Me: Thanks for reviewing! I'd give you something but the Eidos sock has stolen everything i own
Eidos sock: Shutup!
(Eidos sock hits popeland over the head with a chair)
Me: SAVE ME!!!!!
Introuducing
Soul Reaver- The "Stop him before he kills us all!!" edition
Exploring the western ruins of his clan territory Raziel spies a band of creatures that he has not yet encountered.
Raziel:I didn't recognise these flayed wracks of flesh.. It reminded me of when was working in NFC ( Nosgoth Fried Chicken) for that week-end. But these creatures where not the 1.99$ Mystery Meat Special. Their scent was vampiric, but they gnawed upon their victim's carcass like dogs............ much like the 1.99 Mystery Meat Special actually......
Melchiahaim 1: That's it!! Your not in the position to be insulting people looks!
Melchiahaim 2: Yeah! At least we don't hide behind tea towels!
Raziel:......... sniff.............. that's really mean.......
Melchiahaim 1: What are you going to do? Kill us and steal our souls?!! Pah!! I'd like to see that!
Raziel: all right
Melchiahaim 2: All right what? OH DEAR GOD!!!! ARGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
(Raziel kills the 2 vampires)
Raziel: That'll teach you!! Ha! You won't cross me again! Hey don't disintegrate when I'm talking to you!....... no respect
(Raziel walks off and comes across a charnel house)
Raziel: This charnel house bore the unmistakable marks of Melchiah's clan. A teddy bear and a handbag. We never got the hand bag bit..... To what depths had our dynasty plummeted, if these ghouls were the descendants of my high-born brother? Were they so debased as to recruit fledglings from the desiccated corpses here interred?
Corpse: Yep
Raziel: Right so. Melchiah, was made last, and therefore received the poorest portion of Kain's gift. Although immortal, his soul could not sustain the flesh, which retained much of its previous human frailty. This weakness, it seemed, was passed on to his offspring. Their fragile skins barely contained the underlying caramel and nougat....... Mmmmmmmm.......
Elder God: RAZIEL!! Stop eating that Mars Bar!
Raziel: But its so tasty!!!
(A large tentacle swings down and knocks the Mars bar out of Raziels Hands)
Raziel: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Raziel Runs into the charnel house)
(After a lot of running around and saying "there was at least half the bar left!" Raziel meets Melchiah)
Raziel: Show yourself, creature!
Melchiah: Do you not recognise me, brother? Am I so changed?
Raziel: If I could see you it would help
Melchiah: Oh yeah........ I suppose it would
Raziel: John?!!!
Melchiah: Yesss, brother.......... Wait a minute! No you idiot!!
Raziel: Dave?
Melchiah: Oh for god sake!
Raziel: Mike?
Melchiah: ITS MELCHIAH YOU IDIOT!!!
Raziel: I knew that.......
Melchiah: You should have stayed where the master sent you, Raziel. You will find Nosgoth less pleasant than you remember.
Raziel: Pleasant like when I was thrown into the abyss?
Melchiah: Yep....... Those were the days
Raziel: What has become of my clan? Answer me, little brother, or I will beat an answer from your horrid lips.
Melchiah: at least I still have lips!
Raziel: That was mean!!!
Melchiah: Everyone is afraid, sibling. You awake to a world of fear. These times of change are so... unsettling.
Do you think I feel no revulsion for this form? Do you believe for a moment that our Lord would risk his empire upon an upstart inheritance?
Raziel: Err........... upstart inheritance?
Melchaih: Ermmmmm ..........am........You are the last. To die!
(Melchiah attacks Raziel)
(Raziel finds a switch)
Raziel: OHHHH! A switch!
(Raziel Pulls it and the gate slams down)
Raziel: Maybe I can use this to my advantage
(Raziel breaks the switch and starts to beat Melchiah with it)
Melchiah: OWWWW! ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!! I better hide in this blood stained circle!
(Raziel is about to pull the final switch)
Raziel: Tell me, Melchiah - where can I find Kain?
Melchaih: The master is beyond your reach, Raziel.
Kain shouting from a ledge: Yeah! Hahahaha!!
Melchiah: He makes himself known when He sees fit - not when commanded.
