A/N: Hello. Tafi here. Lafi is a wimp & is afraid to write another chapter.
She claims that she sucks incredibly. -_- She did actually write the first
few paragraphs, & I read them once, but then *poof* she deleted them.
I understand that you enjoy this story & would appreciate an update. Since I'm such a nice, smart, kind, generous, pretty, friendly, talented, powerful, perfect, humble person I decided I would write & post it for you. You have my permission to worship me.
LOL! So did any of you actually believe anything I just typed? I hope not or else my rep was just horribly destroyed. . . eep. . . er, I outta delete all that right now. But I'm too lazy. So I'll write you wonderfully tolerant people some R/Ns instead! But later because I don't feel like it right now. Sorry. You will get R/Ns next time! I promise!
I think I need a Laffy Taffy. . .
Chapter 4
Suddenly the fire went out.
"OH GOD!!!"
"Huh?"
"Er, sorry. That's what we call Eru where I'm from."
"Oh, ok."
"Has anyone realized that WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE?!?!?!?!"
"CALM DOWN, Faramir!"
"That's wasn't me, it was Boromir!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Yeah huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm being attacked!"
"No, Merry, those are my boobs."
"Oh."
There was silence for a few moments.
"Merry, LET GO OF THEM!!!!!"
"Oh, right. Er. . . ok."
"Wait, wasn't there a cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter?"
"Merry, I meant NOW."
"Oh, right. Er. . . ok."
"Sam, what are you talking about?"
Pippin started laughing. "Yeah, whoever heard of a CLIFF?"
"Merry, get those bony fingers off my chest!!!"
"Oh, right. Er. . . ok."
"Wasn't there a sound?"
"Hey, you're right, Sam!"
"No, you were making it up."
"But Mr. Frodo-"
"Merry, if you don't get your little hands off my bosom RIGHT NOW I'll-"
"Oh, right. Er. . . ok."
"There wasn't any sound! I would have remembered!"
"I know I heard-"
"Shut up Legolas! I'm the Ringbearer! I KNOW ALL!"
"You're not the Ringbearer, I am! And I've had it with you, Merry!" Sounds and screams of a fight were heard.
"So. . . Boromir was right. There was sound so we're all gonna die."
"OH NO! I WAS RIGHT! WE'RE DOOOOOOOMED!!!! DOOOOOOOOMED I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!"
"Wait a minute. . . who set the fire out?"
"Aragorn, please tell me you didn't just realize that. You're supposed to be leading us."
"Uh. . . what do you want me to say?"
"Oh Eru."
Suddenly an unknown woman's voice was heard. "NOTICE ME, DAMMIT!"
"Who was that?"
"It was just the Ringbearer."
"No it wasn't! I'm beating up Merry and not listening to any of you!"
"Then how did you know he said it was you?" There was a short pause.
"Shut up Sam."
Someone suddenly relit the fire. Everyone could see that Frodo's eyes were somehow the size of dinner plates, Sam was in a tree, Legolas was nervously hugging the same tree, Aragorn was peeing on that same tree, Pippin's nose was an inch from Boromir's crotch, the chick was sitting on Merry's face, and Faramir was simply standing off to the side.
"ACK!" Legolas jumped backwards into Pippin. Boromir groaned in pain & fell over as Pippin hurriedly wiped his nose on a leaf. Sam climbed higher in the tree. The babe stood up.
"Hey!" Merry whined. "I liked that view."
"Shut up, perv."
Aragorn pulled up his pants. "Who relit the fire?"
"I did, you scroungy idiot!" They all turned to a painfully beautiful woman glaring at them from the edge of the clearing. About half a dozen more could be seen behind her. Everyone but Legolas had to shield their eyes.
"It's THEM!!!!!!!" Legolas quickly jumped into the highest tree he could find.
"Leggy-poo!" The strange women said in unison. The Ringbearer growled.
"You're scaring him!" The hot chick and the strange women screamed in unison. "No, you are!" Aragorn stepped forward.
"Who are you?"
"Duh, I'm the Ringbearer."
"No, them."
The leader of the women lifted her chin. "I am Elanor." Sam fell out of his tree with a thump, but immediately stood up and waddled to stand by the Ringbearer and Aragorn.
"Whoa. . . my daughter got TALL. . ."
