Garet: I don't believe it. . . she actually got reviews for this. . .
Dfire: *teary eyes* Thank you! Thank you everyone!
Garet: People must not have anything to do.
Dfire: *ignores him* This parody is going to go by the events in the movie, rather than the book, because the book is waaaaaay too long. Actually, the movie's long too, but ah well. And I realized that the last chapter was WAY too long for only 2 scenes, so I'm cutting it down a little.
Isaac: Thank Venus.
Dfire: *glare* And on another note, in case some of you are wondering, no, I'm not trying to bash Felix, he just happens to be a very good character to torture.
Felix: Why me?
Garet: -_-: Dfire does not own Harry Potter, Golden Sun (thank Mars), the scene titles, and any other brand name that's mentioned in this stupid fic. Rated PG for scary moments and mild language. *to Dfire* WHAT scary moments?
Dfire: *too busy suffocating Felix in a hug to answer*
Garet: Oookay, guess that counts for one of them.
~~~Actions/Stage directions are in asterisks. *like this*
Narration is in curved brackets. {like this}
The new cast members used in each chapter will be announced.
CAST:
The Inn Guy - Hagrid
_______________
SCENE 3 - THE LETTERS FROM NO ONE
_______________
{A week later. . .}
Isaac: *walks out of cupboard brushing spiders out of his hair* I hate spiders. *goes to door, and picks up the mail* Bills, bills, 'Warning: DO NOT OPEN, rabid rabbit inside!' . . .ookay. . . .really ugly postcard. .
Mia: Hey! I drew that!
Isaac: Wow! *big eyes* There's a letter for me! *looks at the letter's address which is written in yellow ink*
Voice Backstage: I didn't know there was a such thing as yellow ink.
Voice Backstage 2: Shut up!
Mr. I. Snotter The Cupboard under the Stairs 4 Flint Drive West Vale Angara
Isaac: *walks to the kitchen, his eyes still on the letter* *bangs into door* Ow.
{IN KITCHEN}
Isaac: *hands bills and ugly postcard to Saturos and walks to a chair looking at his stupid letter*
Felix: *sulking on one side of the table*
Isaac: *waits*
Felix: *sulks*
Director: FELIX! Hurry up and grab the letter!
Felix: *growls* *manages to grab the letter out of Isaac's hand* *sullenly* Mom--*gag*--Dad--*gag*--Isaac's got a letter. . .
Director: Oh GREAT emotion Felix, really.
Felix: YOU try it with all these stupid pillows!
Isaac: Ahem! It's mine!
Saturos: *takes the letter and sneers at Isaac* Who would be writing to YOU brat? And when did you learn how to talk?
Isaac: -_-
Saturos: *looks at letter and pales* *or rather, tries to* Hello?? I'm BLUE! How the heck am I supposed to pale??
{Later, in the cupboard}
Isaac: *loudly sighs* I'm so bored! I want my letter!! What is so wrong with me getting a letter??? RACISM! FAVORTISM! UNCLE SATUROS AND AUNT MENARDI ARE BIG FAT MEANIES!!! *buries head in pillows* . . .ew, there's a spider on my pillow. . .
*crickets chirp*
{Suddenly, the sound of a whirling screwdriver is heard.}
Isaac: *pokes his head out of the cupboard to see Saturos at the door*
Saturos: Hah! Let those stupid letters come! They can't get through this boarded up mail slot! *accidentally uses the screwdriver on his own finger* AAAAAAAGH!!!
Isaac: *quickly goes back into the cupboard*
{Sunday, in the kitchen.}
Saturos: *grinning evilly* Today's Sunday! In my opinion, the best day of the week. Why is that Felix?
Felix: *glares as he sits pouting in the corner* How should I know?
Isaac: There's no post on Sunday.
Saturos: Right you are Isaac! No post on Sundays! Not a single bloody letter-OW!
*letter hits him on the head* *snickering is heard offstage*
Saturos: All right, who threw that???
{Then, something sounding like an eruption comes from the fireplace chimney.}
Garet {standing inside}: *is casting Eruption* Man, this is taking it out of me! Mia, hurry up and throw those letters down!
