Me: ARGHHHHHHH!!! IT HAS MY FOOT!!! GET IT OFF ME!!!
Eidos sock: Mmmmmmf!!
(Angel-Chan sock runs in and tackles eidos sock)
Eidos sock: Ahhhhhh!!! It's a living sock run away!!!
(Eidos sock runs off closely followed by Angel-Chan sock)
Me: Huzzah! Thank you Batman!
Popeland sock: er..... thast wasn't Batman
Me: oh yeah........... hey why didn't you save me?!!!
Popeland sock: I was busy. I fight crime
Me: Fair enough. On the Parody!!
Introuducing
Soul Reaver- The "They said I was mad! Mad I tell you!!" edition
(When Raziel drops back into spectral, he discovers that the Soul Reaver is hovering there)
Raziel: and there it was... the soul reaver. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm I probably shouldn't touch it...... ah what's the worst that can happen? I mean its not like its going to become a soul stealing parasite which will nearly kill me...
(Raziel touches it)
Raziel: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! MY ARMS ON FIRE!!!!!
(Starts to run around like an idiot)
Elder god: From this moment and ever afterward......
Raziel: THE PAIN!!!!
Elder God: ahem! FROM THIS MOMENT AND EVER AFTERWARDS,YOU AND....
Raziel: IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Elder God: Your arm isn't on fire you idiot!!!
(Raziel stops running around)
Raziel: oh yeah..
Elder god: anyway. From this moment and ever afterward, you and this blade are inextricably bound. Soul Reaver and reaver of souls, your destinies are intertwined........ hey isn't it weird you're the reaver of souls with a soul blade. What a coincidence
By destroying the sword, you have liberated it from its corporeal prison, and restored it to its true form - a wraith blade, its energy unbound. No longer a physical blade, it can only manifest itself in the material realm when your strength is fully restored. Once manifest, it will sustain you.
Raziel: so what your saying is that it'll only work when I have full health?
Elder god: yes
Raziel: so when I'm hit once it'll be gone?
Elder God: Yes
Raziel: and when my health isn't full my health will continue to fall
Elder God: yes
Raziel: I see....... BWHAHAHAHA!! I HAVE THE ULTIMATE WEAPON!! I'M INVINCIBLE!!
Ariel: What are you, little soul? Another of Kain's creatures, come to taunt this bound spectre?
Raziel:I did not intend to disturb your rest.
Ariel: What! I wasn't sleeping!
Raziel: why are you wearing that night cap then?
Ariel: oh that........... I ..........er........... I always wear that
Raziel: How have you come to haunt these Pillars?
Ariel: Kain refused the sacrifice. He wouldn't die! How selfish can you get? The Pillar of Balance, corrupted to its core, stands as a monument to his blind knitting
Now these pillars serve only to bind me here -- my prison and eternal home, thanks to the avarice of your master, Kain...
Raziel: That bastard can claim no frequent flyer miles or allegiance from me.
Ariel: Then we share a common foe, Raziel. Return here when you have need. Ariel remembers what others have forgotten... Like my birthday!!! You think at least one person would remember! I mean I marked it on Kain calendar but did he remember?! No! do you know what day it is today?!!!
Raziel: ........your birthday?
Ariel: Exactly!! But does anyone care?? NO!!
Raziel: am......... happy birthday....... Have a sound glyph
Ariel: REALLY?!! YAY!!!!
(Ariel flys off)
Raziel: Hey you were supposed to offer me advice!
Elder God: meh it wouldn't have helped. If your looking for advice I'm your squid... I mean man! I said man!
Raziel: Any words of wisdom?
Elder God: Seek out Zephon's lair, Raziel... beyond the ruins that greet your exit from the Underworld. Armed with the Soul Reaver, you may gain entry where your path was previously blocked.
Raziel: hmmmmmmm that's unusually accurate......
Elder God: I told you you stupid Wheel of fortune! ..... no don't cry...... I didn't mean it...... you know I still love you
Raziel: Oh I hope your not talking to me....
Elder god: what? is thing still on?!
(Raziel heads for the silent cathedral)
Raziel: Once a testament to mankind's defiance of Kain's empire, this towering cathedral now stood derelict. I wondered why the door could only be opened by the reaver. Did this mean anyone who wanted to go to church had to carry an ancient vampiric soul stealing sword? Is it just me or does a room full of people with soul stealing swords sound just a bit dangerous? What if someone dropped it on there toe? Anyway,The cathedral's pipes, once tuned to blast a deadly hymn, now stood silent. Fledgling and elders alike fell to the sound of "Burn Baby Burn" and "The Monster Mash". The downfall of the cathedral came once the humans ran out of good song ideas.
Now to solve puzzles and flick switches for an hour... hurrah...
(Exactly 1 hour later)
Raziel: AHHHHHH!!!! You stupid ******* block! I hate you!!!
(Errr ... an hour and a bit later)
Zephon: The prodigal son...
There is no returning for you, Raziel... wait a minute.... You have returned! Well that's me proven wrong
Raziel: Zephon, your visage becomes you. It's an appropriate reflection of your mirror...