"I am not your daughter." Elanor's impossibly bright eyes darkened slightly and she looked sad. "My parents are dead." Sam blushed.
"Oh, oops. That's good, because you scare me even more than her." He pointed to the girl standing beside him.
"I am the last of my race." Elanor said for no apparent reason. "I am a unicorn."
Everyone stared at her for a moment before bursting out laughing.
"It's not funny!" Elanor shape-shifted into her horse form. Everyone laughed harder. Elanor realized that she had forgotten to dismount and what it looked like she was doing, so she quickly shifted back to her human form.
"Wait a minute. . ." Avril Lavigne (T/N: That was a VERY random suggestion for a name from a reviewer, so don't get confused. Canadians aren't popping up everywhere. . . yet. . .) looked confused. "If you're the last unicorn, who are your friends?"
"I am Alex, I'm a transformer and a slave of Sauron. I fell in love with Legolas and turned good. But then I died and Legolas vowed to never fall in love again."
"I am Christina, the last paper clip. Aragorn and Legolas both love me, but I love only Legolas. Sometimes Aragorn gets jealous and tries to kill Legolas. I am a desk lamp. I am Frodo's younger sister, but I am an immortal human. I lived with Frodo and his father Bilbo after my parents were killed by buttons. Of course, I can't forget the time I lived with eagles before I lived with Frodo and Bilbo and my parents died. My parents were eagles, in fact. That's why I'm half eagle, whole paper clip, third desk lamp, three-fourths immortal human, one-sixteenth pen, and twenty- seven-fiftieths fire. I lived in Mordor before it was evil. I'm seventeen!"
"I am Arwenia, and I have red hair and violet eyes. I am Aragorn's younger half-sister, which explains my raven black hair and grayish blue eyes. I am half human which is why I have pink hair, half vampire that explains my maroon eyes, half elf which is why my hair is silver and my eyes blue, and half cat. That's why my eyes are yellow. I entrance men of all races with my flowing chestnut locks. Legolas instantly fell in love with my forest green eyes, golden hair, and purple-green-blue-brown eyes."
"I am Justin Timberlakiwen. I fell into Middle-earth through a portal in China. The portal confused me for a girl, so I turned into one. . . but it's ok, because I was gay anyway." There was a pause. Justin Timberlakiwen realized he was still a man, only wearing a dress. "Oh. . . er. . . never mind!"
"I am Stephaniel Gardenia, the long-lost youngest child of Galadriel and Sauron. I possess the power to heal, and a single tear of mine will raise the dead. That proved very useful when my father Elrond nearly died because my sister Aragorn accidentally shot him in the head. It was also useful when my father Aragorn killed himself after nearly killing my older brother Elrond. I fell in love with Legolas after my father Celeborn introduced us at my father Théoden's annual royal ball. My father Denethor, who abused me, didn't want me to marry Legolas. We ran away to Rivendell after my father killed Legolas. My mother and father, Elladan and Elrohir, gave me a pony when I was three. I am very sad because since my father Thranduil is Legolas' younger brother, I can't marry Frodo. Are you my mother?"
"I am Star Goldfish, I came to Middle-earth through a portal in my DVD player. I came to save Legolas. I failed and he died-"
Legolas whimpered. "I'm dead?" Chikeroo gasped.
"Ohmigod! You killed Legolas! You bastards!"
"WE DID NOT!!!"
Star Goldfish rolled her eyes. "Duh, a dragon did."
"And we would never kill him anyway," Stephaniel Gardenia explained. "We are a tribe of Mary-Sues. We, just like the other tribes, wander the boughs of this forest forever hunting Legolas."
"Yeah!" Alex agreed. "We want to marry him, not KILL him!"
Hailie Jade (T/N: & with best wishes to the reviewer wanting this name. Just don't drool like that if you meet him [I'm talking about Eminem if nosey readers care about private conversations], ok?) rolled her eyes. "Well, he obviously can't marry ALL of you."
"Then he must choose!" Elanor shouted. Justin Timberlakiwen raised his eyebrows.
"I don't have a story yet! And which one is he? Nobody's told me yet! Does he look anything like John Mayer?" Justin Timberlakiwen drooled slightly.
"No. . ." Arwenia pointed up. "That's him in the tree."
