Jack stood in front of Eric's grave marker. It had been raining hard on
that dark gray afternoon, only two days after the funeral. Jack was
grateful for it. No one would be able to differentiate between tear and
rain drop. Jack's hair and clothes quickly became soaked. He knelt down and
placed a cluster of lilies, carnations and baby's breath on the still-fresh
soil. Jack kissed his hand and brushed down over Eric's name carved on the
granite.
"I love you, man . . . and I miss you . . . I don't know how I can survive this without you." Jack sat down next to the headstone and rested his head against it, the rain still pouring down as he wept.
Ten minutes later Jack noticed figures approaching from across the graveyard. As they came closer he could see that it was Shawn, Angela, Rachel, Topanga, and Corey all walking under a couple of black umbrellas they were sharing. Jack stood up when they were within earshot. He unconsciously wiped the tears and rain from his face.
"What are you all doing here?" Jack scanned each of their faces.
"Jack, we wanted to see how you were holding up . . . and to see Eric." Corey spoke as he handed the umbrella to Topanga.
"Yeah, well I'm fine. You can't see Eric though . . . He's dead right now, but maybe if you leave him a hate message, oh wait, he can't kill himself again now can he . . ." Corey cast his eyes to the ground. The tension in the air was thicker than silt. Rachel stepped forward, out from under the umbrella and looked into Jack's eyes, "Hi."
"Hi, Rach." Jack began to breakdown again. Rachel put her arms around him and held him close. Shawn produced an extra umbrella and opened it. Angela followed him with their umbrella. Shawn held it over Rachel and Jack, then reached up and cupped the back of Jack's head and slid his hand down slowly until it rested on the nape of Jack's neck. After a few more minutes, Jack regained some composure. He broke his embrace with Rachel and stepped between Rachel and Shawn to face Angela, Topanga, and Corey.
"Why are the three of you here?" Topanga found the courage to answer him, "Because we love and miss Eric too."
"You LIE. You three KILLED Eric. As far as I'm concerned, the three of you are MURDERERS!" Angela took a step back, standing almost next to Topanga and Corey. Corey looked Jack in the eye and took a step forward. "Eric did this to himself, we were trying to help him . . ."
Jack ran at Corey and shoved him forcefully. Corey flew backward and slid a few feet in the mud and grass.
"Jack, stop it," Angela pleaded. Both she and Topanga began to cry as Corey picked himself up.
"Save your self-righteous act . . . You all wanna help Eric? Then bring him back! Undo what you did to drive him to where he lays." Jack began to choke up as he yelled,
"You wanna . . . help him? Well I . . . want . . . him back! I WANT ERIC BACK!" Jack turned around and ran to the fresh burial plot where Eric's body was placed to rest. "I want you back! I want you back!" Jack continued his raving as he began clawing at the wet dirt, digging into the earth.
"I . . .(sob) want him . . .(sob) back . . ." Jack finally gave up, completely drained; slumped down on all fours. He squeezed the fresh mud bitterly between his fingers.
"C'mon Jack, let's get outta here." Shawn helped Jack to his feet. Rachel came over and helped Shawn walk Jack to the car.
"I'll take him home." Rachel said to Shawn after he helped him into the passenger side. Jack sat numb, staring straight ahead. Shawn nodded at Rachel, "Call me later."
"I will," Rachel said as she started the car.
*********************************
Rachel was amazed that she was able to coax Jack into the bathroom to shower and change his clothes. He didn't say a word to Rachel the entire time. She decided to make some hot chocolate and put the kettle on the front burner to warm some water. She turned to go check on Jack.
Rachel found Jack dressed, lying on Eric's bed clutching Eric's pillow to his chest.
"C'mon, sweetie. I'm making us some hot chocolate. You wanna come and sit on the couch and watch some television with me?" Rachel pluckily encouraged Jack to respond to her.
"I don't care . . . I don't care about anything anymore . . ." Jack lay on his back staring at the ceiling, distant. Rachel lay on her side next to him.
"I wish there was something I could do or say to help your heart heal faster. I miss him too." Rachel's eyes misted.
"All he wanted was to be understood. To be loved. I didn't give it to him in time to save him . . ." Jack looked over at Rachel, "Rach, it's just as much my fault as it is Angela, Corey and Topanga's." A tear ran down Jack's cheek. Rachel rested her hand on Jack's face, wiping the tear away with her thumb.
"It's not your fault, Jack. You couldn't have known how close Eric was to . . . you know. You can't blame yourself. Eric wouldn't want you to blame yourself. You are a good and genuine person. just like Eric is." She leaned forward and kissed Jack on the forehead.