Zephon: well of course it's a appropriate reflection of my mirror!! How could it not be an apporiate reflection of my mirror?!
Raziel: ...well it could.... Shutup!
Zephon: ...and you are not His handsome Raziel anymore... actually you are if you look from the right, it's always been your good side. His precious first-born son, turned betrayer
You have missed so many weather changes, little Raziel. Last Tuesday it rained for 5 hours! Look around you. See how the humans' weapon of destruction has become my home... Indeed, my body. A cocoon of brick and granite from which to watch a pupating world...well not really watch since I there are no windows in here but you get the idea
Raziel: A crevice in which to cower, only scuttling from the shadows to devour a victim already ensnared in your cowardly trap. But you've made the mistake of leaving me unbound, and it is you who must succumb to my will.
Zephon: Will... instinct... reflex action... the insect mind finds little difference. Except in spelling, pronunciation and meaning
I warn you, brother - as my stature has grown, so it is matched by my appetite.
Step forward, morsel...
Morsel: Yes sir?
Zephon: Go get some pie
Morsel: Yes sir
(Morsel leaves)
Zephon: mmmmmm pie........ oh AND NOW YOU DIE!!!
(Zephon attacks... well tries to attack but Raziel is standing a bit too far away)
Zephon: Damn your cunning!
Raziel: Oh please!! He can't move and theres a flame thrower in the corner of the room! I wonder what I should do?
Zephon: I knew it was a mistake to leave a weapon that will destroy me in the corner of the room!! But it's so cold in here at nights!
Raziel: but I have no need for it! For I have the ultimate weapon!
Zephon: what? that blue squiggly thing on your arm?
Raziel: yes. now I'll destroy you!
(Raziel runs forward but zephon just kicks him back into the wall)
Raziel: Hah! A lucky shot you won't be so lucky next time.......oh no it's gone
Zephon: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! OH DEAR GOD THAT WAS SO FUNNY!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
Raziel: ah screw it!
(Raziel picks up the flame-thrower and sets zephon on fire)
Zephon: ARGHHHH!!!!!.... "oh no it's gone". HAHAHAHAHAHA!..... good times.....urgh
(Zephon dies and Raziel devours his soul)
Elder God: Consuming Zephon's apostate soul has bestowed on you a new gift...
Raziel: A PUPPY?!!!!
Elder God: er....no.. Like his vampire spawn, you are able to scale certain walls which are otherwise impassable
Raziel: that's crap! I want a puppy!! Hey do you have the receit?
Elder God: Oh just shut up
Next chapter
Raziel finds the Sarafan tomb And if theres time kills Rahab. Huzzah!
Read & Review!! PLEASE!!!
Eidos sock: Mmmmmmf!!
(Angel-Chan sock runs in and tackles eidos sock)
Eidos sock: Ahhhhhh!!! It's a living sock run away!!!
(Eidos sock runs off closely followed by Angel-Chan sock)
Me: Huzzah! Thank you Batman!
Popeland sock: er..... thast wasn't Batman
Me: oh yeah........... hey why didn't you save me?!!!
Popeland sock: I was busy. I fight crime
Me: Fair enough. On the Parody!!
Introuducing
Soul Reaver- The "They said I was mad! Mad I tell you!!" edition
(When Raziel drops back into spectral, he discovers that the Soul Reaver is hovering there)
Raziel: and there it was... the soul reaver. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm I probably shouldn't touch it...... ah what's the worst that can happen? I mean its not like its going to become a soul stealing parasite which will nearly kill me...
(Raziel touches it)
Raziel: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! MY ARMS ON FIRE!!!!!
(Starts to run around like an idiot)
Elder god: From this moment and ever afterward......
Raziel: THE PAIN!!!!
Elder God: ahem! FROM THIS MOMENT AND EVER AFTERWARDS,YOU AND....
Raziel: IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Elder God: Your arm isn't on fire you idiot!!!
(Raziel stops running around)
Raziel: oh yeah..
Elder god: anyway. From this moment and ever afterward, you and this blade are inextricably bound. Soul Reaver and reaver of souls, your destinies are intertwined........ hey isn't it weird you're the reaver of souls with a soul blade. What a coincidence
By destroying the sword, you have liberated it from its corporeal prison, and restored it to its true form - a wraith blade, its energy unbound. No longer a physical blade, it can only manifest itself in the material realm when your strength is fully restored. Once manifest, it will sustain you.
Raziel: so what your saying is that it'll only work when I have full health?
Elder god: yes
Raziel: so when I'm hit once it'll be gone?
Elder God: Yes
Raziel: and when my health isn't full my health will continue to fall
Elder God: yes
Raziel: I see....... BWHAHAHAHA!! I HAVE THE ULTIMATE WEAPON!! I'M INVINCIBLE!!
Ariel: What are you, little soul? Another of Kain's creatures, come to taunt this bound spectre?
Raziel:I did not intend to disturb your rest.
Ariel: What! I wasn't sleeping!
Raziel: why are you wearing that night cap then?
Ariel: oh that........... I ..........er........... I always wear that
Raziel: How have you come to haunt these Pillars?
