Me: At this stage you probaly know i don't own LoK but just in case i've put together a litttle puppet show!
(Popeland has 2 socks on his hands one with eidos written on it the other with popeland written on it)
Eidos Sock: I own LoK
Popeland sock: I don't
(Curtains fall to wild applause)
Me: Thank you! Thank you! So now you know I own nothing to do with LoK except this fanfiction!
Introuducing
Soul Reaver-The "The Scripts been stolen and ruined!" edition
Raziel VO: Kain is deified. The Clans tell tales of Him. Usually behind his back and involving humorous wigs. Few know the truth because he lies so much. Quite frankly I don't think he beat all of the circle at the same time using only a toothpick. Anyway, His contempt for humanity drove him to create me, and my brethren
I am Raziel, first-born of His lieutenants. I stood with Kain and my brethren at the dawn of the empire.. and the I went back to bed. I have served Him a millennium and a bit. Over time, we became less human and more ...divine.. Kain would enter the state of change and emerge with a new gift... this year he was hoping for a bicycle. Some years after the master, our evolution would follow.
Until I had the honour of surpassing my lord. For my transgression, I earned a new kind of reward... agony. Not only agony but I also got eternal damnation - to burn forever in the bowels of the Lake of the Dead. Wow what a great reward! I got two for the price of one!
Kain: Cast him in.
(Raziel is thrown into the lake of the dead)
Kain: .........ONLY KIDDING!!! HAHAHAHA!!! I had you going there for a while! eh Raz?......Raz? ........ ah damn
Raziel VO: Tumbling, burning with white-hot fire, I plunged into the depths of the abyss. Speakable pain... it was really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,really, really, really REALY painful
An eternity passed, and my hairline receded, bringing me to the precipice of having a comb over.. Brrrrrrrr..... The descent had destroyed me... and yet I lived.
Elder God: Raziel... You are worthy
I know you, Raziel. You are worthy of the new Nosgoth Gold Card!!
Raziel: What madness is this?I applied for no such card!
Elder God: The choice is not yours
Raziel: is that the only reason I'm here?
Elder God: Errrr.......no . Ahem... The birth of one of Kain's abominations traps the essence of life. It is this soul that animates the corpse you 'lived' in. And that Raziel, is the demise of Nosgoth. There is no balance. The souls of the dead remain trapped. I can not spin them in the wheel of fortune.
Raziel: Wheel of fortune?
Elder God: I said wheel of fate!!
Raziel: No you didn't!
Elder God: Shutup!!! Just go away and kill your brothers you idiot!! And make the wheel of fortune churn again...
Raziel: You just said it again!!!
Elder God: Look you have been tortured of hundreds of years it must have impaired your hearing....
Raziel: I know what I heard!
Elder god whispers: but I said wheel of fate......
Raziel: What was that? Hmmmmm maybe my hearing is gone a bit bad
(Raziel walks out of the cave)
Elder god: Muh ha ha ha ha!!!
(A wheel covered in cobwebs is revealed)
Elder God: oh you will spin again! And then you will be mine!! Forever!
Raziel: I can still hear you
Elder God: Damn!!!
(Raziel walks into a room)
Elder God: You are weak - you must feed.
Raziel: The old hunger has left me I have no desire for happy meals.
Elder God: You are changed. Your Happy meal hunger is replaced by a deeper need - you have become a devourer of souls.
Raziel: Ewwwwwwww!!! I'm not eating that! It could be anything's soul!
Elder God: Don't worry after awhile everything tastes like chicken soul
(Raziel arrives at a chasm)
Elder God: Your wings, though ruined, are without purpose..........
Raziel: And?
Elder God: nope that's it
Raziel: Could I not use them to glide across?
Elder God: No
(Raziel glides across the chasm)
Elder God: ....i mean yes. Yes you can
(Raziel Encounters the Salugh)
Raziel: What scabrous wretches are these?
Elder God: Sluagh, the scavengers of the Underworld. Their feral hunger has claimed countless souls
Raziel: So I kill them right?
Elder God: I don't know ask them
(Raziel Walks up to the slaugh)
Raziel: Ermmmmm...hello I'm new around here and I'm wondering if I'm supposed to kill you
Slaugh: Yep, where the standard spectral enemies
Raziel: Oh thanks for clearing that up
Slaugh: No probl....ARGHHHHHH!!!!
(Raziel encounters a material-plane portal for the first time. )
Elder God: These portals are your conduit between the spectral and material realms.
With their aid, you may gather matter and will yourself to become manifest in the physical world.
Raziel: manifest?!
Elder God: sigh........ if you stand here you can take off your your green tinted spectral sunglasses
Raziel: Sunglasses?!