". . .was . . ." Jack corrected.
"Is. . . and will always be. . ." Rachel smiled softly as a tear escaped, running down her face. Jack smiled at her, grabbing her hand and holding it.
"I think the cocoa is almost ready . . ."
"No. Stay here . . . stay with me until I fall asleep." Jack closed his eyes as he held Rachel's hand against his chest. She used her other hand to stroke his soft hair until he fell fast asleep.
*********************************
"I think you guys should stay away from Jack. I don't think this is going to blow over quickly or quietly." Shawn popped a french-fry into his mouth.
"This is ridiculous, why is he blowing this out of proportion? We ALL lost Eric, not just him. He's MY brother after all." Corey picked up a fry and played with it before abandoning it on his plate. Topanga rubbed his back.
"Shawn, I know Jack thinks this is our fault, but I have a feeling that something else is going on that we don't know about . . . something that you DO know about." Angela eyed Shawn suspiciously.
"Well . . . I dunno if it's really my place to tell you this . . ." Shawn hesitated.
"C'mon, Shawn. We need to fix this breach in our friendship. Maybe we were a little hard on Eric, maybe even wrong, but now isn't the time to shut each other out. We need to be strong for each other." Topanga encouraged.
"I dunno . . . you guys were pretty harsh to Eric, not to mention prejudice and unforgiving . . . "
"Shawn . . ." Angela gave Shawn a look of disdain.
"Alright, Alright. The morning of the day that Eric . . . died, he made a very assertive . . . pass at Jack." Corey's mouth hung open. "You're kiddin', right? My brother came on to Jack?" he asked incredulously.
"Yeah, and it must've hit Jack perfectly, because Jack realized that he felt the same way towards Eric." There was complete silence at the table.
"So that's why Jack has been so protective . . ." Angela finally piped up.
"Yeah, and he saw the 'accident' that Eric was in. Eric died in Jack's arms." Shawn informed them.
"How could we have been so blind . . . so wrong . . ." Topanga wiped the tears from her eyes as she spoke.
"Look, I'm gonna go check on Rachel and Jack, I'll catch up with you guys later . . . " Shawn squeezed Angela's hand and she nodded as he slid out of the booth.
"I don't know how we can make this right, girls. We can't bring Eric back . . ." Corey wiped each eye with his sleeve.
"We don't have to, we can't blame ourselves for Eric's choices. Let's not talk about this again. We all loved Eric and we will always miss him. Let's not tarnish his memory with negativity." Angela concluded.
"You have a stronger conscience than I do, Angela, I don't know how you do it . . ." Topanga replied. Angela grabbed Topanga's hand and with her other hand, grabbed Corey's, "We can't and we WON'T blame ourselves. We can't control other people's decisions. If it's going to be just us, and Jack and Rachel don't want to associate with us any longer, then so be it." Angela smiled warmly at Corey and Topanga.
"What about Shawn?" Corey asked.
"Leave him to me." Angela squeezed Corey and Topanga's hands.
*********************************
Rachel woke with a start when she heard the knock at the door. Jack was still asleep, so she rolled carefully off the bed and answered the door.
"Hey, Rach, you still here?" Shawn inquired as he came in.
"Yeah, thought I'd keep Jack company. He's sleeping in the bedroom."
"Aw, lemme peek." Shawn crept to the door and looked in. Jack was still asleep, lying on his stomach, holding Eric's pillow like a teddy bear.
"He's sleeping on Eric's bed . . ."
"Yeah, I know . . . I'm surprised he was able to sleep at all, he said he hasn't had a good nights sleep since Eric's been gone." Rachel looked away to hide her tears. Shawn rubbed Rachel's arm tenderly.
"Don't worry, Rachel, we'll get through this . . . ALL of us, together."
"Yeah? How you handling Angela?" Rachel wiped her cheek.
"Well, that's kinda difficult to explain." Shawn fidgeted nervously.
"You aren't playing both sides of the fence, are you?" Rachel eyed Shawn carefully.
"No, not at all. Angela and I definitely don't see eye to eye on this matter."
"What are you gonna do?"
"Well, my brother comes first, not to mention my morals and ethics . . . I'm sure Angela won't press the situation."
"I hope it works out for you. Really . . . I do." Rachel hugged Shawn.
Jack walked through the bedroom doorway, "Did someone say something about hot chocolate?"
Rachel grinned and grabbed Jack as he ambled by her. The three hugged and cried for a few moments.
