Major Frank Burns had expected his two colleagues to be asleep, and he had expected to be unwelcome in the Swamp, but such a sight as was now in front of him had never entered his mind as a possibility. He stood stock-still in the doorway, staring at the other two doctors, locked together in a tight embrace.

Hawkeye was already awake and looking at him, sleepy and blinking in the bright light. Frank saw the vulnerability there, in his eyes, in his expression. The usually irrepressible chief surgeon was at a loss, and Frank suddenly became aware of a rising feeling of power over him. Several possibilities danced through his head – disclosure and disgrace, silence and torment, secrecy and blackmail – but in a moment, his thoughts were going another direction. He was going to do something he did at times of great stress, times of sorrow, times of disappointment, times of confusion, sometimes just at times.

He went to see Margaret Houlihan.

The moment he moved, the sunlight he had been obscuring came full force into the tent, now falling in Trapper's eyes. Hawkeye began to shake him, extricating his limbs and standing up. "Trapper, wake up."

Trapper blinked and started rubbing his eyes. "What… what just happened?"

"Frank was here! He saw us!"

Trapper sat up and stared. "You… you were right…"

"No time for that, Trap. Get up."

Trapper did so, and then turned to look at his companion. "What are we going to do, Hawkeye?"

In the short time that had passed since Frank Burns had caught Hawkeye in an innocent, defenceless moment, he had woken up, gathered his wits, and even now his agile mind was scheming.

"We play it cool," he said, with the languid confidence that characterised most of his remarks. "He only saw us for a moment, and no matter what he says, he can't prove anything."

"Right," Trapper said and nodded. "We play it cool… right."

Hawkeye glanced at him. "You can do that, right?"

"Oh, yeah," Trapper said, looking at him squarely, and Hawkeye realised he had woken up too. The familiar feeling of having a friend to rely on seemed to return gradually and all at once. It was just another scheme, just another practical joke, now… and they worked so well together…

He banished the irrelevant thoughts, safe in the knowledge that he might just have to concentrate on being himself. His eyes flickered towards the still.

Frank took his time. By the time he had crossed the compound, knocked before entering, explained everything to an astonished head nurse, and returned to the Swamp with her in tow, Hawkeye and Trapper were both lying on their own cots, each in possession of a Martini glass with olive, one engaged in lazily reading a letter and the other in lacing up his boots.

Frank stared them with just as much fascination as he had a few minutes before. "You… you…  perverts!" he hissed.

Hawkeye threw down a boot. "May we help you, Frank?" he inquired sweetly.

"Oh, you can act as innocent as you like," Frank said nastily. "I saw you, and you can't deny it!"

"Saw us doing what, Frank?"

Frank coloured, and was instantly incoherent. "Saw you… you and him… that cot…" He stopped, and with a supreme effort finished, "Together!"

"Together doing what, Frank?"

Frank seemed to be choking. He glanced helplessly at Margaret, spluttered, then managed to stammer, "S… sleeping!"

Hawkeye adopted an expression of mild curiosity.  "Are you sure, Frank?"

"Oh, of course he's sure!" Margaret snapped, suddenly herself again after a period of prolonged bemusement. "He's going to tell Colonel Blake right now!"

Silence.

"Frank!"

"What? Oh, yes… I'm going to tell… to tell… Major, could I have a word?" He pulled her out of the tent. Hawkeye and Trapper looked at each other.

Just outside the tent-

"Margaret…" and here his voice took on a particularly wheedling tone… "is it really such a good idea to tell Colonel Blake about this?"

"Are you afraid of those two, Frank?" she demanded.

"Well, no… not afraid, per se…"

"Then be a man and go and tell him!"

"Yes, Margaret."

Just inside the tent-

"What did he say?"

"Um…he said, 'Yes, Margaret.' He's going to tell him. Come on…"

After waiting a few moments to make sure the other two were far enough in front of them, they slipped quietly out of the Swamp and followed.

Colonel Henry Blake was understandably surprised to have most of his officers invade his outer office at this hour of the morning, but thankfully Radar told him about it far enough in advance for him to lock up the "refreshments" and be reasonably calm about it.

"Come in!" he called. They were already in. "What can I do you for?" he asked peaceably.

"I wish to make a report, sir," Frank said officiously. "I wish to report a court-martiallable offence."

Colonel Blake wondered briefly if "court-martiallable" was an actual word, and if it was, whether whitewashing the perimeter stones could be made into a court-martiallable offence. Dragging his attention with difficulty back to the matter in hand, he said, "What was it, Frank?"

"I saw those two" – and here he pointed at Hawkeye and Trapper – "in a… in a…"

"In a what, Frank?" Henry asked, and telepathically asked Radar for an aspirin.

"In a compromising position, Colonel Blake!" Margaret supplied. "Major Burns says he saw them sleeping in the same cot this morning!"

"What do you want me to do about it, Major?"

"Court-martial them," she said without skipping a beat.

"But what on earth for?"

"Homosexuality."

"Homo- those two?" He peered at the two young docters, both of whom had been uncharacteristically quiet during this meeting, standing just inside the doorway. "Look, you two, what were you really doing?"

"It's cold, Henry," Trapper said. "Conserving body heat and all that."

"Isn't he clever?" Hawkeye added. "He learnt about it in medical school."

Henry appeared unconvinced. The door opened and Radar came in. Wordlessly, he placed two pills and a glass of water on the desk and retreated to the outer office. Only once he had taken the aspirin and drunk the water did he say anything. "I don't think I can court-martial them for that, Major," he said reasonably, looking at Major Burns.

"Why not?" Major Houlihan demanded.

"Because, Major" – and suddenly the normally mild-mannered CO had a real edge to his voice – "you have no proof. And don't say you'll go over my head. It won't make any difference."

Frank looked crestfallen. Margaret looked furious. Turning on her heel, she snapped, "Come, Frank!" and stormed out through the swing doors.

Hawkeye and Trapper remained. Henry stared at them for a moment. They stared innocently back. "Now, guys," he began. "It's all right, you can tell me what you were really… no." He stopped. "Don't tell me, I don't need to know, I don't want to know… Radar!"

"Right here, sir."

"Radar! Do you have to do that?"

"I'm sorry, sir, I just thought you needed the requisition…"

"I need the requisition forms…

Hawkeye and Trapper seized the opportunity to slip away. They crossed the compound without talking, and when they reached the Swamp, were pleased to see Frank wasn't there.

Hawkeye took solace in the silence. Slowly, Trapper turned to face him. It was the first time they had been alone and undisturbed since their rude awakening.

"You were right," Trapper said abruptly. "God help you, you were right. We're just lucky to have Henry, that's all. It could easily have been… Hawkeye?"

Hawkeye wasn't listening.

"Hawk?"

Hawkeye was engaged in staring morosely at the floor. "Would it help if I said I'd changed my mind?" he muttered, not looking at him.

Trapper stood up and walked deliberately over to him, sitting down beside him. Gently and with both hands, he pushed Hawkeye's hair out of his eyes. The touch was long and lingering, and Hawkeye didn't pull away. Trapper let his hands move down, putting his arms around Hawk's shouders, kissing him gently and holding him close.

Hawkeye's eyes closed. Trapper held him for a few moments, then leaned in and whispered in his ear.

"No."

Trapper let him go, and turning around, got to his feet. He opened the door and closed it quietly behind him without looking back. It was over.