{Hundreds of letters stream into room. Saturos yells, Menardi runs for cover and Felix, of course, sits there.}
Felix: Hey! You forgot about me!
Saturos: AAAAAH!!! Papercuts!
Menardi: And I just re-dyed my skin last night! The letters are scratching the paint off!
Felix: O.o
{Meanwhile, Isaac is jumping up and down, trying to catch a letter.}
Isaac: *jumping up and down, trying to catch a letter*
Saturos: *sighs and waits*
Isaac: *jumping up and down, trying to catch a letter*
Saturos: *taps foot*
Isaac: *jumping up and down, trying to catch a letter*
Saturos: *mutters* I will never ask a Venus adept to play catch. Ever.
Isaac: *finally catches one and runs out of the room*
Saturos: Give me that letter! *runs after him and tackles him to the ground*
Isaac: !!! Gaia Blade!
*nothing happens*
Isaac: Damn, I left it in my trailer!
Saturos: That's it! We're going far, FAR away! Where they'll never find us!!!
Felix {after being forcefully rolled to the door by Menardi}: Daddy's gone mad. . .but then again, what else is new?
Director: Felix!
________________
SCENE 4 - KEEPER OF THE KEYS
________________
{In the middle of Karagol Sea, in a tiny little hut on a rock.}
Felix and Isaac: . . .
Felix: Doesn't a Kraken live in the middle of Karagol Sea?
Isaac: Yes.
Felix: And don't Krakens like attacking people for no particular reason?
Isaac: Yes.
Felix: *sighs, shifting on his pillows* We're doomed.
{Camera zooms out to show Felix laying on the floor using his own pillows as a bed. He wouldn't fit on the couch.}
Felix: You really expect me to with all these stupid pillows???
{Isaac has his legs on the couch and is hanging sideways off, talking to Felix.}
Isaac: You know what? I think Garet likes your sister.
Felix: Whaaaat?? Jenna??
Isaac: Yup.
Felix: No way! I'm not letting that idiot TOUCH her!
Isaac: Felix. . .
Felix: Not a chance! I'm not letting my little sister end up with someone like him!
Isaac: Felix. . .
Felix: I haven't forgiven him yet for setting my hair on fire that one-
Director: AHEM! You two! Follow the script! Felix, you're supposed to hate Isaac! And you're supposed to be asleep! On the couch!
Felix: *incredulous stare* I don't FIT!
Director: *not listening* And Isaac, you're supposed to be on the ground, drawing a birthday cake in the sand with 11 candles!
Isaac: *whines* It's dusty! And it'll get on my clothes. . .anyways, why do I have to draw a birthday cake? And why 11 candles?
Director: Because it's your birthday! And you're turning 11 years old!
Isaac: It's not my birthday! And I'm not 11, I'm 17!
Director: You're 11!
Isaac: I'm 17!
Director: 11!
Isaac: 17!
Director: YOU'RE 11 AND IF YOU DON'T GET DOWN ON THE GROUND AND DRAW A CAKE, YOU'RE DEAD!!!!
Isaac: Alright, I'm 11! *jumps to the ground and starts to hastily draw a cake*
Director: *rubs temples* I liked you better when you didn't talk.
{A big booming noise comes from outside the door. The door shudders each time from impact, but does not open.}
Inn Guy {from outside}: Stupid door! Open already! Will someone knock down this door for me???
Garet: *grumbling about how he always has to do the hard work* *comes out and kicks down the door*
Inn Guy: Thanks! *comes in* *cheerfully* Sorry about that!
{Saturos and Menardi come running down the stairs. Well, Menardi does. Saturos falls down the stairs.}
Saturos: Hey! Who are you?? I'll warn you, I'm an evil adept! *tries to look evil and menacing*
Menardi: *rolls eyes*
Isaac and Felix: *stare*
Isaac: *suddenly* Hey! I have a complaint about the inn you run in Imil! There's no heater!
Inn Guy: Well uh. . .