Elder God: oh just stand on the blue thing and wave your hands around....
Raziel comes across the frist swimming pool
Elder God: You are young yet, Raziel - you still retain many of your vampiric weaknesses. Immersion in water, while not fatal, will dissolve your physical body, forcing your return to the spirit world.
Raziel: so my body being dissolved isn't fatal?
Elder God: amm........ no
(Raziel find the dumahaim vampires)
Raziel: What are these creatures?
Elder God: Do you not recognise them? They are the children of your brother, Dumah.
Raziel: So I'm there uncle?
Elder God: Er.......I suppose so
(Raziel walks over to them)
Raziel: Hi I'm your long,long,long lost uncle!
Dumahaim: Hey you owe us a millennia of birthday presents!!!!
Raziel: Well I.......you see I....... Ermmmmmmm........ DIE!!!!
(Raziel kills both vampires)
(Raziel emerges outside)
Raziel: VO: My God...
The Sanctuary of the Clans, reduced to ruin...
Beyond these walls lay the Pillars of Nosgoth, the seat of Kain's empire. How humble it now appeared, collapsing into the dust of its former magnificence. And yet I had only just emerged... In the instant between my execution and resurrection, centuries had apparently passed...
(The ground shakes violently)
Elder God:........... ohhhhhhh...... that's the last time I have chilli
Raziel: ewwwwww! Shutup!
(Raziel kills the vampires in the area and walks to the lake of the dead)
Raziel VO: This, at least, had remained constant. The endlessly swirling vortex of the abyss. Around and around and around and around and..urghhhhhh..... I'm going to stop looking at it now.
Though much of Nosgoth's landscape had changed, these cliffs gave me my bearings. Especially the Giant glowing sign saying "RAZIEL'S TERRITORY THIS WAY" .I was anxious to see how my descendants had fared during the centuries of my absence and to make sure they hadn't ruined the house.
(Raziel walks towards his territory)
Raziel VO: Utter desolation. Dust on every mantelpiece. Oh and my once proud kin wiped from this world... well at least they didn't die on the carpets.
I knew the hand that wrought this deed... COLONEL MUSTARD! In the library with the candle sick!!....or Kain...... yeah actually it was probably Kain
Next chapter
Raziel finds and kills melchiah!!!
Warning next chapter may contain knitting
Read and Review PLEASE!!!!!!
(Popeland has 2 socks on his hands one with eidos written on it the other with popeland written on it)
Eidos Sock: I own LoK
Popeland sock: I don't
(Curtains fall to wild applause)
Me: Thank you! Thank you! So now you know I own nothing to do with LoK except this fanfiction!
Introuducing
Soul Reaver-The "The Scripts been stolen and ruined!" edition
Raziel VO: Kain is deified. The Clans tell tales of Him. Usually behind his back and involving humorous wigs. Few know the truth because he lies so much. Quite frankly I don't think he beat all of the circle at the same time using only a toothpick. Anyway, His contempt for humanity drove him to create me, and my brethren
I am Raziel, first-born of His lieutenants. I stood with Kain and my brethren at the dawn of the empire.. and the I went back to bed. I have served Him a millennium and a bit. Over time, we became less human and more ...divine.. Kain would enter the state of change and emerge with a new gift... this year he was hoping for a bicycle. Some years after the master, our evolution would follow.
Until I had the honour of surpassing my lord. For my transgression, I earned a new kind of reward... agony. Not only agony but I also got eternal damnation - to burn forever in the bowels of the Lake of the Dead. Wow what a great reward! I got two for the price of one!
Kain: Cast him in.
(Raziel is thrown into the lake of the dead)
Kain: .........ONLY KIDDING!!! HAHAHAHA!!! I had you going there for a while! eh Raz?......Raz? ........ ah damn
Raziel VO: Tumbling, burning with white-hot fire, I plunged into the depths of the abyss. Speakable pain... it was really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,really, really, really REALY painful
An eternity passed, and my hairline receded, bringing me to the precipice of having a comb over.. Brrrrrrrr..... The descent had destroyed me... and yet I lived.
Elder God: Raziel... You are worthy
I know you, Raziel. You are worthy of the new Nosgoth Gold Card!!
Raziel: What madness is this?I applied for no such card!
Elder God: The choice is not yours
Raziel: is that the only reason I'm here?
Elder God: Errrr.......no . Ahem... The birth of one of Kain's abominations traps the essence of life. It is this soul that animates the corpse you 'lived' in. And that Raziel, is the demise of Nosgoth. There is no balance. The souls of the dead remain trapped. I can not spin them in the wheel of fortune.
