath. He was a black haired man with gray sideburns sporting a black moustache. He was also wearing a tuxedo. "Well now that I've changed out of my working clothes I feel much better."

"Matthew Burke!" Emma hissed. "I should have known! You rat! What are you doing here?"

"You always were a card Emma," Matthew Burke, British secret agent grinned. "My Auntie heard about your little party with Cobra up here so I thought I'd drop in and see what you were planning."

"And sabotage my operation," She hissed. "How are you blocking my thoughts? Wait…you have one of those miniature blocking devices on don't you?"

"Handy little devices," Burke tapped his forehead.

"So is this!" She fired a laser at him. He ran and dodged down the hall. Several goons chased him, but he easily dodged them in the typical secret agent style.

"I'd love to stay but my Auntie expects me to tea," He leapt towards the window. "But I'll be sure to give her you're regards. As well as a few components I've smuggled out." He jumped out.

Emma ran towards the window and saw a hoverplane with the acronym A.U.N.T.I.E on the side. "FIRE THE MISSLES!"

They did, one did hit the side of the plane. "Oh bother," He grumbled. He managed to eject from the hoverplane as well as ejecting the box with the components."

Emma ordered her troops to search the woods. "How hard can it be to find them? Burke can't carry them! Just go to the wreckage and get him before he gets away!"

However Burke seemed much better at hiding than the troops were better than finding. He watched them search and wander away from his hiding place. "Oh dear," Burke sighed. "And after all the trouble my Auntie went through to get me transportation. I'm going to have to hide the components somewhere nearby for now." He took off into the woods, dragging the box with him.

Meanwhile back at the base the search teams were having no luck. "Sorry Ms. Frost…nothing!" One soldier reported.

"I have got to get a new security staff," Emma Frost grumbled.

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Somewhere in a hidden apartment, Trask was pacing back and forth. "I don't know who to trust any more," Trask grumbled. "I can't even go to any other of my military contacts. Who knows how many of them are working with Bragg?"

"I had no idea Cobra had infiltrated that high up," The figure in a high-backed chair told him.

"Neither did I!" Trask groaned. "Maybe I should have gone with the Joes. They may be misguided but at least they're patriots! They'd never allow scum like Bragg to get away with it!"

"That's defeatist talk."

"You're right," Trask sighed. "The Joes are too blinded by their affection for those mistakes of science!"

"Yes, they do seem to be very protective of their mutant pets aren't they?"

"As if they could keep them on a leash for very long! If humanity is to have any chance of survival we have got to get the sentinels back online! Thank god I never told Bragg about my back-up armory. Although now all my men are gone it's not going to do me that much good!"

"Don't worry. I know a place where you can work on the remaining sentinels in private," The man spoke. "We can retrieve them easily with my team. We have a new weapon in place that will help even the odds of humans against mutants."

"I'm glad I was able to contact you," Trask sighed. "But you have got to be careful! If Bragg finds us…"

"He won't. You have my word."

"Thank you," Trask said. "Thank you Sebastian. I've always said you were a man of character."

"Don't worry," Sebastian Shaw grinned. "My associates will keep you safe. You have my word."