3. Pop the Cork

Dawn entered the cemetery, wrapping her off-white denim coat more tightly around her chilled body.  She had mixed feelings about seeing Spike again.  Though it had only been a week or so since his voyage, her perception of him had changed so drastically in those days that she felt as if it'd been a lifetime.  She loved him, and she missed him despite his assault on Buffy, and despite the fact that he really had disappeared from her life long before he left for Africa.  He had faded away from her with out a care or concern when Buffy was brought back, and this broke her heart.  As she drew closer to her destination, that pain began to surface, and by the time she had reached the gates, some part of her was even happy that he was now suffering.  As she traveled deeper into the cool, misty graveyard, she noticed a dark figure with bleached hair sprawled out on the wet grass. 

As she drew nearer, she noticed that he lay comfortably on his back, arms down parallel with his sides, and a smoking cigarette held between his lips.  He stared upward at the sky, which was fading into a deep and lulling purple; tiny stars beginning to come out from their hiding place behind the quickly receding blue.  He appeared so deep in thought that it seemed as if he were somewhere else completely.  She stepped closer, crunching a leaf inadvertently beneath her shoe, which sent his head flying up and back at the sound.  They locked eyes, and he rose quickly, brushing himself off.   They didn't speak for several moments.  He seemed to be absorbing her; taking in her presence.  "What are you doin' out by your self Bit?"  He asked finally, lighting a new cigarette.  "There's beasties crawlin' this place tonight."

"You tried to rape my sister." She said bluntly, not answering his question. Now standing face to face with him, Dawn could not remember any of the things she'd planned in quiet rage to say, so she just opened her mouth and spoke what came from her heart. Spike blinked with shock at her forwardness, and then tossed his cigarette and looked down.  He did not answer for some time.  He looked to her like the same Spike she knew, though his hair was a bit tousled, and his eyes contained something they did not before.  Humanity she speculated.  They still held that icy vivid passion, but now they also seemed to glow with understanding.  Hot pain, and sea waves of guilt were evident as well.

"Dawn…" he half whispered, clenching his fists.  "I never aimed to hurt her…." He met her eyes. "You know that."  They pleaded with her for forgiveness, but she refused his silent and desperate request.

"You did though." She continued coldly, arms crossed protectively across her chest.  "You hurt her really bad Spike…and you hurt me too."  Spike winced at this, looking off to the side.  "I thought you could never hurt us.  We…I trusted you, when no one else did.  I thought you were my friend…" she finished, looking straight into his eyes, letting him see how she hurt.

"I am!"  He insisted, looking puzzled.  "I— It killed me…what I done to your sis…and cuz of that, things are different now.  I dunno if I can explain it to you jus' yet though." he said, trying desperately to understand the source of her sudden hostility.

 "Don't bother." She growled.  "I already know."

"Buffy told you…" he said to himself, looking ashamed.

"It doesn't matter.  You left, Spike." she continued.  The floodgates to her anger had been torn open, and it poured now with no restraint.  "You just left, like you never cared at all." She said, tears starting glaze over.

"It was only for a short bit a' time---" he tried to reason, walking towards her.

"Before that." She interjected, stepping back.

 He stopped in his tracks; face blank with confusion.

"What on earth are you gettin at Nibblet?"

"Before."  She reiterated.  "When Buffy was brought back…you just forgot about me…you forgot I even existed Spike."  He cocked his head slightly sideways as she spoke, trying to let what she was accusing him of sink in.  "I never meant anything to you…I was just a tool to get to Buffy, and when she died, I was the closest thing to her you thought you could ever get.  That's why you stuck around all summer, pretending like you gave a crap, when you never really did.  " He started to shake his head in protest but she pushed forward.  "She came back though, and you didn't need me anymore, so you just…left.  No big deal.  It was all for yourself anyway."  She said, looking away and wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Rubbish." he said, his face torn between shock, remorse, and desperation.  "That's rubbish and you know it."

"No…it's really not Spike." She said shaking her head.  "And then, what you did to Buffy…you could have really hurt her.  You were capable…of hurting someone you love. That means you were capable of hurting me too, if it weren't for that chip"

"Dawn...please" he begged with frustration.  "What I did…I was outta my bloody mind! …But I got the ol' switcheroonie, 'n now things are changed." He pleaded, wishing his weak excuses were enough to make up for the damage he'd done.

"Yah." She laughed with scorn.  "By accident.  You didn't want a soul.  You wanted the chip out.  You wanted to be horrible again, so you could kill Buffy, and probably the rest of us.  You obviously didn't care that much if you were gonna put my life in danger just to get back at my sister for something that was your fault in the first place!" she fumed as hot tears streamed down her face.  Spike strode up to her suddenly and grasped her by her upper arms tightly but not unkindly. 

"Listen to me."  He demanded, his voice low, and rough like gravel with emotion.  "I never stopped carin' about you.  I'd let that sodding demon annihilate me before I ever let anything happen ta you."  He shook her arms gently as he spoke, with the dim hope that through touch, she would magically be able to see inside of him, and know his heart exactly as it was.

"When was the last time we hung out?" Dawn asked accusingly.  Spike was silent for a moment, but Dawn answered her own question before he could.  "Not since Buffy came back."

 "I--I haven't had the time Bit!  I been busy as a bloody bee these days, surly you understand?" he replied.

"Yah… busy boinking my sister."  she threw back.

"I—It's not like that."  He argued, sighing heavily with frustration.  "I just…"

"Forget it.  I gotta go." she said, breaking from his grasp, and starting to walk away.

"Dawn wait!" he called to her, and she stopped for a moment, turning around.

"Ya know…" she said shaking her head.  "I came to be here you…" Before he could say anything more, she turned and walked out of the graveyard.  Spike stood silently in shock, watching her leave: a stark blonde flame, lost against the starry night