This fanfic was written as homework, and since my teacher isn't a Gundam
fan there is a bit of an explanation of Gundam at the beginning. This is my
second Gundam Wing fic.
Square brackets (" [ ] ") are used to denote lyrics.
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Join Me
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Fifteen.
At fifteen years old, five boys found themselves locked in a bloody war. The war to - literally - end all wars. Each of them wrought from a tragic past, they had to overcome their differences to work together for a peaceful future. But things are never so easy... The people that they fought against were war-trained men and women, with the backing of the government and the aristocrats. The people that they fought with were few and far between, most of them were guerrilla terrorists who were never identified or caught by the enemy. Once heavily entrenched in war and personally hunted down by the enemies, the people they fought to save decided that they no longer needed them, and cut off all ties-leaving the boys to fend entirely for themselves, while all at once trapped in the proverbial corner. So, now all five boys are left nearly alone to fight for their beliefs which, believe me, are now very well questioned. Why are they fighting? What are they fighting for? Is it worth it? Are all the lives they are destroying really worth it? Torn between their feelings, feeling utterly lost and out of place, they continue their pilgrimage to bring peace to the world that has forsaken them.
Every one of them is captured at one point or another. All of them are tortured, nearly killed. Some of them even try and kill themselves-some more than once. Their weapons are stolen, copied for the enemies use, and destroyed. All of their families and friends - only two of them even had families to begin with - are threatened, injured, and some, killed. The father of one boy tried to hold out against the enemies with one of his daughters, and they were both ruthlessly slaughtered in front of the boys' very eyes. One other boys' entire race destroyed themselves so that they would not be used as a bargaining chip against him.
Some of the boys found the strain too much, some of them snapped entirely, but they all kept fighting. Just because the going gets hard it doesn't mean that it's going to stop any time soon. They would not give up so easily. Just because they had no family left, no support, no time to grow up, no chance of survival, and a negligible chance of even accomplishing something, that's no reason to give up... right? The only hope that they had was that change was inevitable. Whether or not they succeeded, whether or not they lived, there would always be change-positive or negative, it didn't matter. They fought through each day - scrabbling for every second of life they stole - knowing that whether or not they died that day, they would have lived life to the fullest, and have done their absolute best. That was their existence. Life is not easy; it's not even fair... life is just that - living.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I can't believe how naïve we were then. We've learned so much, killed so many, yet. nothing has changed. Wars take many lives away. Humans never forget the grief, but they also never stop the fighting. Streams of blood and tears are only an ornament for their destructive ritual.
Life doesn't smile too kindly upon us. We've done our best to wipe out all of the oppressive forces that are working against the innocents, we're trying our hardest to win this war and finally achieve global peace, but everything we do turns against us. For every OZ soldier that we destroy, ten more are sent to back up the survivors and avenge the soldier's death. For every innocent that we save, hundreds more curse our existence and shun us when we ask for food, shelter, or - my god - help. We are all sitting here at five in the morning, preparing to go to battle for their safety and future, while they're still all cozy in their beds. By the time they hear about it they'll ignorantly scoff at us, and call us names not suitable around children. Well guess what? We're children too. I swear, I'm not becoming an adult until I get a real childhood. I don't happen to call 'stealing to fend for your life as an orphan street urchin' and 'being the only survivor of a horrible slaughter of your only close friends and parent figures' a sufficient childhood. Now the only friends I have are the four other lost souls that accompany me on our missions. Oh, and my buddy Deathscythe. Yessir, the God of Death has few friends. Man, sometimes I think that death would be better than this life we're living...
[We are so young, our lives have just begun]
[But already, we are considering]
[To escape from this world]
Oh well. This is the hand life dealt us. I wonder though, if I could really do it... I know I've tried before, but I've never actually succeeded. Heero almost did it, but if he was ever to die, I'd want to die with him. I know he's cold, and he's kind of harsh, but sometimes, sometimes he makes me think that maybe there's hope in this world. He was an orphan too, and he grew up being trained to be the 'perfect soldier' so it's not easy to get close to him, but it's possible.
