Okay, now here's a character we all (unfortunately) know well: Mary-Sue.
Beautiful, intelligent, adept, modest, and perfect in every way. She can
usually be found joining the Fellowship and screwing things up mightily.
She, of course, completes the whole trek without mussing her hair. Uh-huh.
Plausible. Here's what'd really happen to our dear Mary-Sue if she joined
(or tried to join) the Fellowship.
Chapter I- In Which We Meet our Sue and She Doesn't Really Get Lost
Here we meet our dear Mary-Sue, this particular one having been named Larissiana Prettysilverstar by some incredibly silly parents. These parents, records tell, were either Galadriel and Elrond or two Generic Unknown Rulers of a Generic Unknown Elf Kingdom, who were slaughtered by orcs when she was knee-high to a duck (this fulfills the Tragic Past category). What we do know for sure is that she is a Princess.
This Princess is an Elf, but somehow manages to have some Faery or Nymph or similarly unlikely blood. She has been given long, blonde hair with 'natural' pink and silver streaks. Her eyes are, well, we're not really sure. They're supposed to be flashing-green-etherial-violet-midnight-blue- icey-silver-tawny-gold. But this is impossible, so all we can really see in the vicinity of her irises are blurry blankness (they do say the eye is the window to the soul). Larissiana also somehow manages to be regally tall but endearingly petite, as well as thin but also curvy. Her skin is blemish- free and tanned, but also, confusingly, pale. Her nose is slightly turned up, her magenta lips close demurely over perfect white-chicklet teeth, and she somehow managed to be born with naturally pink nails. These perfect nails seem to be indestructible, as well as dirt-proof. We doubt that she would break a nail if we dropped and atomic bomb on her. This could be partly due to a certain deus ex machina she has on her ring-finger. Oh my. It looks like the Elven Kings got for rings. This one is particularly large and glittery, although faintly plastic looking. And it seems to be named 'Starya'.
Her perfect hair is pulled back in a silver, jewel-studded fillet. Her Generic Gown is Silvery-pink and sewn throughout with jewels and pearls, and is heavily embroidered with gold thread and sequins. Wait.sequins? Ah yes.the power of the Mary-Sue. We also detect a faint whiff of what seems to be Coco Chanel. Now where was I? The gown. Its shimmery fabric, cut in a Low-Necked-Yet-Modest style, seems to be mud repellent. We have been following her through this forest for quite a while, and yet I do not detect one single speck of dirt, grime, or elsewise filth on her hem or train. Maybe if we get closer? Wait, not to close. I think I neglected to mention her Cute Animal Friend. It seems to be a blue unicorn, but acts slightly neurotic and I am afraid it might go into some sort of frenzy if we startle it.
This seems to be a good distance. I still do not see a bit of dirt, but.Wait! She's talking! What's she saying? 'hum, i m looking for rivendale but alas i do not see it./i must keep on looking for it may be soon to get dark." Well, that was anticlimatic. Although, not necessarily unexpected. After all, this is a Sue we're dealing with here.
A.N. Yes, Sue's bad spelling/grammar IS intentional, as is her dubbing Rivendell, 'Rivendale'. Oh, the horror. Anyhow, if you review *hint*, please, please do it honestly and leave your email so I can fix any misunderstandings explain things, even if you flame, and I promise I won't sign you up for Spam or anything of the sort. Please-please-please!
Chapter I- In Which We Meet our Sue and She Doesn't Really Get Lost
Here we meet our dear Mary-Sue, this particular one having been named Larissiana Prettysilverstar by some incredibly silly parents. These parents, records tell, were either Galadriel and Elrond or two Generic Unknown Rulers of a Generic Unknown Elf Kingdom, who were slaughtered by orcs when she was knee-high to a duck (this fulfills the Tragic Past category). What we do know for sure is that she is a Princess.
This Princess is an Elf, but somehow manages to have some Faery or Nymph or similarly unlikely blood. She has been given long, blonde hair with 'natural' pink and silver streaks. Her eyes are, well, we're not really sure. They're supposed to be flashing-green-etherial-violet-midnight-blue- icey-silver-tawny-gold. But this is impossible, so all we can really see in the vicinity of her irises are blurry blankness (they do say the eye is the window to the soul). Larissiana also somehow manages to be regally tall but endearingly petite, as well as thin but also curvy. Her skin is blemish- free and tanned, but also, confusingly, pale. Her nose is slightly turned up, her magenta lips close demurely over perfect white-chicklet teeth, and she somehow managed to be born with naturally pink nails. These perfect nails seem to be indestructible, as well as dirt-proof. We doubt that she would break a nail if we dropped and atomic bomb on her. This could be partly due to a certain deus ex machina she has on her ring-finger. Oh my. It looks like the Elven Kings got for rings. This one is particularly large and glittery, although faintly plastic looking. And it seems to be named 'Starya'.
Her perfect hair is pulled back in a silver, jewel-studded fillet. Her Generic Gown is Silvery-pink and sewn throughout with jewels and pearls, and is heavily embroidered with gold thread and sequins. Wait.sequins? Ah yes.the power of the Mary-Sue. We also detect a faint whiff of what seems to be Coco Chanel. Now where was I? The gown. Its shimmery fabric, cut in a Low-Necked-Yet-Modest style, seems to be mud repellent. We have been following her through this forest for quite a while, and yet I do not detect one single speck of dirt, grime, or elsewise filth on her hem or train. Maybe if we get closer? Wait, not to close. I think I neglected to mention her Cute Animal Friend. It seems to be a blue unicorn, but acts slightly neurotic and I am afraid it might go into some sort of frenzy if we startle it.
This seems to be a good distance. I still do not see a bit of dirt, but.Wait! She's talking! What's she saying? 'hum, i m looking for rivendale but alas i do not see it./i must keep on looking for it may be soon to get dark." Well, that was anticlimatic. Although, not necessarily unexpected. After all, this is a Sue we're dealing with here.
A.N. Yes, Sue's bad spelling/grammar IS intentional, as is her dubbing Rivendell, 'Rivendale'. Oh, the horror. Anyhow, if you review *hint*, please, please do it honestly and leave your email so I can fix any misunderstandings explain things, even if you flame, and I promise I won't sign you up for Spam or anything of the sort. Please-please-please!