A/N: Thanks to all the wonderful people who reviewed. Sorry this update took so long – holidays and all that. Anyway, the chapter has some angsty stuff in it, but that's mostly because of the cliché that Oliver has to feel sorry for Percy to develop romantic feelings for him. But I threw in an Eddie Izzard reference to make up for it, so enjoy! :o)
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The Waffle House Challenge
Chapter Three: Paper or Plastic?
Oliver emerged from the Knightsbridge tube station, squinting at the sunlight. He turned to Percy, grinning. "That was so much more fun than floo powder or portkeying! Not as much fun as flying, though."
Percy, who looked a little green from the bumping and jerking of the train, merely nodded. They walked down a street, Oliver cautiously asking friendly-looking Muggles if they were heading towards the Tesco. A few Muggle girls backed away when he first approached him, looking at his clothing with the same mix of distrust and apprehension that the man from earlier had shown. Most of the Muggle men, especially the young scruffy-looking ones, were happy to point him in the right direction. However, they would then yell, "United!" and give him a hardy slap on the back as he and Percy departed. Oliver was thoroughly confused by this, but Percy surmised that it must have been some Muggle way of saying "farewell" that they hadn't learned in class.
After walking a few blocks, they found a short white building with large windows. Signs, similar to those seen in Diagon Alley, offered various Muggle foods for prices that Oliver assumed were a good deal. They reached a door, and Oliver stepped forward to open it for Percy, but it suddenly slid apart of its own accord.
"Wow!" Oliver whispered, "That must be some sort of Muggle magic we haven't discovered yet."
Percy snorted with laughter, then tried to cover it up by coughing. "Um…I'll go see about the bags, ok?" He walked up to a likely-looking store clerk, who was placing canned goods into a bag.
"Excuse me?"
The clerk looked up. He was a little older than Percy, and seemed very annoyed that his work was being interrupted. "Yeah?"
"Where are the bags?"
The clerk resumed his packing. "Aisle 3."
Percy nodded, as if this cryptic bit of information was exactly what he was seeking, and backed away slowly. He returned to Oliver, who was already scanning the store.
"Look, Perce! The rows of food are numbered. I bet the bags are on row number three."
The two trooped over the aisle, amazed at the sight before them.
"Geez, Oliver, there must be 50 different types of bags. How do we know which one Professor Epimetheus wants?"
"I dunno. Let's just find one that'll hold everything."
Percy began reading the types of bags available to them. "Sandwich bags…no, those will definitely be too small…Hmm, rubbish bin liners. Those will probably be big enough, but I don't want to walk around Muggle London with trash bags. That won't look right."
Percy continued muttering to himself as Oliver walked further down the aisle, examining their options. Suddenly, the perfect solution caught his eye.
"Percy, I've found it!"
"What?"
"The Tesco bag!"
Percy glanced over, and saw Oliver happily brandishing a large canvas bag emblazoned with the 'Tesco' logo.
"You know, I think you're right. But will it be big enough?"
"The Professor wouldn't have told us to get it if it wasn't. Besides, look at this." Oliver pointed to a small picture of a triangle formed by three arrows on the bottom corner of the bag. "I remember this symbol. The Professor said it stood for bicycling, which is really important to Muggles."
Percy furrowed his brow. "I think you mean recycling."
Oliver shrugged. "Whatever."
"Well, how much is it?"
Oliver flipped over a tag on one of the straps. "£12. Is that too much?"
Percy did some quick math in his head. "We have £100 to last the day, and 10 items to find, so we should spend about £10 on each. And we're already £7 ahead, since the tube tickets were only 3."
Oliver grinned. "Great. Let's go find the GAP."
*****
A few minutes later, they exited the market – Percy a bit miffed, having learned that they could've gotten a bag for free simply by correctly guessing what material it was made out of – and continued walking.
"Why don't you ask someone where the GAP is?"
Oliver looked put out. "Why am I the one who always has to talk to the Muggles?"
"What are you talking about? I asked that clerk about the bags…"
"Yeah, but every time I try to talk to a Muggle, they give me funny looks. I don't think they like my clothes."
"Now you're just being silly. Why would someone not like you because of your clothes?"
"Well, if you don't think it's a big deal, why don't we switch?"
"What?"
"You can wear this," Oliver said, pulling at the red and white jersey and making a face, "and I'll wear that," he continued, pointing at Percy's shirt.
Percy frowned. "I don't know…"
"Or, I could always just get something new. We do have to buy something at the GAP."