This war's gone on for too long... Already I can hardly remember how it was before the war. Granted, it wasn't any better, and in many ways was much worse, but at least we weren't stuck in this monotonous battle. It's sapping the life out of us, taking away our very motivation to go on... No wonder Heero keeps trying to kill himself; his whole life has been an unending stream of killing and war. Death is kind in comparison.
[And we've waited for so long]
[For this moment to come]
[It was so anxious to be together]
[Together in death]
I think that if we are to die in this war, I would rather it be by our own hands. I don't want to go out in a courageous battle, I don't want to be executed as a prisoner of war, in fact, I want my death to have nothing to do with this war. I want death to come peacefully. Jeez, I'm morbid today aren't I? Well it's warranted I'd say; with our situation it's surprising that none of us have died yet. I'm starting to think, though, that this war will never end, that we'll live on in this continuing battle - covered in the blood of our enemies yet empty inside... Y'know, I've never seen Heero cry... I'm not trying to be callous or anything, I just think it's sad that he's bottled all of his emotions inside. I really envy him sometimes though; he has such conviction and such absolution in his actions. Of course, most of the time he comes off as a complete ass, but... I still respect him. He just needs to escape from the brainwashing that Doctor J. put him through. ...
... I think that I love him.
Wow, what an epiphany. It's a shock, true, but I can't help but feel that it is true; it must be true. This is nothing like everyone describes it though. It's not a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart; it's a burning lump of coals at the core of my being. I wonder if there's anything I can do about it... Does he share my feelings? I can just imagine me pouring my heart out to him, and him looking at me like, 'Right.' and leaving to go do something 'worth his time'. That might happen... But maybe he secretly thinks the same thing about me. Either way, I still think that death would be a better fate. I mean, what semblance of a life could we lead here? Even if we did live through the war, how would us rebels be accepted back into society - assuming that we ever got away from the Alliance. I think what's best for us is to slip away unnoticed into the fabric of history. Yes... I think that the God of Death will be retiring soon.
[Won't you die tonight for love]
[(Baby, join me in death)]
After entering the living room of our safe house - a lie because it's not safe at all, it's just a shack of a house that the Alliance doesn't know about - I was greeted with the reality of our situation.
On the last mission Wufei had the unfortunate encounter with the OZ soldiers as well as the usual scrapes and bruises from battle. They figured that since he was fifteen and half their size, that beating him would be fun. They probably thought, 'Hey, he's small, he's most likely killed some of our friends, and he's not answering our questions.' so I guess pounding him into the concrete floor - while he had handcuffs on - sounded like a good idea. It's a good thing that we showed up when we did. Wufei is covered in bruises from head to toe and is trying to salvage what is left of his wavering sanity by meditating - on what I don't know, he doesn't have that many 'good thoughts' to think and the only happy memory he has ends in the death of his wife. Yeah wife. It blows me away to think that he, of all people, used to be a scholar. Even more, a scholar that at that tender age was wed - it was arranged at birth of course, but that didn't mean that he didn't love her. His people were the ones that destroyed themselves; he was forced to watch helplessly as all the people he ever knew or loved killed themselves.
Trowa's past was entirely the opposite, yet also sadly similar. He was separated from his family as a small child and grew up being called 'no- name' - he only has a name now because he took it from a dead man who no longer needed it. He worked with the mercenaries that fought against OZ, but ended up unwittingly betraying and killing many of the men that he fought with. He's never forgiven himself for that... He seems completely void of feelings, but that is because he has convinced himself for so long that they don't exist. Right now he's helping Quatre organize the plans for the mission for today. He too is pretty beat up from the last mission, but not so much as Wufei.
