Chapter Four: It takes a village, or least its people
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The last time we visited the set of Final Fantasy X, Wakka and Auron had ruined the filming of the lagoon scene, again. The director had run off the set, screaming and pulling out what hair he had left. As he exited the sound stage, he passed the blue-haired Guado, Seymour. Does this bode ill for our courageous heroes or does he wish to drive the director even closer to insanity? Let's find out, shall we?
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The now bald director enters the set with a crazed look in his eyes. He looks around the stage, seeing all the men and women whom are causing him severe mental anguish. Wakka and Lulu are making out near the back of the set, far away from the demented man. Auron and Rikku are playing "Seven minutes in Heaven" between the wardrobe rack on the left side of the set, trying desperately not to draw any attention to their activiites. Kimarhi is silently standing in the middle of the stage, making an effort to hold back the flood of tears that want to be unleashed. And Tidus and Yuna are where they always are, in the lagoon "rehearsing" the scene.
Director: Well, maybe we'll be able to get this thing down, finally.
He looks towards the door to the outside and notices Seymour standing by it, busily talking on his cel phone.
Director: Seymour, what are you doing here? You're not in this scene.
Seymour: Well, neither are they. (points at the two other couples) Plus, I'm not doing anything until Mount Gagazet, so I thought I watch this for a few minutes.
Director: Fine, fine. Just don't do anything stupid like the rest of the guys.
Seymour: You expect a Maester of Yevon to stoop to such levels of depravity, how ridiculous?
Director: Levels of depravity? You're trying to kill the heroes in the game, you really can't stoop much lower.
Seymour: True. (turns off his phone) Oh, yeah I invited a few friends over to view this as well, I hope you don't mind.
Director: Uh, no, they can watch.
The director is now clearly worried at this sudden news, but he boldly goes forward, hoping for the best. Seymour glides across to Kimarhi to discuss matters with the Ronso.
Seymour: (whispering) Kimarhi, would you like to join my friends and me in a little song number?
Kimarhi: Kimarhi want know why you ask.
Seymour: Well, the songs are for a group of five and you would nicely into the role of the indian chief.
Kimarhi: Sure, Kimarhi play along.
As soon as the Ronso agrees, Seymour throws off his priestly robes to reveal a construction worker's outfit. He dons a hard hat that for some reason or another is quickly pierced by his blade-like hair. Three other men enter the stage at the same time. Barthello comes in wearing a leather jacket over his bare chest, while Isaaru enters dressed as a police officer. The lat man to enter is Luzzu, who exchanged his crusader garb for that of a sailor. All three walk over to Seymour and nod their heads.
Barthello: We're ready, but why did you ask us to wear our clubbing clothes?
Luzzu: Yeah, you know I don't like to wear these out in the open.
Seymour: We're going to sing a few songs when the music starts playing, and the clothes will help to get us in the mood. Just think back to all those days we sang Kareoke in college.
Isaaru: But why should we do this? The director is already half crazy, so we really need to push him over the edge?
Seymour: Yes. He tried to kill you off at Mi'ihen, Luzzu, he makes you act like a moron, Barthello, and look at you Issaru. Will you ever get past the stigma of playing the "gay" summoner?
Issaru: Can I help it if I'm always happy?
Seymour: I didn't mean that gay.
Isaaru: Oh, hey. Why that little punk, let's get him.
The director turns his head at this outburst and sees all four gentlemen in their costumes. He gets a sneaking suspicion that something is afoot.
Director: (to himself) Ah, crap. They wouldn't dare.
With this thought in mind, the director asks for everybody to get in their places so the scene can begin.
Director: (worried) Action!
The scene plays out like it has the last three times, with the only difference being Tidus and Yuna appear to be a bit wrinkled due to the overexposure to the water. They literally look like two prunes acting out the scene. As the two embrace and drift beneath the water, the director cues for the music.
Seymour: Here we go.
The sound filtered through the speakers is not orchestral based, but a poppy number with many handclaps placed at the beginning. The music soon fills the entire set with its unremarkably catchy beat. Seymour, Luzz, Barthello, Isaaru, and Kimarhi are soon jumping into the view of the cameras, dancing and singing.
Where can you find pleasure
Search the world for treasure
Learn science technology
Where can you begin to make
Your dreams all come true
On the land, on the sea
Where can you to learn to fly planes
Skin dive
Study oceanography
Sign up for the big band
Officer in the grandstand
When you're dreaming of honesty
In the Navy
You can sail the seven seas
In the Navy
You can put your mind at ease
In the Navy
Come on people and make a stand
In the Navy
Can't you see we need a hand
In the Navy
In the Navy
Come on, protect the mother land
In the Navy
Come on and join you fellow man
In the Navy
Come on people, make a stand
In the Navy
In the Navy
The group of five begin to clap their hands in unison as the song draws to its midpoint.
They want you
They want you
They want you as a new recruit
If you like adventure
Don't you wait to enter
The recruiting office fast
Don't you hesitate
There is no need to wait
They'll sign you up seaman fast
Maybe you are too young
To join up today
But don't you worry about a thing
For I'm sure there will be
Always the good navy
Protecting the land at sea
In the Navy
You can sail the seven seas
In the Navy
You can put your mind at ease
In the Navy
Come on people and make a stand
In the Navy
Can't you see we need a hand
In the Navy
In the Navy
Come on, protect the mother land
In the Navy
Come on and join you fellow man
In the Navy
Come on people, make a stand
In the Navy
In the Navy
In the Navy
In the Navy
More handclaps are heard as the group draws ever closer to the end.
They want you
They want you
They want you as a new recruit
Luzzu: Who me?
They want you
They want you
They want you as a new recruit
Luzzu: But, but, but I'm afraid of water.
They…want…you
They…want…you
Luzzu: Hey man, look I get seasick just looking at it on the sphere.
They…want…you
They…want…you
Luzzu: Oh my goodness.
They…want…you
They…want…you
Luzzu: What am I going to do on a submarine?
They…want…you
They…want…you
Kimarhi: In the Navy
In the Navy
You can sail the seven seas
In the Navy
You can put your mind at ease
In the Navy
Come on people and make a stand
In the Navy
Can't you see we need a hand
In the Navy
In the Navy
Come on, protect the mother land
In the Navy
Come on and join you fellow man
In the Navy
Come on people, make a stand
In the Navy
The music slowly fades away and the group takes a bow before the cameras. They exit to the left and smirk at the director who now has a nervous twitch. He says absolutely nothing and gets out of his seat and calmly walks outside.
Seymour: That was fun.
To be continued…
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A/N: Now that the disco flashback has been done, and with great pain I might add. I had to listen to that song repeatedly to get the lyrics right. And before anyone says something about looking them up, I would like to say I refuse to dirty my computer with that horrible song, lyrics or melody. Anyhoo, the original idea was a three song melody consisting of YMCA, Macho Man, and In the Navy, but I felt that would be way to long. Maybe I get to those other two later. *laughs maniacally* The next chapter's song is still up in the air, so no promises, but I do have the perfect Beatles song in mind. It was so obvious, I didn't think about it. Gotta love Magical Mystery Tour (hint, hint). Until next time, farewell and may you never have to hear this song in you life. ^_^ (September 5, 2002)