A/N: * bangs head against wall * I. KNOW. THIS. IS. LATE. * dies * I had
total writer's block on ALL my fics for a while, which just about drove me
out of my mind, and that was basically when I finished this chapter. Don't
expect Chapter Eight anytime soon. I've overstuffed this chapter and have
run clean out of ideas. * dies 56 times over * * gets buried * * pokes head
up outta ground * Woops, my reviewers!!! I'll add replies to your reviews
later, that's a promise!! For now, I just need to get this chapter up. *
flips off homework * Please KB, R, E, & R!!! (Kick Back, Read, Enjoy, &
Review. O_o This thing just keeps getting longer. I need to get a copyright
or somethin'.)
Punctuation Notes:
" " - Speech ' ' - Thoughts or Italics . before an uncapitalized letter or in a spot that doesn't make sense - Three little dots *** - Double spacing instead of single
Warning: Complete and utter insanity, character OOCness, character bashing, waaaaaay out of wack wit' da TV show (O_O I've been spending WAY too much time around Joey.). Welcome to my world, where things make absolutely NO sense. Enjoy da ride!!! (DEFINITELY too much time around Joey.)
*** Chapter Seven: Chaos at the Mansion and Bakura's Green Thumb ***
It was the day after Bakura had taken the magazines over to Yugi's house. Everyone had spent the night at the white-haired teen's house, erm, one way or another.
Yami finally managed to break the closet door down sometime around midnight and then proceeded to trap T'ea in Yami Bakura's 'guard tower' in his frenzy to escape from her clutches. Yugi woke up and promptly rescued the 'damsel in distress' crying for help in the 'guard tower', whereupon Yami Yugi ran all the way to the airport with T'ea hot on his heels and tried desperately to book a flight to 'the realm of Anubis'.
Yugi arrived in time to see Yami about to send T'ea to the Shadow Realm in a last desperate attempt to free himself from her constant attentions and then the airport had to be evacuated due to what was termed 'a battle of epic proportions between twin rivals for a maiden's affection' by a rather romantic by-stander, and which was in fact a vicious round of tickling which ended when T'ea decided to run off with a fiddle player heading for 'the wild blue yonder' somewhere in Texas.
Meanwhile, at Bakura's house Yami Bakura was trying to build a rocket to go to the moon after 56 cups of coffee, 24 baskets of jalapeno peppers and seeing what's-his-name President of the United States' speech about undertaking a trip to the moon and thinking it had been made recently. However, all he ended up accomplishing was to completely reduce Bakura's house to rubble and to create a new crater on the Moon when his rocket 'ran away from him'.
Luckily, he and his hikari managed to jump out the window before it happened, landing in the middle of a heated argument between Joey and Tristan who were each convinced that the other was insane and were trying to convince each other that Joey was 'not' the Legendary Flying Penguin and Tristan was most definitely 'not' the Great Bull of Calgary.
As for T'ea and her fiddle player, who turned out to be Seto Kaiba in disguise after losing a bet with his little brother Mokuba, the news bulletins in Texas reported that there appeared to be a banshee roaming about on the loose since sometime around 3 am in the morning everyone in the state had gone mysteriously deaf.
Young Mokuba was somewhat perplexed when his big brother came running back into the house in the early hours of the morning wearing only his blue silk bunny boxers and put up every single security barrier there was in the place. However he wasn't left in the dark for long because very soon a fire- breathing, brown-haired, blue-eyed female came rampaging into the mansion like an angry rhino, somehow breaking through all the security, and proceeded to throw Seto out of a fourth-story window. Luckily he landed in his backyard pool.
The Kaiba mansion would most likely have turned into a nuclear disaster zone if Joey hadn't crashed through the roof, propelled by the explosion of Bakura's house, riding on Tristan's back and squawking loudly ("Ha! Call me a dog now, Kaiba! I'm da Legendary Rider of da Calgary Bull Penguin!") and shot everyone in sight full of tranquilizers. Then he lamented the fact that he was out of ammunition and money and tried to kidnap Mokuba to get a ransom, which didn't work too well considering everyone else besides him and Tristan were out cold.
All in all it was a pretty hectic night for everyone, especially since Yami Yugi and his hikari erupted into the Kaiba mansion sometime afterward, Yugi chasing after T'ea, Yami Yugi chasing after his hikari, and T'ea turning aside from her quest to murder the elder Kaiba to go after Yami Yugi again. They burned circles and figure eights into the pristine greenery of the Kaibas' expensive front lawn and wore their shoes to shreds. Yami Bakura and Bakura promptly added to the confusion by turning up on an all-out coffee raid. The security was completely down around the place since T'ea had KO'd all the security guards with her Millennium Item that didn't exist until now, the Millennium Handbag, which vanished in a poof of smoke as soon as it was no longer needed, which is why it needn't have been mentioned in the first place. Yami Bakura was too preoccupied with making enough coffee to last the entire human race until the sun decided to go supernova to think of stealing it.
