Talking Gravy: an Apology Offering
I just wanted to tell you all that Professor Authordude has taken over How Do You Know? And due to lack of catharsis (it's a Greek drama thing) I decided to give you all this. . . it's based upon a fun question that my baby brother asked and school food. He asked "Can gravy talk?" Hey SpazKatX if you're out there- would you be interested in being my editor or at least giving you your e-mail? You are one of my favorite reviewers and seem to be like super smart. I need someone to ask about technical things.
Chi Chi never told him there'd be days like this.
First- He had to be super late, it was a Son tradition after all.
Second- He had to be called out to save the world as Saya-man just before third period, his Calculus class with Mr. Evil, the one teacher who he loathed beyond all reason and who both Chi Chi and Gohan liked. It also happened to be a test day, meaning he had to make it up before lunch.
Third- His friend who normally covered for his was out with a 'Flu'. Meaning he had to totally suck up to the demonic school nurse to get a late pass to get into history unscathed.
Fourth- He was missing half of his lunch right now. With his heritage reminding him why he had never missed a meal unless absolutely necessary.
Grumble!
"Mr. Son, will you please keep the noise level down." Ordered his teacher sharply. Goten nodded and sighed as he ploughed through another super hard and confusing test of his left brain abilities.
"Sorry sir. I'm just really hungry." Apologized Goten. The teacher grunted and returned to reading some long and boring book on teaching theory. Goten finished his last problem with a flourish and handed the pile of what was once a test booklet to the teacher. Grinning madly he sprinted to the Cafeteria.
He arrived to find his worse nightmare.
The student run Snack Shack was closed, the vending machines were totally empty, and every item at the good lunch line was gone. Seeing as how it was the last lunch time of the day they weren't making anymore meals. He had to eat- so he got the dreaded Hot Plate Special, and what's worse he paid for it out of his own pocket!
Sitting down he inspected his meal and found that his hunger was cured or rather hid from the threat of having to eat something worse than his last Chemistry assignment. The stuff he was told was chicken patty was a yellow brown mud like disk in the center. To its right was a pile of green blue sludge called spinach. Above that was a rock hard mold covered piece of toasted sponge that was garlic toast, and next to that was a yellow green pile of instant potatoes smothered in a thick gray gravy. Yummy.
Goten pushed his tray away and sighed as he thought about how awful his Senior year was turning out to be. Trunks was away at collage, Gohan had left his teaching at Orange Star High to become a history professor at some university in an island paradise, leaving the youngest Son alone to defend the city and himself in school.
"It will only get worse."
Goten looked up, was someone talking to him? No, he was completely alone.
"That's right, you keep thinking that sweetheart."
Goten pinpointed where the voice was. His lunch. More specially the gravy, that was currently bubbling and moving of its own freewill. 'I'm finally going nuts!' thought the Sayajin.
"No you're just having a rotten life. I was sent to help you out with some advice."
Goten sat transfixed by the gray-green pile of slop on the pale toothpaste green tray of hard indestructible plastic. Hey, who was he to question his supernaturally gifted food.
"Go destroy something. You'll feel better." Glopped the gravy wannabe stuff. Goten raised an eyebrow, the gravy had a point. Up until now his day had been pretty rotten. Then the wonderful loving memory of his sweet mother's words of warning.
"I can't. Mom said I can't until I have a job and can pay for the damage costs." Said the demi-Sayajin with a shrug of disappointment.
"Use a disguise. I can't tell." Blurpped the gravy. The cafeteria was thankfully devoid of people who he knew, and so everyone ignored the fact that he was talking to his lunch that came from the dreaded Hot Plate Special line of the food lines. They also ignored the fact that the toxic sludge called food was talking back.
Goten shook his head, logic was seeping in once more. How could his food, or the sick and sadistic mockery of food in this case, talk? It made no sense. Sure he had a bad day but did he really need this?
"How can you talk?" He asked. The gravy gave an evil laugh.
"Wouldn't you love to know." It gloped. Evil bubbles popped and the yellow snot colored stuff that he told was chicken seemed to be separating and melting.
"Yeah I would. You going to tell me or would you like to be turned over to the Government." Said the normally sweet teen with a smirk reminiscent of the dark prince of evil, Vegeta. The gravy got the idea.
"But what if I let it slip that you happen to be an alien. Or better yet your brother." Said the evil minded, or um. stuff.
Goten paled, if They found out about Gohan it would ruin Gohan's normal life and new job. And even though They couldn't capture the universe's strongest person, Gohan would hurt him because though his elder brother was nice and all around easy going, ruining another job would earn Goten the number one slot on Gohan's Very Long List Of People to Hurt And/Or Kill. Despite popular belief the sweet momma's boy had an evil vindictive streak bigger than Vegeta's.
"Okay, so you want to play hardball. Too bad Trunks isn't here. He'd like you." The demi-Sayajin gave the gravy a rueful glare. "I think Gohan would be happy to know you threatened to expose him. He loves folks who do that."
"You try it buddy, I play dead very well. You'll end up in a padded room and I'll find someone else to be my pawn. Maybe Bra or that cute little Pan."
"Your prawn? Like in chest?" asked the clueless one.
"Its chess, not chest. Its pawn, not prawn. Now I can see why you need someone to guide you."
"You're evil though. If you're my guide. . . am I supposed to be evil?"
"Yes. You are really an evil dictator reincarnated and I am your teacher. We ruled the world with an iron fist together. How could you forget that?"
