Chapter Six: God save the Queen
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When last we left the lagoon set, the stand-in director Seymour had just left with his friends to discuss what their plans would be to for the next day. Needless to say, the guys went to the local bar and got completely hammered. But while they were there throwing back shots of tequila, they met the group that will make the presence felt this day. So let's be off…
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The morning light floods the stage as Seymour and his friends stagger through the door. Seymour quickly hobbles over to the director's chair and leans heavily against its back. Meanwhile Isaaru, Luzzu, and Barthello head towards to the refreshment table in search of some strong coffee to clear their heads. And the blue Ronso isn't so blue at this moment, his face seems to be a rather pale shade of green and he rushes off to the bathroom.
Seymour: (groggily) Where are Yuna and Tidus?
Rikku: (shouting from where she is with Auron) They're trying to cover up the burn marks your torpedoes gave Tidus with makeup.
Syemour: (grabbing his head) Not so loud, please.
Rikku: Sorry, would you like me to get them?
Seymour: Yes, please do so we can get this over with quickly.
Rikku runs off towards the makeup department, but she slips in the watery trail that's coming from the bathroom. She hits the ground hard and slides into the wall, knocking herself unconcious.
Seymour: Great, just great. Auron, could you please go get the tow love birds please. And while you're at it, take Rikku to the medical ward so she can be examined. I'll be in the sound booth so I don't have to listen to any of this noise.
Auron: (all stoic like) Very well, as you wish. (walks off)
Seymour begins his jaunt to the booth, but stops before the food laden table.
Seymour: Let the guys in and tell them to jump in the pool and hide. They should be able to remember when to strike.
The three friends nod their heads in compliance and head off, while Seymour continues on his way.
Five minutes later…
Seymour: (over the speakers) Tidus. Yuna. You know what to do, so just do it. We're only going to do one take and then call it a day. Some of us need our beauty sleep, since we didn't get any last night. So I want this to be quick, got it?
Tidus and Yuna: (nodding their heads) Yes, sir.
Seymour: Then action. (shuts off the microphone) Let the fun begin anew. (laughs maniacally)
The scene plays out like it always has. Yuna begins to cry after Tidus tells her about his Zanarkland. Tidus, being the sensitive type of guy that he is, swims in front of her and gently embraces her to ease her grief. They soon kiss and drift beneath the surface of the water.
Seymour: Time to cue the music. (hits a button) Hehehehehehe! Ow, my head. (grabs his head)
A rock melody begins to play over the speakers on the stage, flooding the set with its catchy tone. As the lyrics begin to usher forth from the speakers, A group of six men and women come out form their hiding places with blitzballs in hand. It's the Luca Goers.
I've paid my dues
Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand
Kicked in my face
But I've come through
And we mean to go on and on and on and on
We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting
Till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the World
I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls
You brought me fame and fortune
And everything that goes with it
I thank you all
But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise
I consider it a challenge before
The whole human race
And I ain't gonna lose
And we mean to go on and on and on and on
We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting
Till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the World
We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting
Till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions
As the song ends, all the members of the Goers take aim and blast Tidus with various Blitz techniques, such as Volley Shot, Sphere Shot, and Venom Shot. As all six of the balls hit Tidus, he flies out of the pool and lands on the deck.
Seymour: I couldn't have planned it better.
As the maester continues to talk to himself in the booth, Yuna rushes out of the lagoon to help Tidus stand up.
Yuna: Come on, Tidus, get up.
Tidus: Can't I sleep for five more minutes, mommy? I promise I won't be late for school.
Yuna: Tidus, just stand up. We need to get you to the doctor.
Tidus: (getting up) Oh, look at all the pretty stars. (passes out)
Yuna: Great. (looks at the sound booth) Why did you do it this time?
Seymour: (flips a switch) What was that, I couldn't hear you?
Yuna: (yelling) I said, why did you do it this time?
Seymour: (grabbing head again) Not so loud.
Yuna: Fine, but answer the question.
Seymour: Okay, sure. I read ahead in the script and found out that you guys get to kill me two more times. So I figured I get a little payback.
Yuna: Are you happy now that your little fun is over now?
Seymour: Over? Who said it was over? I still have the rest of you guys to humiliate, except for Kimarhi since he's helping me. So be prepared. (laughs like a mad scientist) Ow, my head. (suddenly falls asleep)
Yuna: Crap in a hat! (drags Tidus to the hospital)
To be continued…
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A/N: Woohoo, another chapter done. Now that I have an idea as to where this story is going, it should be somewhat easier to write. So watch out for the rest of Seymour's revenge. I think I'll do Lulu's next, since I got the perfect song for her (special thanks to Chaos for pointing it out to me). And I hope that all who read this will learn a powerful message. Never drink voluminous amounts of alcohol and expect to be able to perform your job the next day. It doesn't work all that well. So until the next time, farewell. ^_^ (September 30, 2002)