School the next day was agonizingly slow. Buffy lost count of the times she
zoned out. Her friends were probably getting worried. That's the last thing
she wanted. Her friends butting in. She turned ten shades of red just
thinking about what they would say if they knew about her and Spike.
She couldn't help the not paying attention part. Every time she had a free moment her mind wandered back to the last night. Was she a horrible person now? She had made love. . .no, she had slept. . .with a soul-less blood sucking vampire with no conscience. Of course it wasn't as if she wanted to. It was all to get rid of Angelus.
When she did, well then she'd never have to see Spike again. She ignored the little part of her heart that twanged when she thought of Spike leaving. It was her competitive side speaking. She would miss the fights. She had never had the kind of fights she had with Spike with anyone else. That must be it. She'd be losing a great rival. "Buffy!" A voice called.
Buffy started out of her thoughts for the millionth time that day. She stared up at her math teacher. "Would you like to explain this problem to the class? Or should we let you drop off into Buffy world again?" The teacher looked at her sternly. She turned a bit red and tried to ignore the eyes on her as she looked down at her notebook.
The motion was pointless. The blank paper spoke witness to her lack of concentration. "Uh. . ." she said and looked around. Willow was signing something to her but Buffy had no idea what she was trying to say. She looked up at the board. Bold red numbers and letters stared back at her. "Well um, first you uh. . .take the x and Spike it. . .I mean stick!, Stick it. Yeah, stick it, next to the 12. . ." Her voice faltered. It was obvious she had no idea what she was doing and the teacher shook his head. "Ms. Summers, I hope you know your kind of focus won't get you very far." Buffy looked down at her desk, wishing everything would just disappear.
After class Willow and Xander joined her as they left the classroom. "Are you ok Buffy?" Willow asked. "You seem a little. . ." "Distracted," Xander finished. Buffy sighed. "I'm just tired you guys. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night." Xander and Willow nodded sympathetically. They had no idea did they?
"Are you still going to go out tonight?" Willow asked as they left the building. "Yeah," Buffy answered without enthusiasm. "Maybe we should come along, kind of be an extra pair of eyes," Xander said, offering to help. "No," Buffy answered a little to quickly. "I'll be fine. I'm only going out for about an hour tonight anyway." Xander and Willow shrugged. They understood that sometimes Buffy liked the solo act. "I'll see you guys later, I better go do some homework," Buffy excused herself and walked away quickly, leaving her friends staring after her.
"Think she's all right?" Willow asked looking after her. Xander watched her leave. "You know how she is sometimes Will," Xander said. Willow looked unconvinced but followed Xander away from Buffy anyway. "She's got it rough, but things always turn out ok."
Buffy hesitated as she prepared to jump from the window. It wasn't too late. She could stop this thing with Spike right now. It wasn't an unattractive prospect. Just stay home, paint her nails, go to sleep or even study. She didn't know if she could keep this charade up. What if Angelus saw right through it? He would kill her, and Spike too.
Not that she cared if Spike died. She shook her head. What was she thinking? She had agreed to this and now she was going to finish it. No matter what. Besides, if she didn't then sleeping with Spike would have been pointless. A total waste of. . .of what? Time? Energy? Thought? None of those words seemed to fit. She cocked her head to one side. What exactly were her feelings about what had happened. Of course she was revolted disgusted and appalled. . .wasn't she?
She shook her head. Now was not the time. She would think about it later. . .yeah, much later. Right now she had business to take care of.
When she arrived at the park no one was to be seen. She made her way slowly to a swing and sat down. She adjusted the denim skirt and black top she was wearing. She wished she had thought of more then the sheer white pull-over as a jacket. She shivered and swung slowly back and forth. Half of her hoped that maybe Spike had forgotten, even as the other half, the half that knew he hadn't, wanted him to be there.
But why? She shook her head again. She didn't want to think about it. She just wanted him here so they could finish this thing with Angelus. That had to be it. Yes, all she wanted was to kill the demon that had stolen her boyfriend. Her Angel. She willed herself not to cry. Tears were futile. She had cried enough to last a lifetime, and she would not waste another tear on a man, yes, a man, who as never returning to her.
A push from behind jarred her to the present. "Spike," she said as she pumped her legs into the air. "'Ello love," he murmured into her ear as she swung back to him. He stopped the swing and wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her from the swing easily. He turned her to face him. He smiled charmingly and she couldn't help but smile back.
Spike took her against his chest and lowered his face to her soft neck. She felt scared for a moment but calmed her nerves, Spike wouldn't hurt her. She was startled to find she trusted him somewhere deep down. "He's in the trees," Spike whispered into her neck. "He's watching love." He stopped her quickly from looking by pressing a kiss to the nook behind her ear.
"Don't look Buffy," he said. Buffy was amazed to hear her name coming from those soft lips. He had always called her Slayer, or love, or pet. But never Buffy. At least not to her face. She liked the way he said her name. She didn't know why, it just sounded. . .right. "He followed me, trying to be silent, but I heard him. He's watching us now Buffy, in the trees, steaming, now smile like I'm whispering sweet nothings into you ear." Buffy smiled softly.