Isaac: And the beds were lumpy!
Inn Guy: Budget cuts you know. . .
Isaac: I was FREEZING!!! And you wouldn't even let Garet light a fire cause you were afraid that it would burn the inn down---
Inn Guy: AHEM! *looks at the door which is on the ground* *grunts* Too heavy. As I was saying. . .hi Isaac! Last time I saw you were only 17 years old---
Isaac: I still AM 17 years old!
Inn Guy: I thought you were 11.
Isaac: 17!
Inn Guy: Same difference. Well, here's a birthday cake for you! *pulls out a box from jacket pocket and gives it to Isaac*
Isaac: *looks suspiciously at the cake* What did you put in this?
Inn Guy: *ignoring him* I'm the Inn Guy, Keeper of the Keys and Grounds at Alephs. Of course you know all about Alephs, don't you?
Isaac: You mean Mt. Aleph? Sure, Vale's right at the foot of it---
Inn Guy: No, Alephs. Not MOUNT Aleph.
Isaac: What's the differ-
Inn Guy: Do you know or not???
Isaac: Noooo. . .
Inn Guy: What? You don't know? Didn't you ever wonder where your parents learned it all?
Isaac: All what?
Saturos: No! You can't tell him!
Inn Guy: Why not?
Saturos: Because then he will gain the power to beat me up on top of random lighthouses and make me fall into bottomless pits only to end up at the BOTTOM of the lighthouse where it the horror all STARTED!!!
Inn Guy: . . .ok, I won't tell him.
Director: WOULD YOU friggin FOLLOW the script???
Inn Guy: All right, sheesh! Isaac, you're a wizard, and here's your letter. *hands him an envelope*
Isaac: That was random. . . *opens the letter and reads* Dear Mr. Snotter, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Aleph's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Wow, I'm a wizard??? COOL!!!
Inn Guy: So can we go already?
Isaac: Yeah!
{The two exit out of the door.}
Saturos: *banging head on floor* Why did it all have to end this waaaay???
Menardi: -_- Idiot. I'm going back to bed.
Felix: WAIT!!! ISAAC! Don't leave me!!! *looks at Saturos who is banging his head on the floor and Menardi who is painting her skin pink* Not with these two!!! PLEASE, TAKE PITY!!!
Isaac: *comes back in*
Felix: *hopefully* Isaac! You came back for me!
Isaac: Nope, forgot the cake. *takes the cake and exits*
Felix: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
_________________
Dfire: *shakes head* Poor guy.
Garet: I didn't burn his hair THAT bad!
Dfire: *skeptic look* Oh, reaaaaaally?
Felix: *sarcastically* Oh no Garet, you only cast Flare TEN TIMES ON ME!
Garet: You were asking for it! You shouldn't have taken my rubber ducky!
Felix: It wasn't yours, it was MINE to begin with!
Garet: Mine!
Felix: Mine!
Garet: MINE!!
Felix: MINE!!
Dfire: *rolls eyes as argument continues behind her* Aaaaaanyways, let me quick response to some reviews.
Griffinkhan - Heheh. Don't worry. . .I was planning to do that with Ivan. . .hehheh.
Ivan: *gulps*
Isaac says Booga - O.o Er. . .I'm sorry you don't like the casting. But in my opinion, Jenna does better as Hermione for these reasons: 1) Jenna, Isaac, and Garet were all good friends in their childhood in the game, which works with the Harry, Ron, and Hermione thing. 2) Putting Mia as Hermione would mean that Garet and Mia would be the eventual couple if I ever do keep writing these HP parodies (since the couple is Ron and Hermione). And I have read Sun Wars. . .but what does that have to do with anything?
Dfire: All right, now that we've got that cleared up, I think I better just put the whole cast in the next chapter. What do you think guys? Guys?
Garet: IT WAS MINE!
Felix: NO IT WASN'T, IT WAS MINE!!!
Garet: MINE!
Felix: MINE!
Jenna: Shut UP, both of you! *bangs both of them on the head with her staff, effectively knocking them out*
Dfire: -_- Um, yeah. . .review!
