Saying no to You
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin *SLASH* James Potter/Lily Evans
Rating: R (mostly for language, also some mature themes)
Disclaimer: I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Harry Potter legally belongs to JK Rowling, not to me! Suing me will result in absolutely no gain on your part, because I don't have any money.
A/N: Once more, thank you all for your reviews, and thank you for reading the story. I've been working hard to get this story written just the way I want it. All of you have been a great help when you comment. As always, thank you so much, and please read and review!
~Chapter Six: The Breaking of the Bond~
Sirius woke up earlier than usual and eyed James's empty bed. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, but he would have to make up for what had happened last night. He should have known better than to kiss Remus right in the dormitory, where anyone who walked in could see them. He should have thought of something to say to keep James from getting so angry. But it was too late. Sirius glanced over at Remus, who was still fast asleep, and glanced towards Peter's bed. It seemed that Peter was already awake, probably finishing neglected homework. Sirius threw some clothes on, donned his robes, and went down to the common room.
He spotted James sitting near the fire, talking once again to Lily. Deciding that it was wiser to leave him alone, Sirius went out the portrait hole. He wandered the corridors pointlessly, wondering if James would be talking to him today. After the incident last night, it seemed that there was a huge rift between them. Sirius frowned and returned to the common room. Lily had gone, and James was sitting alone. "Prongs?" Sirius asked tentatively, approaching his friend.
James looked up and his brow furrowed slightly. "Hello, Sirius," he said, his tone oddly formal. The way he was behaving, they were hardly even friends.
"Have you told Peter?" Sirius asked. Inwardly, he was crushed that James was acting so cold towards him, but he knew far better than to show it. Sirius knew that if he did, James would have a key in his hands. James was intelligent enough to use people's private business and their feelings to his advantage if he wanted vengeance badly enough.
"Why should I scare him?" James said simply. He looked at Sirius with venom in his eyes. "He wouldn't like to know that two of his best friends are turning into homosexuals." The last word was dripping with malice. It was the kind of tone that Lucius Malfoy called normal speaking, and Sirius didn't like to hear it coming from James.
"You know," he said, forcing himself to be equally as cold as James, "You're supposed to be my best friend. You're supposed to support me, even if you don't agree with me. So what does that tell you about your views of trust and friendship?"
James frowned. "I trusted you," he said. His voice was losing its cold impersonal tone, and was beginning to sound irritated. "I was your friend, the one you told everything, and you went behind my back. You and Remus are both hypocrites. I knew you were in love with him – after all, you two don't make it tough to figure out – and I figured it was just a passing phase." He was starting to breathe heavily now, the sound erratic and far too loud in the quiet common room.
"Why would you care so much about all that? How am I supposed to assume that you haven't been doing the same thing to me with Lily?" Sirius stared his friend down, thankful that he was the taller of the two.
"I don't care so much about that as I do about Remus," James said bitterly. "I know you, and your record stands against you. I don't want you to hurt Remus like you have every girl you've ever slept with! I want Remus to be happy, not some casual shag like the kind you usually have. He cares about you. He's your friend – for chrissake, Sirius, he loves you. I think you owe him more than a quick fuck before you throw him aside like all the rest."
"How dare you talk like that?!" Sirius exploded. "Remus is not just some quick fuck to me! He means more than that. How can you even assume that my so-called record has been of my own choosing?"
"You certainly don't seem to care, do you," snapped James. "Remus doesn't, either. For some reason, he thinks you've changed…"
"I have," Sirius growled in a low tone. "I care more about Remus than you do, obviously, because I don't think you're talking to him anymore, either."
"No," said James, agreeing with him on one count. "But for that matter, it isn't every night that you come into your dormitory, intending on getting a decent night's sleep, and you see your two best friends snogging right in front of you." He looked disgusted with the thought that he had come across such a scene. "I don't know why you think you can be different with Remus," he added after a nasty silence. "You're always going to be chasing after some girl, trying to get inside her skirt. So if you ask me, Remus is mad if he thinks you're going to keep up with him."
"Shut up!" Sirius shouted. "Leave Remus out of this!"
"Oh, very chivalrous!" James stood up and stormed out of the common room without a backward glance.
