There's a Quetzalcoatl in my Living Room
Okay, you remember the ep "the Beast" where Mel asks Cole if they have dogs on Cirron and Cole describes an animal that Mel references as a "snake that barks"? Well, after a few of the typically convoluted convolutions of my mind, this fic happened.
Even though this is supposed to be set relatively late in the season, Jess is still working at the Watchfire. She'll appear later. She's too much fun to get rid of.
Minor spoilers for "The Beast"…
Kukulkan is the Mayan word for a Quetzalcoatl, by the way. (Cirronian also, it would seem. You did know that the Migar species have influenced a lot of our religions and myths, didn't you?) If you don't know what a Quetzalcoatl is, you should figure it out relatively quickly once Cole shows Mel what he's got in the box. Enjoy!
There's a Quetzalcoatl in my Living Room
Part 1 -- Kitten
"Cole, how was your trip?" Mel asked, smiling up from the ledger as he walked in. She rose and shut it, deciding to finish inventory another time. "Did you like Brazil?"
He smiled and nodded, setting his bag and the large box tucked under one arm onto a table. "It was very nice, Mel," he told her, pulling off his coat and hanging it up. "I caught my fugitive and I found something very interesting." He smiled widely. "You have to see it, Mel!" he informed her eagerly, grabbing the box in one hand and hers in the other and hauling both up the stairs. "I wouldn't have thought it was possible," he continued, setting the box on the coffee-table. "But it must be because-- I hope she didn't get too cold in the cab…" he added, frowning.
Mel blinked, shifting uneasily. Cole had brought something back from Brazil? A 'she'? How the hell had he gotten an animal through customs? A very large animal, too, if the size of that box was any indication. Well, he couldn't keep it, plain and simple. It was probably illegal anyway and almost certainly required more specialized care than either of them were equipped to give it.
"Cole, what is it?" she whispered uneasily.
He smiled widely up at her, his eyes shining. "It's a K'kul cahn, Mel," he announced cheerfully, lifting the lid off the box.
"K'kul cahn?" Mel repeated, clearing her throat nervously. "Never heard of one, Cole." She shook her head.
"It's a Cirronian word," he explained cheerfully, catching her hand and urging her towards the box. "Look at her, Mel. She's a real beauty!"
Mel stared at him with wide eyes, a single thought bouncing insanely around inside her head. Krikey, he's starting to sound like Steve Irwin!
Probably not the best of signs. Nervous but not sure how else to proceed, Mel peered cautiously into the box. The sight confronting her was not nearly as intimidating as she had expected it to be. It looked like an enormous tropical bird curled up with its head under its wings, forming a brightly-colored ball of feather. Illegal as hell, but not that scary. She gave a shaky nod and flashed Cole a nervous smile.
"It's… pretty," she said quietly. It was, too. She had never seen such bright colors in her life: brilliant emerald green, deep royal blue, bright crimson.
"She got cold in the taxi," Cole told her, reaching into the box and stroking the creature. Mel could see sparks under his fingers. "She'll be more active when she warms up."
"Cole, where did you find her?" Mel asked softly. Figuring out the sequence of events in Cole's acquisition of the bird was probably her first step in figuring out how to deal with its presence in her apartment.
"In the jungle." Cole smiled up at her. "I didn't know you had them on Earth," he added.
Mel frowned. "You have them on Cirron?"
"Of course, Mel," he told her absently. "I told you about them several months ago. You didn't mention that they had them on Earth as well."
"You… told me?"
He nodded, never taking his attention from the creature in the box, which was beginning to stir slightly. "When I was pursuing Mederand."
Mel thought about that for a moment then took a judicious step backwards. "That thing is a snake?" she whispered uneasily.
"Yes, Mel. A snake that barks." He smiled up at her. "What should I name her?"
"Cole, snakes don't have feathers," she pointed out.
"This one does, Mel," he replied, smiling.
"O… kay. Um, Cole…"
"I wonder how she got to Earth."
"Who cares how it got to Earth?" Mel snapped. "There's a barking boa constrictor with feathers in my living room!"
"K'kul cahn, Mel," he reminded her. "And they aren't constrictors. They use poison to neutralize their prey."
"Yeah, that's comforting…"
Frowning at her agitation, he asked, "Is something wrong?"
"What do you think?" she demanded, shaking her head. "Christ, Cole! Is that thing even safe?"
"Mel, I would not bring a dangerous animal into your home," he told her gently, rising and caressing her throat, his expression reassuring.
She sighed and shook her head. "You can't keep her, Cole," she said apologetically.
"But she likes me!" he protested.
"Cole, it's not legal!"
"There is a law on Earth against keeping K'kul cahn?" he asked, staring at her with a befuddled expression.
She bit her lower lip and shook her head. "Dangerous or exotic animals, Cole. You can't keep them as pets without all these special papers and permits."