Dfire: *teary eyes* Thank you! Thank you everyone!
Garet: People must not have anything to do.
Dfire: *ignores him* This parody is going to go by the events in the movie, rather than the book, because the book is waaaaaay too long. Actually, the movie's long too, but ah well. And I realized that the last chapter was WAY too long for only 2 scenes, so I'm cutting it down a little.
Isaac: Thank Venus.
Dfire: *glare* And on another note, in case some of you are wondering, no, I'm not trying to bash Felix, he just happens to be a very good character to torture.
Felix: Why me?
Garet: -_-: Dfire does not own Harry Potter, Golden Sun (thank Mars), the scene titles, and any other brand name that's mentioned in this stupid fic. Rated PG for scary moments and mild language. *to Dfire* WHAT scary moments?
Dfire: *too busy suffocating Felix in a hug to answer*
Garet: Oookay, guess that counts for one of them.
~~~Actions/Stage directions are in asterisks. *like this*
Narration is in curved brackets. {like this}
The new cast members used in each chapter will be announced.
CAST:
The Inn Guy - Hagrid
_______________
SCENE 3 - THE LETTERS FROM NO ONE
_______________
{A week later. . .}
Isaac: *walks out of cupboard brushing spiders out of his hair* I hate spiders. *goes to door, and picks up the mail* Bills, bills, 'Warning: DO NOT OPEN, rabid rabbit inside!' . . .ookay. . . .really ugly postcard. .
Mia: Hey! I drew that!
Isaac: Wow! *big eyes* There's a letter for me! *looks at the letter's address which is written in yellow ink*
Voice Backstage: I didn't know there was a such thing as yellow ink.
Voice Backstage 2: Shut up!
Mr. I. Snotter The Cupboard under the Stairs 4 Flint Drive West Vale Angara
Isaac: *walks to the kitchen, his eyes still on the letter* *bangs into door* Ow.
{IN KITCHEN}
Isaac: *hands bills and ugly postcard to Saturos and walks to a chair looking at his stupid letter*
Felix: *sulking on one side of the table*
Isaac: *waits*
Felix: *sulks*
Director: FELIX! Hurry up and grab the letter!
Felix: *growls* *manages to grab the letter out of Isaac's hand* *sullenly* Mom--*gag*--Dad--*gag*--Isaac's got a letter. . .
Director: Oh GREAT emotion Felix, really.
Felix: YOU try it with all these stupid pillows!
Isaac: Ahem! It's mine!
Saturos: *takes the letter and sneers at Isaac* Who would be writing to YOU brat? And when did you learn how to talk?
Isaac: -_-
Saturos: *looks at letter and pales* *or rather, tries to* Hello?? I'm BLUE! How the heck am I supposed to pale??
{Later, in the cupboard}
Isaac: *loudly sighs* I'm so bored! I want my letter!! What is so wrong with me getting a letter??? RACISM! FAVORTISM! UNCLE SATUROS AND AUNT MENARDI ARE BIG FAT MEANIES!!! *buries head in pillows* . . .ew, there's a spider on my pillow. . .
*crickets chirp*
{Suddenly, the sound of a whirling screwdriver is heard.}
Isaac: *pokes his head out of the cupboard to see Saturos at the door*
Saturos: Hah! Let those stupid letters come! They can't get through this boarded up mail slot! *accidentally uses the screwdriver on his own finger* AAAAAAAGH!!!
Isaac: *quickly goes back into the cupboard*
{Sunday, in the kitchen.}
Saturos: *grinning evilly* Today's Sunday! In my opinion, the best day of the week. Why is that Felix?
Felix: *glares as he sits pouting in the corner* How should I know?
Isaac: There's no post on Sunday.
Saturos: Right you are Isaac! No post on Sundays! Not a single bloody letter-OW!
*letter hits him on the head* *snickering is heard offstage*
Saturos: All right, who threw that???
{Then, something sounding like an eruption comes from the fireplace chimney.}
Garet {standing inside}: *is casting Eruption* Man, this is taking it out of me! Mia, hurry up and throw those letters down!