There could not have been a worse atmosphere. The Marauders sat together at breakfast, but none spoke to any of the others throughout the entire meal. They stared at their plates and ate in utter silence. It seemed to Remus that even the other conversation in the Hall, which was usually quite loud, was muted. Of course, this was because he was fighting to hear the slightest sigh or gulp from any of his friends.
Of the four boys, Sirius seemed by far the angriest. He kept shooting hateful looks towards James, a frown pasted on his face. He completely ignored his food for the first half of the meal, and at the end he was scarfing it down as though it would disappear any moment. He ignored James completely, while the other boy stood up to join Lily and her throng of friends. "Did something happen that I need to know about?" Remus asked concernedly, after noting that James had also sent him an ugly look, but not nearly as cold as that he gave Sirius seconds before he left.
"No," Sirius said hastily between enormous bites.
Remus sighed and began to study his jam-coated toast. "All right," he said. He was disappointed in Sirius. After all, they were supposed to tell each other everything, and he knew that something was wrong. Nothing but a huge row about a sensitive subject could make James and Sirius so horrible towards one another. He had hoped that Sirius would tell him, but it seemed that it was a personal matter between him and James. "Well, we need to be going."
Sirius nodded and they set off for Transfiguration, with Peter at their heels. They were among the first to arrive in the classroom, although moments later, James arrived. He was walking beside Lily, whose friends had long since given up trying to keep up with them. The pair of them sat down at the table next to Sirius and Remus. Lily smiled and waved cheerfully, which meant that James had obviously not been complaining about their sexual preferences or the previous night's incident – at least not to her.
Professor McGonagall came into the room, looking severe as usual. As she began to lecture the class about human transfigurations while the class took notes. Sirius watched as Remus's quill scratched rapidly across his parchment. He knew that he, too, should be taking notes, but the mood didn't strike him. Instead he watched McGonagall as she began to draw a very complex diagram on the board. He glanced over at James, who was whispering something in Lily's ear. She laughed quietly and replied before returning to taking notes.
James caught Sirius's eye and frowned. Before Sirius could gesture or return the unfriendly gaze, McGonagall pounced. "Mr. Potter," she said sternly, "Would you please explain the importance of proper wand usage and clear language when transfiguring humans?"
James jerked his head to look innocently at Professor McGonagall, who was staring at him like a hawk might watch its prey. He nodded and began to give a quick explanation of what she had outlined. Sirius sat back in his chair and began to take notes, copying off of Remus's neatly-written parchment. Once McGonagall was satisfied with James's reply, she returned to the front of the class and took up drawing the diagram again. Sirius contented himself with taking notes for the rest of the class. "As these transfigurations are extremely complex, we will not attempt them today," McGonagall said. Several people groaned, looking gravely annoyed and disappointed. "However, you do have an assignment." More groaning met this statement, and Sirius saw Peter chewing on his nails anxiously. "I want at least three feet of parchment describing the dangers, complexities, and advantages of human transfiguration. It will be due next Tuesday."
"Tuesday?" squeaked Peter.
"Yes, Mr. Pettigrew," said McGonagall, who had heard him. "And I would advise that you do better on this assignment than you did on the last one." She gave him a particularly piercing look and Peter squirmed uneasily, looking guilty. Then he shot a look at James, whom Sirius noted was not paying any attention. He was busy chatting with Lily, and had his head turned away from Peter.
"Help me!" Peter mouthed desperately to Sirius, who nodded. If James would not help their less-than-academic friend, then he would. Honestly, he didn't have to punish Peter just because he was angry with Sirius and Remus. It was hardly Peter's fault that they were more than friends. In fact, the plump boy had no idea what was going on. He could assume whatever he wanted, but he didn't know the truth.
After Herbology, during which Remus seemed particularly miserable due to tomorrow's full moon, they were sitting in the Great Hall eating lunch in silence. After a long time, Peter cleared his throat and Sirius resigned himself to his duty. He started pointing things out to his friend, while Peter nodded and wrote down the important details. Remus watched, occasionally adding to Sirius's statements. More often, however, he was looking down the table at James, who was unsurprisingly chatting happily with Lily.
