He was dreaming, running and running and running forever, away from something, but he wasn't sure what. It wasn't a monster, it was something else, but he didn't want to see it- he never wanted to see it, that thing that was following him and plaguing his dreams until he didn't even want to fall asleep any more. The thing had been close at first, and so he had started running, getting farther away each night. Once he could almost say he couldn't feel its presence in the never-ending dreamscape of fog and grey, but that was once- and the next time it was closer. Every night, every time he closed his eyes, the thing got closer, and he was afraid of it. Running, he stumbled out of sheer exhaustion and half-fell to his knees, trying to get up and flee again. Then all of a sudden, he was falling forward, up into a sitting position, mouth stretched open in a skull-like rictus, a silent scream. Aya's bangs stuck to his forehead, sweat-soaked, and his heart pounded, threatening to burst at any moment and send gouts of bright blood cascading throughout the room. His breathing slowed, easing into a smoother, more subdued pattern, and tense shoulders relaxed into a semblance of normality. Aya glanced at the clock and started- // It's two in the afternoon? What the hell am I doing in my bed? In the cold room, Aya's perspiring body became chilled quickly, causing him to burrow under the thin sheet, clothes and all.
// Clamminess doesn't agree with me… // he thought, puzzled by the anomaly. // I never sleep this late… What happened? What- Oh! Oh my god. This morning was so weird. I should get up. I really should- but what will I do when I see Youji? Nothing. I should do nothing, and then maybe he'll think nothing was amiss. That doesn't really solve the problem, but it sure does minimize the damage. Okay. That means I have to get up and take a shower, go down to the shop, take over for the after-lunch shift and then close the shop at six. Omi will never know what happened, and Ken is too afraid of me to ask- even if he ever realizes that something wasn't quite right this morning.
***
Aya sighed and wiped his forehead with the back of one wrist, not wanting to get dirt on his face. The day had been a busy one, and what with having to keep up the new façade- the one that said nothing has happened and that Aya was completely in his normal mode- the redhead was dog-tired. Youji had, to all effects, been his usual self all day as well, not mentioning anything about what had happened that morning. This was a tremendous relief to Aya, because otherwise he would've had to be even stonier and less responsive than he already was. Omi, as he had suspected, never thought that there had been anything about that morning was amiss, and Ken was so busy thinking about his soccer kids' game that evening that he never even spared Aya a second glance when the team leader walked into the shop at three o'clock, not at all his usual time.
Omi was just about to go to the library for his history project. Ken was going to drop him off en route to the neighborhood game that he was coaching. Youji was outside smoking (big surprise), which was a big relief to Aya, who was having a hard time staying calm while in the same room as his tall teammate. At least, that was what was really going on- no one but Aya knew it, though, because he kept up the farce.
Shikoukairo wo kamisori de setsudanyume wa boroboro ai wa gitagita
atama no naka wa No outlet
(Sever the logic circuits with a razor
it's your fault for not understanding anything
dreams are worn, love is trite
in my head no outlet)
// I hope we don't eat pizza or something similarly disgusting for dinner… if we do, I'll only get ice cream, not the most filling thing in the entire world- ah, that reminds me- I need to set the plan into action. So… how shall I work this? Hmmm… // Aya mused to himself, the grey day outside lending clarity to his thoughts. He jumped when the door slammed and the little bell rang- Youji coming into the shop. //…. maybe I should ask Youji about ice cream? All right, before I lose my nerve…//
"Ne, Youji…"
"Yeah?"
"What kind of ice cream do you think I like?"
Youji looked very startled, but immediately said, as thought it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Vanilla, of course. Why?"
It was Aya's turn to be completely freaked out, though he didn't let it show. // How does he know me so well?! I never told him what kind of ice cream I like! How the hell…?!// "Uh… I just wanted to know if you could guess. I feel like ice cream tonight."
"Oh… I didn't have you pegged as an impulsive ice-cream-eater, though…"
"Youji, if you've ever 'had me pegged' as anything, you'd better reconsider those notions." Aya raised an eyebrow, challenging Youji's self-assured rambling. Youji didn't take the bait.
"Whatever. So you want ice cream? I could go get it… I need some more smokes anyways…"
"No, I'm asking Ken and Omi too."
"Oh. Okay, fine. See you in a bit, then."
"Bye."
shikoukairo ga are wo motometsuzuke
muishiki no boku No outlet
(My logic circuits continue to hope for that
Unbeknownst to me No outlet)
Aya, still reeling from his semi-encounter with Youji, made his way up the first set of stairs, to the landing in front of the kitchen, and then leaned against the doorway of the kitchen. Ken sat at the table, reading the comics in the paper. Aya used the same line, since he knew Ken wouldn't have been able to hear him and Youji.