As the first rays of dawn pierced the sky, those of the group who weren't full of tranquilizer darts had yet to get any sleep. But they were just fine thanks to the fact that they finished off Yami Bakura's coffee before sunrise and shared a truckload of jalapeno peppers, all courtesy of Seto Kaiba's Platinum card.
***
Three little bean pods, sitting in a row, the sun decided as it looked down on the three mortals sitting on the trashed lawn of the great manor below. Yugi, Yami Yugi, and T'ea were still sitting where they'd been shot with tranquilizers, for some strange reason, and it remains unknown to this day how they ended up sitting in a row so perfect a ruler could not have measured them crooked or a single nanometer of space between them, when they were running around like chickens with their heads cut off the night before, since there where no witnesses; the ones who were actually awake to witness were too busy cramming themselves full of peppers and caffeine.
"Awww, how CUUUTE," Joey decided as he skipped out onto the front lawn and saw his three friends.
"What's cutesy cutesy cutesy?" cooed Tristan, not far behind, as he came hopping up with his hands dangling beneath his chin in what he termed "my Rabbit Imitation" with many tears of pride. Apparently he'd only ever drunken coffee before when his nephew had been around.
"Ehhh." Bakura, who'd developed a high tolerance to coffee since he'd been drinking it since before he was born (his mother was a world-famous addict who got entered into the Guinness Book of World Records), turned to his Yami as they watched the tipsy pair from one of the first floor windows of the mansion, "Reckon we ought to try our secret decaf on them, Yami?"
"My pleasure," Yami Bakura nodded. and kept on nodding. With a sigh, Bakura set off to complete his mission on his own, leaving his Yami still bobbing his head up and down like some absurdly large and evil-looking mandarin.
***
"What happened?!" Joey exclaimed, holding his head after Bakura had hopped around him and Tristan on one foot seventy times (only because they were both sitting in a row watching the three bean pods sitting in a row, spellbound) holding an olive branch in his left hand and a dead fish in his right, chanting pig Latin (A/N: Jackie Chan Adventures is better than Biology homework.), "Last I remember, we were over at your house, Bakura, and." His eyes bulged and he trailed off into gibberish. Bakura sighed.
"I planted the magazines," he offered helpfully.
"Let's go see them then," Tristan offered just as helpfully.
Joey appeared to be thinking hard. "I know! Let's go see da magazines Bakura planted, den!!!" he finally conjured in a stroke of pure genius (at least according to him). The other two just rolled their eyes heavenwards and didn't reply.
"Good idea," Bakura finally said, "Let's go."
***
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" No, that wasn't a girl. A certain blond-haired teenager in a green coat stood in front of an equally certain Game Shop, staring at the new lawn ornament (Yugi's Grandpa had gotten tired of sweeping the pavement in front and had planted a lawn. Yugi got to do the mowing).
"What didya DO, Bakura?!" Joey squeaked after he'd recovered his breath after screaming for fifteen minutes straight. Tristan had had a heart attack after twelve and was presumed dead. They'd dumped his body on the lawn, where blue morpho butterflies that somehow got there from the Amazon River fluttered around to investigate the fascinating new blue flower that had eyes, nose and a mouth. Ahhh, Tristan, the wish of your heart was granted at last; you are a Beautiful Butterfly Garden.
Bakura cocked his head, "What? I can't hear you."
"I SAID WHAT DA HECK DIDYA DO, BAKURA?!" Joey roared in the white-haired boy's ear.
Bakura shook his head, "I still can't hear a word you're saying. I think you and Tristan broke my eardrums."
"Whaaa-? Ya have drums in yer ears?" Joey stared at him, "Doncha get tired a' all dat tappin' after a while?"
Bakura looked confused; he was still temporarily deaf. Joey abruptly remembered the matter at hand and strode huffily across the grass to point both arms at the new tree that had sprouted overnight on the Moto residence, "I REPEAT, WHAT DA HELL IS DIS?!"
His hearing miraculously restored by some mysterious higher power, the other shrugged, "Well you told me to plant them, didn't you?"
"In da DRAWER, Bakura, in da DRAWER!" Joey ranted, windmilling his arms and knocking leaves from the offending tree, looking exasperated with a lesser intelligence, which would indeed have been a historical event if the historians had remembered to get over there, witness it, and then record it.
