"Gotcha Last" Chapter Three
As the Shenandoah's mission progressed, it's captain became more and more pleased with himself. It had been almost a month since that debacle with Archer and his crew and no further mishaps occurred. One thing that helped Christopher Duvall recover from the ignominy of it all was the mental picture of Tucker wearing the Shenandoah's proud logo for all aboard Enterprise to see. Although Duvall hesitated to authorize such a prank when his chief engineer first mentioned it, the look of Jonathan Archer's face when he made the "Gotcha Last" pronouncement made everything worthwhile.
One glance at his chronometer shook Duvall from his musings. No more time for idle pondering, there was work to be done. The Shenandoah had been approached that morning by a ship containing a small group of friendly aliens, called Hitarian's, who wanted to introduce themselves to the new, big ship on the block and Duvall relished the chance to make a good impression. Finally, his own first contact.
As the captain strode down the corridor he noticed a small smudge marring what otherwise was a pristine, shinny chrome molding. Irritated that his crew could have left such a mark, Duvall wanted it removed, immediately. He started to wipe off the smirch with his sleeve, but then realized that he would wrinkle the precision crease of the cuff. The captain was forced to withdraw a handkerchief from his pocket and remove the offensive smear that way. Angered that his hankie had been forced to be used in such a manner, the captain carefully folded the cloth so the soiled part was cocooned inside the material and put it back in his pocket. His guest were due any minute so he had no time to drop off the kerchief at the laundry. The captain would just have to carry the offensive cloth around until this first contact was over.
At least everything was ship shape at the airlock. The Shenandoah's First Officer, Commander Hendricks, had seen to it that a welcoming party was assembled with appropriate adherence, befitting proper navy tradition that went back for centuries. With
eight side boys lining either side of the corridor, the fife and drum core piped the alien visitors aboard.
The small group of three Hitarian's appeared to appreciate the pomp and circumstance, but it was hard for Duvall to be sure, since the aliens were so.... alien. The leader stood slightly in front of it's two companions and the captain was able to covertly study the features of his new guests as they walked through the airlock.
Each stood about six feet tall, had only one head and breathed an oxygen, nitrogen atmosphere, but that was where they radically departed from the human norm. Their faces contained the standard two eyes, one nose and one mouth, but they appeared to have scales instead of skin and their hair looked more like peach fuzz, but they were an attractive race. Duvall couldn't tell if they were bipeds because they each wore long robes that reached the deck, covering their leg area completely, but the visitors were certainly mobile enough. In fact, it seemed as if they glided across the floor, but if their legs were similar to their arms, then they weren't walking on feet. The Hitarian's upper appendages were as long as a human's, but instead of hands each of the aliens sprouted three long tentacles which the aliens obviously used in place of fingers. The long, supple tendrils were constantly in motion, waving and wiggling in the air whether the aliens were moving or still.
Duvall wondered if this motion was a form of communication, then the leader stood before him and made an intricate gesture with his tentacles before entwining them together and bowing, confirming his guess. "Greetings, Captain Duvall of the Shenandoah." The Hitarian's voice sounded tinny to Duvall's ears, as if it was being modulated though a speaker or something but the human dismissed this notion as ridiculous. The Hitarian's were an alien culture. They were bound to sound different. Duvall coagulated up his random thoughts and forced himself to concentrate on what the Hitarian was saying. "I am Kockak, and these are my companions, Jitaria and Shimar." The other members of Kockak's crew also repeated the delicate greeting.
Duvall tried his best to imitate it, but his digits simply weren't flexible enough so the human captain settled for a simple wave. "Welcome aboard the Shenandoah. I am very happy to make your acquaintance."
"As are we." Kockak and his friends started looking around. "We thank you for the opportunity to observe this most interesting new vessel."
"It's our pleasure." Duvall cooed. "The purpose of my mission is to introduce ourselves to new species such as yourself. I am hopeful that this meeting will go down in history for both of us as the beginning of a long and happy friendship between our two peoples."
"Oh I am sure of that." Kockak enthused. "I know that you and I will remember this visit for a very long time."
Taking that as a good sign Duvall gestured down the corridor, happy that this first contact was going well . "Would you like to see the Shenandoah?"
