By Yasha-hime
The only way for men to be happy is to obey the Law. This is an
absolute truth that only the blind deny. And it pains me to admit how many
of the blind there are. But Maiden-sama will show them the way, and I, her
strong sword, shall clear the blindness from their eyes so they may follow.
The philosophies of those Asakuras is beyond blind. Hao seeks
a world where there can be no happiness because there will be no Law. Other
than his caprice, that is. The Law is firm, steady, unchangeable. Unmoved
by the whims of the heart, a stark and emotionless scale against which all thoughts,
all feelings, and all actions may be judged, the same for every man.
Asakura Yoh's philosophy is even more dangerous. That every man
should stand his own judge, should have nothing to strive to accomplish but
his own desires? I would sooner trust Hao's whimsy than my own! That boy assumes
that all men are good, and refuses to see the seed of evil lies within every
heart.
As I know to my own sorrow. Why Michael has never fled me in disgust
I have no idea. Where I in his place, I would certainly abandon from such a
sinner as myself. There can be no greater evil than the one that sleeps within
my own heart.
"Marco?"
Lyserg! I look up and force myself to smile as the devil stirs.
"Yes, Lyserg?"
Lyserg frowns at me, concerned. Aside from his selfish obsession,
he's a good boy. And that sin he is learning to control--better than I control
my own. "Are you all right, Marco?" he asks me. "You look...troubled."
Oh, Lord, the boy expects me to confide in him! I can't do that--if
I were to confess my sins to him, he'd run from me, from Maiden-sama...he'd
probably return to the side of that demon, Asakura Yoh.
I shake my head. "It's nothing," I lie. Another black
mark on my soul, but it matters little. I'll burn when I die regardless. "A
few minor concerns, not worthy of the kind of thought I was giving them."
Lyserg's frown clears from his beautiful face, and the devil stirs
again. My fingers twitch, and I lean forward and press my hands between my
thighs to keep from touching him. "If you're sure," he says.
"I am," I smile at him. "Go on, I'll talk to you
later."
"Yes, Marco," he says, turning to leave. He's such an
obedient boy, I'll bet I could order him to do just about anything...
No. I can't allow myself those kinds of thoughts. But I can't
keep my eyes from following him as he leaves my room--those indecently short
pants Maiden-sama provided for him...
I wonder if they're a test she's set for me. She and one other
are the only two to know my secret...and that other I will never see again.
For my own sake, and for his.
He'd be about the same age as Lyserg now, that other. I think.
I press my palm as I remember, and shame washes through me as my body responds
to the memories so strongly. It was wrong. I knew it even then--and yet I
did it anyway. A sweet, innocent child, my own sister's son, and I did that
to him. I can only thank the Lord that Maiden-sama discovered it before I did
him even more harm.
I've heard reports that say he's doing well in the foster home
Maiden-sama found for him. I do keep track of him, after all, and provide what
I can for his support. But I still wonder if he remembers, and what harm those
memories have done to him.
If I were a weaker man, I might try to blame my actions on Hao,
try to claim I became mentally unstable when my sister was so brutally murdered.
But I have to face the truth: not only were my actions my own, I had dreamed
of doing those things to him long before my sister's death. And not only to
him, but to other children I have seen, both before and since.
Lyserg, most recently.
That is why I sometimes feel Maiden-sama accepted him as much for
my sake as for his own. To suffer in the face of temptation, and still resist
it, is an atonement far more potent than any other. To overcome these feelings
I hate to feel will make me stronger.
Someday I may even be truly worthy of being Maiden-sama's sword.
And when I finally am strong enough to submit myself fully to the Law, with
no reservations, on that day we X-LAWS will have won the battle, for no one
can stand before the purity of Maiden-sama if her weapon is as pure as she.
- Y.