Oliver was smiling. He knew Percy would never allow him to buy an entirely new outfit – they simply didn't have the money.
Percy sighed, defeated. "Ok, you win. We can switch."
"Great!" Oliver began pulling his shirt off.
"NO!" Percy shoved it back down, aware that there were several Muggles eyeing them. "You can't just strip down in public. We can change at the store. Now will you go ask someone how to get there?"
Oliver turned and walked toward an elderly woman who was admiring some tall hats (that vaguely resembled cakes, Percy thought) in a window. The woman at first looked frightened, but when Oliver smiled and began gesturing, Percy could tell she was enchanted. She replied and gestured down the street, then patted Oliver's hand and walked off.
"Great, we were almost there anyway," he said, returning to Percy. They walked in silence, Percy rereading the list of items they needed to find and Oliver watching out for the store.
*****
"Well, this must be it."
They were standing outside a large stone building. The windows were filled with Muggle clothes and pictures of smiling teenagers. Oliver stepped up to the door, and when it didn't automatically open he grabbed the handle and held it open for Percy, who thanked him and smiled.
They were three steps in the store when a formidable-looking woman approached.
"Good morning, gentlemen. Can I help you find anything?"
Oliver's face lit up as he remembered one of their items. "Do you have any Hawaiian shirts?"
The woman looked aghast. "Good heavens, no! This the GAP, not…Marks and Spencer."
Oliver's face fell. He glanced at Percy, then walked off to admire some socks.
Percy cleared his throat. Would it be appropriate to ask what the cheapest thing in the store is? He considered this for a moment, then decided, probably not. "Um, actually…we were just looking. But thank you."
"Suit yourself." The woman shrugged and walked off.
"Hey, Perce," Oliver called, "maybe we could get a pair of socks. They £6.95."
"For a pair of socks?" It was Percy's turn to look aghast.
"Well… Hey, here's some cheap stuff."
The boys wandered to a rack marked "CLEARANCE" in bold red letters and began swishing through the clothes.
"Here, this is perfect!" Oliver pulled a purple nylon raincoat off the rack and held it up for Percy's inspection.
"Yeah, maybe we could buy some Wellingtons, too."
"Percy! I'm serious. It looks like it might rain, and besides, it's only £9."
"OK, fine, you win."
Oliver grinned. "I could get used to you saying that."
A blush slowly rose on Percy's pale face. If Oliver noticed, he didn't comment.
"Now," Oliver continued, "let's get you out of those clothes."
"What?!" Percy squeaked. His face was now (ahem) flaming.
"You said we could switch, remember?"
"Oh…" Percy's heartbeat gradually returned to normal. "Yeah, sure. Let's find a W.C. or something."
"There's a bunch of little dressing rooms over there," Oliver pointed, "let's just use them."
"Well…" Percy looked nervous.
"C'mon." Oliver grabbed his hand and dragged him across the store.
They reached a fitting room and Oliver opened the door. "You first. Wisdom before beauty," he quipped with a wink.
Percy was confused. "What are we doing, exactly?"
Oliver rolled his eyes. Being in the Muggle world for so long was making him a bit giddy, and he was starting to get impatient. "You're going to go in here, take off those clothes, pass them to me, I'm going to go in there" – Oliver pointed to an empty room next to Percy's – "take off mine, put yours on, then bring mine back to you to put on."
Percy looked stricken. "Um, if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not be half-naked in a public place for an extended period of time."
Oliver looked slightly amused. "Is it really that big a deal?"
"Yes!"
"Can I ask why?"
Percy suddenly became interested in his shoes. "It's embarrassing."
Oliver started to feel bad. Percy was obviously uncomfortable. "It's ok. I'll go first, then you can - "
"The twins played a joke on me," Percy interrupted.
"Oh?" Oliver raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah. When I first became a prefect. Somehow, they got the password to the prefect bathroom, and they would come in and steal my clothes while I was in the tub. I'd have to wrap myself in a towel until Filch or another prefect came by and got me a robe to wear. I would change the password daily, and take two robes with me, but they still got in."
Oliver would have found the situation extremely funny, if not for the distress on Percy's face as he recounted the experience. He felt strangely protective towards his roommate, and slightly angry (and very annoyed) at the twins.
"I'm sorry, Perce." Oliver gave him a quick hug. "Here, I'll go first and give you my clothes. I don't mind being half-naked in public. I'm a bit of an exhibitionist, really."
Percy managed a small smile. "OK. And Oliver?"
The door was already half-closed. He poked his head out. "Yeah?"
"Thanks."
Oliver smiled and shut the door.