"Oh yes, please." As the enthusiastic Hitarian's began their tour the captain noticed that the aliens left a small trail of secretions on the deck. The neat freak within Duvall was horrified that these strangers were covering his sparkling floor with green slime and he had to fight down the urge to mop up the mess instantly. Not wanting to inadvertently insult his guests the captain told himself to ignore the eyesore, believing that this would be the worst of it. Fortunately the Hitarian discharge seemed to dry within a few minutes, leaving no permanent stain behind, so Duvall had no trouble plastering a smile on his face while cheerfully continuing the tour.
Unfortunately for the captain the rest of the afternoon spiraled down into a nightmare. Duvall thought he had prepared himself for any strange anomaly that he might have to face one he finally started to explore the great unknown, but he never counted on his first group of visitors molesting his ship. Apparently the Hitarian's did more than just talk with their tentacles, the appendages must have been some sort of sensory apparatus as well because the aliens touched everything. Bulkheads, data screens, tables, chairs, windows, doors, everything. Not only that, these twitching fingers left intricate patterns of green goo in their wake. It took all of the captain's will power not to order the Hitarian's to halt their pawing of his ship immediately. As much as he hated this, Duvall was smart enough to know his discomfort was residing on only an instinctual level, so he wisely kept his mouth shut.
The Shenandoah's captain did have to make a stand, however, when the tour reached the bridge. There were too many sensitive areas that just couldn't be handled by outsiders. Fortunately Kockak and his party didn't take offense at the restrictions and simply proceeded to make their mark on every authorized surface including the view screen and the captain's chair.
It seemed like forever but finally the Shenandoah's captain breathed out a sigh of relief when the Hitarian's bid their hosts a fond farewell before returning to their own ship. Duvall had just made his way back to the bridge when Kockak hailed the Shenandoah one more time. "I just wanted to thank you again, Captain Duvall for a most intriguing tour. We had a most wonderful time."
"As did we." The Starfleet officer smiled at the alien while he settled into his seat, confident that this first contact had been a success.
"I would be very much honored if you would allow us to bless your continuing journey with a traditional Hitarian litany." Kockak said while he and his companions intertwined their tentacles once again
"It is we who would be most honored." Duvall couldn't allow this to happen while he was sitting down so the captain motioned to his bridge crew who all reverently got to their feet.
Pleased, Kockak gestured to his companion. "If you wouldn't mind, I think it would be most fitting if Jitaria, my engineer, would make the benediction"
"Of course." That was a little odd. Duvall hadn't heard a peep out of this Jitaria or the other Hitarian during the entire tour yet now he was going to speak up? The Shenandoah's captain pushed his uncertainties aside and filed this question away for future pondering. He had almost succeeded in making friends with his first alien race and he wasn't going to mess it up now.
On the screen, Jitaria took center stage and spoke. "It is with much hope and sincerity that I desire to bestow upon your journey much joy and good wishes." Jitaria and his other two Hitarian pals bowed reverently.
Duvall, thinking that the ceremony was over was going to state his thanks when Jitaria held up an arm. "There is one more thing." The Shenandoah's captain paused, waiting expectantly. Then the Hitarian laughed, a decidedly human laugh, one that was laced with a certain southern drawl. "Gotcha Last!"
Duvall was horrified when two more human voices joined in the glee. The captain's rage began to build when he recognized one of those distinct voices. "Archer!" But before he could do anything about it, the little ship cut the comm link and was gone. "Get them back!" Duvall, in full captain mode snapped at his comm officer.
The befuddled ensign rushed to comply but the surface of his console changed color just as the officer's fingers were about to press a button. "Captain!" The ensign called out a warning which was, within moments, echoed with complaints from all the other officers on the bridge. Letters and words were appearing on every console and every bulkhead. The characters pulsated with a bright purple color and spelled out the name ENTERPRISE on every conceivable surface, including the view screen within which the stars were obscured by the glowing violet runes. Even Duvall's own chair had a glowing "E" on it.
"Captain." The comm officer hated to add to the situation but he had no choice. He couldn't suppress this news, even if he wanted to. "Reports are coming in from all
decks. Apparently this..." he gestured to the neon word strobing underneath his fingers, "is painted on nearly every bulkhead and window we have. Even the floor."
