The Interview with the Zexen Knights

Disclaimer:
Suikoden III are registered trademark and copyright of Konami. Not doing this for profit, only for fun.

Notes:
1. Salome's family name is taken from the Suikoden III manga and I don't know how to romanize it (I'm weak in this, believe me). So, I took "Hallas" instead of "Harras" (BTW, what is the right romanization?) The others're taken from the US ver. game.
2. No, it's not a humor, although it's parody. Major OOC.
3. Uh, massive grammar errors ahead. Although I'd tried to correct it.
4. Spoiler alert? Falsehood alert?

Arthur: "Good morning everyone, here I am with the Six Renowned Knights of Zexen and their apprentice."
Louis: "Apprentice? Excuse me, I'm *THEIR* apprentice, I'm *Lady Chris*'s attendant."
Arthur: "So he said."
Louis: (sweatdrops)
Arthur: "Because I'm--- no--- the author is too lazy, she will write this entire fic in scenario mode."
Louis: "What a loser."
Everybody: (nod)

I. Introduction

Arthur: "So what we have in front of us are Lady Chris Lightfellow a.k.a The Silver Maiden---"
Chris: "... ..."
Arthur: "Excuse me, Lady Chris, did I offend you?"
Percival: (grins) "She didn't like the title 'Silver Maiden', it gives impression that she is a beautiful glamorous noble lady when she doesn't even know how to dance---"
Chris: "Percival."
Percival: "--but of course it doesn't matter 'cause you won't dance often as a knight anyways."
Everybody: "..."
Arthur: (coughs) "and right here are Sir Leo Gallen, Sir Roland Lesaurus, Sir Percival Fraulein, Sir Borus Redrum and Sir Salome Hallas."
Louis: "You really know how to shorten the time, don't you, Arthur?"
Arthur: "And Louis Keeferson."
Louis: "Thank you."
Everybody: "... ..."

II. About Sir Leo

Arthur: "Let's start from Sir Leo. Good afternoon Sir Leo, how do you do."
Leo: "How do you do."
Arthur: "As you can see, despite of his barbaric face, Sir Leo really knows manner."
Leo: "... this kid..."
Arthur: "Although sometimes his tongue slips."
Leo: "... ... ..."
Arthur: "Sir Leo, I heard that you liked eating *AND* drinking very much."
Leo: "Hey, you're even better than that Kidd kid in investigating."
Arthur: "Thank you. And how about children, do you like them?"
Leo: "Huh? What kinda question is that?"
Arthur: "Do you?"
Leo: "... ... I do."
Everybody: "... ... ..."
Louis takes steps away from Leo, Chris coughs and the others just look at each other with fear, saying, "I knew it."
Arthur: "So there, folks, it answers your questions; 'Is Leo a pedophile or not.'"
Leo: "WHATTTT!!!!???? Who ask that!?"
Arthur: "Well, most people at the suggestion box."
Leo: "..."

III. About Sir Salome

Salome: "Excuse me, can you make the interview quick? I still have a meeting to attend with the others in the Great Hall."
Arthur: "Oh. I can ask you now, if you don't mind, Sir Salome."
Salome: "The sooner the better, Arthur."
Arthur: "... are you sure?"
Salome: "Ah."
Arthur: "... say," (turns to the other Zexen Knights) "have you ever wondered how Salome have many connections with many parties."
Chris: "Come to think of it..."
Salome: "Why are you asking that, Arthur?"
Arthur: "The fact that you have many lovers here and there..."
Salome: "!!"
Borus: "No way! The mushroom head!?"
Percival: "Borus! Don't be so honest!"
Salome: "This is ridicoulous. I'm out of here."
Chris: "Wait, I'm interested."
Salome: "Lady Chris, I assure you---"
Arthur: "Has Hugo asked his mother who is his father, yet; eh, Sir Salome?"
Leo: "Uh-oh, you don't mean---"
Arthur: "Yes, if you're as smart as I am."
Percival: "What kinda quote is that?"
Borus: "Beats me."
Salome: "I think I'm going now."
Arthur: "---to meet Lucia?"
Salome: (blushes) "I AM GOING!!" (goes away)
Chris: "For the first time I see Salome lost his temper."
Arthur: "It was true then." (nods)
Louis: "Milady, what happened? Why Lord Salome went away?"
Chris: "If you're older, you'll know, Louis."
Percival: "I never knew that Salome is a playboy."
Roland: "Me too..."

