Disclaimer: Thank you everyone for the great feedback, although to the person that left the not so great feedback, if you'd have signed in, I would have let you know that I have plans, trust me, I love the character of John, no way was I going to make it worse for him. Anyway, usual applies, not mine, wish they were. This story has run it's course, but has set me a goal of writing another fic directly going on from this one, but as it's own separate story.. watch out for it..
A final, quiet, morning time chat.
By Mouse.
The next few days past quietly for the family. John spent time with all of his brothers, not doing a lot and slowly coming out of his shell. Jeff had tried to talk to him about his long tour of duty, but John had been neatly side stepping the issue, saying he was fine and it was okay. In fact, all of his brothers had tried to get him to talk about his experiences, but no luck. The only one he would open up to was Gordon, but even then it was in spits and spurts. But over a period of about four days, they got a general picture of what their brother had been through.
The isolation had only been broken by the rare times of mind wrenching fear for his brothers when they were on a rescue. And then the constant worry about Alan when he had the accident that sidelined him for so long, even after they knew Alan was going to be okay. Then there were the periods of time when nothing at all happened. Even staring at the stars had begun to wan and pale in comparison to actually needing someone to physically touch or see.
Plus the mind numbing boring monotony of maintaining the station's systems, exercising, and cleaning, cooking, washing, general things like that. Even cataloguing the various calls received by the station, the ones not asking for help, but for favours and other things like that. Even the time taken to try and study another various languages in his vocabulary – John was already fluent in seven languages, and had a smattering of at least a dozen others – had gotten boring after a time. He'd been studying Russian this time, and had gotten enough of a handle on the language to get by. All of this had contributed to the fact that John felt alone, isolated and not apart of anything anymore. Hence his words to Scott that he didn't feel that he was good enough anymore. It had disturbed the remaining Tracy brothers when Scott had told them that the other day.
It was early morning on the day that Penny was going to be arriving; and it found Gordon and John sitting down at the dock, fishing rods in the water. They weren't expecting to catch anything, just wanting to spend some time with each other. So far, since he'd been home, John had spent his waking hours with at least one of his brothers, usually all of them, doing various activities. Mainly swimming a bit, a little hiking around the island with Scott, a game of doubles with all of them involved – John and Gordon versus Scott and Virgil – John and Gordon winning. So, this morning Gordon had crept into John's room early and asked would he like to do some early morning fishing. John had readily agreed, so, there they were sitting on the dock, a thermos of coffee between them and some sandwiches. Gordon looked at John, noticing how much more relaxed and at ease he was looking.
"So Johnny, how are you feeling now?" John looked at Gordon, and just smiled.
"I'm okay kiddo, really." Gordon sighed and just grinned back at him.
"Come on Johnny, you've been back four days now, you've caught up on your sleep and spent some time with us, by now you must have gotten yourself back on track."
"Gordy, I don't really want to talk about this now okay? I'm just glad to be back on the ground, safe and sound and with my family okay. That's all there is to it." Gordon stared into John's blue eyes, his own brown reflecting his concern. He knew when John was lying to him, and he knew that John was lying right now.
"No, that's not all that there was to it. Everyone noticed how stressed you were Johnny. And how tired you were. I know you Johnny; you wouldn't have been sleeping much, would you?"
"No." John's reply was barely a whisper, his shoulder slumping slightly, giving in to all the frustration, loneliness and bitterness that had built up over the last three months. He had been hiding it well, but not well enough from Gordon. He turned his face away from Gordon's searching eyes.
"And you wouldn't have been eating well, you've lost pounds, pounds I might say, you didn't need to loose." John's lithe form had been a constant form of envy and some good-natured teasing from his other, heavier brothers. In fact, Gordon was the only one who didn't, as he was similar in stature and form as well.
"That's right." John's voice was subdued. He finally looked up again and stared into Gordon's eyes, his own blue eyes troubled and full of loneliness. Gordon felt his heartbreak and he reached out, enfolding John in a hug, all thoughts of fishing forgotten.
"And I bet you thought we'd all forgotten you, that we were going to leave you up there on that lonely, cold, horrible station all by yourself didn't you?" John clung to him, returning his brother's hug.
"Yes." That barely came out in a terrified whisper.
"Oh Johnny, we could never forget you. You're the one we always depend on to keep us on the straight and narrow, to always be the calm voice of reason, to keep us going when all hope is lost. You're the one we all count on as someone who'll always be there, no matter what. Dad may be in charge over all and Scott in the field, but you're the one that we take our queues from, even Dad. So, never, ever think that we could forget you, or leave you alone. We'll never do that Johnny, never." The two brothers stared each other in the eye, as John's head had come up when Gordon spoke. Gordon spoke with such strength and conviction in his words that John just had to see for himself. "We love you Johnny, don't forget that, please." The last was a heartfelt plea and it was what broke the dam down that John had placed around his feelings. Tears welled in John's eyes and suddenly he pulled Gordon close, crying.
"I love you to, all of you." They sat there, holding each other, providing comfort for each other for a long time.