Rage threatening to overwhelm him, Duvall held his anger in by grinding his teeth down to their nubs. The slime that he saw the "aliens" trail behind must have been a gelatin paint, programmed to metamorphose into this monstrosity after a certain interval had passed. Archer and his crew made damn sure to coat every possible surface under the guise of sensing tentacles and now his pristine ship was decimated under layers of this graffiti. "Mr. Hendricks." Duvall said in a tone that Hendricks knew contained barely repressed fury. "Please remove this.... abomination, immediately."
"Aye, sir." The Shenandoah's first officer rushed to obey but after trying to wash it off with soap and water, then escalating to several different cleaning solvents, the letters were still blaring as brightly as they were at the beginning. Frustrated, Hendricks finally scanned the paint with his tricorder. When the commander saw the readings he knew that Duvall wasn't going to take this news well. Not at all. Hendricks prayed that his commanding officer would have enough sense not to shoot the messenger and made his report. "I'm sorry sir. It looks like they used the same sort of insoluble paint that we did when we tattooed Tucker. There's no way to remove it. We're just going to have to wait until it wears off."
This was too much. The fact that he was going to have to stare at the name of his nemesis everywhere he looked for the next few weeks finally drove Duvall mad. If a human being could simulate a nuclear meltdown this captain came the closest at that moment. The man simply erupted, howling Archer's name to the stars.
A different type of howling filled the little scout ship that Jon and company borrowed from their Xyrillian friends. Now free of their Hitarian makeup, Archer, Reed and, of course, Tucker were on their way back to Enterprise, eager to share the details of their successful mission with their shipmates.
They didn't even have to imagine Duvall's reaction to their little joke. Reed had planted a couple of optical pickups throughout the Shenandoah, including the bridge, so the Enterprise crew had a grand time watching Duvall turn apoplectic with rage over and over again. Tucker took express pleasure in viewing the show, knowing that his own humiliation had finally been avenged and Enterprise's precious reputation was once again restored. They had, indeed, gotten them last.
Finis
As the Shenandoah's mission progressed, it's captain became more and more pleased with himself. It had been almost a month since that debacle with Archer and his crew and no further mishaps occurred. One thing that helped Christopher Duvall recover from the ignominy of it all was the mental picture of Tucker wearing the Shenandoah's proud logo for all aboard Enterprise to see. Although Duvall hesitated to authorize such a prank when his chief engineer first mentioned it, the look of Jonathan Archer's face when he made the "Gotcha Last" pronouncement made everything worthwhile.
One glance at his chronometer shook Duvall from his musings. No more time for idle pondering, there was work to be done. The Shenandoah had been approached that morning by a ship containing a small group of friendly aliens, called Hitarian's, who wanted to introduce themselves to the new, big ship on the block and Duvall relished the chance to make a good impression. Finally, his own first contact.
As the captain strode down the corridor he noticed a small smudge marring what otherwise was a pristine, shinny chrome molding. Irritated that his crew could have left such a mark, Duvall wanted it removed, immediately. He started to wipe off the smirch with his sleeve, but then realized that he would wrinkle the precision crease of the cuff. The captain was forced to withdraw a handkerchief from his pocket and remove the offensive smear that way. Angered that his hankie had been forced to be used in such a manner, the captain carefully folded the cloth so the soiled part was cocooned inside the material and put it back in his pocket. His guest were due any minute so he had no time to drop off the kerchief at the laundry. The captain would just have to carry the offensive cloth around until this first contact was over.
At least everything was ship shape at the airlock. The Shenandoah's First Officer, Commander Hendricks, had seen to it that a welcoming party was assembled with appropriate adherence, befitting proper navy tradition that went back for centuries. With
eight side boys lining either side of the corridor, the fife and drum core piped the alien visitors aboard.
The small group of three Hitarian's appeared to appreciate the pomp and circumstance, but it was hard for Duvall to be sure, since the aliens were so.... alien. The leader stood slightly in front of it's two companions and the captain was able to covertly study the features of his new guests as they walked through the airlock.
