Saying no to You

Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin *SLASH* James Potter/Lily Evans

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. You know the standard disclaimer.

A/N: Sorry, all, for the long update time. This chapter had to be perfect for me before I actually posted. At first, I didn't know what I wanted to do with it, but it's finished now!!! Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, I'm also glad that I have support in the writing of this story. Your kind words have been a lovely incentive for me to keep writing…in any case, they have boosted my morale. I realize I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but I do appreciate it and I want to thank you all. You have been brilliant so far, stick with me and we'll see what our boys will do!

~Chapter Seven: Never Too Easy~

Sirius felt like hitting James across the face. He was getting tired of his so-called best friend's cold attitude and pointed verbal attacks on Remus and himself. He understood that it wasn't easy for James to accept the situation, but he didn't understand why James had to be so cruel about it. After all, he had been the one to give Sirius a nudge in the right direction when he was unsure about confessing to Remus. Now that they were together, James was against them. Sirius frowned as he accidentally blotted his Transfiguration homework, the three-foot essay that was due tomorrow. He was nearly done with it, having only a few inches more to write before it would be ready to turn in.

            He glanced over at James and thinned his eyes. James seemed irritable this morning, but he was carrying a decent conversation with Lily, which was hardly surprising. Lily saw Sirius and waved, offering a kind smile that he quickly returned, but James completely ignored him. It seemed that he had decided not to acknowledge Sirius's presence in the room. Sirius glared at the boy who had been his best friend and went back to his homework. He wished that Remus were here beside him. If he were, James's distance wouldn't bother Sirius nearly as much as it did now.

            It  was times like these when Sirius realized just how much James's friendship meant to him. After all, they had been inseparable for years, and now – over an issue that was hardly even that – they were acting like sworn enemies. Of course, if it had been up to Sirius, James would still be on his side. None of their arguments of late would have happened. Before now, none of them had ever presumed to be angry with one of the others. It was amazing what could happen to a long-standing friendship within a matter of days and unfortunate circumstances. James had, indeed, been present at many inopportune times. Sirius supposed this was part of why the other boy was being so cold now. Still, it could hardly explain the extreme degree of his best friend's anger.

            During breakfast, Peter desperately begged Sirius to help him with the Potions homework that was due this afternoon. With a spiteful glance at James, who seemed happier than he had been earlier, Sirius began to instruct Peter. It wasn't that he didn't want to help the plump boy; actually, Sirius felt better about himself when he was doing so. The problem was that James was being distant with Peter, too, even though the last Marauder had done absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, Peter had no idea what was happening. He didn't know that Remus and Sirius had finally wrangled a cemented romantic relationship, or that James was often walking into the middle of their affair. He could only assume that James was spending time with Lily due to some new urge to flirt with the pretty redhead. "Doesn't it bother you that James is ignoring us these days?" Peter said, after adding several things to his composition. He was looking at Sirius anxiously.

            Sirius shrugged. "It's his problem if he wants to spend time with a pretty face rather than his best friends," he replied, allowing a bitter tone to creep into his words. He met Peter's earnest gaze and allowed himself to smile a bit. At least Peter was company, although he often whined about homework. He was far better than having no one. However, Sirius still missed Remus. He couldn't wait until tonight, when they would have their monthly adventure. The only problem with it was that James would be there. In his current state of mind, James was not going to be amusing company.

            "Do you suppose that James will even come tonight?"

            "He told me he would," Sirius said, glancing down the table at James again. "I guess it'll be all right if he doesn't. Remus shouldn't be too hard for me to handle if James doesn't show up. But for our sake," he added, thinking of the possibilities, "it'll be a lot better if he does come, even if he isn't as much fun as he usually is."

            Peter scrawled several more things onto his Potions homework. "Did you finish the three feet for McGonagall?" he asked, looking nervous. "I only have two."

            "You can read mine," said Sirius. "But first we'd better go to History of Magic."

Double Potions seemed to come far too quickly for Sirius's liking. He found himself in the dungeon classroom – listening to Professor Saëns hiss instructions on how to make a Greater Truth Potion – altogether too soon. He was partnering Peter today, since Remus was absent, and James was sitting with Lily. The second they were allowed to assemble their ingredients, he hurriedly gathered everything into the center of the table. Peter sat watching him, looking confused. "I don't understand this at all…when do we add the asphodel?"

            "I'll tell you when," said Sirius, chopping a pile of roots into fine cubes. "Just watch me for a second and then help out, would you?"

