Me: Huzzah! Chapter 4 up and running... oh no its down again... wait its back up... its still up... ok I think its up now
Anyway thanks for the reviews! I better start the fiction son in case I invoke the wrath of the Bigasssupersoulreaverthingy.
Oh by the way Angel-Chan the sock will eventually try to kill you and steal your identity
Popeland sock: he's right you know
Me: Huh? Hey put that knife away! I'm warning you! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Introducing
Soul Reaver- The "Death would be a release, next to this travesty!" edition
(Raziel arrives at the pillars and put 1$ into the Pillar of Balance)
Ariel: Like a corpse in a shallow grave, corruption rises to the surface... Beyond these Pillars, the defiled victim mutely screams its outrage...
Raziel: Mutely screams?! Your just making this up!!!
Ariel: look I don't make these fortune cookies!! .....er I mean .......damn!
(Ariel disappears)
Elder God: *sniff* how come you always go to here for advice!
Raziel: *sigh* all right what do you have to say
Elder God: ahem, The canyons beyond the Pillars expose an ancient blasphemy. Having devoured Zephon's soul, you may now gain entrance where your path was formerly blocked.
Raziel: where was my path blocked?
Elder God: Over there at the odd looking wall
Raziel: When did that block my path?!
Elder god: ....well......am..... do you remember when.... Oh is that the time?
(Raziel climbs up the wall and gets outside)
Raziel: I HAVE THE SOUL REAVER I'M INDESTRUCTABLE!!!!
Dumahaim 1: whos he?
Dumahaim 2: don't know. Lets throw something at him
(The Dumahaim start throwing rocks at Raziel, several hit him)
Raziel: owwwww! No i'll destroy you!
(Raziel starts swinging at them with the soul reaver failing the realise its not there anymore)
Dumahaim 1: errr........... lets just walk slowly away
Raziel: HAHAHHAHAHA!!!! Die!!
Dumahaim 2: Good idea
(The Dumahaim edge away then break into a run)
Raziel: I win!!! The soul reaver rocks!!! ....... Hmmmmmm now where did it go? Never mind
(Raziel arrives at the tomb of the Sarafan)
Raziel: The ancient tomb of the Sarafan, once impenetrably sealed... Now, ravaged by Nosgoth's upheavals, its mysteries lay exposed. Now all that was blocking my path were giant steel bars, so I suppose it actually still is impenetrably sealed unless you have devoured the soul of something which can phase through gates, which coincidentally I had
At the time of Voradors 8am Breakfast radio show, hours before Kain could be bothered to wake up, the Sarafan warrior priests waged a merciless war against the vampire tribes of Nosgoth. Emboldened by righteousness, they committed unspeakable and indiscriminate acts of violence -closing down the vampire bakeries and clothes shops, they decimated entire families businesses in mere decades...... oh and they killed a load of vampires... I always forget that bit, Now their husks lay here - murderers enshrined.
Elder God: Take heed, Raziel. A forgotten history lies within. Know thyself - though it may destroy you...
Raziel: Whos thyself?
Elder God: Oh I give up!
(Raziel makes his way into the depths of the tomb. The passage apparently dead-ends, blocked by a massive stone that seals the tomb.)
Raziel: You really have to admire people who can make perfectly square blocks
(Raziel pulls the stone free)
Raziel: As I pulled the stone free, a sigh of sepulchral air escaped the inner chamber.
I was not prepared for what lay beyond this threshold...
(
Raziel walks in and trips over a rock)
Raziel: damn rock! Hey wait a minute ...These crypts... defiled caskets of Sarafan saints... bearing my brothers' names... And my own...
The irony of Kain's blasphemous act rushed in on me with the crushing force of revelation...
He'd named us after Sarafan and prepared our tombs for us......and Malek?... that's just plain weird
Elder God: errrrr..... Raziel these are you and your brothers tombs.... You were Sarafan
Raziel: What?!! Were my hands not as bloody as these? .....well yeah..... cause I'm looking at my own hands... I'm confused
Elder God: Yes, Raziel - you were Sarafan... born of the same force that all but destroyed your race. Before the dawn of the Empire, you were chosen.
Kain -- Nosgoths solitary, self-declared monarch and the Nosgoth Knitting Champion 96-99 - - plundered this tomb and raised you from these crypts. Breathing his vampiric gift into your defiled corpses, he resurrected you as his favoured sons.... Well except for malek
Malek: *Sniff* ......... I'm never included in anything
Raziel: Wow you learn something new everyday...... Hey I wonder if I shift to the spectral will I be able to see my ghost!
(Raziel shifts to the spectral)
Raziel: Hey..... ah i'm not here... what am I standing on..... nothing...... damn...NOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooo...............