He frowned. "But, Mel, she wants me to keep her as a pet."
Mel's eyes widened. A poisonous snake with feathers that could talk? Life with Cole may have been many things, but it was never boring. An ancient Chinese curse came to mind. May you live in interesting times. Mel understood what made that a curse a lot better these days.
"She… told you?"
Cole frowned slightly and shook his head. "They can't talk, Mel. But she would never have followed me back to my hotel unless she wanted to attach herself to me." He shrugged. "They're independent animals, Mel. They only show themselves at all when they wish to bond with an individual. It's considered a great honor to be chosen by one," he added, giving her a hopeful look.
Mel sighed. But she followed me home, Mel! Can I please keep her? How was she supposed to say no to Cole when he was doing the puppy-dog eyes at her?
"Not dangerous?" she asked.
"No, Mel."
"House-broken?" At his frown, she explained. "It's not going to… go all over the place, is it? I mean… it's not going try to use my carpet as a toilet, is it?"
"Of course not, Mel." He shook his head. "I'll teach her to use the regular toilet. It won't take long."
"Right." Mel smiled and nodded. If Cole said he could do that, then he could. "Fine. We'll… keep it, I guess."
Cole smiled brightly. "Thank you, Mel. I think you'll like her very much. But she still needs a name." He smiled and took her hand again, pulling her back to the couch and sitting. He tugged her down next to him. "What is an appropriate human name for a pet?"
"Don't you want a Cirronian name?" she asked, looking at the creature in the box again. It was stirring more now, the feathers on its back ruffling, though it showed no signs of uncurling itself from that ball. She wondered if it actually did have wings as she had initially supposed, or if it was all body.
"Would you like to touch her, Mel?" Cole asked, smiling at her.
"Um, if she's chosen you… bonded with you, how will she take that?" Mel asked uncertainly.
"She won't mind."
With these words, Cole reached into the box and pulled it out, dropping it onto their laps. Mel froze, not sure how else to react. The creature uncoiled enough to raise its head, glare at Cole with iridescent blue eyes, and emit a low hiss.
"Oh, you be nice," Cole ordered cheerfully, shaking his head and scratching its chin.
The creature cocked its head at him and let out a delicate and remarkably human-sounding yawn, her jaws unhinging and separating by better than six inches before slamming shut. Having thus cleared her head, she began snaking her way up his arm and draped herself around his shoulders. As Mel looked on, more bemused than afraid, the K'kul cahn regarded the human curiously. It raised its head to the level of Mel's eyes and fixed her with a searching gaze.
"Cole?" Mel asked uneasily. No wings, she saw. Good. The last thing she needed was this thing with the ability to fly.
"It's okay, Mel. She's just trying to decide if she likes you," Cole assured her.
"Is she going to bite me if she decides she doesn't?" Mel asked, remembering his earlier mention of poison and wondering how she was supposed to explain to the ER doctor that she had been bitten by a poisonous tropical snake with feathers. Krikey…
"Of course not, Mel. They're quite gentle."
"Right." Mel nodded uneasily and regarded the snake-creature uncertainly. "Um, hi," she said to it. Its tongue darted out, connecting with Mel right between her eyes. She whimpered and trembled but did not otherwise move, afraid of startling it. "Cole…"
"Relax, Mel," Cole suggested gently. "She won't hurt you."
"Easy for you to say. You know, if I had known that you wanted a pet, I could have gotten you a kitten or something."
"Kitten. We'll call her Kitten," Cole announced, smiling.
"A barking snake named Kitten?"
"She's not a snake, Mel. She's a K'kul cahn. Snakes don't have feathers," he reminded her.
She gave him a sarcastic smile. "Thanks for the reminder, Cole."
"You're welcome, Mel," he replied cheerfully.
Having finished her scrutiny of Mel, the K'kul cahn returned its attention to Cole, nuzzling his cheek a few times before wrapping itself around his shoulders again and closing her eyes.
"She's purring," Mel whispered, shaking her head.
"The sound means she's happy," Cole explained.
"I know. Cats make the same noise," she told him. "I thought you said they barked."
"Oh, they do, Mel. They make many sounds to suit their moods. Barks are for playful moods, hissing for irritation, and they growl when threatened."
Mel nodded. "How intelligent are they?"
"Very intelligent, Mel."
Mel nodded. "Did you have one on Cirron?"
"Not personally." He shook his head. "My wife had one, though. He… tolerated me. Usually," he amended.
"Right… Well, obviously Kitten here likes you a lot," Mel observed, smiling. "She really is very beautiful, Cole."
He smiled widely at her. "I'm glad that she pleases you, Mel."
"I'm not even going to ask how you got her through Customs," Mel told him, smiling and shaking her head. "But I think I'll be able to get used to having her around. What does she eat?"