Quatre is sitting on the couch with Trowa. They've got the maps and plans laid out on the coffee table and from the amount of paper, it looks like it's going to be more difficult than we originally thought. I hope that we can manage it, none of us are in too good of shape, and neither is our equipment... Quatre had perhaps the best childhood of us all; it wasn't exactly happy, but he had a loving family, and a home. Actually, like Wufei, most of his grief's and troubles started because of the war. His father and one of his sisters were killed because they did not comply with the Alliance's wishes. He's very fragile, but at the same time he is also very courageous. I think he came out of the last mission with the least physical injuries. Of course, with every battle that we fight, another part of him dies. We are always fighting losing battles, his hope is the only thing keeping him going... and that is slowly shattering. He feels in part responsible for everything that happens in this war, and I pity him for it. I wish that I could somehow explain to him that not everything is his fault, but I don't think that he'd believe me.
So this is how things lie. It seems that no matter what we do, we can never win.
... Where's Heero?
[This world is a cruel place, and we're only to lose]
[Before life tears us apart, let death bless me with you]
Seems that he's in his room, but for once he's not busy on his laptop... Instead he's standing at the window, staring outside. I don't think that he knows I'm here yet... he must really be intent on whatever's out there. Best not waste the moment; I'll try not to make a sound as I close the door and approach. Shouldn't be too hard for a thief.
Wow, he really is absorbed. I snuck up behind him and he still hasn't turned around; I wonder what's out there. Well, lets take a peek...
"What is it Duo?"
"Ack! Well... I came up to ask you something but you were staring outside so I wanted to see what was out there that was so interesting, that's all."
"Hn."
"... So... what're you looking at?"
"The sunrise."
What? The perfect soldier Heero I'll-kill-you-with-my-glare Yuy was watching the sunrise? Well, I should say 'is' since he still hasn't turned or moved his eyes away. Well what's so important about today's sunrise that piqued his interest? ... Hm. Doesn't look any different from every other sunrise I've seen. ...
"So what did you want to ask me?"
"Ack! You have to stop doing that!"
"... Talking?"
"Wha-? No, I mean making me jump, you scared the bejeezes outta me. I was in the middle of thinking."
"Hn."
What's that? I think I see the slightest hint of a smirk peeking out. Well I guess I better ask him before I lose the nerve. Come on, I'm the God of Death! Something like this should be no problem...
"Um... Heero..."
[Won't you die tonight for love]
[(Baby, join me in death)]
He seemed to take that pretty well actually. Well, if 'pretty well' means when I asked him he slowly turned to face me, and then leaned forward to kiss me on the lips. "Ahh, watashimo... aishiteru Duo." was all that he said, then he licked his lips curiously as if it had been his first kiss - which I wouldn't doubt. I think it means that he's okay with us being an 'us'. That's great, I don't think that I could handle it if he didn't reciprocate the same feelings that I have for him. After he said that I just stood there, totally in shock - but the good kind of shock, like when you find out that you did really great on a test or something. Let me tell you, I passed with flying colours... After it had sunk in, I just smiled.
Have you ever seen him smile? It's gorgeous. It makes me want to know him better, makes me want to make all of his worries go away, heck, it makes me want to jump him. God I love him... I think he's a bit surprised when I hug him, but he hugs me back... I don't ever want to let go of him; I want to die in his arms. There is nowhere else that I would ever want to be. The problem is, when I let go, we're going to have to return to the war. We'll both probably end up killed in battle. I don't want it to end that way...
"... Duo?"
He sounds so frightened... I'm sorry Heero. I'm not going to let go of you. The least I can do is be here for you... I wish that the poison would work quicker... he's so confused. Leading him over to his bed to sit down becomes difficult as he starts to lose control of his body, but I have a firm grip on him. Once I sit him down, I lean him against the headboard and crawl up onto the bed. His chin rests against his chest and his hands lay lifeless at his sides, his eyes are starting to droop. I kiss him once more, this time tasting his lips, and the poison that has been deposited on them by my own. Feeling it start to take effect, I lean up against Heero and whisper to him.
"I love you, Heero. I will love you forever... Come... Come with me... Let the God... of Death... take you away... "
[...this life ain't worth living]
Join Me - Song by Sarah Brightman Story by shi
All characters are copyright Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and Bandai America Inc.