Tomb Guardian: Heretic!Go to jail, go directly to jail,You shall not pass Go you shall not collect 200$...
Raziel: Damn
(Raziel wanders off but then remembers he is not playing monopoly and runs back)
Raziel: Such loyalty... to one who has you guarding this outpost like a chained dog. Do you prosper on the scraps he casts you?
Tomb Guardian: Not really he keeps throwing down all these scarves and jumpers he knitted for me and..... HEY! Your insults will do nothing to blunt the agonies of your demise.....
Raziel: Kain killed me once -- behold the result.
Tomb Guardian: What result? I can't see it........ unless its invisible!!
Raziel: Er...... I'm the result and I have no more to fear from you.
(The Tomb Guardian fires a telekinetic bolt at Raziel)
Raziel: Owwwwwwwww!!!!! That really hurt!
Tomb Gaurdain: HAHAHAHA!! Hey don't push meeeeeeeeee..............
(Tomb Guardian falls into the water and dies)
Raziel: that was easy
(Raziel devours his soul and gets the force projectile ability)
Elder God: This relic has infused you with the power to.....
Raziel: What relic?
Elder God: .......compress and manipulate space. As your symbiotic weapon, the Soul Reaver is also thus enhanced.....
Raziel: There was no relic!
Elder God: You may focus and project an orb of kinetic energy to strike objects that are otherwise beyond your reach.
Raziel: WHAT RELIC!!!
Elder God: That one
(Elder God points to a relic)
Raziel: That's a shoe the tomb Guardian was wearing
Elder God: What so it can't be 2 things?
Raziel: ......... oh forget it........ so I have physic powers now?
Elder God: Yes
Raziel: I knew you were going to say that .....uncanny
(After an hour trying to bend spoons Raziel finally leaves)
Raziel: Once a sanctuary against the vampire menace, this abbey has been drowned by the deluge spilling from this wounded land. My brother Rahab and his brood, devastated even by the feeble rays of a 6 volt lamp, overcame their vulnerability to water and retreated from the surface along with some mermaid and a singing crab. Now they haunt these ruins, and glide in the darkness of its stagnant depths.
Elder God: Hey I was supposed to tell you that!
Raziel: pah I need no advice with my new physic shoe!!!
Elder God: oh you'll come crawling back!!! You'll see!
(Raziel jumps forward and lands in the water)
Raziel: I always forget that
(Raziel disintegrates)
(A very long time later)
Rahab: Raziel.
Raziel: Rahab. You have adapted well to your environment, for one so maladjusted to the hussle and bustle of street life..
Rahab: Do not mock me, Raziel. You, of all of us, should respect the power bestowed by a limitation overcome..... hey why are you wearing one shoe?
Raziel: Aha! I knew you would ask so I have an answer ready! This is the physic shoe and it......it....... Damn I can't remember
Rahab: er...right...Kain said you would come.
Raziel: You speak with the murderer?
Rahab: every Sunday at bingo.
Raziel: What did he tell you?
Rahab: That you would destroy me.... And that the key to securing a pension with long term benefits...
Raziel: Long term benefits? hmmmmm . But tell me, before I tear your soul from its moorings, do you know what we were before Kain spawned us?
Rahab: butterflies.
Raziel: Sarafan, Rahab. The antithesis of all we ever believed.
Rahab: *Sarcastic* Not the antithesis!!! Anything but the antithesis! Anyway Kain saved us
Raziel: Saved us? From what?
Rahab: from the antithesis!
Raziel: Oh shut up!
(Raziel starts breaking all the windows around Rahab)
Rahab: Stop that! You might hurt someone!
(Raziel breaks the final window)
Rahab: ARGHHHHHhhhhhh........ hey..... I'm all right! Bwahahahahah!!! I'm indestructible!
Raziel: Damn! All is lost.....hey whats this switch do?
Rahab: Don't touch that!!
(Raziel flicks the switch and a giant disco light is turned on)
Rahab: ARGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! WHY THE HELL DID I INSTALL THAT!!!!!!!
(Rahab dies and Raziel devours his soul)
Raziel: hmmmmmmmm the physic shoe tells me that Infused with Rahab's soul, i have overcome your former vulnerability to water's touch. Immersion in water will no longer dissolve your physical body, enabling me to swim to areas previously beyond my reach and to drink the new Kain Kola (available throughout nosgoth)
(Raziel jumps into the water)
Raziel: Weeeeeeee!!!!!!!! ......my shoe!!!
(The physic shoe disintegrates)
Raziel: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Why did it have to be dry clean only!
Next chapter
Raziel revives Dumah! Huzzah!!