IV. About Sir Roland

Borus: "Hah, too bad. You won't get anything from Roland, Arthur."
Leo: "Yeah, Roland won't waste any words for answering useless questions."
Percival: "Not like certain pedophile."
Leo: "What did you say!?"
Louis: "Oh, Sir Leo just admitted that he's a phedophile."
Roland: "... please---"
Zexen knights + alpha: "---keep your human jokes to a minimum. We know, Roland."
Roland: "..."
Arthur: "Sir Roland, how is your relationship with Nei going?"
Roland widens his eyes.
The Zexen knights plus alpha stare at the elf disbeliefly.
Leo: "Roland! I don't know you're---"
Roland: "I don't understand human's interest. It's not what you think and I thought I've told you to write more important matters in the newspaper."
Arthur: "So, there's nothing between you and Nei?"
Roland: "Exactly."
Arthur: "Are you sure."
Roland: "Positive."
Arthur: (sighs) "I'm sorry, Nei."
Zexen Knight + alpha: "???"
Nei suddenly appears
Roland: "!!!????"
Nei: "Sir Roland, so, after all the times we have shared, you're only think me as a friend and less!?"
Roland: "It's not like what you thi---"
Nei: "Ah! Sir Roland, you're so cruel!! So I was only dreaming all these times..." (starts crying)
Roland: "I didn't mean to---"
Nei: "I'm sorry... I guess I'm expecting too much... I--- I---" (runs)
Roland: "Wait! Nei!!!" (chases Nei)

V. About Sir Borus

Percival: "Well, that was quite a soap opera plot..."
Arthur: "As we go on to Sir Borus---"
Borus: "!!"
Chris: "!"
Athur: "Sir Borus---"
Chris: How do you know about Roland and Nei? And Salome? Even Kidd don't have that in his investigation."
Arthur: "Reporter's natural instinct."
Chris: "... I see..." (starts to get nervous)
Arthur: "Now, let's ask Sir Borus."
Borus: "Uh... yeah... I guess."
Chris: "Sorry for the interruption, but can we trust this 'reporter's natural instinct' of yours? Or you just make it out all along?"
Arthur: "Of course, Noble Chris. I won't put anything that isn't reliable in my newspaper."
Chris: "I see..."
Arthur: "And now Sir Borus---"
Chris: "Do you put *everything* you know in the newspaper?"
Arthur: "... ... ... Lady Chris, are you just stopping me from interviewing Sir Borus?"
Chris: "No! Please spare Borus' part, you won't get anything from him except his expensive hobby of collecting wine and the fact that he spends days ditching me for those stupid things---"
Everybody: (looks at Chris)
Chris: "I mean..." (blushes)
Everybody: "..."
Borus: "That's enough, Chris. He would ask about us sooner or later."
Chris: "Borus!"
Leo: "Wait a minute! What are you talking about!?"
Percival: "Oh my goddess, you don't mean---"
Louis: "Lady Chris and Sir Borus!????!!!"
Borus & Chris look away from the others
Arthur: "WOW! This is a scoop for 'Budehuc Times'!!!!!!! Are you two---!!!???"
Borus: "What? You were not going to ask my relationship with Chris?"
Arthur: "Like Heavens NO! I just wanted to ask about you and Anne."
Borus: "WHAT!!!!???"
Chris: (glares) "Borus! What's he talking about!?"
Borus: "I don't have a clue!!"

VI. About Sir Percival

Arthur: "I spare you two for later, Sir Borus and Lady Chris. Sir Percival, as a man that is so popular among young ladies, what do you think about their relationship?"
Percival: (stops gaping) "Huh? What? Who?"
Arthur: "About Sir Borus and Lady Chris."
Percival: (recovers from his shock) "Ah, I never knew about this before, I---"
Arthur: "Of course you're disappointed because you have an affection to one of them."
Percival: "How do you---!" (face reddens)
Borus: "Percival! You never told me you liked Chris!!"
Chris: "He likes me?"
Arthur: "No appearently he's falling in love with---"
Percival: "AAAAAARRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!"
Louis + Leo: "With Arthur?"
Percival: "NO!"
Arthur: "With Sir Borus."
*crickets chirps*
Zexen Knights + alpha (except Percival): "WHAT!!!!!!!!!!???????"
Borus: "ME!?"
Chris: "With Borus!?"
Arthur: "Yes." *is satisfied with the shocked expression of everybody present*
Percival: (slaps his head) "I'm over."
Leo: "I don't know you're a gay!!"
Percival: "I'm not!!"
Borus: "DOH! You like ME and you're NOT GAY!?"
Percival: "You don't understand my feelings, I don't fall in love with every guy! Only you!"
Borus: "Why me!? I'm so damn straight!"
Percival: "That's why I never told you! But I never knew you're--- with Lady Chris---"
All: "... ... ..."

