Wow! Here we are with yet another chapter of my wonderful Mary Sue story, with unlikely romances. Oh, wait… I have to be all professional, with a disclaimer and all, right? Aha, I'm getting good at this.
DISCLAIMER: I don't intend on claiming any ownership for JK's characters. They are not mine. All that's mine is this story. Well… Mary Sue Betterthanyou is mine too, but I wish she wasn't.
Mary Sue: Shut up and start writing.
(Okay. That's over with. Now we can continue our story, that now will actually have a plot. Besides Mary Sue being Draco's girlfriend, she is also cheating on him with every guy in the school. Except Harry, that is. He remains committed to the Snitch. Ron also tries his best to stay faithful to the love of his life, but it's harder for him than Harry, because unlike Harry's Golden Snitch, McGonagall never shows any signs of affection. As for Malfoy, he is successfully - for now - leading a double life, switching back and forth between dating Mary Sue and spending his evenings in the dungeons with Professor Snape. The rest of the people remain just as I have described in Chapter 1. Until one, horrible, horrible day. It all started in - SURPRISE! - Potions class.)
(Snape paces the room in his age-old habit.)
Snape: Since there are a few minutes left before the end of class, I will take this time to tell you about something that might benefit you. Lately, under the agreement of Professor Albus Dumbledor, I have been devising a potion that should make two people who drink it switch bodies for… (he hesitated) a given amount of time. It is almost like the Polyjuice potion, except it works for a longer period of time and acts on both people who drink it and not just one. If there are any among you who are brave enough (looong stare at Malfoy) to try it (loong stare at Harry) and help me find out if it works, then they should come here any time this week during lunch to join the experiment. Their house will be awarded 50 points.
(Mary Sue jumps up.)
Mary Sue: May I? May I?
Snape (giving her a death look): No. We don't want to lose yet another Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. (She sits down, disappointed.)
(Class ends. Later, in the hallway, we hear very curious conversations.)
Ron: I think you and I should do it, Harry. (Someone passing by gives them a stare. Ron notices and quickly adds) Snape's potion, I mean.
(Harry gives him his best what-the-heck-is-your-problem look)
Harry: Are you crazy? This is probably just what he's hoping for! If we show up, he'll poison us!
Ron (desperately waving his arms): Sshh! He'll hear you!
(Harry calms down)
Harry: Besides, I can't today. I have a rendez-vous with the Sn-- I mean, that girl I met at Hogsmeade today at lunch.
Ron: Oh, ok.
(Suddenly, Hermione elbows Ron, and they both turn to see her giggling.)
Hermione: Listen to Malfoy over there.
(Somewhere in the back and to the right of them they hear the familiar, unmistakable drawl.)
Malfoy (in a complaining voice): I've got a stupid Muggle song stuck in my head! (everyone laughs) It's driving me crazy! (Singing) "Underneath your clothes…" AH! Stupid song!
(Mary Sue giggles)
Mary Sue: Oh, I know that one. I traveled all over the world and when we were in the U.S…. (They walk off)
Ron: Ha ha, that's pretty funny. Malfoy with a Muggle song stuck in his head.
(At lunch, Harry quickly gobbles his food, so that he could go see "The girl he met at Hogsmeade". Suddenly, they hear a flutter of wings.)
Neville: Mail!
(Harry's owl drops a piece of parchment in front of him. Ron reads the letter over Harry's shoulder. Let's see…
Mr. Potter,
Please join me in the dungeons tomorrow, September 12. There is something I must discuss with you.
~Professor Snape
Ron: I wonder what he wants to talk to you about.
(Harry shrugs)
Hermione: I hope it's not about the potion.
Harry: Yeah. I do too.
*~*~*
(The next day at lunch, Harry goes into the dungeons to talk to Snape.)
Snape: So, I called you down today to talk about the potion. If you remember, two people have to drink it to switch bodies. Since no one else volunteered, I called you.
Harry (looks around): So who's the second person?
Snape: Me.
(Harry's eyes widen.)
Harry: So I have to switch bodies with YOU?
Snape: Yes. Don't worry, it's not too bad.
Harry: NO! (He runs out. Snape chases after him. They run to the Great Hall, where students are having lunch. Everyone looks up to see Snape running in his long robes, almost tripping, after a terrified Harry.)
Snape: It's… nothing… serious! I JUST WANT YOUR BODY!
(Malfoy jumps up.)
Malfoy: I thought you loved ME, Professor!
(Snape glares at him while he runs. Mary Sue jumps up.)
Mary Sue: (To Malfoy) What?! You're MY boyfriend, remember?
Malfoy (catches himself): Oh… yeah… Haha, I meant, go get him, Professor.
(Everyone glares at him even more. Confused, Malfoy sits down. To get himself out of the embarrassing situation, he switches the subject. Snape and Harry continue running.)
Malfoy: Can you believe it? I STILL have that stupid Muggle song stuck in my head from yesterday. (everyone laughs).
(At that time, Harry and Snape stop on the opposite sides of the Slytherin table. Neither moves. Both breathe heavily. Harry realizes that he's had the misfortune to stop right behind Malfoy.)
Malfoy (turns to him): Hey, Potter. Got yourself in a fix, didn't you?
Harry: Shut your mouth, Malfoy.
(Malfoy shrugs and starts singing under his breath.)
Malfoy (singing): Underneath your clothes…
(Harry screams and starts backing away from him. He backs right into… Voldemort)
(Everyone sees Voldemort and screams. Dumbledor jumps up.)
Dumbledor: What are you doing here??
Voldemort (shrugs): I don't know. I'm supposed to always come in at SOME point in the story.
Dumbledor: Go away!
Voldemort (gives him a hurt look): Why does everyone hate me? (starts crying) Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go it worms.
(Everyone instantly feels sorry for Voldemort. They all get up to comfort him, patting him on the shoulder. Hagrid gives him a hug almost squeezing the life out of him. Hermione sees him do it and starts crying also. While everyone is hugging Voldemort, and Hermione, Snape catches Harry and pours the potion down his throat. Harry screams but it's too late. Everyone turns to see the wonderful transformation.)
Harry: Aaaah! I'll never get to see the Snitch again! (people exchange looks but he doesn't care.) Ron! Hermione! Someone help! (His voice by that time has already changed, and he looks and sounds exactly like Professor Snape. It's a straaange image.)
(Well… what happens next? I'll leave that to your imagination. Harry Potter will become Severus Snape. Since there is still no potion that is able to turn them back into their original… er… shapes, they will have to get used to their new surroundings. The new and improved Snape (the one that now looks like Harry) will go to Quidditch practice and be a seeker. The new and improved Harry will teach Potions class. Will he be a nicer teacher? Who knows. You decide.)
Well, thanks to everyone who has submitted reviews and asked me for another chapter, I'm afraid this horrible story will actually continue. Besides, the plot does need an ending, even though it's crazy like this. All right ::sigh:: I guess I'll have to continue.