"That wouldn't have worked," Bakura argued earnestly, "They need water and good soil to grow, you know. Not to mention a green thumb." And he held up his own bright green thumb proudly. He'd worked for HOURS with those impossibly complicated permanent markers to get the color just right.
"WHAT ARE YA 'TALKIN' ' ABOUT?!" Joey screamed, at wits' end.
When Bakura just backed up several steps and stared, he calmed down somewhat, "Bakura. I TOLD ya ta PUT DEM IN DA DRAWER so dat Yugi's Grandpa'd see 'em. I did NOT TELL YA TA GO AN' PLANT A FRIGGIN' UGLY FAT NAKED WOMEN MAGAZINE TREE!!!!!!!!!!" Several birds were startled into the air as Joey's voice rose an octave, rustling the pages of the magazines that had somehow grown out of the tree's branches.
There was silence for a moment as they both stood staring at each other, one in complete confusion, the other in utter frustration, then a sudden idea seemed to strike Joey.
"Bakura, d'ya t'ink maybe youse could plant a money tree for me? I kinda need da dough, ya know."
***
A/N: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! FUN! * dances around * I've wanted to do the magazine tree idea for some time now. Did you guys like this chapter? I sure did!!! * shoots through ceiling, visits the moon, has a conversation with the Man on the Moon, comes back, dusts herself off * What??? I had a lot of fun writing this, seriously. So. * dramatic pause * What bet exactly did Seto lose with Mokuba? Will Y. Bakura's rocket come back? What will Seto do when he discovers what they did with his Platinum card? (evil grin) How did the three beans in a pod end up that way, and what happened to Mokuba? Where'd Joey stash him? AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THE MAGAZINE TREE IS DISCOVERED?????!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!! All this and more to come in da next chapters of THE PROBLEM WITH GRANDPA!!!!!!!!! . I think I need to calm down. Voice of Reason pops up: No kidding. . * squashes Voice flat * Where'd you come from anyway? Well, dear folks, be the nicest creatures in this plane of existence and REVIEW THIS CHAPTER!!!! * turns into fire- breathing demon * * pops back * What the hell was that?! Anyway. Review! Reviews are my inspiration!!! Seriously. Ta-ta for now!
P.S. I am now going to proceed to shamelessly advertise my brand new original short story, Running. Please read it, and review, people, I really want to know what y'all think. It might seem a little weird at first, but stick with it, it'll make a little more sense in the end (I hope). Lez see if you guys can make any sense of it. Ciao! * wanders off with a cup of coffee with a jalapeno pepper sticking out * * pokes head back * Review this fic, too, btw. Y. Bakura: Shameless. Teehee, me knowz. Byeya!!!
Punctuation Notes:
" " - Speech ' ' - Thoughts or Italics . before an uncapitalized letter or in a spot that doesn't make sense - Three little dots *** - Double spacing instead of single
Warning: Complete and utter insanity, character OOCness, character bashing, waaaaaay out of wack wit' da TV show (O_O I've been spending WAY too much time around Joey.). Welcome to my world, where things make absolutely NO sense. Enjoy da ride!!! (DEFINITELY too much time around Joey.)
*** Chapter Seven: Chaos at the Mansion and Bakura's Green Thumb ***
It was the day after Bakura had taken the magazines over to Yugi's house. Everyone had spent the night at the white-haired teen's house, erm, one way or another.
Yami finally managed to break the closet door down sometime around midnight and then proceeded to trap T'ea in Yami Bakura's 'guard tower' in his frenzy to escape from her clutches. Yugi woke up and promptly rescued the 'damsel in distress' crying for help in the 'guard tower', whereupon Yami Yugi ran all the way to the airport with T'ea hot on his heels and tried desperately to book a flight to 'the realm of Anubis'.
Yugi arrived in time to see Yami about to send T'ea to the Shadow Realm in a last desperate attempt to free himself from her constant attentions and then the airport had to be evacuated due to what was termed 'a battle of epic proportions between twin rivals for a maiden's affection' by a rather romantic by-stander, and which was in fact a vicious round of tickling which ended when T'ea decided to run off with a fiddle player heading for 'the wild blue yonder' somewhere in Texas.
Meanwhile, at Bakura's house Yami Bakura was trying to build a rocket to go to the moon after 56 cups of coffee, 24 baskets of jalapeno peppers and seeing what's-his-name President of the United States' speech about undertaking a trip to the moon and thinking it had been made recently. However, all he ended up accomplishing was to completely reduce Bakura's house to rubble and to create a new crater on the Moon when his rocket 'ran away from him'.