Kain: I do? Damn! I was never here
(Kain runs out the door)
Melchiah: now if you could just let me live.......
(Raziel pulls the switch)
Melchiah: DAMN!! Why did I buy this giant back massager?!!!
(Melchiah dies and Raziel devours his soul)
Elder God: You have done well, Raziel.
Raziel: Am I reduced to this? A ghoul? A fratricide?
Elder God: Well you do smell a bit but calling yourself a fratricide is going a bit far.........
Raziel: oh shutup
Elder God: Consuming Melchiah's soul has endowed you with a new gift.
Insubstantial barriers such as this gate are no impediment to you in the spectral realm. Will yourself to pass through, and you shall.
(Raziel shifts to the spectral and phases through the gate)
Elder god: Damn!! you were supposed to just run into the gate and hurt yourself! You actually aren't able to move through gates!
Anyway Return to the Sanctuary of the Clans, Raziel. Melchiah's soul has endowed you with the means to gain entry.
Beware, however - this hollow derelict is abandoned, but not uninhabited...
Raziel: so your saying that no one is there .....but someone is there?
Elder god: Ammmmmm........ I'm not here
(Raziel wanders off to the sanctuary of the clans and rings the doorbell)
Kain: one second!
(the door is unlocked)
Kain: Raziel.
Raziel: WHERE?!!!
Kain: er...... you're Raziel
Raziel: But he's Dead!!!!
Kain: and so are you
Raziel: Oh yeah. What have you done with my clan, degenerate? You have no right....
Kain: What I have made, I can also destroy, child. Take for example this this jumper I knitted, I made it , I can destroy it......... I just don't want to......... ever
Raziel: Damn you, Kain! You are not God! This act of blasphemous stitching is unconscionable!
Kain: Conscience...? You dare speak to me of conscience? Only when you have felt the full gravity of choice of wool and knitting needles can you dare to question my judgement!
Your life's span is a flicker compared to the mass of doubt and regret that I have borne since Mortanius first turned me from embroidery.. To know that the fate of a jumper hangs dependent on the advisedness of my every stitch -- can you even begin to conceive what action you would take, in my position?
Raziel: I would have choose a diamond stitch instead of a blackberry stitch on the third row Kain!
(Kain looks at the jumper)
Kain: Hmmmmmm that probably would have worked better all right. Any way enough about the jumper. Look around you, Raziel - see what has become of our empire..... well my empire. Witness the end of an age. The clans, scattered to the corners of Nosgoth......... I've knitted a little scene which shows the state of Nosgoth
Raziel: ENOUGH ABOUT THE KNITT........... thats quite good actually
Kain: Thanks, This place has outlasted its usefulness -- as have you.
(Kain takes out the soul reaver)
Raziel VO: The Soul Reaver, Kain's ancient blade - older than any of us, and a thousand times more deadly.
the legends claimed that the blade was possessed, and thrived by devouring the souls of its victims. It was strange that their was a sword which could do the exact same thing as me. probably a coincidence. Not a paradoxical riddle that could cause time itself to rearrange.
For all our bravado, we knew what it meant when Kain drew the Soul Reaver - it meant you were dead..... or that he had to scratch his back
(Raziel is knocked into the spectral at least 50 time and then finally hits Kain)
Kain: Dammit Raziel I had to sneeze!!
(Kain breaks the reaver over Raziel)
Kain: The blade is vanquished but they said it could never be broken!!. So it unfolds... my lawsuit against the Avernus giftshop ..... oh and we are a step closer to our destinies.
(Kain disappears)
I swore I saw a glint of satisfaction in Kain's eye when the Soul Reaver was destroyed. He had always wanted an excuse to bring azimuth gift shop emporium down.I did not understand the game that Kain was playing. I mean if he's a dog how can he own property? And buy houses and hotels? Why on earth would you get 200$ for passing Go?!!! I DEMAND ANSWERS!!! And another thing if........
(Kain runs in with a shovel and decapitates Raziel)
Kain: JUST SHUT UP!!
Next chapter
Ariel talks........... huzzah.......... and Zephon dies!!!!!! HUZZAH!!!
Popeland would like to apolagise for the blatant use of knitting in this chapter
Read & Review! PLEASE!!