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Join Me
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Fifteen.
At fifteen years old, five boys found themselves locked in a bloody war. The war to - literally - end all wars. Each of them wrought from a tragic past, they had to overcome their differences to work together for a peaceful future. But things are never so easy... The people that they fought against were war-trained men and women, with the backing of the government and the aristocrats. The people that they fought with were few and far between, most of them were guerrilla terrorists who were never identified or caught by the enemy. Once heavily entrenched in war and personally hunted down by the enemies, the people they fought to save decided that they no longer needed them, and cut off all ties-leaving the boys to fend entirely for themselves, while all at once trapped in the proverbial corner. So, now all five boys are left nearly alone to fight for their beliefs which, believe me, are now very well questioned. Why are they fighting? What are they fighting for? Is it worth it? Are all the lives they are destroying really worth it? Torn between their feelings, feeling utterly lost and out of place, they continue their pilgrimage to bring peace to the world that has forsaken them.
Every one of them is captured at one point or another. All of them are tortured, nearly killed. Some of them even try and kill themselves-some more than once. Their weapons are stolen, copied for the enemies use, and destroyed. All of their families and friends - only two of them even had families to begin with - are threatened, injured, and some, killed. The father of one boy tried to hold out against the enemies with one of his daughters, and they were both ruthlessly slaughtered in front of the boys' very eyes. One other boys' entire race destroyed themselves so that they would not be used as a bargaining chip against him.
Some of the boys found the strain too much, some of them snapped entirely, but they all kept fighting. Just because the going gets hard it doesn't mean that it's going to stop any time soon. They would not give up so easily. Just because they had no family left, no support, no time to grow up, no chance of survival, and a negligible chance of even accomplishing something, that's no reason to give up... right? The only hope that they had was that change was inevitable. Whether or not they succeeded, whether or not they lived, there would always be change-positive or negative, it didn't matter. They fought through each day - scrabbling for every second of life they stole - knowing that whether or not they died that day, they would have lived life to the fullest, and have done their absolute best. That was their existence. Life is not easy; it's not even fair... life is just that - living.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I can't believe how naïve we were then. We've learned so much, killed so many, yet. nothing has changed. Wars take many lives away. Humans never forget the grief, but they also never stop the fighting. Streams of blood and tears are only an ornament for their destructive ritual.
Life doesn't smile too kindly upon us. We've done our best to wipe out all of the oppressive forces that are working against the innocents, we're trying our hardest to win this war and finally achieve global peace, but everything we do turns against us. For every OZ soldier that we destroy, ten more are sent to back up the survivors and avenge the soldier's death. For every innocent that we save, hundreds more curse our existence and shun us when we ask for food, shelter, or - my god - help. We are all sitting here at five in the morning, preparing to go to battle for their safety and future, while they're still all cozy in their beds. By the time they hear about it they'll ignorantly scoff at us, and call us names not suitable around children. Well guess what? We're children too. I swear, I'm not becoming an adult until I get a real childhood. I don't happen to call 'stealing to fend for your life as an orphan street urchin' and 'being the only survivor of a horrible slaughter of your only close friends and parent figures' a sufficient childhood. Now the only friends I have are the four other lost souls that accompany me on our missions. Oh, and my buddy Deathscythe. Yessir, the God of Death has few friends. Man, sometimes I think that death would be better than this life we're living...
[We are so young, our lives have just begun]
[But already, we are considering]
[To escape from this world]
Oh well. This is the hand life dealt us. I wonder though, if I could really do it... I know I've tried before, but I've never actually succeeded. Heero almost did it, but if he was ever to die, I'd want to die with him. I know he's cold, and he's kind of harsh, but sometimes, sometimes he makes me think that maybe there's hope in this world. He was an orphan too, and he grew up being trained to be the 'perfect soldier' so it's not easy to get close to him, but it's possible.