"Whoa. . . he is hot!"
"But you shall not be a Mary-Sue anymore," Elanor declared. "As the leader of this Mary-Sue tribe, I must ban you from ever being a Mary-Sue since you lusted after someone besides Legolas."
"B-but Stephaniel Gardenia is sad because she can't marry Frodo! Doesn't that imply she loves Frodo?"
Elanor shrugged. "She was confused for a moment. Airhead young women commonly are. But she says she loves Legolas. You never said that you loved Legolas."
"That's not fair!" Justin Timberlakiwen whined. "Shouldn't I meet him before I declare my love for him?" The Mary-Sues gasped. Elanor glared.
"You have now broken two laws of Mary-Sueness. You lusted after another and you thought logically. Of all things. . . thought LOGICALLY! How DARE you??? Come Mary-Sues, since our tribe is now six instead of the required seven we must find another in order to compete for Legolas." The Mary-Sues mounted their horses ad began to leave. Justin Timberlakiwen ran after them.
"Wait! WAIT! Where am I supposed to go? I don't even know where the hell I am!" He started to cry. "I want to find my *NSYNC buddies. I should have never left them. But now they're gone, gone-"
"Wait a minute! Hold up! STOP! No singing by you, ok?" Publisher's Clearing House (T/N: Don't ask) shouted. "Since you're kind of a Mary-Sue I guess it would make sense if you traveled with us or something, since Mary-Sues do that. But you cannot sing at all. And we need to find you some pants."
A/N: So. . . a new companion. Wonder how long he'll last. And we haven't seen the last of the Mary-Sues, have we? ^_^
Lafi would like to point out that she came up with a few things used in this chapter, but I would like to point out that I came up with approximately five-sevenths of the ideas and wrote it all too. Don't hate me for bringing Justin into this - that's the only idea I came up with that Lafi doesn't feel se needs credit for, so I'm wondering what you'll think. . .
I would like to point out in officialish disclaimer form that Elanor is a character stolen by Lafi, not by me. Author of "The Unicorn," blame Lafi, not me. Thank you.
~*Tafi*~
PS: This was posted by my good friend XxDragon Princess NikkixX because Lafi & I are currently banned from the net cuz of bad grades. Please give her the thanx she deserves. Thanx girl!
I understand that you enjoy this story & would appreciate an update. Since I'm such a nice, smart, kind, generous, pretty, friendly, talented, powerful, perfect, humble person I decided I would write & post it for you. You have my permission to worship me.
LOL! So did any of you actually believe anything I just typed? I hope not or else my rep was just horribly destroyed. . . eep. . . er, I outta delete all that right now. But I'm too lazy. So I'll write you wonderfully tolerant people some R/Ns instead! But later because I don't feel like it right now. Sorry. You will get R/Ns next time! I promise!
I think I need a Laffy Taffy. . .
Chapter 4
Suddenly the fire went out.
"OH GOD!!!"
"Huh?"
"Er, sorry. That's what we call Eru where I'm from."
"Oh, ok."
"Has anyone realized that WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE?!?!?!?!"
"CALM DOWN, Faramir!"
"That's wasn't me, it was Boromir!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Yeah huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm being attacked!"
"No, Merry, those are my boobs."
"Oh."
There was silence for a few moments.
"Merry, LET GO OF THEM!!!!!"
"Oh, right. Er. . . ok."
"Wait, wasn't there a cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter?"
"Merry, I meant NOW."
"Oh, right. Er. . . ok."
"Sam, what are you talking about?"
Pippin started laughing. "Yeah, whoever heard of a CLIFF?"
"Merry, get those bony fingers off my chest!!!"
"Oh, right. Er. . . ok."
"Wasn't there a sound?"
"Hey, you're right, Sam!"
"No, you were making it up."
"But Mr. Frodo-"
"Merry, if you don't get your little hands off my bosom RIGHT NOW I'll-"
"Oh, right. Er. . . ok."
"There wasn't any sound! I would have remembered!"
"I know I heard-"
"Shut up Legolas! I'm the Ringbearer! I KNOW ALL!"
"You're not the Ringbearer, I am! And I've had it with you, Merry!" Sounds and screams of a fight were heard.
"So. . . Boromir was right. There was sound so we're all gonna die."