And then kill him again! Huzzah!!
Read & Review! Please!!!
Anyway thanks for the reviews! I better start the fiction son in case I invoke the wrath of the Bigasssupersoulreaverthingy.
Oh by the way Angel-Chan the sock will eventually try to kill you and steal your identity
Popeland sock: he's right you know
Me: Huh? Hey put that knife away! I'm warning you! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Introducing
Soul Reaver- The "Death would be a release, next to this travesty!" edition
(Raziel arrives at the pillars and put 1$ into the Pillar of Balance)
Ariel: Like a corpse in a shallow grave, corruption rises to the surface... Beyond these Pillars, the defiled victim mutely screams its outrage...
Raziel: Mutely screams?! Your just making this up!!!
Ariel: look I don't make these fortune cookies!! .....er I mean .......damn!
(Ariel disappears)
Elder God: *sniff* how come you always go to here for advice!
Raziel: *sigh* all right what do you have to say
Elder God: ahem, The canyons beyond the Pillars expose an ancient blasphemy. Having devoured Zephon's soul, you may now gain entrance where your path was formerly blocked.
Raziel: where was my path blocked?
Elder God: Over there at the odd looking wall
Raziel: When did that block my path?!
Elder god: ....well......am..... do you remember when.... Oh is that the time?
(Raziel climbs up the wall and gets outside)
Raziel: I HAVE THE SOUL REAVER I'M INDESTRUCTABLE!!!!
Dumahaim 1: whos he?
Dumahaim 2: don't know. Lets throw something at him
(The Dumahaim start throwing rocks at Raziel, several hit him)
Raziel: owwwww! No i'll destroy you!
(Raziel starts swinging at them with the soul reaver failing the realise its not there anymore)
Dumahaim 1: errr........... lets just walk slowly away
Raziel: HAHAHHAHAHA!!!! Die!!
Dumahaim 2: Good idea
(The Dumahaim edge away then break into a run)
Raziel: I win!!! The soul reaver rocks!!! ....... Hmmmmmm now where did it go? Never mind
(Raziel arrives at the tomb of the Sarafan)
Raziel: The ancient tomb of the Sarafan, once impenetrably sealed... Now, ravaged by Nosgoth's upheavals, its mysteries lay exposed. Now all that was blocking my path were giant steel bars, so I suppose it actually still is impenetrably sealed unless you have devoured the soul of something which can phase through gates, which coincidentally I had
At the time of Voradors 8am Breakfast radio show, hours before Kain could be bothered to wake up, the Sarafan warrior priests waged a merciless war against the vampire tribes of Nosgoth. Emboldened by righteousness, they committed unspeakable and indiscriminate acts of violence -closing down the vampire bakeries and clothes shops, they decimated entire families businesses in mere decades...... oh and they killed a load of vampires... I always forget that bit, Now their husks lay here - murderers enshrined.
Elder God: Take heed, Raziel. A forgotten history lies within. Know thyself - though it may destroy you...
Raziel: Whos thyself?
Elder God: Oh I give up!
(Raziel makes his way into the depths of the tomb. The passage apparently dead-ends, blocked by a massive stone that seals the tomb.)
Raziel: You really have to admire people who can make perfectly square blocks
(Raziel pulls the stone free)
Raziel: As I pulled the stone free, a sigh of sepulchral air escaped the inner chamber.
I was not prepared for what lay beyond this threshold...
(
Raziel walks in and trips over a rock)
Raziel: damn rock! Hey wait a minute ...These crypts... defiled caskets of Sarafan saints... bearing my brothers' names... And my own...
The irony of Kain's blasphemous act rushed in on me with the crushing force of revelation...
He'd named us after Sarafan and prepared our tombs for us......and Malek?... that's just plain weird
Elder God: errrrr..... Raziel these are you and your brothers tombs.... You were Sarafan
Raziel: What?!! Were my hands not as bloody as these? .....well yeah..... cause I'm looking at my own hands... I'm confused
Elder God: Yes, Raziel - you were Sarafan... born of the same force that all but destroyed your race. Before the dawn of the Empire, you were chosen.
Kain -- Nosgoths solitary, self-declared monarch and the Nosgoth Knitting Champion 96-99 - - plundered this tomb and raised you from these crypts. Breathing his vampiric gift into your defiled corpses, he resurrected you as his favoured sons.... Well except for malek
Malek: *Sniff* ......... I'm never included in anything
Raziel: Wow you learn something new everyday...... Hey I wonder if I shift to the spectral will I be able to see my ghost!
(Raziel shifts to the spectral)
Raziel: Hey..... ah i'm not here... what am I standing on..... nothing...... damn...NOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooo...............
