Note: I do not own Slayers or any of William Shakespeare's works. I would also like to thank the Reduced Shakespeare Company; they inspired me to do this. Please note that this fan fiction in written in a stage direction like format for the mood of the fic. And without further adu: the fic.



                                    The Reduced Slayers Shakespeare



[The location; well it would have been at the Globe Theater, but because we need chairs, lights, etc, so we can now say that we are at a fancy theater..]

[Backstage]

Mab (me): [sorting through the script and sitting in a chair] We're starting in ten minutes!

[Zelgadiss, Gourry, Xellos, and Zangulus come running in, all dressed in old English clothes.]

Zangulus: We have a problem.

Mab: Don't tell me you forgot your lines.

Zel: No, I know all my lines.

Gourry: None of the girls have gotten here yet.

[Silence]

Mab: Are you serious?!

Zangulus: I told Martina not to prey to Zoulmelguster last night for good luck!

Xellos: Well, if this isn't a lovely little disaster ^_^

Mab: Well where the hell are they?!

[On one of the streets of the city, a certain car is stuck on the middle of the road. People are sticking their heads out of the car windows and yelling things like…Okay I can't put them here.]

Amelia: [reading the drivers manual] Now pull the 'stick shift' back one more time, and push down on the 'gas pedal'.

Lina: Which one is the 'stick shift'?

Martina: Don't you know anything?! It's this one! [Leans over from the back seat]

Filia: No, I was paying attention! It's this one. Right here, Lina. [Leans over from back seat]

Amelia: Filia-san, the manual says that is the 'steering wheel'.

Slyphiel: Now I won't get to see Gourry Dear.

Filia: [grabs manual and throws it in the back seat] The MANUAL is the thing that got us stuck in the first place!

Lina: I don't see why we have to use this 'car' anyway! Why can't we just Raywing out of here?!

Martina: Not all of us can fly!

Amelia: And last time we tried the men in the flying metal birds came.

Filia: Were they called 'helicopters'?

[Back at the theater backstage]

Mab: We have to go on and do the introduction now!

Zel: Maybe they'll get here by the end of the intro.

Xellos: Maybe the police got Lina again.

Zel/Gourry: Lina was arrested?!

Xellos: That's a secret!

[Lights dim]

Mab: Shoot! We have to start! Okay, none of the girls are in the introduction, so lets just start and see if they come! I'm outta' here.

                                    THE REDUCED SLAYER'S SHAKESPEARE


[Enter Mab in the spotlight]

Mab: Greetings. I would like to welcome you all to tonight's performance of The Reduced Shakespeare! Before we begin, I would like to have you all take a moment to locate the exit nearest you incase the theater catches on fire. If a fire does occur, do run for your life. If lack of oxygen occurs, be aware that an Oxygen mask will drop from above.

[Oxygen mask drops from above the stage]

Just simply pull the strap over your head and breath like you always would. And please, no smoking, drinking, eating, fireballing, mace throwing, hexing people, or picture taking, while in the theater.
Before our play starts, we would like to start you off with a little bit of information on Shakespeare. To do this, Mr. Gourry Gabriev has done some research on the life of Shakespeare.

[Mab goes stage right and sits in a arm chair. Enter Gourry]

Gourry: (ahem) William Shakespeare was born in 1564 in Stratford upon Avon. There, he was third of eight kids and the son of John Shakespeare.

[Backstage]

Zel: Is that Gourry?

Xellos: He got something right.

[Stage front]

Gourry: …Where he married a Roman woman named Cleopatra. In 1588, Shakespeare moved to London to pursue his dream of being a barber. In 1592 his success as a great play-write and actor began. Shakespeare became the first German Kaiser of Japan and led a revolution against…some country…in 1608 after his dramatic product.

[Silence]

Uhh…A few years later Shakespeare signed the Declaration of Independence and brought peace and enlightment to the people of India. He then traveled into the mountains to become a monk. From there, Shakespeare invaded Poland and started World War II. After the war, Shakespeare committed suicide by shooting himself and his girl friend. Thank you.

[Exit Gourry]

Mab:…. And without further adu, The Reduced Shakespeare…

[Exit Mab. Backstage]

Zel: Gourry, I don't think Shakespeare invaded Poland and started World War II.

Zangulus: He sounds like a real powerful man!

Mab: He didn't sign the Declaration of Independence either…. Did any of the girls get here yet?

Xellos: No. Perhaps they just forgot.

Mab: Well that's too bad. And our first play is Romeo and Juliet. And we had Lina as Juliet and Amelia as the Nurse.

Zel: Well you're a girl. You can be Juliet.

Mab: No I can't! I'm the narrator! I'm hardly even going to be here. The only thing I am even going to be doing this whole time is saying bits and pieces of needed information for the plays.

Gourry: Darn. And I was Romeo too.

Zangulus: Anyone have nay ideas?

[They all exchange looks]

Mab: Well this is not so bad. I mean all the actors in Shakespeare's time were men anyway.

Xellos: Wait…

Zel: Are you saying…

Zangulus:……At least I'm already playing a guy!

Mab: Zelgadiss and Xellos, you can take the roles.

Zel/Xellos: WHAT?!

Mab: Zelgadiss, you can be Juliet.

Zel: WHAT?

Mab: Xellos can be the nurse!

Xellos: Hooray. An old perverted lady.

Zel: Hold it! I will not play Juliet! Especially if Gourry is Romeo!

Gourry: Hey! I can be a good Romano!

Xellos: Gourry, it's Ro-me-o. Romano is a cheese.

Zel: And I don't even know what you are doing here reciting Shakespeare when you can't even remember what you ate this morning.

Gourry: I know my lines, and that is all that matters! I am going out there and I am going to play the best Rodeo you have ever seen!

Zel/Xel/Zan: It's Romeo!

Mab: Zel, you are playing Juliet. Now I am sorry to say that you and Xellos will have to change costume. Well, Xellos, you and Zangulus will have to a few times. We need some extra parts.

Zangulus: Hold on, what about that…Valgaav? He's here too!

Zel: Valgaav is an egg…

Zangulus:…Oh…Well anyway, show time!

Gourry: Awww, now I'm hungry…




________________________________________________________________________
Mab's note: Well, that's a taste. I hope that this works out okay. Yes, I will do every one of Shakespeare's works ^_^ how I will you may just have to wait and see. I am writing lots of my other fic, 'Gypsy Moon', right now, so this fic will most likely have very slow updates. Sorry, but it is true. Though, thanks to winter break rolling over, I should have a good amount of time to get the next 'Act' up quite soon. Shakespeare wrote tragedy and killed people in his plays…do not worry, none of the Slayer's will die! But Shakespeare wrote much romance and I am not the kind of person to pass up the chance of putting romance in ~_^. So yes, there will be couplings and they will be traditional. Z/A and L/G and a little X/F (I am a hopeless romantic)

Now, I would like to end this with a much-delayed shout out to Raven Summersong. She has been so kind to me and has helped me much in discussing our fics and writings (and the Two Towers). I have learned a bit in the ways of drama and bittersweet-ness from her work. Raven has a lovely fic out there, and it is called 'Bird'. It is a very different story and very different from normal drama fics. But another she has out there is a fic called 'Stars' and it is VERY cute! In the end I can promise you will be smiling whether you know it or not!