The redheaded prefect saw Remus and Sirius and waved, smiling. She, at least, didn't seem to care that James was being cold with them. Instead, she seemed more to regard them as friends rather than people towards whom James was currently savagely hateful. "Hello, Lily," said Remus amicably.
"Hi, Remus," she replied, still smiling at him. "Hi, Sirius." She offered him a dazzling smile which Sirius only just managed to return. He glanced at James, who did not look pleased at all. He promptly caught her attention again and she turned away from the three other Marauders, who went back to their own business.
In the common room that evening, the chatter was drowning out any less than friendly that James and Sirius made towards each other. Not long after arriving there, James and Lily departed through the portrait hole. Sirius watched them go, frowning slightly. Now it was James who was pulling the moves on someone, not him. Strange how everyone started to buzz with gossip the moment Lily and James were gone and the portrait of the Fat Lady closed after them. It seemed that everyone in the House believed that the two were already a cemented couple, and that they had gone off to further cement their relationship. Sirius, however, doubted that James would be doing such a thing. After all, his former best friend had more decency than to randomly shag a girl just because she was good-looking.
That's rather what you did, isn't it?
Sirius frowned. He had wanted to forget about the things that were history now. Of course, although it was not common knowledge, he had not slept with a girl since Chloe Mathers. That had been days ago, a record for him. Normally he had a different girl almost every night of the week. These days, Sirius looked back on those habits and hated himself for what he had done. Remus seemed to notice that he was miserable, because he said, "It's all right, Padfoot."
"I guess so," Sirius agreed. He didn't want Remus to feel badly on his behalf. "Come on, I need your notes for Potions."
"You should have been taking your own," Remus scolded lightly, a smile playing across his lips. He handed Sirius his Potions notes and began to work on the composition for History of Magic. In Sirius's mind, this was the dullest subject of them all, but he didn't comment. He knew that Remus wanted to get perfect marks. He knew that Remus felt the need to prove himself as a qualified wizard, not a mindless beast. Of course, he knew Remus better than that, and no one but the Marauders – and Severus Snape, a very long story in that case – knew that Remus was a werewolf. That, and the teachers; the list included Professor Dumbledore, whose idea it had been to let Remus use the passage under the Whomping Willow to the "Shrieking Shack," as the villagers had dubbed it after years of Remus inhabiting it monthly.
Sirius finished copying Remus's Potions notes and began to work on the essay about truth potions. He was very nearly finished when James and Lily returned. They looked normal, neither of them with mussed hair or robes. Lily was smiling complacently, as though she knew something that the others didn't, and she retreated to the girls' dormitory moments after reentering the common room. James left for the boys' dormitory after shaking Peter away from him, insisting that he was tired and couldn't help. Sirius frowned; James technically was the one who was always willing to help Peter, and had asked for it when he started tutoring Peter. He should have just accepted the consequences and given the chubby boy a quick lesson. After all, it was better than Peter risking his neck in tomorrow's Potions lesson. Saëns was particularly vindictive after the makeup prank.
"Remmie," he called softly to the boy beside him, "Are you done with any of your work yet?"
Remus looked up at him, noting the tone in Sirius's voice. He interpreted it correctly and studied Sirius with cautious eyes. "With Potions, yes," he replied. "But I have a lot to work on for McGonagall." Feigning innocence, he asked, "Why do you want to know? I can't let you copy everything I do, Siri. You know you're brilliant."
Sirius smiled at his friend's use of a diminutive. "Come on, Remmie," he said. "Ditch the homework. Let's do something more fun."
"All right," said Remus. He sighed with amusement, put his books and parchment away, and they exited quickly through the portrait hole. They wandered the corridors aimlessly for a long time, before Sirius finally got impatient and started leading the way out onto the grounds. It wasn't cold outside yet, so it wouldn't be terribly uncomfortable. Remus, however, seemed to have other plans. They were on the second floor when he suddenly steered Sirius down a deserted corridor and into an empty classroom. Sirius realized what was happening the moment they entered the room, and he shut the door behind them, locking it with a tap of his wand.