Eidos sock: Shutup!
(Eidos sock hits popeland over the head with a chair)
Me: SAVE ME!!!!!
Introuducing
Soul Reaver- The "Stop him before he kills us all!!" edition
Exploring the western ruins of his clan territory Raziel spies a band of creatures that he has not yet encountered.
Raziel:I didn't recognise these flayed wracks of flesh.. It reminded me of when was working in NFC ( Nosgoth Fried Chicken) for that week-end. But these creatures where not the 1.99$ Mystery Meat Special. Their scent was vampiric, but they gnawed upon their victim's carcass like dogs............ much like the 1.99 Mystery Meat Special actually......
Melchiahaim 1: That's it!! Your not in the position to be insulting people looks!
Melchiahaim 2: Yeah! At least we don't hide behind tea towels!
Raziel:......... sniff.............. that's really mean.......
Melchiahaim 1: What are you going to do? Kill us and steal our souls?!! Pah!! I'd like to see that!
Raziel: all right
Melchiahaim 2: All right what? OH DEAR GOD!!!! ARGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
(Raziel kills the 2 vampires)
Raziel: That'll teach you!! Ha! You won't cross me again! Hey don't disintegrate when I'm talking to you!....... no respect
(Raziel walks off and comes across a charnel house)
Raziel: This charnel house bore the unmistakable marks of Melchiah's clan. A teddy bear and a handbag. We never got the hand bag bit..... To what depths had our dynasty plummeted, if these ghouls were the descendants of my high-born brother? Were they so debased as to recruit fledglings from the desiccated corpses here interred?
Corpse: Yep
Raziel: Right so. Melchiah, was made last, and therefore received the poorest portion of Kain's gift. Although immortal, his soul could not sustain the flesh, which retained much of its previous human frailty. This weakness, it seemed, was passed on to his offspring. Their fragile skins barely contained the underlying caramel and nougat....... Mmmmmmmm.......
Elder God: RAZIEL!! Stop eating that Mars Bar!
Raziel: But its so tasty!!!
(A large tentacle swings down and knocks the Mars bar out of Raziels Hands)
Raziel: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Raziel Runs into the charnel house)
(After a lot of running around and saying "there was at least half the bar left!" Raziel meets Melchiah)
Raziel: Show yourself, creature!
Melchiah: Do you not recognise me, brother? Am I so changed?
Raziel: If I could see you it would help
Melchiah: Oh yeah........ I suppose it would
Raziel: John?!!!
Melchiah: Yesss, brother.......... Wait a minute! No you idiot!!
Raziel: Dave?
Melchiah: Oh for god sake!
Raziel: Mike?
Melchiah: ITS MELCHIAH YOU IDIOT!!!
Raziel: I knew that.......
Melchiah: You should have stayed where the master sent you, Raziel. You will find Nosgoth less pleasant than you remember.
Raziel: Pleasant like when I was thrown into the abyss?
Melchiah: Yep....... Those were the days
Raziel: What has become of my clan? Answer me, little brother, or I will beat an answer from your horrid lips.
Melchiah: at least I still have lips!
Raziel: That was mean!!!
Melchiah: Everyone is afraid, sibling. You awake to a world of fear. These times of change are so... unsettling.
Do you think I feel no revulsion for this form? Do you believe for a moment that our Lord would risk his empire upon an upstart inheritance?
Raziel: Err........... upstart inheritance?
Melchaih: Ermmmmm ..........am........You are the last. To die!
(Melchiah attacks Raziel)
(Raziel finds a switch)
Raziel: OHHHH! A switch!
(Raziel Pulls it and the gate slams down)
Raziel: Maybe I can use this to my advantage
(Raziel breaks the switch and starts to beat Melchiah with it)
Melchiah: OWWWW! ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!! I better hide in this blood stained circle!
(Raziel is about to pull the final switch)
Raziel: Tell me, Melchiah - where can I find Kain?
Melchaih: The master is beyond your reach, Raziel.
Kain shouting from a ledge: Yeah! Hahahaha!!
Melchiah: He makes himself known when He sees fit - not when commanded.