"OH NO! I WAS RIGHT! WE'RE DOOOOOOOMED!!!! DOOOOOOOOMED I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!"
"Wait a minute. . . who set the fire out?"
"Aragorn, please tell me you didn't just realize that. You're supposed to be leading us."
"Uh. . . what do you want me to say?"
"Oh Eru."
Suddenly an unknown woman's voice was heard. "NOTICE ME, DAMMIT!"
"Who was that?"
"It was just the Ringbearer."
"No it wasn't! I'm beating up Merry and not listening to any of you!"
"Then how did you know he said it was you?" There was a short pause.
"Shut up Sam."
Someone suddenly relit the fire. Everyone could see that Frodo's eyes were somehow the size of dinner plates, Sam was in a tree, Legolas was nervously hugging the same tree, Aragorn was peeing on that same tree, Pippin's nose was an inch from Boromir's crotch, the chick was sitting on Merry's face, and Faramir was simply standing off to the side.
"ACK!" Legolas jumped backwards into Pippin. Boromir groaned in pain & fell over as Pippin hurriedly wiped his nose on a leaf. Sam climbed higher in the tree. The babe stood up.
"Hey!" Merry whined. "I liked that view."
"Shut up, perv."
Aragorn pulled up his pants. "Who relit the fire?"
"I did, you scroungy idiot!" They all turned to a painfully beautiful woman glaring at them from the edge of the clearing. About half a dozen more could be seen behind her. Everyone but Legolas had to shield their eyes.
"It's THEM!!!!!!!" Legolas quickly jumped into the highest tree he could find.
"Leggy-poo!" The strange women said in unison. The Ringbearer growled.
"You're scaring him!" The hot chick and the strange women screamed in unison. "No, you are!" Aragorn stepped forward.
"Who are you?"
"Duh, I'm the Ringbearer."
"No, them."
The leader of the women lifted her chin. "I am Elanor." Sam fell out of his tree with a thump, but immediately stood up and waddled to stand by the Ringbearer and Aragorn.
"Whoa. . . my daughter got TALL. . ."
"I am not your daughter." Elanor's impossibly bright eyes darkened slightly and she looked sad. "My parents are dead." Sam blushed.
"Oh, oops. That's good, because you scare me even more than her." He pointed to the girl standing beside him.
"I am the last of my race." Elanor said for no apparent reason. "I am a unicorn."
Everyone stared at her for a moment before bursting out laughing.
"It's not funny!" Elanor shape-shifted into her horse form. Everyone laughed harder. Elanor realized that she had forgotten to dismount and what it looked like she was doing, so she quickly shifted back to her human form.
"Wait a minute. . ." Avril Lavigne (T/N: That was a VERY random suggestion for a name from a reviewer, so don't get confused. Canadians aren't popping up everywhere. . . yet. . .) looked confused. "If you're the last unicorn, who are your friends?"
"I am Alex, I'm a transformer and a slave of Sauron. I fell in love with Legolas and turned good. But then I died and Legolas vowed to never fall in love again."
"I am Christina, the last paper clip. Aragorn and Legolas both love me, but I love only Legolas. Sometimes Aragorn gets jealous and tries to kill Legolas. I am a desk lamp. I am Frodo's younger sister, but I am an immortal human. I lived with Frodo and his father Bilbo after my parents were killed by buttons. Of course, I can't forget the time I lived with eagles before I lived with Frodo and Bilbo and my parents died. My parents were eagles, in fact. That's why I'm half eagle, whole paper clip, third desk lamp, three-fourths immortal human, one-sixteenth pen, and twenty- seven-fiftieths fire. I lived in Mordor before it was evil. I'm seventeen!"
"I am Arwenia, and I have red hair and violet eyes. I am Aragorn's younger half-sister, which explains my raven black hair and grayish blue eyes. I am half human which is why I have pink hair, half vampire that explains my maroon eyes, half elf which is why my hair is silver and my eyes blue, and half cat. That's why my eyes are yellow. I entrance men of all races with my flowing chestnut locks. Legolas instantly fell in love with my forest green eyes, golden hair, and purple-green-blue-brown eyes."
"I am Justin Timberlakiwen. I fell into Middle-earth through a portal in China. The portal confused me for a girl, so I turned into one. . . but it's ok, because I was gay anyway." There was a pause. Justin Timberlakiwen realized he was still a man, only wearing a dress. "Oh. . . er. . . never mind!"