Each stood about six feet tall, had only one head and breathed an oxygen, nitrogen atmosphere, but that was where they radically departed from the human norm. Their faces contained the standard two eyes, one nose and one mouth, but they appeared to have scales instead of skin and their hair looked more like peach fuzz, but they were an attractive race. Duvall couldn't tell if they were bipeds because they each wore long robes that reached the deck, covering their leg area completely, but the visitors were certainly mobile enough. In fact, it seemed as if they glided across the floor, but if their legs were similar to their arms, then they weren't walking on feet. The Hitarian's upper appendages were as long as a human's, but instead of hands each of the aliens sprouted three long tentacles which the aliens obviously used in place of fingers. The long, supple tendrils were constantly in motion, waving and wiggling in the air whether the aliens were moving or still.
Duvall wondered if this motion was a form of communication, then the leader stood before him and made an intricate gesture with his tentacles before entwining them together and bowing, confirming his guess. "Greetings, Captain Duvall of the Shenandoah." The Hitarian's voice sounded tinny to Duvall's ears, as if it was being modulated though a speaker or something but the human dismissed this notion as ridiculous. The Hitarian's were an alien culture. They were bound to sound different. Duvall coagulated up his random thoughts and forced himself to concentrate on what the Hitarian was saying. "I am Kockak, and these are my companions, Jitaria and Shimar." The other members of Kockak's crew also repeated the delicate greeting.
Duvall tried his best to imitate it, but his digits simply weren't flexible enough so the human captain settled for a simple wave. "Welcome aboard the Shenandoah. I am very happy to make your acquaintance."
"As are we." Kockak and his friends started looking around. "We thank you for the opportunity to observe this most interesting new vessel."
"It's our pleasure." Duvall cooed. "The purpose of my mission is to introduce ourselves to new species such as yourself. I am hopeful that this meeting will go down in history for both of us as the beginning of a long and happy friendship between our two peoples."
"Oh I am sure of that." Kockak enthused. "I know that you and I will remember this visit for a very long time."
Taking that as a good sign Duvall gestured down the corridor, happy that this first contact was going well . "Would you like to see the Shenandoah?"
"Oh yes, please." As the enthusiastic Hitarian's began their tour the captain noticed that the aliens left a small trail of secretions on the deck. The neat freak within Duvall was horrified that these strangers were covering his sparkling floor with green slime and he had to fight down the urge to mop up the mess instantly. Not wanting to inadvertently insult his guests the captain told himself to ignore the eyesore, believing that this would be the worst of it. Fortunately the Hitarian discharge seemed to dry within a few minutes, leaving no permanent stain behind, so Duvall had no trouble plastering a smile on his face while cheerfully continuing the tour.
Unfortunately for the captain the rest of the afternoon spiraled down into a nightmare. Duvall thought he had prepared himself for any strange anomaly that he might have to face one he finally started to explore the great unknown, but he never counted on his first group of visitors molesting his ship. Apparently the Hitarian's did more than just talk with their tentacles, the appendages must have been some sort of sensory apparatus as well because the aliens touched everything. Bulkheads, data screens, tables, chairs, windows, doors, everything. Not only that, these twitching fingers left intricate patterns of green goo in their wake. It took all of the captain's will power not to order the Hitarian's to halt their pawing of his ship immediately. As much as he hated this, Duvall was smart enough to know his discomfort was residing on only an instinctual level, so he wisely kept his mouth shut.
The Shenandoah's captain did have to make a stand, however, when the tour reached the bridge. There were too many sensitive areas that just couldn't be handled by outsiders. Fortunately Kockak and his party didn't take offense at the restrictions and simply proceeded to make their mark on every authorized surface including the view screen and the captain's chair.
It seemed like forever but finally the Shenandoah's captain breathed out a sigh of relief when the Hitarian's bid their hosts a fond farewell before returning to their own ship. Duvall had just made his way back to the bridge when Kockak hailed the Shenandoah one more time. "I just wanted to thank you again, Captain Duvall for a most intriguing tour. We had a most wonderful time."
"As did we." The Starfleet officer smiled at the alien while he settled into his seat, confident that this first contact had been a success.
