THE Mary Sue Parody
A/N: Now I know that this has been done before, but every author exaggerates it so much, it turns out to be a joke more than a warning taken seriously by other authors. So this is THE Mary Sue Parody; just as the One Ring is THE Ring. Sure there are the Seven and the Nine and of course the Three (who couldn't forget those?), but this is the One. DUN DUN DUN. Ok, that was just sounded really really gay.
Ok, read this chapter first to get the story, then read the next chapter for the story with all the little remarks!
Linwë Telrúnya was not a usual elf. Some would say this was said because of her looks. She had white hair that reached her waist and blue eyes that were so reminiscent of the waters of Belegaer that it was said you could sea the ruins of ancient Numénor in their depths. She was tall and slender and her ruby-red lips seldom spoke. Tending to be unsociable, she spent most of her days in one of Rivendell's many courtyards, singing with birds that came her way. Her sister Arwen was compared to Luthien Tinuviel, but she was compared to the same great elf in voice; for her voice was like a nightingale's.
But soon, the lovely life she led in Rivendell was destroyed. Sauron had risen again and he was in search of the Three Elven Rings. Elrond was captured by Orcs and tortured for information about the. Before he is taken he throws Vilya to his daughter,
"Never let it fall into Sauron's hands Linwë! Never!"
Frightened by her father's capture, and having no where else to turn, Linwë flees to Lorien, but instead is ambushed by the Orcs on the way there! In trying to escape she accidently misses Lorien and ends up in Mirkwood instead.
She wanders for days and days on end, her bow ever drawn to fight off any of Sauron's minions. Eventually, she stumbles upon the Old Forest Road, and recognizing it immediately she takes it to the Elven Halls of Mirkwood.
But she falls into trouble. For of the spiders that attacked Bilbo and the Dwarves so many years ago, some remain. They take her captive despite her valiant efforts to ward them off.
The spiders carry her to their lair and tie her up in spider silk. Just as the biggest spider was going to take a bite out of her, an arrow was shot at its head and it fell over. Several more arrows were shot out of the mirk of Mirkwood and the spiders were slain. Her savior came out of the shadows and revealed himself,
"Mi'lady are your hurt? One as fair as you should not be wandering amuck through the forest of Mirkwood." Said a blonde elf with blonde hair and beautiful blue-violet eyes,
"Thank you for your kindness good sir," Linwë smiled, "May I know the name of my brave hero?"
"I am Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood and son of Tharanduil." "Uh, could you help me Prince Legolas? I seem to be bound quite tightly."
"But of course mi'lday. Please, call me Legolas." there ya go ^^!!
Legolas cut the spider bindings and helped her up.
"I shall lead you to the Elven Halls of my people. Come, it is not far."
Linwë mounted Legolas' horse behind the prince and they headed East towards Legolas' home. On the way, Linwë grew thirsty and they stopped by a spring.
While bending over to get a drink, Linwë fell headfirst into the. A large rock caught at her dress and she fell farther and farther until she hit the bottom. The rock would not budge! Linwë screamed for help, but her lungs only filled with water.
Legolas jumped in after her without hesitation. He ripped her dress free of the rock and swam back to the surface.
He lay her on the shore and felt her pulse. He let out a cry for her heart did not beat. He opened her mouth and did uh...mouth to mouth.. Her blue eyes fluttered open and she coughed up water.
"You are alive!" he exclaimed happily, but she did not reply, only stared into nothingness and shivered violently. He moved her to a cave by the pond covered her with a blanket he had in his pack.
"Its so cold.." she muttered,
"You'll have to discard you wet clothing." She simply nodded, but could not move to do the task,
He undressed her, trying to keep his eyes averted and set out her wet clothing to dry. But her shivering did not cease. Fearing she had hypothermia he knew he would have to raise her body temperature. Sheepishly, he discarded his tunic and lay on her, covering both of them with the blanket.
Linwë only smiled in her sleep. He could feel that her body temperature was rising. Not wanting to risk anything he stayed there for the rest of the night. He felt her naked skin on his and felt sparks in his heart for this strange Elven girl. He rested his head on her's and fell asleep as well.
In the morning, he awoke to see her looking up at him and said,
"Good morning kind sir. May I ask what you are doing?"
"I-I had to keep you warm."
"And you did that well." She smiled,
They returned to Mirkwood that same day. And wed that same night. All of Middle Earth was joyous to see them wed. They sailed across the sea and lived happily ever after in Valinor.