Wordlessly, the two boys studied one another before Sirius took the upper hand and pushed Remus lightly against the nearest wall. He pressed his lips deeply into the brunet's, sliding his tongue lazily along Remus's bottom lip to rediscover the taste of his mouth. Remus put his arms around Sirius's waist and kissed back.
It was over a half hour later when they finally decided that it would be sensible to return to the common room. No one, not even the densest person in the school, would have ignored their disappearance. Everyone knew when Sirius Black left a room, because it usually became quieter and far less cheerful. For that matter, most girls in the school looked for him every time they entered a room, hoping for the chance that Sirius would look their way and flash them his brilliant, crooked smile.
The Fat Lady was half asleep when they arrived at her portrait. Sirius very nearly had to yell the password before she let them in, and then she was none too happy. They entered the common room to find that it had emptied slightly; Peter was out of sight, as were most of Lily's friends. However, there were enough girls there to notice that Sirius had just entered the room. One of Lily's many friends rushed up to him, completely ignoring Remus. She practically shoved him to the side as she hurried to make conversation with Sirius. "Oh, Sirius, you're back," she swooned, looking at him dreamily. She seemed to hope that his record would stretch to include her, although judging by the way Sirius was glaring at her, he had no intention of ever letting her be a part of his list. "I was wondering where you had gone. I was beginning to think that you'd died…" she went on and on, simpering and flirting.
Remus frowned at her, trying to remember her name. Lily had far too many friends to remember all of them, although he certainly tried in case any of them ever came to chat Sirius up or to flirt with James. Most of them ignored Remus, and all of them looked at Peter as though he were a giant slug. Finally, after ages of racking his brain, he said, "Well, if you'd excuse us, please, Matilda, Sirius and I were going to do our Transfiguration homework."
She shot an evil look at him and returned to the group of tittering girls on the far side of the room. Sirius gave Remus a grateful look and they grudgingly brought out their homework and started to write. Remus glanced over at the girls and noticed that they were all glaring at him spitefully. Matilda in particular was looking almost murderous, her eyes glinting dangerously in the dimming light. Remus smiled sardonically at her and looked away, concentrating on his homework again.
"I hate them," hissed Sirius after all the girls had retreated to their dormitory.
Remus nodded without looking up. He wanted to have this essay done before it was due, in case any other more pressing assignments came up. He glanced up for a brief second, to see the expression on Sirius's face, and immediately looked down again. The look in Sirius's eyes was making him uncomfortable.
Sirius, however, was too busy studying Remus to notice that his friend had glanced up at him briefly. He was personally very thankful for baggy school robes tonight. He noticed that Remus was staring at him now, looking slightly alarmed. "What?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. It was very rare for Remus to have that expression on his face, but he certainly looked nervous, almost disgusted. "What is it?" Sirius asked again when he did not get a reply.
"Nothing," murmured Remus automatically.
"What are you looking at?" demanded Sirius. He jumped to his feet, as if that would help the situation. He was positive that he knew what had Remus's undivided attention.
Slowly, as though he were reluctant to do so, Remus raised his eyes and met Sirius's gaze. He looked rather dazed, although his voice was confident when he said, "I wasn't looking at anything." He tore his eyes from Sirius and went back to writing.
"I think I'm going to go to bed," Sirius said. "I'll see you up there, Moony."
"Night, Padfoot," Remus called softly after him. He was still bent over his homework.
Sirius shook his head, whispered, "Mental," and proceeded up the stairs to the dormitory.
He was not the only one awake. Peter's snores were breaking the otherwise complete silence, but James was sitting awake on his bed, reading one of their schoolbooks. The moment he noticed that Sirius was in the room, too, he jerked his head up and slammed the book shut, causing Peter to snort loudly. James shoved his book aside and raised a curious eyebrow. He didn't speak, only watched Sirius warily.
"Come off it," said Sirius. "Why are you being such a prick about all this?"
"I'm being the prick?" James asked, looking very annoyed. "I'm the prick? I think you have it wrong. You're the one who's going to throw it all back in poor Remus's face after you've had enough experiments. We all know that you want to believe you're as straight as a ruler."
"I don't want to believe it," Sirius said vehemently.