            They did amazingly well, and even Professor Saëns could not complain. However, he managed to take five points from Gryffindor when one of the girls spilled her roots all over the floor. Sirius couldn't see the fairness in this, but had learned that it was wise not to comment. Saëns was vicious when the Gryffindors did better than his beloved Slytherins, and they were indeed doing just this. Lucius Malfoy and his gang were fumbling to finish their potion by the time that most Gryffindors were done. Of course, the stupidity of Malfoy's cronies, Crabbe and Goyle, was not helping. Snape was the only Slytherin who had done it properly, having been paired with a boy more intelligent than Crabbe and Goyle.

            Saëns demanded their homework at the end of class, as if he had wanted to build suspense, and assigned them to simply read the section on Truth Potions in their textbooks. He seemed lazy today, despite his fury that the Gryffindors had bested his own House. Everyone was grateful that their homework load was light today. It seemed that all the teachers were thinking on the same level.

Sirius and Peter were both silent at dinner. James was sitting with them for once, his gaze constantly flicking to where Lily was talking with her friends. He did not, however, look at Sirius or Peter once during the meal. Once they were all finished, though, he did say, "Remember tonight." Then he stood up and joined Lily to walk out of the Great Hall.

            Once it was dark outside, the three boys climbed out of their beds, got dressed again, and snuck outside. They didn't bother with the Invisibility Cloak. They rarely did these days, since the teachers and even the caretaker didn't seem very watchful anymore. They went out through the portrait hole and crept downstairs and out onto the grounds.

            Clouds obscured the full moon for the moment, but it would be a matter of moments before it was in plain view again. They transformed and dashed to the Whomping Willow. Peter scampered to the knot, stepped on it, and froze the tree's attacking branches. James and Sirius dashed into the tunnel first; once they were in safely, Peter jumped off the knot and bounded in after them.

            It seemed like ages before they finally reached the Shrieking Shack. Remus had already transformed, and was only feet from the entrance to the tunnel. They had planned their escapades for this month, so there was nothing to do but head for the Forbidden Forest.

The three boys returned to their dormitory in the dark hours of the morning, before anyone was bound to be awake. Sirius was exhausted and his limbs were sore from all the walking. They had been through as much of the forest as they assumed was wise, though they had somehow evaded meeting with any incredibly dangerous creatures. He dropped gratefully into his bed and caught a few hours of sleep before it was time to wake up and go down to breakfast.

            James was still sleeping when Sirius opened his eyes. He smiled to remember that Remus would be back today. Peter was company, yes, but he was nowhere near as good or as much fun as Remus. Sirius dressed in a hurry and dashed downstairs to the common room. Quite a few people were already there, chatting lazily by the fireside. Sirius went straight out the portrait hole and down to the Great Hall. There were also a lot of people already here. Sirius hurried to the Gryffindor table and sat across from Remus, who was looking tired and worn from the night before. "Hey, Remmie," he said softly. He reached across the table and squeezed the brunet's hand before beginning to pile eggs and sausages onto his plate.

            "Morning, Padfoot," said Remus in reply. He looked sleepy, but he was not one to let that stop him. "Where're Wormtail and Prongs?"

            "Asleep," Sirius smiled. "They'll miss breakfast if they don't get up soon."

            As if on cue, James and Peter came into the Great Hall. Peter took a seat beside Remus and automatically started asking questions about the Transfiguration essay. James ignored them except to nod curtly to Remus. Then he plopped down beside Lily without so much as a backward glance at them.

            "I'm getting sick of that," said Remus. His eyes were narrowed in annoyance.

            "Don't let him get to you." Sirius offered him an encouraging smile. "He doesn't deserve anything from you, not even your anger."

            Remus nodded, but he continued to glare in James's direction.

"Prongs, I need to talk to you," Remus said. He realized that he sounded cold and commanding, but he hardly cared anymore. James had been behaving in a similar way recently. It was time he got a taste of his own medicine – or at least learned that you didn't ignore your best friends without consequence.

            James looked up from Lily, the smile fading quickly from his face. "What is it?" he asked, not moving from the spot.

            Remus frowned and crossed his arms irritably. "I need to talk to you somewhere else," he snapped. "It's a bit private." He raised an eyebrow at James, challenging him to protest on the matter.

            "All right," James said, now looking quite put out. "I'll see you later, Lils." He waved a gloomy goodbye to Lily and followed Remus out into the corridor. Once they were walking away from the portrait hole, he broke the silence and demanded, "What is this all about, Remus? It had better be good."