{Hundreds of letters stream into room. Saturos yells, Menardi runs for cover and Felix, of course, sits there.}
Felix: Hey! You forgot about me!
Saturos: AAAAAH!!! Papercuts!
Menardi: And I just re-dyed my skin last night! The letters are scratching the paint off!
Felix: O.o
{Meanwhile, Isaac is jumping up and down, trying to catch a letter.}
Isaac: *jumping up and down, trying to catch a letter*
Saturos: *sighs and waits*
Isaac: *jumping up and down, trying to catch a letter*
Saturos: *taps foot*
Isaac: *jumping up and down, trying to catch a letter*
Saturos: *mutters* I will never ask a Venus adept to play catch. Ever.
Isaac: *finally catches one and runs out of the room*
Saturos: Give me that letter! *runs after him and tackles him to the ground*
Isaac: !!! Gaia Blade!
*nothing happens*
Isaac: Damn, I left it in my trailer!
Saturos: That's it! We're going far, FAR away! Where they'll never find us!!!
Felix {after being forcefully rolled to the door by Menardi}: Daddy's gone mad. . .but then again, what else is new?
Director: Felix!
________________
SCENE 4 - KEEPER OF THE KEYS
________________
{In the middle of Karagol Sea, in a tiny little hut on a rock.}
Felix and Isaac: . . .
Felix: Doesn't a Kraken live in the middle of Karagol Sea?
Isaac: Yes.
Felix: And don't Krakens like attacking people for no particular reason?
Isaac: Yes.
Felix: *sighs, shifting on his pillows* We're doomed.
{Camera zooms out to show Felix laying on the floor using his own pillows as a bed. He wouldn't fit on the couch.}
Felix: You really expect me to with all these stupid pillows???
{Isaac has his legs on the couch and is hanging sideways off, talking to Felix.}
Isaac: You know what? I think Garet likes your sister.
Felix: Whaaaat?? Jenna??
Isaac: Yup.
Felix: No way! I'm not letting that idiot TOUCH her!
Isaac: Felix. . .
Felix: Not a chance! I'm not letting my little sister end up with someone like him!
Isaac: Felix. . .
Felix: I haven't forgiven him yet for setting my hair on fire that one-
Director: AHEM! You two! Follow the script! Felix, you're supposed to hate Isaac! And you're supposed to be asleep! On the couch!
Felix: *incredulous stare* I don't FIT!
Director: *not listening* And Isaac, you're supposed to be on the ground, drawing a birthday cake in the sand with 11 candles!
Isaac: *whines* It's dusty! And it'll get on my clothes. . .anyways, why do I have to draw a birthday cake? And why 11 candles?
Director: Because it's your birthday! And you're turning 11 years old!
Isaac: It's not my birthday! And I'm not 11, I'm 17!
Director: You're 11!
Isaac: I'm 17!
Director: 11!
Isaac: 17!
Director: YOU'RE 11 AND IF YOU DON'T GET DOWN ON THE GROUND AND DRAW A CAKE, YOU'RE DEAD!!!!
Isaac: Alright, I'm 11! *jumps to the ground and starts to hastily draw a cake*
Director: *rubs temples* I liked you better when you didn't talk.
{A big booming noise comes from outside the door. The door shudders each time from impact, but does not open.}
Inn Guy {from outside}: Stupid door! Open already! Will someone knock down this door for me???
Garet: *grumbling about how he always has to do the hard work* *comes out and kicks down the door*
Inn Guy: Thanks! *comes in* *cheerfully* Sorry about that!
{Saturos and Menardi come running down the stairs. Well, Menardi does. Saturos falls down the stairs.}
Saturos: Hey! Who are you?? I'll warn you, I'm an evil adept! *tries to look evil and menacing*
Menardi: *rolls eyes*
Isaac and Felix: *stare*
Isaac: *suddenly* Hey! I have a complaint about the inn you run in Imil! There's no heater!
Inn Guy: Well uh. . .
Isaac: And the beds were lumpy!