Later on that morning, John sought out his father. The rest of his brothers were off down at the airstrip, clearing it off as an overnight windstorm had covered it with debris. Tin-Tin had left yesterday afternoon on some mysterious errand and was due back any minute. John came into the lounge room hesitantly, watching his father a moment.
"Father, do you have a minute?" Jeff looked up, smiling at his quietest son.
"Of course John, what's wrong?" John walked over and sat down in the chair by his father's desk. Jeff studied his son a moment, smiling gently at him. What ever had been bothering John, it seemed to have cleared up, as John seemed to be more sure of himself now.
"I just wanted to say sorry for being a bit short with you yesterday." Jeff just chuckled softly. Yesterday he had cornered John in the kitchen, determined to find out what was wrong with his son. John had literally ducked and run away, avoiding his father for the rest of the day. Jeff smiled.
"That's okay son, I know that you have been feeling the effects of being up in space for so long. I just wish that you hadn't stayed up there so long. I know it must have been lonely for you." John nodded.
"Yes, it was Father." Jeff sat their, waiting for John to continue. "I think I would have been okay if we had been busy on the rescue front, but we only had three rescues for the entire three months. There's only so many things I can do up there." The last was said with a note of frustration in his voice.
"I know John, and I plan to rectify that. I've asked Brains if we could expand the living module on Thunderbird five, put some more things in to distract you boys when it's quiet. I'm sorry you had to stay up there for so long. Scott did offer to go up for a while you know." John squirmed a little uncomfortably in his chair.
"I know Dad. But what if he had been needed down here for a rescue. I wouldn't have felt right about it, he has way more experience than I do." Jeff started to speak but John held up his hand. "It's okay Dad. I don't mind being on the sidelines." Jeff tried to understand his son's frustrations, but couldn't.
"I wish I could say I understand John, but I can't. But the main thing is your home, with your family. I just wish I'd spotted how lonely you were feeling earlier." Guilt threatened to overwhelm Jeff; he had virtually banished his quietest son to the cold regions of space. He was surprised to see John's slight smile.
"It's okay Dad, really, it is. Most of the time I don't mind being there, in fact it's perfect for my work and my research. It just got a little hard this time, that's all. But don't ever think that I didn't want to be there, it's my job, and the one thing that I can do no one else does." Jeff studied his boy, proud at the way he had turned out.
"I'm very proud of you John. And I do love you, every much." John smiled gently.
"I know Dad. And I love you to." A pleasant silence covered them for a moment, and then grinning mischievously John looked at his father.
"So, does this mean I get a raise?"
An hour later they were all gathered together in the lounge room, crowding around Penelope, who had arrived with Tin-Tin. After coffee was given out and everyone settled in, Jeff finally asked the question they were dying to ask.
"So Penny, what brings you to the island?" Lady Penelope smiled urbanely and looked around the Tracy clan, her eyes resting a moment longer on John's quiet form.
"Well, I'm here to ask a favour. An old school friend of mine has requested I return a favour. He has invested in a chain of holiday resorts in various locations, seven to be exact, and wants an independent evaluation of them; see how they run, if the service is good, that sort of thing; before he sends in his team of experts to make any improvements if needed."
"Sounds lovely Penny, but what's the favour?" Penny blushed prettily.
"Well, you see. I've given Parker a few weeks holiday, he's been working so hard lately, that I felt he deserved it. Anyway, I need someone to fly me in my private jet. Normally I would do it myself, but some of these places aren't somewhere one goes unaccompanied, if you understand my meaning." The boys all exchanged glances, and standing behind John, Gordon's grin threatened to spilt his face apart.
"I think we do Penny. I'm sure one of the boys would love to fly you. So, what say you boys, who is going to go?" Scott glanced at Virgil, Gordon and then lastly at John. The grin on his face was even bigger than Gordon's.
"No contest Father. John can fly Penny. He's by far the better pilot out of all of us, and the change will do him good." John looked at his brothers, stunned. Normally they would be all over themselves to escort Penny anywhere.
"What? Me?" Penny laughed and clapped her hands together.
"Perfect! You can fly my jet John and finally get around to teaching me how to speak Italian, like you've been promising me all these years." John looked at his father, noticing the wide smile and love in his eyes. He turned his head and looked at Gordon. Suspicion forming in his mind.
"You organised this, didn't you squirt?" Gordon held his hand up, shaking his head.
"Nope, not me big brother. I know better than to try and make you do something you don't want to do." John looked at his father. Jeff smiled.
"It's settled then Penny, John's your pilot." Laughing and shaking his head, John looked around at his family, love filling his heart and soul.
"Alright you lot. I'll take Penny away. But don't whine to me about it later, I know how much Scott and Virgil just love spending time with Penny." John smirked at his brothers, perversely enjoying the wan expressions on his older brother's faces. Gordon clapped him on the shoulder, and they laughed. Suddenly, for the first time since arriving home, John felt whole again.
Tbc in a new story… hehehe