            "Trust me, it's worth it," said Remus shortly. He personally didn't feel like making a conversation with James, the boy who had renounced his best friends because of a relationship that was blossoming between them. And as if that didn't offend Remus enough, James had been cold to Peter, who was clueless as to the situation. He ushered James into an empty classroom to assure that they would not be disturbed. "What's your problem?" he asked angrily as soon as he closed the door. James didn't reply and looked out the window. "Well?" Remus demanded. "I'm supposed to be one of your best friends, James. You can tell me." He glared at the other boy until James looked at him in a puzzled way. "Unless, of course, you don't want a queer knowing what's got you so bloody pissed off!" he snapped.

            James's eyes widened in shock. Never before had Remus spoken in such a spiteful tone to him. "I don't have a problem," he said eventually. "And I don't care that you're a queer. I've suspected it for ages. This whole thing with Sirius just proves my point."

            "You have a problem," said Remus, shaking with rage, "you're pissed off at Sirius and I for no reason. Even walking in on us snogging isn't bad enough to make you this angry. You're acting like one of us betrayed you or something."

            "Maybe you did!" James snarled. "And what gives you the right to preach to me about being prejudiced about you being gay?"

            "What gives you the right to get so angry over something that we could have all solved through normal conversation?" Remus shot back, thinning his eyes. "After all, if you wanted to deal with this maturely, you could have always asked to discuss it with one of us. I don't see why you procrastinated. Unless, of course, there is some deeper reason to why you're mad?"

            "You have no idea, Remus," said James derisively. "You don't understand."

            "Try me," retorted Remus. "I'm sure you'd be surprised. I'm not stupid, you know, even if you might like to think that I am."

            "I don't think you're stupid!" James exclaimed defensively. "I think that Sirius is stupid. He'll use you, Remus. And when he's done with you, do you know what he's going to do?" He hardly waited for a response before adding venomously, "He'll throw you out like a used tissue and chase some other girl. You know that Sirius can't survive very long without fucking something!"

            "Shut the bloody hell up!" Remus shouted.

            James saw a blur and felt intense pain as Remus's fist connected with his jaw. It felt like the bone was breaking. One thing was for sure: Remus could cause hellish amounts of pain when he felt like doing so. James opened his eyes and saw Remus breathing heavily, looking as if he would be willing to hit him again if it meant he was defending Sirius. "Don't insult him like that. Sirius isn't as much of a prick as you're making him out to be. That department's already been more than filled by you."

            James tried to tackle the werewolf, but Remus nimbly moved out of the way and James very nearly crashed into the wall. He turned to look at his opponent and saw Remus standing there, glaring daggers at him. "You really are naïve if you think that Sirius will actually hold on to you. How long do you honestly think he'll give you if you don't let him shag you?"

            "Sirius happens to respect me, James," Remus said. His voice was dangerously quiet and James knew not to interrupt. "Maybe if you understood love decently you'd understand that."

            "I know what love is, Remus. Love isn't the same as some bottomless lust, like Sirius feels for you. I see how he looks at you. To him, you're just something to fuck silly and then discard when he's through."

            "I told you not to insult him!" Remus shouted, and James fell silent. He had never seen the usually placid werewolf this angry before. For that matter, he had never known Remus to physically retaliate towards someone before, especially not one of his friends – no matter how angry said friend had made him. "Sirius doesn't live to shag people, you know. There's more to him than that. I would have thought that you, as his so-called best friend, would know that even better than I do."

            James frowned. "You're going to be just a pawn to him," he said. "I don't want you to get hurt. I know how you love Sirius. You idolize him. But if you fancy keeping your sanity and your happiness, you'll stay out of a relationship with him." He sighed, waiting for the blow, but it didn't come. Remus was watching him with thinned amber eyes, polite enough to hear him out. "I don't want to sit by and watch him torture you."

            "I won't let him throw me away after he gets what he wants," Remus said confidently. "I won't let him torture me, either." He sat down on one of the desks. "Besides, there has to be more than that. I wouldn't think that defending my emotional safety would be enough to make you stop speaking to me, not to mention Sirius and Peter."

            James ran a hand through his untidy hair and said, "You're right." Remus raised an eyebrow, obviously expecting a full confession, but James only added, "I do want to protect you, because you're my friend, but there's something else…" He trailed off and looked away guiltily.

            "What is it, Prongs?" asked Remus. He looked calmer now, not as wild and furious as he had been moments before. There was a certain anxiety in his eyes, almost concern.

            "If I tell you, you can't tell Sirius," said James solemnly. "I'll tell him when I'm ready."

            "Of course," Remus agreed.

