That's the Way I Like It
Disclaimer: I do not own KC and the Sunshine Band's Lyrics, nor do I own G.I. Joe. This story is part three of the Annual G.I. Joe Talent Show begun in the fanfic I Disappear. The Cobra Music Extravaganza is begun in the fanfic, Without Me (R Rated).
Destro: Don't write this, I beg you desperately.
Soul Reaver: Ah, Shut up Chrome Dome, it's my story.
Destro: Why don't you drive Beach Head crazy by stealing Sergeant Snuffles? Just don't make Cobra the victim.
Soul Reaver: Okay.
Destro: Thank You.
Soul Reaver: Now without further ado.
Destro: You told me you weren't going to write this.
Soul Reaver: I said I'd use the idea, but I never said '70s music and Cobra didn't mix.
"Roadblock, aside from Firefly wrecking the stage, that was fantastic." General Hawk said, "Now Act Three is a video tape from."
"From who?" Footloose asked.
"Yeah, I've got a burning desire to find out." Gung-Ho added.
"You're not gonna believe this, our next act is Cobra Commander." Hawk replied.
"WHAT?" Every Joe in the room shouted.
"Old Snake Face didn't want to show up here for fear of capture, but he should be broadcasting right." Hawk said.
"Now." Hawk continued as Cobra Commander's face appeared on a view screen.
"Greetings G.I. Joe, may I present to you Cobra Commander's second music video, after the hit success, Without Me." Cobra Commander replied.
Suddenly the camera lens moves back showing Cobra Commander in a white disco suit with a Cobra pendant and an Elvis pompadour toupee, he is joined by Destro in a Don King getup complete with the huge afro and the Baroness in a sexy '70s garb.
"This is so humiliating." Destro groans.
Several vipers and even the Dreadnoks in their own sparkly disco getups are also on the stage. The music begins playing and Cobra Commander picks up the microphone and starts singing.
"Oh, that's the way, COBRA, COBRA, I like it, COBRA, COBRA." Cobra Commander begins and starts singing, dancing John Travolta style while he does so. Several Crimson Guards start dancing on several raised platforms with Destro, the Baroness and Cobra Commander's platforms being the highest.
"That's the way, COBRA, COBRA, I like it, COBRA, COBRA. That's the way, COBRA, COBRA, I like it, COBRA, COBRA. That's the way, COBRA COBRA, I like it, COBRA, COBRA." Cobra Commander continues as the Dreadnoks join him.
Road Pig is dancing about going the whole hog, complete with bellbottoms, a huge afro, and an enormous Cobra pendant and a white vest.
"I can't believe this." Zartan grumbles to Mindbender who's wearing bellbottoms with a green and white checker pattern, a green vest and a white cap, "Even if Cobra Commander paid us triple our rates this is humiliating."
Oblivious, Cobra Commander drones on, "When you take the world by the hand, Tell me I'm your ruling man, When you give me all your power, And do it the very best you can."
"Oh, that's the way, COBRA COBRA, I like it, COBRA, COBRA. That's the way, COBRA COBRA , I like it, COBRA , COBRA. That's the way, COBRA COBRA, I like it, COBRA, COBRA . That's the way, COBRA COBRA , I like it, COBRA , COBRA." Cobra commander continues dancing around like a raging buffoon while Destro tries to sneak offstage.
"When Destro starts to cooperate, When Cobra-La rules the world, When you whisper sweet in my ear, When you turn, the world over to me." Cobra Commander sings as he drags Destro back onstage. The Dreadnoks are joining in singing.
Destro unwillingly starts swaying to the music, but he doesn't dance very well. Neither does Cobra Commander. The difference between the two is that Cobra Commander acts as though he's another John Travolta.
"Oh, that's the way, COBRA COBRA, I like it, COBRA, COBRA . That's the way, COBRA COBRA, I like it, COBRA COBRA , . That's the way, COBRA COBRA, I like it, COBRA, COBRA. That's the way, COBRA COBRA , I like it, COBRA, COBRA." Cobra Commander keeps singing and dancing, his index finger in the air and swaying side to side. As he's dancing he is suddenly struck by a random, or not so random, electrical discharge and falls unconscious.
The video broadcast ends. "Is it just me or was that just disturbing?" Falcon asks.
"I know I'm not going to be sleeping well for a long time, and from me that's saying a lot." Low Light groans.
"Old Snake-Face has gone too far this time." Lady Jaye adds.
Hawk puts Beach Head's teddy bear into a box and says, "Maybe this will make Cobra Commander think twice about filming any more music videos, especially to lame '70s songs like that."
"Hey!" Roadblock protests, "I thought you liked my act."
"I did, but I didn't like Cobra Commander's act." Hawk replies.
"So you shouldn't generalize '70s music like that." Roadblock replies.
Before Hawk can reply Beach Head shouts, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOLDING SERGEANT SNUFFLES? YAHHHHH!"
Beach Head leaps in midair and collides with Hawk face first. They crash through several walls with Beach Head pummeling Hawk. Stormshadow knocks out Beach Head with a flying kick, "KEI YAHHH!"
"Medic." Hawk croaks and falls over.