Raziel: Wheel of fortune?
Elder God: I said wheel of fate!!
Raziel: No you didn't!
Elder God: Shutup!!! Just go away and kill your brothers you idiot!! And make the wheel of fortune churn again...
Raziel: You just said it again!!!
Elder God: Look you have been tortured of hundreds of years it must have impaired your hearing....
Raziel: I know what I heard!
Elder god whispers: but I said wheel of fate......
Raziel: What was that? Hmmmmm maybe my hearing is gone a bit bad
(Raziel walks out of the cave)
Elder god: Muh ha ha ha ha!!!
(A wheel covered in cobwebs is revealed)
Elder God: oh you will spin again! And then you will be mine!! Forever!
Raziel: I can still hear you
Elder God: Damn!!!
(Raziel walks into a room)
Elder God: You are weak - you must feed.
Raziel: The old hunger has left me I have no desire for happy meals.
Elder God: You are changed. Your Happy meal hunger is replaced by a deeper need - you have become a devourer of souls.
Raziel: Ewwwwwwww!!! I'm not eating that! It could be anything's soul!
Elder God: Don't worry after awhile everything tastes like chicken soul
(Raziel arrives at a chasm)
Elder God: Your wings, though ruined, are without purpose..........
Raziel: And?
Elder God: nope that's it
Raziel: Could I not use them to glide across?
Elder God: No
(Raziel glides across the chasm)
Elder God: ....i mean yes. Yes you can
(Raziel Encounters the Salugh)
Raziel: What scabrous wretches are these?
Elder God: Sluagh, the scavengers of the Underworld. Their feral hunger has claimed countless souls
Raziel: So I kill them right?
Elder God: I don't know ask them
(Raziel Walks up to the slaugh)
Raziel: Ermmmmm...hello I'm new around here and I'm wondering if I'm supposed to kill you
Slaugh: Yep, where the standard spectral enemies
Raziel: Oh thanks for clearing that up
Slaugh: No probl....ARGHHHHHH!!!!
(Raziel encounters a material-plane portal for the first time. )
Elder God: These portals are your conduit between the spectral and material realms.
With their aid, you may gather matter and will yourself to become manifest in the physical world.
Raziel: manifest?!
Elder God: sigh........ if you stand here you can take off your your green tinted spectral sunglasses
Raziel: Sunglasses?!
Elder God: oh just stand on the blue thing and wave your hands around....
Raziel comes across the frist swimming pool
Elder God: You are young yet, Raziel - you still retain many of your vampiric weaknesses. Immersion in water, while not fatal, will dissolve your physical body, forcing your return to the spirit world.
Raziel: so my body being dissolved isn't fatal?
Elder God: amm........ no
(Raziel find the dumahaim vampires)
Raziel: What are these creatures?
Elder God: Do you not recognise them? They are the children of your brother, Dumah.
Raziel: So I'm there uncle?
Elder God: Er.......I suppose so
(Raziel walks over to them)
Raziel: Hi I'm your long,long,long lost uncle!
Dumahaim: Hey you owe us a millennia of birthday presents!!!!
Raziel: Well I.......you see I....... Ermmmmmmm........ DIE!!!!
(Raziel kills both vampires)
(Raziel emerges outside)
Raziel: VO: My God...
The Sanctuary of the Clans, reduced to ruin...
Beyond these walls lay the Pillars of Nosgoth, the seat of Kain's empire. How humble it now appeared, collapsing into the dust of its former magnificence. And yet I had only just emerged... In the instant between my execution and resurrection, centuries had apparently passed...
(The ground shakes violently)
Elder God:........... ohhhhhhh...... that's the last time I have chilli
Raziel: ewwwwww! Shutup!
(Raziel kills the vampires in the area and walks to the lake of the dead)
Raziel VO: This, at least, had remained constant. The endlessly swirling vortex of the abyss. Around and around and around and around and..urghhhhhh..... I'm going to stop looking at it now.
Though much of Nosgoth's landscape had changed, these cliffs gave me my bearings. Especially the Giant glowing sign saying "RAZIEL'S TERRITORY THIS WAY" .I was anxious to see how my descendants had fared during the centuries of my absence and to make sure they hadn't ruined the house.
(Raziel walks towards his territory)
Raziel VO: Utter desolation. Dust on every mantelpiece. Oh and my once proud kin wiped from this world... well at least they didn't die on the carpets.
I knew the hand that wrought this deed... COLONEL MUSTARD! In the library with the candle sick!!....or Kain...... yeah actually it was probably Kain
Next chapter
Raziel finds and kills melchiah!!!
Warning next chapter may contain knitting
Read and Review PLEASE!!!!!!