            James sighed, a long, rattling breath that seemed to stretch ages through time. "At first I wanted you two to be happy together. I knew that you would be better off if you knew how the other felt. But then I kept walking in on you, and I saw how close you really were...I got jealous of that kind of comfort. I saw you two together and I felt like an outsider. I didn't see what I was used to, and it scared me. I wanted to be there, too, in on the secret to your happiness. That was when I got angry. I want to have some of that in my life – that feeling when there are only two of you left in the world and nothing else matters…"

            "You could have it with Lily," suggested Remus. He knew too well how James felt about the red-haired prefect, and he had been wondering when they would get a move on and confess their feelings for one another. James could only keep up the façade for a little longer, anyways. Soon the feelings that he hoped were secret would be out in the open, whether he liked it or not. "I know how you two feel about each other. I think you already have what you want, James. You just have to realize it, and do something about it. That's what a certain person told me when I was in doubt about talking to Sirius."

            James smiled at Remus for the first time in days. "Thanks, Moony," he said, reaching out and embracing his friend. "I'm sorry I was such a prick about it."

            "It's all right, Prongs," said Remus, smiling back. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure that when you tell him, Sirius will understand." He hopped off the desk and added, "Why don't we get back to the common room? Poor Lily is probably wondering if you're dead by now." He noted the bruise on James's jaw. "Sorry about that," he said. "It was an impulse and I felt like I had to defend Sirius since he wasn't there to do it for himself."
            "Oh, it's all right. It doesn't hurt anymore," James said, and it was the truth – except for the pain. His jaw was still aching from the blow. "You sure pack a punch, Moony."

            Remus grinned sheepishly. "Are you sure that it's all right?" he asked, studying his friend.

            "Well, while I'm thinking about it, there is one last thing. I didn't include it because it sounded stupid," said James, looking embarrassed. "Once you two got together, it felt strange because you were, well...gay. I just didn't know how to cope with it. After all, Sirius plays it straight quite well. You'd never guess he liked other guys, would you?"

            "No," said Remus. "But I don't know whether it's that he's gay or that he's bisexual. He hasn't told me; maybe he doesn't even know."

            "He and I got in a fight about you," James said. "I started telling him how gay you were. But I want to know – is it true? I was being pretty derogatory about it. If it's true, I'll eat my words."

            Remus felt blood rushing to his cheeks. "I probably should have told you sooner," he said, ducking his head slightly. "But I thought you'd hate me if I told you that I was gay." Seeing the look on James's face, he added quickly, "Oh, I don't like you that way. You don't have to feel strange about it."

            James smiled with relief. "In that case, I'm sorry for insulting you about your sexuality."

            "I told you it's all right. We're friends, remember?"

            "I thought you wouldn't have that mentality anymore, considering my attitude towards you lately," James eyed Remus cautiously.

            "You apologized," said Remus. "That's enough for me. I know you don't lie to people who are your friends, even when you're in disputes with them." He reverted to smiling. "Come on, we should get back to the common room. Lily should be looking for you, and Sirius will want to talk to me. In any case, they're probably both curious."

            "Okay." James smiled back.

Sirius was waiting for Remus outside the portrait hole when they arrived. He raised an eyebrow to see that James was back in good humor, but chose not to comment. James offered a small smile as he passed Sirius and went into the common room. Sirius stared after him for a moment before he looked at Remus. "What happened between you two?"

            "He told me why he was angry with us," Remus said calmly. "But I promised him that I wouldn't tell you any details. He wants to tell you on his own."

            Sirius nodded, but he looked slightly preoccupied. "Hey, d'you suppose that the dormitory will be empty?"

            "No," said Remus automatically. "I bet Peter is in there, asleep."

            Sirius swore under his breath. "Well, come with me, Moony, and we shall revisit that classroom."

            "If you insist," smiled Remus.

            They arrived in the empty classroom that had become so familiar, and Sirius closed and locked the door behind them. He had a devilish grin on his face that suggested he had something on his mind. Sure enough, he pinned Remus to the wall and started kissing him frantically. "It's been so hard to keep my hands off you," he murmured as he paused for breath. "I love you, Remmie."

            Remus made a small purring noise in his throat as Sirius kissed him again. "I love you, too, Siri," he said between kisses. More than you'll ever know.

            They remained together – Remus with his back to the wall, Sirius's larger body covering him – for what seemed like an eternity. Sirius's hands, however, were questing ever lower down Remus's back, and without warning he tightened his grip around the werewolf's rear end and pressed his body harder against him. Remus panicked and shoved him off, wide-eyed. "What were you doing?" he asked incredulously.

            Sirius smiled. "What, you didn't like it?"