"She can eat whatever we do, Mel," Cole told her. "They don't require much."
"Okay, just so we don't have to feed her live prey." Mel made a face.
Cole shook his head. "Not if you'd rather not. She occasionally would pursue rodents in the jungle, but she primarily eats nuts and fruits."
"Is she hungry now?"
He shook his head. "She ate a few days ago."
"How often does she eat?"
Cole gave a noncommittal shrug. "It depends on the temperature and how active she is. She'll let us know."
Mel's eyes widened slightly, wondering exactly what 'letting them know' would entail. "And you promise that she doesn't bite?"
"I promise, Mel. Unless she's agitated or threatened, she won't bite."
"Yay," Mel sighed, nodding. Note to self: don't agitate the barking snake. She smiled uneasily up at him. "Where will she sleep? Does she… need anything special? Food or water or a… habitat?"
Cole shook his head. "All she requires is warmth, Mel. And attention. I can give her that, though." He scratched its chin again. "Would you like to pet her?"
Kitten opened her eyes again and actually smiled at her. Mel swallowed hard. She shook her head quickly. "Thanks, but no. I need to… downstairs and… finish inventory before business picks up." Mel rose and backed into the hallway.
Cole smiled serenely, returning his attention to the feathered serpent coiled around his shoulders. "I think she likes you, Kitten," he said, smiling and scratching her chin.
Kitten purred in response to this attention, raising her head to Cole's eye level and staring at him.
"Well, okay, so maybe not yet," he admitted with a blithe shrug. "But she will. If you're nice to her. I want you to be a good girl, Kitten."
Kitten hissed and waggled her head.
"Kitten, you will be nice to Mel," he ordered firmly. "I mean it. She means a lot to me."
Kitten closed her eyes and nodded.
"Good girl." Cole scratched her chin again. "You'll like her. You will. She's a very nice person, just… nervous."
Kitten made a laughing noise.
"Be nice." Cole shook his head. "Honestly, Kitten," he told her rising and walking into the kitchen. "You were not properly socialized as an infant, you know that?" he asked, pulling open the refrigerator.
Still draped around his shoulders, Kitten hissed in protest at the sudden blast of cold air and jumped across the kitchen and onto the far counter.
"Sorry, Kitten," Cole apologized, placing a Tupperware dish next to the refrigerator before closing the door. He walked over to her and gently pet her. "I forgot. Humans store most of their food in cold places. That's a refrigerator."
Kitten nodded, but hissed.
"We heat the food up before we eat it usually." Cole smiled and continued petting Kitten. His smile widened as she rolled onto her back, purring loudly. "Good girl. You'll like it here, Kitten. Mel and I will take good care of you."
Kitten's purrs grew in volume and she wrapped herself around his hand several times.
"You're making it hard to pet you," Cole pointed out gently.
She looked up at him and barked.
Cole smiled and shook his head. "Let me eat first, okay?"
A low hiss declared exactly what the K'kul cahn thought of that idea.
Cole shook his head. "This body requires fuel now, Kitten," he told her firmly.
She hissed again and curled up in a tight ball on the counter.
"Pout all you want," Cole told her, shaking his head and walking back to the other counter. He grabbed a bowl and filled it with pasta, shoving the Tupperware contained back into the refrigerator and the bowl into the microwave. When it was done, he added a little butter and a dusting of parmesan and carried it back to the counter where Kitten was still curled up. "You might like this," he observed, taking a bite.
Kitten immediately uncoiled and regarded him curiously.
"Here." Cole reached into the bowl and picked up a few pieces of pasta, extending them to Kitten. "Open up." When she had, he dropped them into her mouth, smiling when she purred. "Help yourself," he offered, pushing the bowl towards her. She immediately shoved her face into it, earning a laugh from Cole. He was reminded of his own table manners in his early days on Earth. She would improve. Shaking his head, he continued eating. "I guess you like that. I didn't think you'd be hungry again yet."
Kitten raised her head out of the bowl and shivered before returning her attention to the hot food.
"I know. I'm sorry you got cold on the way from the airport. It'll be easier inside the apartment, I promise. It doesn't get that cold inside." He smiled at her soft purr and they continued eating in silence until the bowl was empty. "More?" Cole offered. "I can make more."
Kitten shook her head and barked at him.
"You want to play now?" Cole guessed.
She nodded and barked again.
"Okay." He laughed and nodded. Few things were harder to resist than a K'kul cahn who wanted to play. "We'll play and then I'll groom your feathers, okay? How's that sound?" he asked, extending his hand.
Kitten nodded purred loudly as she climbed up his arm and wrapped herself around his shoulders again.
End Part 1 -- Don't worry. It'll get more interesting and funnier as well :) That is, if you think it'll be funny for Mel to wake up with a poisonous barking snake with feathers sleeping on her chest…