"I would be very much honored if you would allow us to bless your continuing journey with a traditional Hitarian litany." Kockak said while he and his companions intertwined their tentacles once again
"It is we who would be most honored." Duvall couldn't allow this to happen while he was sitting down so the captain motioned to his bridge crew who all reverently got to their feet.
Pleased, Kockak gestured to his companion. "If you wouldn't mind, I think it would be most fitting if Jitaria, my engineer, would make the benediction"
"Of course." That was a little odd. Duvall hadn't heard a peep out of this Jitaria or the other Hitarian during the entire tour yet now he was going to speak up? The Shenandoah's captain pushed his uncertainties aside and filed this question away for future pondering. He had almost succeeded in making friends with his first alien race and he wasn't going to mess it up now.
On the screen, Jitaria took center stage and spoke. "It is with much hope and sincerity that I desire to bestow upon your journey much joy and good wishes." Jitaria and his other two Hitarian pals bowed reverently.
Duvall, thinking that the ceremony was over was going to state his thanks when Jitaria held up an arm. "There is one more thing." The Shenandoah's captain paused, waiting expectantly. Then the Hitarian laughed, a decidedly human laugh, one that was laced with a certain southern drawl. "Gotcha Last!"
Duvall was horrified when two more human voices joined in the glee. The captain's rage began to build when he recognized one of those distinct voices. "Archer!" But before he could do anything about it, the little ship cut the comm link and was gone. "Get them back!" Duvall, in full captain mode snapped at his comm officer.
The befuddled ensign rushed to comply but the surface of his console changed color just as the officer's fingers were about to press a button. "Captain!" The ensign called out a warning which was, within moments, echoed with complaints from all the other officers on the bridge. Letters and words were appearing on every console and every bulkhead. The characters pulsated with a bright purple color and spelled out the name ENTERPRISE on every conceivable surface, including the view screen within which the stars were obscured by the glowing violet runes. Even Duvall's own chair had a glowing "E" on it.
"Captain." The comm officer hated to add to the situation but he had no choice. He couldn't suppress this news, even if he wanted to. "Reports are coming in from all
decks. Apparently this..." he gestured to the neon word strobing underneath his fingers, "is painted on nearly every bulkhead and window we have. Even the floor."
Rage threatening to overwhelm him, Duvall held his anger in by grinding his teeth down to their nubs. The slime that he saw the "aliens" trail behind must have been a gelatin paint, programmed to metamorphose into this monstrosity after a certain interval had passed. Archer and his crew made damn sure to coat every possible surface under the guise of sensing tentacles and now his pristine ship was decimated under layers of this graffiti. "Mr. Hendricks." Duvall said in a tone that Hendricks knew contained barely repressed fury. "Please remove this.... abomination, immediately."
"Aye, sir." The Shenandoah's first officer rushed to obey but after trying to wash it off with soap and water, then escalating to several different cleaning solvents, the letters were still blaring as brightly as they were at the beginning. Frustrated, Hendricks finally scanned the paint with his tricorder. When the commander saw the readings he knew that Duvall wasn't going to take this news well. Not at all. Hendricks prayed that his commanding officer would have enough sense not to shoot the messenger and made his report. "I'm sorry sir. It looks like they used the same sort of insoluble paint that we did when we tattooed Tucker. There's no way to remove it. We're just going to have to wait until it wears off."
This was too much. The fact that he was going to have to stare at the name of his nemesis everywhere he looked for the next few weeks finally drove Duvall mad. If a human being could simulate a nuclear meltdown this captain came the closest at that moment. The man simply erupted, howling Archer's name to the stars.
A different type of howling filled the little scout ship that Jon and company borrowed from their Xyrillian friends. Now free of their Hitarian makeup, Archer, Reed and, of course, Tucker were on their way back to Enterprise, eager to share the details of their successful mission with their shipmates.
They didn't even have to imagine Duvall's reaction to their little joke. Reed had planted a couple of optical pickups throughout the Shenandoah, including the bridge, so the Enterprise crew had a grand time watching Duvall turn apoplectic with rage over and over again. Tucker took express pleasure in viewing the show, knowing that his own humiliation had finally been avenged and Enterprise's precious reputation was once again restored. They had, indeed, gotten them last.
Finis