"We ARE going to get through this, right? With the Hunter boys at my beck and call, I can survive anything!" Rachel winked at Jack and Shawn as they smiled at her. They held each other tightly in their circle.
"I love you, man . . . and I miss you . . . I don't know how I can survive this without you." Jack sat down next to the headstone and rested his head against it, the rain still pouring down as he wept.
Ten minutes later Jack noticed figures approaching from across the graveyard. As they came closer he could see that it was Shawn, Angela, Rachel, Topanga, and Corey all walking under a couple of black umbrellas they were sharing. Jack stood up when they were within earshot. He unconsciously wiped the tears and rain from his face.
"What are you all doing here?" Jack scanned each of their faces.
"Jack, we wanted to see how you were holding up . . . and to see Eric." Corey spoke as he handed the umbrella to Topanga.
"Yeah, well I'm fine. You can't see Eric though . . . He's dead right now, but maybe if you leave him a hate message, oh wait, he can't kill himself again now can he . . ." Corey cast his eyes to the ground. The tension in the air was thicker than silt. Rachel stepped forward, out from under the umbrella and looked into Jack's eyes, "Hi."
"Hi, Rach." Jack began to breakdown again. Rachel put her arms around him and held him close. Shawn produced an extra umbrella and opened it. Angela followed him with their umbrella. Shawn held it over Rachel and Jack, then reached up and cupped the back of Jack's head and slid his hand down slowly until it rested on the nape of Jack's neck. After a few more minutes, Jack regained some composure. He broke his embrace with Rachel and stepped between Rachel and Shawn to face Angela, Topanga, and Corey.
"Why are the three of you here?" Topanga found the courage to answer him, "Because we love and miss Eric too."
"You LIE. You three KILLED Eric. As far as I'm concerned, the three of you are MURDERERS!" Angela took a step back, standing almost next to Topanga and Corey. Corey looked Jack in the eye and took a step forward. "Eric did this to himself, we were trying to help him . . ."
Jack ran at Corey and shoved him forcefully. Corey flew backward and slid a few feet in the mud and grass.
"Jack, stop it," Angela pleaded. Both she and Topanga began to cry as Corey picked himself up.
"Save your self-righteous act . . . You all wanna help Eric? Then bring him back! Undo what you did to drive him to where he lays." Jack began to choke up as he yelled,
"You wanna . . . help him? Well I . . . want . . . him back! I WANT ERIC BACK!" Jack turned around and ran to the fresh burial plot where Eric's body was placed to rest. "I want you back! I want you back!" Jack continued his raving as he began clawing at the wet dirt, digging into the earth.
"I . . .(sob) want him . . .(sob) back . . ." Jack finally gave up, completely drained; slumped down on all fours. He squeezed the fresh mud bitterly between his fingers.
"C'mon Jack, let's get outta here." Shawn helped Jack to his feet. Rachel came over and helped Shawn walk Jack to the car.
"I'll take him home." Rachel said to Shawn after he helped him into the passenger side. Jack sat numb, staring straight ahead. Shawn nodded at Rachel, "Call me later."
"I will," Rachel said as she started the car.
*********************************
Rachel was amazed that she was able to coax Jack into the bathroom to shower and change his clothes. He didn't say a word to Rachel the entire time. She decided to make some hot chocolate and put the kettle on the front burner to warm some water. She turned to go check on Jack.
Rachel found Jack dressed, lying on Eric's bed clutching Eric's pillow to his chest.
"C'mon, sweetie. I'm making us some hot chocolate. You wanna come and sit on the couch and watch some television with me?" Rachel pluckily encouraged Jack to respond to her.
"I don't care . . . I don't care about anything anymore . . ." Jack lay on his back staring at the ceiling, distant. Rachel lay on her side next to him.
"I wish there was something I could do or say to help your heart heal faster. I miss him too." Rachel's eyes misted.
"All he wanted was to be understood. To be loved. I didn't give it to him in time to save him . . ." Jack looked over at Rachel, "Rach, it's just as much my fault as it is Angela, Corey and Topanga's." A tear ran down Jack's cheek. Rachel rested her hand on Jack's face, wiping the tear away with her thumb.
"It's not your fault, Jack. You couldn't have known how close Eric was to . . . you know. You can't blame yourself. Eric wouldn't want you to blame yourself. You are a good and genuine person. just like Eric is." She leaned forward and kissed Jack on the forehead.
". . .was . . ." Jack corrected.