This war's gone on for too long... Already I can hardly remember how it was before the war. Granted, it wasn't any better, and in many ways was much worse, but at least we weren't stuck in this monotonous battle. It's sapping the life out of us, taking away our very motivation to go on... No wonder Heero keeps trying to kill himself; his whole life has been an unending stream of killing and war. Death is kind in comparison.
[And we've waited for so long]
[For this moment to come]
[It was so anxious to be together]
[Together in death]
I think that if we are to die in this war, I would rather it be by our own hands. I don't want to go out in a courageous battle, I don't want to be executed as a prisoner of war, in fact, I want my death to have nothing to do with this war. I want death to come peacefully. Jeez, I'm morbid today aren't I? Well it's warranted I'd say; with our situation it's surprising that none of us have died yet. I'm starting to think, though, that this war will never end, that we'll live on in this continuing battle - covered in the blood of our enemies yet empty inside... Y'know, I've never seen Heero cry... I'm not trying to be callous or anything, I just think it's sad that he's bottled all of his emotions inside. I really envy him sometimes though; he has such conviction and such absolution in his actions. Of course, most of the time he comes off as a complete ass, but... I still respect him. He just needs to escape from the brainwashing that Doctor J. put him through. ...
... I think that I love him.
Wow, what an epiphany. It's a shock, true, but I can't help but feel that it is true; it must be true. This is nothing like everyone describes it though. It's not a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart; it's a burning lump of coals at the core of my being. I wonder if there's anything I can do about it... Does he share my feelings? I can just imagine me pouring my heart out to him, and him looking at me like, 'Right.' and leaving to go do something 'worth his time'. That might happen... But maybe he secretly thinks the same thing about me. Either way, I still think that death would be a better fate. I mean, what semblance of a life could we lead here? Even if we did live through the war, how would us rebels be accepted back into society - assuming that we ever got away from the Alliance. I think what's best for us is to slip away unnoticed into the fabric of history. Yes... I think that the God of Death will be retiring soon.
[Won't you die tonight for love]
[(Baby, join me in death)]
After entering the living room of our safe house - a lie because it's not safe at all, it's just a shack of a house that the Alliance doesn't know about - I was greeted with the reality of our situation.
On the last mission Wufei had the unfortunate encounter with the OZ soldiers as well as the usual scrapes and bruises from battle. They figured that since he was fifteen and half their size, that beating him would be fun. They probably thought, 'Hey, he's small, he's most likely killed some of our friends, and he's not answering our questions.' so I guess pounding him into the concrete floor - while he had handcuffs on - sounded like a good idea. It's a good thing that we showed up when we did. Wufei is covered in bruises from head to toe and is trying to salvage what is left of his wavering sanity by meditating - on what I don't know, he doesn't have that many 'good thoughts' to think and the only happy memory he has ends in the death of his wife. Yeah wife. It blows me away to think that he, of all people, used to be a scholar. Even more, a scholar that at that tender age was wed - it was arranged at birth of course, but that didn't mean that he didn't love her. His people were the ones that destroyed themselves; he was forced to watch helplessly as all the people he ever knew or loved killed themselves.
Trowa's past was entirely the opposite, yet also sadly similar. He was separated from his family as a small child and grew up being called 'no- name' - he only has a name now because he took it from a dead man who no longer needed it. He worked with the mercenaries that fought against OZ, but ended up unwittingly betraying and killing many of the men that he fought with. He's never forgiven himself for that... He seems completely void of feelings, but that is because he has convinced himself for so long that they don't exist. Right now he's helping Quatre organize the plans for the mission for today. He too is pretty beat up from the last mission, but not so much as Wufei.