Inn Guy: Budget cuts you know. . .
Isaac: I was FREEZING!!! And you wouldn't even let Garet light a fire cause you were afraid that it would burn the inn down---
Inn Guy: AHEM! *looks at the door which is on the ground* *grunts* Too heavy. As I was saying. . .hi Isaac! Last time I saw you were only 17 years old---
Isaac: I still AM 17 years old!
Inn Guy: I thought you were 11.
Isaac: 17!
Inn Guy: Same difference. Well, here's a birthday cake for you! *pulls out a box from jacket pocket and gives it to Isaac*
Isaac: *looks suspiciously at the cake* What did you put in this?
Inn Guy: *ignoring him* I'm the Inn Guy, Keeper of the Keys and Grounds at Alephs. Of course you know all about Alephs, don't you?
Isaac: You mean Mt. Aleph? Sure, Vale's right at the foot of it---
Inn Guy: No, Alephs. Not MOUNT Aleph.
Isaac: What's the differ-
Inn Guy: Do you know or not???
Isaac: Noooo. . .
Inn Guy: What? You don't know? Didn't you ever wonder where your parents learned it all?
Isaac: All what?
Saturos: No! You can't tell him!
Inn Guy: Why not?
Saturos: Because then he will gain the power to beat me up on top of random lighthouses and make me fall into bottomless pits only to end up at the BOTTOM of the lighthouse where it the horror all STARTED!!!
Inn Guy: . . .ok, I won't tell him.
Director: WOULD YOU friggin FOLLOW the script???
Inn Guy: All right, sheesh! Isaac, you're a wizard, and here's your letter. *hands him an envelope*
Isaac: That was random. . . *opens the letter and reads* Dear Mr. Snotter, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Aleph's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Wow, I'm a wizard??? COOL!!!
Inn Guy: So can we go already?
Isaac: Yeah!
{The two exit out of the door.}
Saturos: *banging head on floor* Why did it all have to end this waaaay???
Menardi: -_- Idiot. I'm going back to bed.
Felix: WAIT!!! ISAAC! Don't leave me!!! *looks at Saturos who is banging his head on the floor and Menardi who is painting her skin pink* Not with these two!!! PLEASE, TAKE PITY!!!
Isaac: *comes back in*
Felix: *hopefully* Isaac! You came back for me!
Isaac: Nope, forgot the cake. *takes the cake and exits*
Felix: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
_________________
Dfire: *shakes head* Poor guy.
Garet: I didn't burn his hair THAT bad!
Dfire: *skeptic look* Oh, reaaaaaally?
Felix: *sarcastically* Oh no Garet, you only cast Flare TEN TIMES ON ME!
Garet: You were asking for it! You shouldn't have taken my rubber ducky!
Felix: It wasn't yours, it was MINE to begin with!
Garet: Mine!
Felix: Mine!
Garet: MINE!!
Felix: MINE!!
Dfire: *rolls eyes as argument continues behind her* Aaaaaanyways, let me quick response to some reviews.
Griffinkhan - Heheh. Don't worry. . .I was planning to do that with Ivan. . .hehheh.
Ivan: *gulps*
Isaac says Booga - O.o Er. . .I'm sorry you don't like the casting. But in my opinion, Jenna does better as Hermione for these reasons: 1) Jenna, Isaac, and Garet were all good friends in their childhood in the game, which works with the Harry, Ron, and Hermione thing. 2) Putting Mia as Hermione would mean that Garet and Mia would be the eventual couple if I ever do keep writing these HP parodies (since the couple is Ron and Hermione). And I have read Sun Wars. . .but what does that have to do with anything?
Dfire: All right, now that we've got that cleared up, I think I better just put the whole cast in the next chapter. What do you think guys? Guys?
Garet: IT WAS MINE!
Felix: NO IT WASN'T, IT WAS MINE!!!
Garet: MINE!
Felix: MINE!
Jenna: Shut UP, both of you! *bangs both of them on the head with her staff, effectively knocking them out*
Dfire: -_- Um, yeah. . .review!