            "Well, it was a bit unexpected!" protested Remus. "Not to mention I don't think we should be doing that yet." He frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, demonstrating his annoyance.

            "Was I supposed to ask your permission?"

            "In a way. After all, I don't like surprises of that type. Not to mention that you can wait until I'm ready to go farther. Right now I don't feel like it, and if you do, that's too bad. I think it's time you stopped pushing things as fast as you can."

            "Oh, all right." Sirius pushed himself back against Remus and pinned him once again to the wall. They had hardly been at it for a minute when Sirius started to move his hands down Remus's front. With a whimper, Remus shoved him away again, this time looking genuinely annoyed.

            "Sirius!" he scolded. "Why can't you keep your hands in halfway decent places?"

            "It's too easy not to when it's you," said Sirius. "You don't realize what you do to me."

            Remus looked shocked. "You mean…" he began, but Sirius's mouth claimed his again and he was cut off entirely. Soon he forgot exactly what he was going to ask, because Sirius was being even more amorous than ever. When Sirius Black was putting his expert tongue to work, you didn't ask questions. You were thankful that you had him. And Remus certainly was thankful. Sirius seemed to know it, one way or another.

They returned to the common room to find that it was empty, save for Lily and James. It seemed that James had finally confessed to Lily exactly how he felt, because they were kissing passionately when Sirius and Remus walked in. James was the first to notice their presence, and he pulled his lips off Lily's, looking embarrassed. She turned around and saw the other boys and turned even redder than her vibrant hair. Sirius grinned and winked at James and he and Remus continued up to the dormitory.

            Sure enough, Peter was asleep, his snores puncturing the silence in the room. The other two changed quickly and were just converging on Remus's bed when James entered the room with a broad grin on his face. "I've done it," he said. "I told her that I liked her, and she said that she felt the same...it was great. I understand what you meant, Moony."

            "Good for you, Prongs," congratulated Remus, smiling. "I told you."

            "Yeah. I owe you one," James said. He looked at Sirius. "I'm sorry for being such a prick to you, Padfoot. Can you forgive me?"

            "Sure," said Sirius. "But do me a favor – and don't get that pissed off again."

            "No problem," James said, grinning. He went to bed soon after and was almost immediately asleep, leaving Remus and Sirius the only ones awake.

            "Hey, Remmie, why do you always shove me off when it gets good?"

            "Maybe I don't want to be only appealing to you for sexual reasons," Remus said coolly. "I don't place sex at the top of my list for important things in relationships." He looked pointedly at Sirius. "I don't know about you, but I don't think I'm ready for it yet, as I said earlier. When I am, you'll know."

            "All right," Sirius said. He was disappointed – incredibly so – but he wanted to respect Remus, and he knew better than to force himself on the other boy. As he had told James when they were still fighting, he didn't want to become a rapist because he had a hard on. And it was true. Just because Remus turned him on and drove him absolutely crazy didn't mean that he had to jump him and strip off all his clothes. Sirius wanted this relationship to work; he didn't have room for mistakes. He had made a commitment, and he was going to hold to it. "But don't you think we're moving slowly enough?"

            "I think we're still going too fast," said Remus. "I told you, don't push me."

            "I don't mean to, Moony," Sirius said softly. "I just wondered…"

            Remus smiled. "Don't work yourself up about it. Curiosity isn't a sin, but you shouldn't press me too much or I may just decide to rethink our relationship." He leaned up and pressed his lips against Sirius's cheek in a quick, chaste kiss. "People may think that you're all promiscuity, but I think you're going to make the right decision." He kissed Sirius briefly on the lips and murmured, "I love you," before he climbed behind the curtains around his bed, changed into his pajamas, and went to sleep for the night.

            "I love you, too," Sirius called quietly before he followed suit.

A/N: I'm sorry if this chapter is just starting to brush on subjects that offend you. The rating is officially R from now on, even if it may be just for strong profanity and small sexual references. Don't say I didn't warn you. And in regards to when the boys are finally going to pull their act together, don't ask me…even I don't know exactly when I'm going to let Sirius have his way. ^^;; I think it'll be soon, though. Well, that's almost everything regarding this particular part of the story…

            Before I post the next chapter, I want a brief poll (only a couple people have to vote for it to end): should Remus keep up the innocent act, or should Sirius finally get what he wants? Is it time for the real R-rated part to come, or should the story keep its clothes on for a while? Tell me, cos if you don't, I'll come up with the idea myself, and I have only two ways to write it… Answer to this lovely little poll in your review. Which brings me to my next point, PLEASE REVIEW!!!