Who Said Anything About Intelligence?
A PKz Productionz Tale by PK Gabs and PK Demon
Los Angeles, California
10:30 AM; Monday, 1 September
Irina Derevko kept her eyes focused on the road, but allowed her mind to drift. She wondered- not for the first time ever- if her associates would be awake this early. Their unusual sleeping habits tended to make it more complicated to maintain the Directorate's cover as a lead manufacturer of tables, ladders, and chairs. Irina frowned slightly; she still didn't know where the duo had developed that cover. A moment later, she became aware of something out of the ordinary: a pair of cars had pulled even with her own dark BMW. The thing that made it truly unusual was the fact that she was driving on a 2-lane street- one of the cars was riding the sidewalk, the other was on the wrong side of the road. Still watching where she was going, Irina attempted to discern who was shadowing her: enemy, ally, or just two crazy people. As the driver's side window of the blue Banshee on the sidewalk began rolling down, Irina sighed. If she was correct, they weren't enemies.
They were allies of the crazy persuasion.
She turned her attention to the black Infernus on the other side of the road. The darkly tinted passenger window was coming down. Irina looked back to the road, then over to the Banshee. It's top had been down and now, so was the window. She sighed as Gabrielle's blue and green hair came into view. A moment later her left hand, with multi-colored nails, came out as well, as Gabs started waving wildly. Irina briefly contemplated putting her windows up, but thought better of it. She glanced to the Infernus to see Demon waving at her now. Turning back to the road ahead, Irina wondered why everyone was so afraid to drive with them. With the notable exception of driving in areas not generally recommended, they didn't seem to be bad drivers.
A moment later, Gabs frowned and turned to her radio. Irina's eyes widened slightly. Gabs' left hand was still out the window, waving, while her right hand and her eyes were firmly on the radio. Irina quickly turned back to the road.
"Perhaps if I don't see it…" she mused. She then glanced over to see Demon still watching her and waving. Looking at the street ahead, Irina grimaced. A motorcycle was heading right for the Infernus. She began pointing frantically. Demon frowned briefly and began imitating her, then followed the path of her own arm. Her eyes widened and she returned her hand to the steering wheel. She yanked it, and the Infernus careened into the bushes. Irina frowned as the motorcycle whizzed by safely.
"Well, I've evidently lost one of my co-directors." She looked over to see Gabs finally turn away from the radio. A look of confusion flashed across her face as she noted Demon's absence. She lifted both hands in a shrug and then looked at the path ahead for what seemed like the first time since her arrival. Suddenly, Demon's Infernus came flying over a ridge and landed - again- on the wrong side of the road.
"No such luck," Irina sighed, rethinking her earlier statement. A moment later, the PKz sped up. Shocked, Irina looked down at her speedometer.
"I'm doing 80 in a 40 zone! They've got to be doing 120!" She shook her head, understanding now why so many were afraid to drive within ten miles of them.
A few minutes later, Irina arrived at the PKz Headquarters in LA. Pulling into the parking garage of the TLC Building, she showed her ID to the guard. Parking, she once again found herself between the black Infernus and the blue Banshee. Now, however, the owners of those particular vehicles were nowhere to be seen. Ever suspicious, Irina locked her car and put the alarm on before getting into the garage elevator. It stopped at the 4th floor, where the PKz Directorate Headquarters began. The first 3 floors were each dedicated to maintaining their cover company. The 4th and 5th floor, as well as the secret level below the garage, were all PKz 'Intelligence.'
Irina cleared the security room and headed down the hall towards her office. She paused to look into Gabrielle's office, noting that her computer and lava lamp were both on, and her blue and green Christmas lights- referred to, by her, as all year lights- were casting a strange glow that emanated into the hall. But Gabs herself wasn't there. Irina looked across the hall to Demon's office. The only light from that room was produced by the computer, which was a fairly frequent occurrence, even if Demon was there. At that moment, she wasn't.
Irina stepped into her office just long enough to flip on the computer and a normal office light before heading to the conference room. There she found Gabrielle, Demon, Harley, Monica, and an unexpected guest- Sark. Harley was relating to him the details of her last mission, when she had fallen victim to the Warcat Syndicate. Unnoticed by any of them, Irina stood at the door and listened.
"So, I was at the 14th damn antique shop of that day alone, and those Lithuanian's weren't speaking a whole lot of English. I was about ready to give up when something caught my eye- there, on the bottom shelf. It was a picture of Marilyn Monroe, and I knew my mom would like it. So I picked it up. But as I was leaving to go the next antique shop on my 32-page list, I bumped into something. A tea cup fell, but I managed to catch it. I was about to put it back, but something about it made me look again. It took me quite a few minutes, but I finally realized what I was looking at- a cup from the Rambaldi tea set that Irina wanted so badly! I was about to grab the rest when some girl pushed in front of me and took it. She noticed that I had the 4th tea cup, and asked me to hand it over. I said I couldn't, and came up with a cover story about how I worked for a very wealthy but eccentric person, and they had to have that particular set. She, however, said it was the prettiest one there, and she wanted it. Obviously, I wasn't about to give it up- I had just spent a week wandering Europe, through France and Germany and England and Ireland and Sweden and lots of other places where I couldn't really speak the language, and I finally had the damn tea set. I pointed out a few others, but she didn't like them, said they just weren't shiny enough. I swear, she reminded me of Gabs. Anyway, I continued trying to distract her with other sets, but she kept saying no. Finally, I pointed at something else and, when she was distracted, dropped her into the Walls of Jericho. Tried to, anyway. As I was turning her, she smashed the Marilyn Monroe picture's frame over my head. While I was trying to recover, she tossed me through the window, and made off with the tea set- except for that one cup I managed to hold on to."