Quatre is sitting on the couch with Trowa. They've got the maps and plans laid out on the coffee table and from the amount of paper, it looks like it's going to be more difficult than we originally thought. I hope that we can manage it, none of us are in too good of shape, and neither is our equipment... Quatre had perhaps the best childhood of us all; it wasn't exactly happy, but he had a loving family, and a home. Actually, like Wufei, most of his grief's and troubles started because of the war. His father and one of his sisters were killed because they did not comply with the Alliance's wishes. He's very fragile, but at the same time he is also very courageous. I think he came out of the last mission with the least physical injuries. Of course, with every battle that we fight, another part of him dies. We are always fighting losing battles, his hope is the only thing keeping him going... and that is slowly shattering. He feels in part responsible for everything that happens in this war, and I pity him for it. I wish that I could somehow explain to him that not everything is his fault, but I don't think that he'd believe me.
So this is how things lie. It seems that no matter what we do, we can never win.
... Where's Heero?
[This world is a cruel place, and we're only to lose]
[Before life tears us apart, let death bless me with you]
Seems that he's in his room, but for once he's not busy on his laptop... Instead he's standing at the window, staring outside. I don't think that he knows I'm here yet... he must really be intent on whatever's out there. Best not waste the moment; I'll try not to make a sound as I close the door and approach. Shouldn't be too hard for a thief.
Wow, he really is absorbed. I snuck up behind him and he still hasn't turned around; I wonder what's out there. Well, lets take a peek...
"What is it Duo?"
"Ack! Well... I came up to ask you something but you were staring outside so I wanted to see what was out there that was so interesting, that's all."
"Hn."
"... So... what're you looking at?"
"The sunrise."
What? The perfect soldier Heero I'll-kill-you-with-my-glare Yuy was watching the sunrise? Well, I should say 'is' since he still hasn't turned or moved his eyes away. Well what's so important about today's sunrise that piqued his interest? ... Hm. Doesn't look any different from every other sunrise I've seen. ...
"So what did you want to ask me?"
"Ack! You have to stop doing that!"
"... Talking?"
"Wha-? No, I mean making me jump, you scared the bejeezes outta me. I was in the middle of thinking."
"Hn."
What's that? I think I see the slightest hint of a smirk peeking out. Well I guess I better ask him before I lose the nerve. Come on, I'm the God of Death! Something like this should be no problem...
"Um... Heero..."
[Won't you die tonight for love]
[(Baby, join me in death)]
He seemed to take that pretty well actually. Well, if 'pretty well' means when I asked him he slowly turned to face me, and then leaned forward to kiss me on the lips. "Ahh, watashimo... aishiteru Duo." was all that he said, then he licked his lips curiously as if it had been his first kiss - which I wouldn't doubt. I think it means that he's okay with us being an 'us'. That's great, I don't think that I could handle it if he didn't reciprocate the same feelings that I have for him. After he said that I just stood there, totally in shock - but the good kind of shock, like when you find out that you did really great on a test or something. Let me tell you, I passed with flying colours... After it had sunk in, I just smiled.
Have you ever seen him smile? It's gorgeous. It makes me want to know him better, makes me want to make all of his worries go away, heck, it makes me want to jump him. God I love him... I think he's a bit surprised when I hug him, but he hugs me back... I don't ever want to let go of him; I want to die in his arms. There is nowhere else that I would ever want to be. The problem is, when I let go, we're going to have to return to the war. We'll both probably end up killed in battle. I don't want it to end that way...
"... Duo?"
He sounds so frightened... I'm sorry Heero. I'm not going to let go of you. The least I can do is be here for you... I wish that the poison would work quicker... he's so confused. Leading him over to his bed to sit down becomes difficult as he starts to lose control of his body, but I have a firm grip on him. Once I sit him down, I lean him against the headboard and crawl up onto the bed. His chin rests against his chest and his hands lay lifeless at his sides, his eyes are starting to droop. I kiss him once more, this time tasting his lips, and the poison that has been deposited on them by my own. Feeling it start to take effect, I lean up against Heero and whisper to him.
"I love you, Heero. I will love you forever... Come... Come with me... Let the God... of Death... take you away... "
[...this life ain't worth living]
Join Me - Song by Sarah Brightman Story by shi
All characters are copyright Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, and Bandai America Inc.