Kain: I do? Damn! I was never here
(Kain runs out the door)
Melchiah: now if you could just let me live.......
(Raziel pulls the switch)
Melchiah: DAMN!! Why did I buy this giant back massager?!!!
(Melchiah dies and Raziel devours his soul)
Elder God: You have done well, Raziel.
Raziel: Am I reduced to this? A ghoul? A fratricide?
Elder God: Well you do smell a bit but calling yourself a fratricide is going a bit far.........
Raziel: oh shutup
Elder God: Consuming Melchiah's soul has endowed you with a new gift.
Insubstantial barriers such as this gate are no impediment to you in the spectral realm. Will yourself to pass through, and you shall.
(Raziel shifts to the spectral and phases through the gate)
Elder god: Damn!! you were supposed to just run into the gate and hurt yourself! You actually aren't able to move through gates!
Anyway Return to the Sanctuary of the Clans, Raziel. Melchiah's soul has endowed you with the means to gain entry.
Beware, however - this hollow derelict is abandoned, but not uninhabited...
Raziel: so your saying that no one is there .....but someone is there?
Elder god: Ammmmmm........ I'm not here
(Raziel wanders off to the sanctuary of the clans and rings the doorbell)
Kain: one second!
(the door is unlocked)
Kain: Raziel.
Raziel: WHERE?!!!
Kain: er...... you're Raziel
Raziel: But he's Dead!!!!
Kain: and so are you
Raziel: Oh yeah. What have you done with my clan, degenerate? You have no right....
Kain: What I have made, I can also destroy, child. Take for example this this jumper I knitted, I made it , I can destroy it......... I just don't want to......... ever
Raziel: Damn you, Kain! You are not God! This act of blasphemous stitching is unconscionable!
Kain: Conscience...? You dare speak to me of conscience? Only when you have felt the full gravity of choice of wool and knitting needles can you dare to question my judgement!
Your life's span is a flicker compared to the mass of doubt and regret that I have borne since Mortanius first turned me from embroidery.. To know that the fate of a jumper hangs dependent on the advisedness of my every stitch -- can you even begin to conceive what action you would take, in my position?
Raziel: I would have choose a diamond stitch instead of a blackberry stitch on the third row Kain!
(Kain looks at the jumper)
Kain: Hmmmmmm that probably would have worked better all right. Any way enough about the jumper. Look around you, Raziel - see what has become of our empire..... well my empire. Witness the end of an age. The clans, scattered to the corners of Nosgoth......... I've knitted a little scene which shows the state of Nosgoth
Raziel: ENOUGH ABOUT THE KNITT........... thats quite good actually
Kain: Thanks, This place has outlasted its usefulness -- as have you.
(Kain takes out the soul reaver)
Raziel VO: The Soul Reaver, Kain's ancient blade - older than any of us, and a thousand times more deadly.
the legends claimed that the blade was possessed, and thrived by devouring the souls of its victims. It was strange that their was a sword which could do the exact same thing as me. probably a coincidence. Not a paradoxical riddle that could cause time itself to rearrange.
For all our bravado, we knew what it meant when Kain drew the Soul Reaver - it meant you were dead..... or that he had to scratch his back
(Raziel is knocked into the spectral at least 50 time and then finally hits Kain)
Kain: Dammit Raziel I had to sneeze!!
(Kain breaks the reaver over Raziel)
Kain: The blade is vanquished but they said it could never be broken!!. So it unfolds... my lawsuit against the Avernus giftshop ..... oh and we are a step closer to our destinies.
(Kain disappears)
I swore I saw a glint of satisfaction in Kain's eye when the Soul Reaver was destroyed. He had always wanted an excuse to bring azimuth gift shop emporium down.I did not understand the game that Kain was playing. I mean if he's a dog how can he own property? And buy houses and hotels? Why on earth would you get 200$ for passing Go?!!! I DEMAND ANSWERS!!! And another thing if........
(Kain runs in with a shovel and decapitates Raziel)
Kain: JUST SHUT UP!!
Next chapter
Ariel talks........... huzzah.......... and Zephon dies!!!!!! HUZZAH!!!
Popeland would like to apolagise for the blatant use of knitting in this chapter
Read & Review! PLEASE!!