The crucial time had come. Now she had to prove to Angelus that this was no game, and if she didn't, she would lose more then just her life.
She couldn't help the not paying attention part. Every time she had a free moment her mind wandered back to the last night. Was she a horrible person now? She had made love. . .no, she had slept. . .with a soul-less blood sucking vampire with no conscience. Of course it wasn't as if she wanted to. It was all to get rid of Angelus.
When she did, well then she'd never have to see Spike again. She ignored the little part of her heart that twanged when she thought of Spike leaving. It was her competitive side speaking. She would miss the fights. She had never had the kind of fights she had with Spike with anyone else. That must be it. She'd be losing a great rival. "Buffy!" A voice called.
Buffy started out of her thoughts for the millionth time that day. She stared up at her math teacher. "Would you like to explain this problem to the class? Or should we let you drop off into Buffy world again?" The teacher looked at her sternly. She turned a bit red and tried to ignore the eyes on her as she looked down at her notebook.
The motion was pointless. The blank paper spoke witness to her lack of concentration. "Uh. . ." she said and looked around. Willow was signing something to her but Buffy had no idea what she was trying to say. She looked up at the board. Bold red numbers and letters stared back at her. "Well um, first you uh. . .take the x and Spike it. . .I mean stick!, Stick it. Yeah, stick it, next to the 12. . ." Her voice faltered. It was obvious she had no idea what she was doing and the teacher shook his head. "Ms. Summers, I hope you know your kind of focus won't get you very far." Buffy looked down at her desk, wishing everything would just disappear.
After class Willow and Xander joined her as they left the classroom. "Are you ok Buffy?" Willow asked. "You seem a little. . ." "Distracted," Xander finished. Buffy sighed. "I'm just tired you guys. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night." Xander and Willow nodded sympathetically. They had no idea did they?
"Are you still going to go out tonight?" Willow asked as they left the building. "Yeah," Buffy answered without enthusiasm. "Maybe we should come along, kind of be an extra pair of eyes," Xander said, offering to help. "No," Buffy answered a little to quickly. "I'll be fine. I'm only going out for about an hour tonight anyway." Xander and Willow shrugged. They understood that sometimes Buffy liked the solo act. "I'll see you guys later, I better go do some homework," Buffy excused herself and walked away quickly, leaving her friends staring after her.
"Think she's all right?" Willow asked looking after her. Xander watched her leave. "You know how she is sometimes Will," Xander said. Willow looked unconvinced but followed Xander away from Buffy anyway. "She's got it rough, but things always turn out ok."
Buffy hesitated as she prepared to jump from the window. It wasn't too late. She could stop this thing with Spike right now. It wasn't an unattractive prospect. Just stay home, paint her nails, go to sleep or even study. She didn't know if she could keep this charade up. What if Angelus saw right through it? He would kill her, and Spike too.
Not that she cared if Spike died. She shook her head. What was she thinking? She had agreed to this and now she was going to finish it. No matter what. Besides, if she didn't then sleeping with Spike would have been pointless. A total waste of. . .of what? Time? Energy? Thought? None of those words seemed to fit. She cocked her head to one side. What exactly were her feelings about what had happened. Of course she was revolted disgusted and appalled. . .wasn't she?
She shook her head. Now was not the time. She would think about it later. . .yeah, much later. Right now she had business to take care of.
When she arrived at the park no one was to be seen. She made her way slowly to a swing and sat down. She adjusted the denim skirt and black top she was wearing. She wished she had thought of more then the sheer white pull-over as a jacket. She shivered and swung slowly back and forth. Half of her hoped that maybe Spike had forgotten, even as the other half, the half that knew he hadn't, wanted him to be there.
But why? She shook her head again. She didn't want to think about it. She just wanted him here so they could finish this thing with Angelus. That had to be it. Yes, all she wanted was to kill the demon that had stolen her boyfriend. Her Angel. She willed herself not to cry. Tears were futile. She had cried enough to last a lifetime, and she would not waste another tear on a man, yes, a man, who as never returning to her.
A push from behind jarred her to the present. "Spike," she said as she pumped her legs into the air. "'Ello love," he murmured into her ear as she swung back to him. He stopped the swing and wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her from the swing easily. He turned her to face him. He smiled charmingly and she couldn't help but smile back.
Spike took her against his chest and lowered his face to her soft neck. She felt scared for a moment but calmed her nerves, Spike wouldn't hurt her. She was startled to find she trusted him somewhere deep down. "He's in the trees," Spike whispered into her neck. "He's watching love." He stopped her quickly from looking by pressing a kiss to the nook behind her ear.
"Don't look Buffy," he said. Buffy was amazed to hear her name coming from those soft lips. He had always called her Slayer, or love, or pet. But never Buffy. At least not to her face. She liked the way he said her name. She didn't know why, it just sounded. . .right. "He followed me, trying to be silent, but I heard him. He's watching us now Buffy, in the trees, steaming, now smile like I'm whispering sweet nothings into you ear." Buffy smiled softly.
The crucial time had come. Now she had to prove to Angelus that this was no game, and if she didn't, she would lose more then just her life.