Ariel: Kain refused the sacrifice. He wouldn't die! How selfish can you get? The Pillar of Balance, corrupted to its core, stands as a monument to his blind knitting
Now these pillars serve only to bind me here -- my prison and eternal home, thanks to the avarice of your master, Kain...
Raziel: That bastard can claim no frequent flyer miles or allegiance from me.
Ariel: Then we share a common foe, Raziel. Return here when you have need. Ariel remembers what others have forgotten... Like my birthday!!! You think at least one person would remember! I mean I marked it on Kain calendar but did he remember?! No! do you know what day it is today?!!!
Raziel: ........your birthday?
Ariel: Exactly!! But does anyone care?? NO!!
Raziel: am......... happy birthday....... Have a sound glyph
Ariel: REALLY?!! YAY!!!!
(Ariel flys off)
Raziel: Hey you were supposed to offer me advice!
Elder God: meh it wouldn't have helped. If your looking for advice I'm your squid... I mean man! I said man!
Raziel: Any words of wisdom?
Elder God: Seek out Zephon's lair, Raziel... beyond the ruins that greet your exit from the Underworld. Armed with the Soul Reaver, you may gain entry where your path was previously blocked.
Raziel: hmmmmmmm that's unusually accurate......
Elder God: I told you you stupid Wheel of fortune! ..... no don't cry...... I didn't mean it...... you know I still love you
Raziel: Oh I hope your not talking to me....
Elder god: what? is thing still on?!
(Raziel heads for the silent cathedral)
Raziel: Once a testament to mankind's defiance of Kain's empire, this towering cathedral now stood derelict. I wondered why the door could only be opened by the reaver. Did this mean anyone who wanted to go to church had to carry an ancient vampiric soul stealing sword? Is it just me or does a room full of people with soul stealing swords sound just a bit dangerous? What if someone dropped it on there toe? Anyway,The cathedral's pipes, once tuned to blast a deadly hymn, now stood silent. Fledgling and elders alike fell to the sound of "Burn Baby Burn" and "The Monster Mash". The downfall of the cathedral came once the humans ran out of good song ideas.
Now to solve puzzles and flick switches for an hour... hurrah...
(Exactly 1 hour later)
Raziel: AHHHHHH!!!! You stupid ******* block! I hate you!!!
(Errr ... an hour and a bit later)
Zephon: The prodigal son...
There is no returning for you, Raziel... wait a minute.... You have returned! Well that's me proven wrong
Raziel: Zephon, your visage becomes you. It's an appropriate reflection of your mirror...
Zephon: well of course it's a appropriate reflection of my mirror!! How could it not be an apporiate reflection of my mirror?!
Raziel: ...well it could.... Shutup!
Zephon: ...and you are not His handsome Raziel anymore... actually you are if you look from the right, it's always been your good side. His precious first-born son, turned betrayer
You have missed so many weather changes, little Raziel. Last Tuesday it rained for 5 hours! Look around you. See how the humans' weapon of destruction has become my home... Indeed, my body. A cocoon of brick and granite from which to watch a pupating world...well not really watch since I there are no windows in here but you get the idea
Raziel: A crevice in which to cower, only scuttling from the shadows to devour a victim already ensnared in your cowardly trap. But you've made the mistake of leaving me unbound, and it is you who must succumb to my will.
Zephon: Will... instinct... reflex action... the insect mind finds little difference. Except in spelling, pronunciation and meaning
I warn you, brother - as my stature has grown, so it is matched by my appetite.
Step forward, morsel...
Morsel: Yes sir?
Zephon: Go get some pie
Morsel: Yes sir
(Morsel leaves)
Zephon: mmmmmm pie........ oh AND NOW YOU DIE!!!
(Zephon attacks... well tries to attack but Raziel is standing a bit too far away)
Zephon: Damn your cunning!
Raziel: Oh please!! He can't move and theres a flame thrower in the corner of the room! I wonder what I should do?
Zephon: I knew it was a mistake to leave a weapon that will destroy me in the corner of the room!! But it's so cold in here at nights!
Raziel: but I have no need for it! For I have the ultimate weapon!
Zephon: what? that blue squiggly thing on your arm?
Raziel: yes. now I'll destroy you!
(Raziel runs forward but zephon just kicks him back into the wall)
Raziel: Hah! A lucky shot you won't be so lucky next time.......oh no it's gone
Zephon: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! OH DEAR GOD THAT WAS SO FUNNY!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
Raziel: ah screw it!
(Raziel picks up the flame-thrower and sets zephon on fire)
Zephon: ARGHHHH!!!!!.... "oh no it's gone". HAHAHAHAHAHA!..... good times.....urgh
(Zephon dies and Raziel devours his soul)
Elder God: Consuming Zephon's apostate soul has bestowed on you a new gift...
Raziel: A PUPPY?!!!!
Elder God: er....no.. Like his vampire spawn, you are able to scale certain walls which are otherwise impassable
Raziel: that's crap! I want a puppy!! Hey do you have the receit?
Elder God: Oh just shut up
Next chapter
Raziel finds the Sarafan tomb And if theres time kills Rahab. Huzzah!
Read & Review!! PLEASE!!!