Luckily, he and his hikari managed to jump out the window before it happened, landing in the middle of a heated argument between Joey and Tristan who were each convinced that the other was insane and were trying to convince each other that Joey was 'not' the Legendary Flying Penguin and Tristan was most definitely 'not' the Great Bull of Calgary.
As for T'ea and her fiddle player, who turned out to be Seto Kaiba in disguise after losing a bet with his little brother Mokuba, the news bulletins in Texas reported that there appeared to be a banshee roaming about on the loose since sometime around 3 am in the morning everyone in the state had gone mysteriously deaf.
Young Mokuba was somewhat perplexed when his big brother came running back into the house in the early hours of the morning wearing only his blue silk bunny boxers and put up every single security barrier there was in the place. However he wasn't left in the dark for long because very soon a fire- breathing, brown-haired, blue-eyed female came rampaging into the mansion like an angry rhino, somehow breaking through all the security, and proceeded to throw Seto out of a fourth-story window. Luckily he landed in his backyard pool.
The Kaiba mansion would most likely have turned into a nuclear disaster zone if Joey hadn't crashed through the roof, propelled by the explosion of Bakura's house, riding on Tristan's back and squawking loudly ("Ha! Call me a dog now, Kaiba! I'm da Legendary Rider of da Calgary Bull Penguin!") and shot everyone in sight full of tranquilizers. Then he lamented the fact that he was out of ammunition and money and tried to kidnap Mokuba to get a ransom, which didn't work too well considering everyone else besides him and Tristan were out cold.
All in all it was a pretty hectic night for everyone, especially since Yami Yugi and his hikari erupted into the Kaiba mansion sometime afterward, Yugi chasing after T'ea, Yami Yugi chasing after his hikari, and T'ea turning aside from her quest to murder the elder Kaiba to go after Yami Yugi again. They burned circles and figure eights into the pristine greenery of the Kaibas' expensive front lawn and wore their shoes to shreds. Yami Bakura and Bakura promptly added to the confusion by turning up on an all-out coffee raid. The security was completely down around the place since T'ea had KO'd all the security guards with her Millennium Item that didn't exist until now, the Millennium Handbag, which vanished in a poof of smoke as soon as it was no longer needed, which is why it needn't have been mentioned in the first place. Yami Bakura was too preoccupied with making enough coffee to last the entire human race until the sun decided to go supernova to think of stealing it.
As the first rays of dawn pierced the sky, those of the group who weren't full of tranquilizer darts had yet to get any sleep. But they were just fine thanks to the fact that they finished off Yami Bakura's coffee before sunrise and shared a truckload of jalapeno peppers, all courtesy of Seto Kaiba's Platinum card.
***
Three little bean pods, sitting in a row, the sun decided as it looked down on the three mortals sitting on the trashed lawn of the great manor below. Yugi, Yami Yugi, and T'ea were still sitting where they'd been shot with tranquilizers, for some strange reason, and it remains unknown to this day how they ended up sitting in a row so perfect a ruler could not have measured them crooked or a single nanometer of space between them, when they were running around like chickens with their heads cut off the night before, since there where no witnesses; the ones who were actually awake to witness were too busy cramming themselves full of peppers and caffeine.
"Awww, how CUUUTE," Joey decided as he skipped out onto the front lawn and saw his three friends.
"What's cutesy cutesy cutesy?" cooed Tristan, not far behind, as he came hopping up with his hands dangling beneath his chin in what he termed "my Rabbit Imitation" with many tears of pride. Apparently he'd only ever drunken coffee before when his nephew had been around.
"Ehhh." Bakura, who'd developed a high tolerance to coffee since he'd been drinking it since before he was born (his mother was a world-famous addict who got entered into the Guinness Book of World Records), turned to his Yami as they watched the tipsy pair from one of the first floor windows of the mansion, "Reckon we ought to try our secret decaf on them, Yami?"
"My pleasure," Yami Bakura nodded. and kept on nodding. With a sigh, Bakura set off to complete his mission on his own, leaving his Yami still bobbing his head up and down like some absurdly large and evil-looking mandarin.
***
"What happened?!" Joey exclaimed, holding his head after Bakura had hopped around him and Tristan on one foot seventy times (only because they were both sitting in a row watching the three bean pods sitting in a row, spellbound) holding an olive branch in his left hand and a dead fish in his right, chanting pig Latin (A/N: Jackie Chan Adventures is better than Biology homework.), "Last I remember, we were over at your house, Bakura, and." His eyes bulged and he trailed off into gibberish. Bakura sighed.
"I planted the magazines," he offered helpfully.
"Let's go see them then," Tristan offered just as helpfully.