Sark nodded, then asked a logical question. "What makes you so sure it was a Warcat operative?" Monica fielded that question.
"When she was trying to turn her over into the Walls of Jericho, she saw a pendant around the girl's neck. It was a 'kung-fu kitty' with a sword in it's mouth- the known logo of the Warcat Syndicate. I was on comm's- no Gabs, not commies- for that mission, so I heard it all." Sark nodded again, and looked at them curiously.
"So what you're telling me is that you went all over Europe, culminating in Lithuania, to find a tea set for Irina?" Gabs raised an eyebrow.
"First of all, it's the *Rambaldi* tea set. Second, what Irina wants, we get." Smiling, and knowing they'd be done soon, Irina turned and headed for her office- and missed the end of the conversation.
"Even when we DO believe she just wants the tea set to decorate her own house, wherever that may be," Demon added. It was Sark's turn to raise an eyebrow.
"Oh really?" Just then, a small man came in and started ushering them out.
"I need to prepare for Ms. Derevko's mission presentation." Everyone stood.
"No prob, Mr.-" Gabs squinted to read his nametag. "-P. Onn. We'll be out of your way in a second." P. Onn nodded gratefully, then seated himself at the computer in front of the room. Gabs and Demon exchanged looks.
"Irina must be here," Gabs said, always happy to state the obvious. Demon nodded.
"Wonder what took so long? We were here at least 10 minutes before she was." Gabs shrugged and, unseen to either of them, Harley and Monica rolled their eyes. The 5 made the trip to Irina's office. On the way, Sark had one last question pertaining to Harley's botched mission.
"What, precisely, are the Walls of Jericho you mentioned?" In her office, Irina heard the question and winced. Harley grinned to Sark.
"Well, it's a wrestling submission maneuver, where you lock the legs- it's a bit hard to explain. I can demonstrate if you want." After a moment of thoughtful contemplation, Sark nodded his assent. Harley suddenly grabbed his legs just below the knees and pulled them out from under him. He landed roughly on his back, and Harley turned him so he was on his stomach and she was stretching his legs and back. Sark groaned but, impressively, refrained from screaming.
"Tap out," Gabs whispered. Confused, Sark tapped his hand on the ground frantically. A moment later, Harley dropped his legs, and his left knee hit the ground forcefully. Harley smiled pleasantly.
"So, now you know the Walls of Jericho." She motioned towards Irina's office with her head. "Shall we?" Sark struggled to his feet and followed the four.
They found Irina behind her desk, waiting patiently. After sparing Sark a sympathetic glance, she instantly leveled her gaze on Gabs and Demon.
"Do you guys know what a speed limit is?" They exchanged confuzed looks.
"Yeah. They're just really difficult to follow," Demon noted.
"Really? I hadn't noticed," Irina said dryly.
"It's just that none of our cars can go that fast," Gabs complained. This drew a confused silence, during which Demon looked around at all the blank faces in the room.
"You can't go that fast?" Gabs shook her head sadly and Demon picked up the sad tale.
"Like this morning, when we caught up with you, we were barely managing 8 miles per hour! And when we left, we only hit 11 or 12."
"Are you sure it wasn't 120?" Irina asked. Demon shook her head.
"Nope, no zero. In fact, neither of our cars can go above 15. So, you see why we can't hit the speed limit?" Irina nodded.
"Of course. It all makes sense now," she said, making a mental note to get their speedometers fixed.
"I see the tales I have heard in regards to your less than stellar driving abilities have not been exaggerated," Sark said. Gabs and Demon looked at him.
"Less than stellar?" Demon repeated.
"Dude, we are sooo overly stellar! We've had our new cars for almost a week, and they have hardly any scratches on them!" Gabs proclaimed. Demon nodded in agreement.
"That's gotta be some kind of record," she said proudly.
"Hey, I'm impressed," Harley piped in.
"It's better than the last 6 pairs of cars you guys have bought. Or stolen. Or whatever," Monica added. All conversation ceased as Irina's phone rang.
"Yes? Ok. Thank you." She looked up at her 4 agents as she set the phone down.
"The conference room is prepped. It's time for your next mission."
I promise, I'm still working on 'The Man At the Bar,' but I'm kinda stuck on that one these days. Not to mention the million other story ideas I have… including one where Syd becomes convinced that she's actually Xena… so yeah. Whatever. Review and I'll love you forever! And Demon will like you to some extent!