A/N: Now I know that this has been done before, but every author exaggerates it so much, it turns out to be a joke more than a warning taken seriously by other authors. So this is THE Mary Sue Parody; just as the One Ring is THE Ring. Sure there are the Seven and the Nine and of course the Three (who couldn't forget those?), but this is the One. DUN DUN DUN. Ok, that was just sounded really really gay.
Ok, read this chapter first to get the story, then read the next chapter for the story with all the little remarks!
Linwë Telrúnya was not a usual elf. Some would say this was said because of her looks. She had white hair that reached her waist and blue eyes that were so reminiscent of the waters of Belegaer that it was said you could sea the ruins of ancient Numénor in their depths. She was tall and slender and her ruby-red lips seldom spoke. Tending to be unsociable, she spent most of her days in one of Rivendell's many courtyards, singing with birds that came her way. Her sister Arwen was compared to Luthien Tinuviel, but she was compared to the same great elf in voice; for her voice was like a nightingale's.
But soon, the lovely life she led in Rivendell was destroyed. Sauron had risen again and he was in search of the Three Elven Rings. Elrond was captured by Orcs and tortured for information about the. Before he is taken he throws Vilya to his daughter,
"Never let it fall into Sauron's hands Linwë! Never!"
Frightened by her father's capture, and having no where else to turn, Linwë flees to Lorien, but instead is ambushed by the Orcs on the way there! In trying to escape she accidently misses Lorien and ends up in Mirkwood instead.
She wanders for days and days on end, her bow ever drawn to fight off any of Sauron's minions. Eventually, she stumbles upon the Old Forest Road, and recognizing it immediately she takes it to the Elven Halls of Mirkwood.
But she falls into trouble. For of the spiders that attacked Bilbo and the Dwarves so many years ago, some remain. They take her captive despite her valiant efforts to ward them off.
The spiders carry her to their lair and tie her up in spider silk. Just as the biggest spider was going to take a bite out of her, an arrow was shot at its head and it fell over. Several more arrows were shot out of the mirk of Mirkwood and the spiders were slain. Her savior came out of the shadows and revealed himself,
"Mi'lady are your hurt? One as fair as you should not be wandering amuck through the forest of Mirkwood." Said a blonde elf with blonde hair and beautiful blue-violet eyes,
"Thank you for your kindness good sir," Linwë smiled, "May I know the name of my brave hero?"
"I am Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood and son of Tharanduil." "Uh, could you help me Prince Legolas? I seem to be bound quite tightly."
"But of course mi'lday. Please, call me Legolas." there ya go ^^!!
Legolas cut the spider bindings and helped her up.
"I shall lead you to the Elven Halls of my people. Come, it is not far."
Linwë mounted Legolas' horse behind the prince and they headed East towards Legolas' home. On the way, Linwë grew thirsty and they stopped by a spring.
While bending over to get a drink, Linwë fell headfirst into the. A large rock caught at her dress and she fell farther and farther until she hit the bottom. The rock would not budge! Linwë screamed for help, but her lungs only filled with water.
Legolas jumped in after her without hesitation. He ripped her dress free of the rock and swam back to the surface.
He lay her on the shore and felt her pulse. He let out a cry for her heart did not beat. He opened her mouth and did uh...mouth to mouth.. Her blue eyes fluttered open and she coughed up water.
"You are alive!" he exclaimed happily, but she did not reply, only stared into nothingness and shivered violently. He moved her to a cave by the pond covered her with a blanket he had in his pack.
"Its so cold.." she muttered,
"You'll have to discard you wet clothing." She simply nodded, but could not move to do the task,
He undressed her, trying to keep his eyes averted and set out her wet clothing to dry. But her shivering did not cease. Fearing she had hypothermia he knew he would have to raise her body temperature. Sheepishly, he discarded his tunic and lay on her, covering both of them with the blanket.
Linwë only smiled in her sleep. He could feel that her body temperature was rising. Not wanting to risk anything he stayed there for the rest of the night. He felt her naked skin on his and felt sparks in his heart for this strange Elven girl. He rested his head on her's and fell asleep as well.
In the morning, he awoke to see her looking up at him and said,
"Good morning kind sir. May I ask what you are doing?"
"I-I had to keep you warm."
"And you did that well." She smiled,
They returned to Mirkwood that same day. And wed that same night. All of Middle Earth was joyous to see them wed. They sailed across the sea and lived happily ever after in Valinor.