Joey appeared to be thinking hard. "I know! Let's go see da magazines Bakura planted, den!!!" he finally conjured in a stroke of pure genius (at least according to him). The other two just rolled their eyes heavenwards and didn't reply.
"Good idea," Bakura finally said, "Let's go."
***
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" No, that wasn't a girl. A certain blond-haired teenager in a green coat stood in front of an equally certain Game Shop, staring at the new lawn ornament (Yugi's Grandpa had gotten tired of sweeping the pavement in front and had planted a lawn. Yugi got to do the mowing).
"What didya DO, Bakura?!" Joey squeaked after he'd recovered his breath after screaming for fifteen minutes straight. Tristan had had a heart attack after twelve and was presumed dead. They'd dumped his body on the lawn, where blue morpho butterflies that somehow got there from the Amazon River fluttered around to investigate the fascinating new blue flower that had eyes, nose and a mouth. Ahhh, Tristan, the wish of your heart was granted at last; you are a Beautiful Butterfly Garden.
Bakura cocked his head, "What? I can't hear you."
"I SAID WHAT DA HECK DIDYA DO, BAKURA?!" Joey roared in the white-haired boy's ear.
Bakura shook his head, "I still can't hear a word you're saying. I think you and Tristan broke my eardrums."
"Whaaa-? Ya have drums in yer ears?" Joey stared at him, "Doncha get tired a' all dat tappin' after a while?"
Bakura looked confused; he was still temporarily deaf. Joey abruptly remembered the matter at hand and strode huffily across the grass to point both arms at the new tree that had sprouted overnight on the Moto residence, "I REPEAT, WHAT DA HELL IS DIS?!"
His hearing miraculously restored by some mysterious higher power, the other shrugged, "Well you told me to plant them, didn't you?"
"In da DRAWER, Bakura, in da DRAWER!" Joey ranted, windmilling his arms and knocking leaves from the offending tree, looking exasperated with a lesser intelligence, which would indeed have been a historical event if the historians had remembered to get over there, witness it, and then record it.
"That wouldn't have worked," Bakura argued earnestly, "They need water and good soil to grow, you know. Not to mention a green thumb." And he held up his own bright green thumb proudly. He'd worked for HOURS with those impossibly complicated permanent markers to get the color just right.
"WHAT ARE YA 'TALKIN' ' ABOUT?!" Joey screamed, at wits' end.
When Bakura just backed up several steps and stared, he calmed down somewhat, "Bakura. I TOLD ya ta PUT DEM IN DA DRAWER so dat Yugi's Grandpa'd see 'em. I did NOT TELL YA TA GO AN' PLANT A FRIGGIN' UGLY FAT NAKED WOMEN MAGAZINE TREE!!!!!!!!!!" Several birds were startled into the air as Joey's voice rose an octave, rustling the pages of the magazines that had somehow grown out of the tree's branches.
There was silence for a moment as they both stood staring at each other, one in complete confusion, the other in utter frustration, then a sudden idea seemed to strike Joey.
"Bakura, d'ya t'ink maybe youse could plant a money tree for me? I kinda need da dough, ya know."
***
A/N: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! FUN! * dances around * I've wanted to do the magazine tree idea for some time now. Did you guys like this chapter? I sure did!!! * shoots through ceiling, visits the moon, has a conversation with the Man on the Moon, comes back, dusts herself off * What??? I had a lot of fun writing this, seriously. So. * dramatic pause * What bet exactly did Seto lose with Mokuba? Will Y. Bakura's rocket come back? What will Seto do when he discovers what they did with his Platinum card? (evil grin) How did the three beans in a pod end up that way, and what happened to Mokuba? Where'd Joey stash him? AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THE MAGAZINE TREE IS DISCOVERED?????!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!! All this and more to come in da next chapters of THE PROBLEM WITH GRANDPA!!!!!!!!! . I think I need to calm down. Voice of Reason pops up: No kidding. . * squashes Voice flat * Where'd you come from anyway? Well, dear folks, be the nicest creatures in this plane of existence and REVIEW THIS CHAPTER!!!! * turns into fire- breathing demon * * pops back * What the hell was that?! Anyway. Review! Reviews are my inspiration!!! Seriously. Ta-ta for now!
P.S. I am now going to proceed to shamelessly advertise my brand new original short story, Running. Please read it, and review, people, I really want to know what y'all think. It might seem a little weird at first, but stick with it, it'll make a little more sense in the end (I hope). Lez see if you guys can make any sense of it. Ciao! * wanders off with a cup of coffee with a jalapeno pepper sticking out * * pokes head back * Review this fic, too, btw. Y. Bakura: Shameless. Teehee, me knowz. Byeya!!!