"I am Stephaniel Gardenia, the long-lost youngest child of Galadriel and Sauron. I possess the power to heal, and a single tear of mine will raise the dead. That proved very useful when my father Elrond nearly died because my sister Aragorn accidentally shot him in the head. It was also useful when my father Aragorn killed himself after nearly killing my older brother Elrond. I fell in love with Legolas after my father Celeborn introduced us at my father Théoden's annual royal ball. My father Denethor, who abused me, didn't want me to marry Legolas. We ran away to Rivendell after my father killed Legolas. My mother and father, Elladan and Elrohir, gave me a pony when I was three. I am very sad because since my father Thranduil is Legolas' younger brother, I can't marry Frodo. Are you my mother?"
"I am Star Goldfish, I came to Middle-earth through a portal in my DVD player. I came to save Legolas. I failed and he died-"
Legolas whimpered. "I'm dead?" Chikeroo gasped.
"Ohmigod! You killed Legolas! You bastards!"
"WE DID NOT!!!"
Star Goldfish rolled her eyes. "Duh, a dragon did."
"And we would never kill him anyway," Stephaniel Gardenia explained. "We are a tribe of Mary-Sues. We, just like the other tribes, wander the boughs of this forest forever hunting Legolas."
"Yeah!" Alex agreed. "We want to marry him, not KILL him!"
Hailie Jade (T/N: & with best wishes to the reviewer wanting this name. Just don't drool like that if you meet him [I'm talking about Eminem if nosey readers care about private conversations], ok?) rolled her eyes. "Well, he obviously can't marry ALL of you."
"Then he must choose!" Elanor shouted. Justin Timberlakiwen raised his eyebrows.
"I don't have a story yet! And which one is he? Nobody's told me yet! Does he look anything like John Mayer?" Justin Timberlakiwen drooled slightly.
"No. . ." Arwenia pointed up. "That's him in the tree."
"Whoa. . . he is hot!"
"But you shall not be a Mary-Sue anymore," Elanor declared. "As the leader of this Mary-Sue tribe, I must ban you from ever being a Mary-Sue since you lusted after someone besides Legolas."
"B-but Stephaniel Gardenia is sad because she can't marry Frodo! Doesn't that imply she loves Frodo?"
Elanor shrugged. "She was confused for a moment. Airhead young women commonly are. But she says she loves Legolas. You never said that you loved Legolas."
"That's not fair!" Justin Timberlakiwen whined. "Shouldn't I meet him before I declare my love for him?" The Mary-Sues gasped. Elanor glared.
"You have now broken two laws of Mary-Sueness. You lusted after another and you thought logically. Of all things. . . thought LOGICALLY! How DARE you??? Come Mary-Sues, since our tribe is now six instead of the required seven we must find another in order to compete for Legolas." The Mary-Sues mounted their horses ad began to leave. Justin Timberlakiwen ran after them.
"Wait! WAIT! Where am I supposed to go? I don't even know where the hell I am!" He started to cry. "I want to find my *NSYNC buddies. I should have never left them. But now they're gone, gone-"
"Wait a minute! Hold up! STOP! No singing by you, ok?" Publisher's Clearing House (T/N: Don't ask) shouted. "Since you're kind of a Mary-Sue I guess it would make sense if you traveled with us or something, since Mary-Sues do that. But you cannot sing at all. And we need to find you some pants."
A/N: So. . . a new companion. Wonder how long he'll last. And we haven't seen the last of the Mary-Sues, have we? ^_^
Lafi would like to point out that she came up with a few things used in this chapter, but I would like to point out that I came up with approximately five-sevenths of the ideas and wrote it all too. Don't hate me for bringing Justin into this - that's the only idea I came up with that Lafi doesn't feel se needs credit for, so I'm wondering what you'll think. . .
I would like to point out in officialish disclaimer form that Elanor is a character stolen by Lafi, not by me. Author of "The Unicorn," blame Lafi, not me. Thank you.
~*Tafi*~
PS: This was posted by my good friend XxDragon Princess NikkixX because Lafi & I are currently banned from the net cuz of bad grades. Please give her the thanx she deserves. Thanx girl!