"Ne, Ken…"
Ken looked up, surprised at Aya's sudden appearance. "Uh, yeah?"
"What kind of ice cream do you think I like?"
Ken looked like he was about to blush, a faint tinge of red creeping onto his cheeks. "Why do you ask?"
"Oh, I dunno. Just feel like ice cream tonight."
Ken stuttered his way into the next sentence. "Uh- uh, well, ummm… maybe! Ah! Chocolate?" Aya smirked within his own head at the over-display of emotion. Ken was *definitely* the one who'd been sending him chocolate.
"Ah. Well. Actually, Ken, I like vanilla a lot better, okay?" Aya stared the soccer player down, daring him to protest.
"Ah… ah.. oh- I see. I'm sorry!"
"As long as you understand."
"I- I guess…"
"Good."
Neo (?)
I can't control my mind
Can't control
The clink of spoons from bowls to mouths wasn't really audible over the sound of the T.V., but Aya was sure he could just… *hear* it, echoing around and around in his head. He had a pounding headache that refused to leave, and Omi's incessant chatter during dinner hadn't made the feeling any better. Then, the rest of the team had dragged him bodily into the living room to watch some stupid movie, which wasn't exactly what he had planned for the evening. Ah well. At least he got to eat ice cream. Youji had bought the stuff anyway, even though Aya had said he didn't need to. When the playboy came home from the store and found Aya, he raised the bag at the redhead, saying, "I heard the whole thing with Ken. Thought you'd need ice cream anyway, so I got Neapolitan, the kind split into chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla." Aya frowned but took the bag, putting the container into the freezer to wait for after dinner. Youji had then gone up to his room and stayed there until Omi called out that dinner was ready, and Aya had hung around downstairs.
Kotoba ni dekizu kotoba ni narazu
kotoba wa kokoro wo kowashite
otona no kamen wo kabutta boku wa
nani mo nokora naifu boku
(It can't come out in words, it won't become words
those words destroy my heart
I, who wore the mask of an adult
Just me and the knife which leaves nothing behind)
After the movie had finally wound down to a close, Aya sighed and unbent himself from the couch, went into the kitchen with his bowl, rinsed it, and then went upstairs again to his room, his safe haven. The day had turned out oddly- although in a vaguely gratifying way, since at least he had guessed correctly at the perpetrator of the crime. // I'm pretty sure Ken got my message, which is nice. I can't handle a relationship right now. // Aya put on a CD he had just bought and flopped down on the bed.
Two minutes later, someone knocked on the door.
"Who is it?"
"Uh- Ken."
"What?"
"This is kind of a personal subject that I don't want to discuss through the door, much as I'd like to respect your privacy."
"Fine. Come in." Aya sat up.
Ken opened the door just wide enough to slide into the room, closing it as soon as he was through. He smiled, a little nervous, but not that much. That lack of anxiousness annoyed Aya, making him frown and causing his first words to the soccer player to come out sharply.
"Ken, what do you want? I'm busy." // Unfortunately, I'm not actually doing anything but listening to EBTG… // Aya thought as soon as the words had left his mouth. Ken smiled a little sardonically and leaned against the wall. Just the gesture irritated the redhead's sense of dignity, the movement and smile together clearly saying, "Yeah, of course you are."
"So. I just wanted to ask you…."
"Yes?"
Ken suddenly looked up from the floor and straight into Aya's eyes. "Will you go out to dinner with me tomorrow night?"
Nakayoshi koyoshi nante fuzakitakotoba wa ima sugu kowashite
otona no kamen wo kabutta boku
nani mo kikoenai mono ne da
(I'll destroy now the foolish words, "play nice with the other kids"
I, who wear the mask of the devil
I don't want to hear about something I can never have.)
Author's note: Hola, everyone! Here's a new chapter, and I just want to say thank you to everyone who's been reviewing! Arigatou gozaimashita! Ah, and especially Sky, who pointed out that in the anime series, Youji and (I think this's what she said..) Aya show the least flower knowledge, while I had them as the ones who understood it. Sorry about that! I haven't watched the whole thing yet- I will actually be doing that in about two weeks- so please forgive and tell me about any glaring errors. It'll do wonders for the story! Thanks also to neko jita for being my wonderful beta! This chapter's song is "Children" by Dir en grey. It's a really good (and short) song, and the majority is incomprehensible to my ears, but the lyrics are still really cool.
----rue-chan/k-chan/rose
p.s.- email me! I love feedback/beta readers/people who want me to beta/ etc!
The addy is rosevickery@msn.com ^_^