VII. About Lady Chris

Arthur: "Lady Chris, what is your comment about this?"
Chris: "... uh? ... I have no idea... ..."
Arthur: "Is that so. So can I ask you for a question."
Chris: "I think I have enough..." (holds head)
Arthur: "I will ask you anyway, do you love Jimba more than you love Borus?"
All: "WHAT!?"
Arthur: "Because there was a time when you asked almost all of the Karaya Clan people about Jimba's life and asking if he had any lovers when he was alive; and you secretly keep his picture in your room."
Borus: "For Heaven's sakes, Chris!!! A *DEAD MAN*!!!???"
Chris: "Watch your mouth, Borus!!!"
Arthur: "So that means you love him more than Sir Borus."
Chris: "Of course I love him!"
Arthur: "Who? Jimba or Borus?"
Chris: "Both."
Borus: "Oh gawd! I'm sharing Chris with a dead man!?"
Percival: "You still have me."
Borus: "Get away from me!"
Louis: "Oh my goddess, milady..."
Chris: "Why shouldn't I love him!?"
Borus: "Why *SHOULD* you love him!?"
Chris: "For chrissakes, Borus. He's my father!!"
*silent*
Louis: "Excuse me, Lady Chris, your father is Wyatt Lightfellow and he died in a war years ago."
Chris: "My father didn't die! Well, now he did, but don't you understand, Jimba of Karaya Clan *IS* Wyatt Lightfellow!"
Arthur: "Can somebody fill me?"
Chris: "My father is a bearer of True Water Rune, he was cursed, he was immortal."
Percival: "Yeah, immortal and died?"
Chris: (glares) "He released the power of True Water Rune at the Cyndar Ruins and died soon after that; and the True Water Rune chose me as the next bearer."
Leo: "Why did he go away, leaving Zexen, pretending to be dead?"
Chris: "WELL! He needs to!"
All: "... ... ... ... ... . . ."
Borus: "This is getting complicated, why are you interested in his love life in Karaya?"
Chris: "Doh, Borus! I need to know if he still loved my mother and me after he left us!"
Percival: "And that makes sense, if it was true---"
Chris: (stares)
Percival: "But I do believe it."

VIII. About Louis

Arthur: "Hello, Louis, are you still here?"
Louis: "Yeah, a little bit baffled, but... I think I get it; Sir Leo is a pedophilia, Sir Salome is a playboy, Sir Roland is not as innocent as I think, Sir Percival is a gay although he doesn't admit it, Sir Borus and Lady Chris are lovers, and Jimba is Sir Wyatt and also Lady Chris' father; anything I missed?"
Arthur: "You got them all."
Louis: "Except the fact that I didn't know about those things."
Arthur: "And your comments please?"
Louis: "Arthur..."
Arthur: "Yes?"
Louis: "Do you know *anything* about me?"
Zexen Knights: "?"
Arthur: "... uh, you're youngest of seven brothers in an aristrocrat family and decides to train to be a knight...?"
Louis: "And?"
Arthur: "... you're Lady Chris' attendant?"
Louis: "And?"
Arthur: "Period?"
Louis: "Only that?"
Arthur: "..."
Louis: "Thank goddess."
Percival: "Louis, are you hiding something from us?"
Louis: (jumps in surprise) "NOTHING!"
Leo: "You are."
Louis: "Goodness, Sir Leo! Do I look like hiding something!?"
Chris: "Louis," (sighs) "you do."
Salome: (suddenly appears) "Let me tell you what, he's---"
Louis: "ARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Salome: "---not a virgin anymore."
Zexen Knights (except Salome): "WHHHHAAATTT!!!???"
Arthur: "Ohmigod, another scoop!"

IX. The interview ends

Borus: "chrissakes, LOUIS! You're not even 16!"
Louis: "I beg you sirs, don't expel me from my training."
Chris: "I can't accept this!! That means I'm the only virgin in here!!?" *quickly closes her mouth with her hand*
Zexen Knights + alpha (except Chris): "You're WHAT!?"
Percival: "Borus! You haven't---"
Borus: "Of course I haven't---"
Salome: "I should have---"
Borus: "DON'T YOU DARE!!"
Chris: "CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE SHUT UP!!!"

*The End*

Thanks everybody for the corrections, Daijin, Exhile87, Crystal ^^