"You're saying it's true, then," retorted James. "After all those cozy little snogging sessions with Remus, and you still expect me to believe – and you believe – that you're the straightest thing that's happened to this school?" He laughed mirthlessly, the noise echoing through the room. "If you are, then you should tell poor Moony. You know that he's about as straight as a circle."
Sirius winced at the analogy. "Stop making fun of him," he said quietly.
"Well, it's true," James said. "I'm not making fun of him at all. I'm stating fact." He smiled nastily. "You of all people must know how straight Moony is. You've been snogging him all the time these days. You know he likes it best with boys."
"So what if he does? What's it to you? Jealous that he doesn't fancy you?"
"No!" James shouted, so angrily that Sirius heard Peter's head bang against his headboard. "It's only important to me because you're going to hurt him. Remus is my friend, too, and I don't want so see him crying over you anymore." Seeing the surprise registering on Sirius's face, he added, "Oh, he's cried a fair few times over you. It really hasn't helped your case that you brag every time you go off and screw some random girl. Haven't you noticed how upset he gets?"
"No," Sirius said. He never had paid Remus any attention after any of his exploits, except to feel guilty that it hadn't been Remus beneath him, calling his name… He shook his head violently, trying to clear the image which had been haunting him for a long time. Unfortunately, this time it seemed that the scene wouldn't stop replaying in his mind. He had dreams like this at night most of the time, in which he seduced Remus into getting in bed with him and they mated like animals through the night. He shuddered to remember that he often entertained such thoughts. He was supposed to be straight, and yet he was attracted to one of his best friends. He had never cared for any of the girls. Not one, except for the fact that they were attractive.
Of course, in a way, they weren't attractive. They didn't do for him exactly what Remus could do with a simple smile. There was a lot missing that they never really could make up for. Calmly, deliberately, he said, "But I never did like it much with girls, anyway."
James grinned. It was a cold smile, but it was a better start than throwing angry insults at one another. "You're still denying it, Sirius."
"What, you want me to come out and tell you that I'm a queen? Just so that you can tease me till my dying day?"
"Not for that reason," James said. "I want you to say it for Remus. He needs to know so that he has more of the truth when you throw him away like you have all the rest." He paused, with a smile like a grimace creeping across his lips, before saying, "I know you will throw him away. How long can he possibly last? I know he won't let you shag him silly just yet. And I know that you consider the week wasted if you haven't screwed someone."
"Sod off!" Sirius barked, and turned his back on James. He went over to his bed and started to change. He didn't bother closing the hangings around his bed, didn't bother covering himself up. Instead, he shamelessly dropped his robes and peeled off his shirt. He was sure that by now, James would have turned his back, but he wasn't doing this for James. Right now, he didn't care what he did or who saw him. Even if it was Lily's hideous friend, Matilda, he would hardly care. He was far more focused on hating James.
Naturally, he knew inside that James was right at the moment. Unless Sirius could truly clean up his act and stop being such a horny bastard, he was going to fling the one person he really loved back to where they had started. He didn't want to hurt Remus; in fact, if it came down to that, he would rather kill himself and die a painful death rather than let Remus suffer. He shuddered inwardly at the thought of these sentiments. They were the kind of thing that girls read in cheap romance novels, not the kind of thing that he – Sirius Black – was supposed to be thinking in regard to his best friend.
He had just dropped his pants when Remus walked into the room, carrying several large and very heavy books in his arms. The second he saw Sirius, all of the books hit the stone floor with a violently loud thud. Sirius turned around to see what had happened and found Remus's eyes fixed on a particular point below his waist. Sirius grinned sheepishly, but was not ashamed to be caught nearly naked. "I'll help you with those in a minute," he offered. Remus, however, was already picking them up. "You look possessed, Remmie."
Remus smiled and dumped his books at the foot of his bed. "For good reason," he replied. It was possibly one of the most seductive things that Sirius had ever heard him say, for he felt himself squirming, trying to hide a certain part of his anatomy from Remus's staring eyes.
"Bloody hell, Remmie, you're making me uncomfortable."
Remus licked his lips and shook out of it, looking guiltily up into Sirius's eyes. "Sorry about that," he whispered, and closed the curtains around his bed to change.
"You liked that, didn't you, Sirius," said James in a quiet, malevolent voice.
