Title: Immortal Love
Series: The LOtR Squick Series, chapter 1
By: LovelyPsychopath
Rating: PG-13 for completely gross situations
Pairings: Saruman/Gandalf (MWAHAHAHA)
~^*Comments*^~
Well, all I have to say is that I am ONE SICK PUPPY. Mwahahaha. This story
is..........well, pretty disgusting, and overall, very funny. I hope that
you will enjoy, and not take me seriously. Flames are quite welcome....I
love playing with fire......
************
Immortal Love by LovelyPsychopath
Pushing the great doors of Saruman's chambers open, Gandalf swooped inside, his long cape swishing dramatically behind him. "Saruman, I have business with you." Gandalf said in a calm voice. In front of him, the wizard Saruman whisked around, his expression barely hiding his amusement. "And what is this business you speak of, friend Gandalf?" Gandalf's old eyes widened for a moment. Friend? "What are you playing at, Saruman?" Gandalf questioned, his crinkled hand grasping a bit tighter on his staff. "Playing?" The old wizard smiled, walking calmly towards Gandalf. "I don't play games, dear Gandalf," he smiled, his dark eyes gleaming. "But when I do play them," he was no close enough to reach out and grab Gandalf, "I win," He finished by doing just that. His long, stiff arms wrapped themselves around Gandalf's middle, pulling him tight. "What in the name of MiddleEarth are you doing?!" Gandalf shouted, dropping his staff in surprise and shock. He frantically tried to push the opposing wizard off, but Saruman was just too strong. Saruman laughed at his victory, and slowly began stroking Gandalf's back in slow, rhythmic motions. Gandalf appeared as if he had just had a stroke. Who knows, maybe he had. "You don't know how long I've wanted this, Gandalf!" Saruman said like an excited child. Gandalf simply said nothing, but struggled meekly. Saruman roughly pressed his crinkly chapped lips to those of Gandalf. "Damnit!" Gandalf cried out. "You're one of the most powerful wizards in MiddleEarth, and you can't conjur up a damn chapstick?" (1) Saruman shrugged, and continued to gum on Gandalf. All of a sudden, Gandalf shouted out in pain. "What's wrong?" Saruman asked, licking Gandalf's nose. "You're nose almost poked my eye out! It's as sharp as an ice pick, and longer than one too!" Gandalf shouted in a raspy voice, his eye turning bloodshot. "Terribly sorry love," Saruman quickly apologized. *^*^*^*^*^*^
20 minutes later, they both stand naked and panting. "But what will we use for lube?" Gandalf asked, panting. "Hmm," Saruman considered, before brightening up. "I have a jar of peanut butter that I've been dying to finish," "Perfect. Jif, choosy wizards choose JIF." Gandalf said, with a thumbs-up. (2)
THE END
comments:
(1): I couldn't help it. I LOVE CHAPSTICK! (2): JIF motto: Choosy moms choose JIF. Other: Oh my god. ::faints:: That is the SICKEST thing I have EVER written. EW. EW. EW. Mwahahaha. I AM sick, aren'ts I?
Immortal Love by LovelyPsychopath
Pushing the great doors of Saruman's chambers open, Gandalf swooped inside, his long cape swishing dramatically behind him. "Saruman, I have business with you." Gandalf said in a calm voice. In front of him, the wizard Saruman whisked around, his expression barely hiding his amusement. "And what is this business you speak of, friend Gandalf?" Gandalf's old eyes widened for a moment. Friend? "What are you playing at, Saruman?" Gandalf questioned, his crinkled hand grasping a bit tighter on his staff. "Playing?" The old wizard smiled, walking calmly towards Gandalf. "I don't play games, dear Gandalf," he smiled, his dark eyes gleaming. "But when I do play them," he was no close enough to reach out and grab Gandalf, "I win," He finished by doing just that. His long, stiff arms wrapped themselves around Gandalf's middle, pulling him tight. "What in the name of MiddleEarth are you doing?!" Gandalf shouted, dropping his staff in surprise and shock. He frantically tried to push the opposing wizard off, but Saruman was just too strong. Saruman laughed at his victory, and slowly began stroking Gandalf's back in slow, rhythmic motions. Gandalf appeared as if he had just had a stroke. Who knows, maybe he had. "You don't know how long I've wanted this, Gandalf!" Saruman said like an excited child. Gandalf simply said nothing, but struggled meekly. Saruman roughly pressed his crinkly chapped lips to those of Gandalf. "Damnit!" Gandalf cried out. "You're one of the most powerful wizards in MiddleEarth, and you can't conjur up a damn chapstick?" (1) Saruman shrugged, and continued to gum on Gandalf. All of a sudden, Gandalf shouted out in pain. "What's wrong?" Saruman asked, licking Gandalf's nose. "You're nose almost poked my eye out! It's as sharp as an ice pick, and longer than one too!" Gandalf shouted in a raspy voice, his eye turning bloodshot. "Terribly sorry love," Saruman quickly apologized. *^*^*^*^*^*^
20 minutes later, they both stand naked and panting. "But what will we use for lube?" Gandalf asked, panting. "Hmm," Saruman considered, before brightening up. "I have a jar of peanut butter that I've been dying to finish," "Perfect. Jif, choosy wizards choose JIF." Gandalf said, with a thumbs-up. (2)
THE END
comments:
(1): I couldn't help it. I LOVE CHAPSTICK! (2): JIF motto: Choosy moms choose JIF. Other: Oh my god. ::faints:: That is the SICKEST thing I have EVER written. EW. EW. EW. Mwahahaha. I AM sick, aren'ts I?