"Is. . . and will always be. . ." Rachel smiled softly as a tear escaped, running down her face. Jack smiled at her, grabbing her hand and holding it.
"I think the cocoa is almost ready . . ."
"No. Stay here . . . stay with me until I fall asleep." Jack closed his eyes as he held Rachel's hand against his chest. She used her other hand to stroke his soft hair until he fell fast asleep.
*********************************
"I think you guys should stay away from Jack. I don't think this is going to blow over quickly or quietly." Shawn popped a french-fry into his mouth.
"This is ridiculous, why is he blowing this out of proportion? We ALL lost Eric, not just him. He's MY brother after all." Corey picked up a fry and played with it before abandoning it on his plate. Topanga rubbed his back.
"Shawn, I know Jack thinks this is our fault, but I have a feeling that something else is going on that we don't know about . . . something that you DO know about." Angela eyed Shawn suspiciously.
"Well . . . I dunno if it's really my place to tell you this . . ." Shawn hesitated.
"C'mon, Shawn. We need to fix this breach in our friendship. Maybe we were a little hard on Eric, maybe even wrong, but now isn't the time to shut each other out. We need to be strong for each other." Topanga encouraged.
"I dunno . . . you guys were pretty harsh to Eric, not to mention prejudice and unforgiving . . . "
"Shawn . . ." Angela gave Shawn a look of disdain.
"Alright, Alright. The morning of the day that Eric . . . died, he made a very assertive . . . pass at Jack." Corey's mouth hung open. "You're kiddin', right? My brother came on to Jack?" he asked incredulously.
"Yeah, and it must've hit Jack perfectly, because Jack realized that he felt the same way towards Eric." There was complete silence at the table.
"So that's why Jack has been so protective . . ." Angela finally piped up.
"Yeah, and he saw the 'accident' that Eric was in. Eric died in Jack's arms." Shawn informed them.
"How could we have been so blind . . . so wrong . . ." Topanga wiped the tears from her eyes as she spoke.
"Look, I'm gonna go check on Rachel and Jack, I'll catch up with you guys later . . . " Shawn squeezed Angela's hand and she nodded as he slid out of the booth.
"I don't know how we can make this right, girls. We can't bring Eric back . . ." Corey wiped each eye with his sleeve.
"We don't have to, we can't blame ourselves for Eric's choices. Let's not talk about this again. We all loved Eric and we will always miss him. Let's not tarnish his memory with negativity." Angela concluded.
"You have a stronger conscience than I do, Angela, I don't know how you do it . . ." Topanga replied. Angela grabbed Topanga's hand and with her other hand, grabbed Corey's, "We can't and we WON'T blame ourselves. We can't control other people's decisions. If it's going to be just us, and Jack and Rachel don't want to associate with us any longer, then so be it." Angela smiled warmly at Corey and Topanga.
"What about Shawn?" Corey asked.
"Leave him to me." Angela squeezed Corey and Topanga's hands.
*********************************
Rachel woke with a start when she heard the knock at the door. Jack was still asleep, so she rolled carefully off the bed and answered the door.
"Hey, Rach, you still here?" Shawn inquired as he came in.
"Yeah, thought I'd keep Jack company. He's sleeping in the bedroom."
"Aw, lemme peek." Shawn crept to the door and looked in. Jack was still asleep, lying on his stomach, holding Eric's pillow like a teddy bear.
"He's sleeping on Eric's bed . . ."
"Yeah, I know . . . I'm surprised he was able to sleep at all, he said he hasn't had a good nights sleep since Eric's been gone." Rachel looked away to hide her tears. Shawn rubbed Rachel's arm tenderly.
"Don't worry, Rachel, we'll get through this . . . ALL of us, together."
"Yeah? How you handling Angela?" Rachel wiped her cheek.
"Well, that's kinda difficult to explain." Shawn fidgeted nervously.
"You aren't playing both sides of the fence, are you?" Rachel eyed Shawn carefully.
"No, not at all. Angela and I definitely don't see eye to eye on this matter."
"What are you gonna do?"
"Well, my brother comes first, not to mention my morals and ethics . . . I'm sure Angela won't press the situation."
"I hope it works out for you. Really . . . I do." Rachel hugged Shawn.
Jack walked through the bedroom doorway, "Did someone say something about hot chocolate?"
Rachel grinned and grabbed Jack as he ambled by her. The three hugged and cried for a few moments.
"We ARE going to get through this, right? With the Hunter boys at my beck and call, I can survive anything!" Rachel winked at Jack and Shawn as they smiled at her. They held each other tightly in their circle.