"Fuck off," Sirius growled absentmindedly. He sprang forward and jerked the curtains back from around Remus's bed. The boy within had shed all but his boxers and turned to look at Sirius with horror. He reached for his robes to pull them over his head again, but Sirius got there first and snatched them away from his grasp. "No, no, no," he mock-scolded. "You got a good look at me, now be fair."
Remus's cheeks were turning pink, but he did not resist. Instead he slid off his bed and stood, facing Sirius, looking expectant.
James left the room, sensing what was about to come. He knew – and he didn't like it.
Sirius, however, was busy pushing Remus down against his bed, kissing him frantically as he put his legs around the werewolf's waist. Remus felt a shiver creep down his spine. Sirius was straddling him. And if he wasn't mistaken, Sirius was turned on. Very much so, to be honest. Remus tried to move his lower body away from Sirius, but the larger boy ground his weight down harder and started to kiss Remus with even more passion.
Remus didn't want to go any farther. When Sirius's hands started to slither down his chest and over his stomach, he realized what was going to happen. He gently grabbed Sirius's wrists and pulled his lips away from the other boy's. He shook his head simply and Sirius got the message. He kissed Remus several more times before sliding off and returning to his own bed. He didn't seem dejected that Remus had refused his invitation. In fact, he seemed almost relieved. He grinned one last time at Remus before he closed the hangings around his bed and went to sleep. Tonight was guaranteed to be good.
The next day, however, was not as it should have been. Sirius got dressed and went down to breakfast only to find that Remus was not there. He remembered that tonight was to be the full moon, and he shuddered. Poor Remus would be stuck in the Shrieking Shack all today and tomorrow. He vowed to go down tonight and get in some valuable time. He didn't even care if James and Peter would come. The only important part was to be with Remus.
He ate quickly, occasionally helping Peter with questions on his homework, and they rushed to Charms. He took careful notes so that Remus could copy them later, and took it upon himself to tutor Peter. James obviously wasn't doing it. He was talking to Lily, placing his hand on her thigh as he spoke, and seemed oblivious to the rest of the world.
Lunch felt like it had come amazingly quickly. Sirius was just beginning to eat when James sat down across from Peter, leaving Remus's usual place empty. Sirius stared at James, not sure what the other wanted, until James said in a grave voice, "I'm assuming you got what you wanted last night."
"What do you mean?" Sirius snapped.
James glanced at Peter, who squeaked that he needed to visit the library. He left, glancing back at them once before disappearing out the doors. "I mean that you must have gotten some from Remus."
"Gotten some of what?" demanded Sirius. "If you're wanting to know if we had sex…"
"Yes," James replied bluntly. "I am. It would be nice to know."
"We didn't," Sirius said equally shortly. "He didn't want to, so I respected his decision. It's not as if I could force him to do it or anything. I don't want to become a rapist just because I have a hard on, thanks."
"So you're admitting that you were at least turned on."
"Who wouldn't be with Remus underneath them?" Sirius said without thinking. "I mean, he's gorgeous and sexy. Who wouldn't get turned on if they were snogging him while he was in nothing but his boxers?"
"Only you would feel that way, Sirius. And only you would know. I have never snogged another boy, thank you very much." He looked pointedly at Sirius.
"Get over it," Sirius retorted. "I love Remus and you can accept it or not, but nothing is changing." He glared at James until the other boy sighed in obvious defeat.
"Well, I'm going to visit Moony tonight, and nothing you say or do will stop me."
"I'm going, too, so you'd better not bitch about my sexual preferences or his."
"Fine."
"Promise you'll be civil," Sirius commanded.
James sighed and slumped his shoulders a bit. Then he perked up again and said, "I promise."
"Good," Sirius said, finally satisfied. "Then we're both going."
And with that, he went on to his next class.
A/N: I'm sorry if this has been a long chapter, but why should I complain if it turned out the way I wanted it to? Anyway, to the point – yes, I realize that this is getting more explicit, but they are teenage boys, after all. And as to what will happen between our two favorite canines (will Sirius get some, or will Remus play the virgin for another night?), you'll just have to find out. I'm not going to tell you! Thank you all for reading, and please REVIEW!!! ^_^