Tomb Guardian: Heretic!Go to jail, go directly to jail,You shall not pass Go you shall not collect 200$...
Raziel: Damn
(Raziel wanders off but then remembers he is not playing monopoly and runs back)
Raziel: Such loyalty... to one who has you guarding this outpost like a chained dog. Do you prosper on the scraps he casts you?
Tomb Guardian: Not really he keeps throwing down all these scarves and jumpers he knitted for me and..... HEY! Your insults will do nothing to blunt the agonies of your demise.....
Raziel: Kain killed me once -- behold the result.
Tomb Guardian: What result? I can't see it........ unless its invisible!!
Raziel: Er...... I'm the result and I have no more to fear from you.
(The Tomb Guardian fires a telekinetic bolt at Raziel)
Raziel: Owwwwwwwww!!!!! That really hurt!
Tomb Gaurdain: HAHAHAHA!! Hey don't push meeeeeeeeee..............
(Tomb Guardian falls into the water and dies)
Raziel: that was easy
(Raziel devours his soul and gets the force projectile ability)
Elder God: This relic has infused you with the power to.....
Raziel: What relic?
Elder God: .......compress and manipulate space. As your symbiotic weapon, the Soul Reaver is also thus enhanced.....
Raziel: There was no relic!
Elder God: You may focus and project an orb of kinetic energy to strike objects that are otherwise beyond your reach.
Raziel: WHAT RELIC!!!
Elder God: That one
(Elder God points to a relic)
Raziel: That's a shoe the tomb Guardian was wearing
Elder God: What so it can't be 2 things?
Raziel: ......... oh forget it........ so I have physic powers now?
Elder God: Yes
Raziel: I knew you were going to say that .....uncanny
(After an hour trying to bend spoons Raziel finally leaves)
Raziel: Once a sanctuary against the vampire menace, this abbey has been drowned by the deluge spilling from this wounded land. My brother Rahab and his brood, devastated even by the feeble rays of a 6 volt lamp, overcame their vulnerability to water and retreated from the surface along with some mermaid and a singing crab. Now they haunt these ruins, and glide in the darkness of its stagnant depths.
Elder God: Hey I was supposed to tell you that!
Raziel: pah I need no advice with my new physic shoe!!!
Elder God: oh you'll come crawling back!!! You'll see!
(Raziel jumps forward and lands in the water)
Raziel: I always forget that
(Raziel disintegrates)
(A very long time later)
Rahab: Raziel.
Raziel: Rahab. You have adapted well to your environment, for one so maladjusted to the hussle and bustle of street life..
Rahab: Do not mock me, Raziel. You, of all of us, should respect the power bestowed by a limitation overcome..... hey why are you wearing one shoe?
Raziel: Aha! I knew you would ask so I have an answer ready! This is the physic shoe and it......it....... Damn I can't remember
Rahab: er...right...Kain said you would come.
Raziel: You speak with the murderer?
Rahab: every Sunday at bingo.
Raziel: What did he tell you?
Rahab: That you would destroy me.... And that the key to securing a pension with long term benefits...
Raziel: Long term benefits? hmmmmm . But tell me, before I tear your soul from its moorings, do you know what we were before Kain spawned us?
Rahab: butterflies.
Raziel: Sarafan, Rahab. The antithesis of all we ever believed.
Rahab: *Sarcastic* Not the antithesis!!! Anything but the antithesis! Anyway Kain saved us
Raziel: Saved us? From what?
Rahab: from the antithesis!
Raziel: Oh shut up!
(Raziel starts breaking all the windows around Rahab)
Rahab: Stop that! You might hurt someone!
(Raziel breaks the final window)
Rahab: ARGHHHHHhhhhhh........ hey..... I'm all right! Bwahahahahah!!! I'm indestructible!
Raziel: Damn! All is lost.....hey whats this switch do?
Rahab: Don't touch that!!
(Raziel flicks the switch and a giant disco light is turned on)
Rahab: ARGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! WHY THE HELL DID I INSTALL THAT!!!!!!!
(Rahab dies and Raziel devours his soul)
Raziel: hmmmmmmmm the physic shoe tells me that Infused with Rahab's soul, i have overcome your former vulnerability to water's touch. Immersion in water will no longer dissolve your physical body, enabling me to swim to areas previously beyond my reach and to drink the new Kain Kola (available throughout nosgoth)
(Raziel jumps into the water)
Raziel: Weeeeeeee!!!!!!!! ......my shoe!!!
(The physic shoe disintegrates)
Raziel: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Why did it have to be dry clean only!
Next chapter
Raziel revives Dumah! Huzzah!!
And then kill him again! Huzzah!!
Read & Review! Please!!!