"Wow. I guess I could be. . . anything can happen. You sure Trunks wasn't the evil dictator? He seems more like the type." asked Goten. The gravy bubbled angrily.
"No! He's the one who killed you! When I died he became your best friend and left you open to attack, he didn't watch your back and make sure your enemies didn't get to you. What's worse we were sent to Hell and he got to go to Heaven. He should die!"
"No. He's my best friend, we've been best friends since I was. . . um, since before I can remember."
"Listen you brain dead little boy, I think I know. . ." Goten cut off the gravy's rant.
"Oh be quiet." A little boy in a scarlet cape and cowl was sneaking along the floor. Goten grinned and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Lay off. I'm making a break out of the evil villianess Rosalyn's prison." Snapped the rude little kid.
"Easy, I can totally sympathize man. You're the brat she baby-sits, the one who locked her out in a rainstorm?" he asked amused. The kid sprang up.
"I am not Calvin, I am Stupendous Man!" He shouted in a very heroic voice. Then he grinned, and pointed at the tray of slop. "What is that? It would totally freak my mom out and that evil Suzy too." The kid was grinning evilly now. Goten grinned, he could get rid of the insane gravy!
"You want it?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay, take it. You can hide in the library, down the hall third door on the right. Better hurry up." The kid took the green tray and ran. Goten sighed and smiled in relief. Now he was sane again.
The End.
I just wanted to tell you all that Professor Authordude has taken over How Do You Know? And due to lack of catharsis (it's a Greek drama thing) I decided to give you all this. . . it's based upon a fun question that my baby brother asked and school food. He asked "Can gravy talk?" Hey SpazKatX if you're out there- would you be interested in being my editor or at least giving you your e-mail? You are one of my favorite reviewers and seem to be like super smart. I need someone to ask about technical things.
Chi Chi never told him there'd be days like this.
First- He had to be super late, it was a Son tradition after all.
Second- He had to be called out to save the world as Saya-man just before third period, his Calculus class with Mr. Evil, the one teacher who he loathed beyond all reason and who both Chi Chi and Gohan liked. It also happened to be a test day, meaning he had to make it up before lunch.
Third- His friend who normally covered for his was out with a 'Flu'. Meaning he had to totally suck up to the demonic school nurse to get a late pass to get into history unscathed.
Fourth- He was missing half of his lunch right now. With his heritage reminding him why he had never missed a meal unless absolutely necessary.
Grumble!
"Mr. Son, will you please keep the noise level down." Ordered his teacher sharply. Goten nodded and sighed as he ploughed through another super hard and confusing test of his left brain abilities.
"Sorry sir. I'm just really hungry." Apologized Goten. The teacher grunted and returned to reading some long and boring book on teaching theory. Goten finished his last problem with a flourish and handed the pile of what was once a test booklet to the teacher. Grinning madly he sprinted to the Cafeteria.
He arrived to find his worse nightmare.
The student run Snack Shack was closed, the vending machines were totally empty, and every item at the good lunch line was gone. Seeing as how it was the last lunch time of the day they weren't making anymore meals. He had to eat- so he got the dreaded Hot Plate Special, and what's worse he paid for it out of his own pocket!
Sitting down he inspected his meal and found that his hunger was cured or rather hid from the threat of having to eat something worse than his last Chemistry assignment. The stuff he was told was chicken patty was a yellow brown mud like disk in the center. To its right was a pile of green blue sludge called spinach. Above that was a rock hard mold covered piece of toasted sponge that was garlic toast, and next to that was a yellow green pile of instant potatoes smothered in a thick gray gravy. Yummy.
Goten pushed his tray away and sighed as he thought about how awful his Senior year was turning out to be. Trunks was away at collage, Gohan had left his teaching at Orange Star High to become a history professor at some university in an island paradise, leaving the youngest Son alone to defend the city and himself in school.
"It will only get worse."
Goten looked up, was someone talking to him? No, he was completely alone.
"That's right, you keep thinking that sweetheart."
Goten pinpointed where the voice was. His lunch. More specially the gravy, that was currently bubbling and moving of its own freewill. 'I'm finally going nuts!' thought the Sayajin.
"No you're just having a rotten life. I was sent to help you out with some advice."
Goten sat transfixed by the gray-green pile of slop on the pale toothpaste green tray of hard indestructible plastic. Hey, who was he to question his supernaturally gifted food.
"Go destroy something. You'll feel better." Glopped the gravy wannabe stuff. Goten raised an eyebrow, the gravy had a point. Up until now his day had been pretty rotten. Then the wonderful loving memory of his sweet mother's words of warning.
"I can't. Mom said I can't until I have a job and can pay for the damage costs." Said the demi-Sayajin with a shrug of disappointment.
"Use a disguise. I can't tell." Blurpped the gravy. The cafeteria was thankfully devoid of people who he knew, and so everyone ignored the fact that he was talking to his lunch that came from the dreaded Hot Plate Special line of the food lines. They also ignored the fact that the toxic sludge called food was talking back.
Goten shook his head, logic was seeping in once more. How could his food, or the sick and sadistic mockery of food in this case, talk? It made no sense. Sure he had a bad day but did he really need this?
"How can you talk?" He asked. The gravy gave an evil laugh.
"Wouldn't you love to know." It gloped. Evil bubbles popped and the yellow snot colored stuff that he told was chicken seemed to be separating and melting.
"Yeah I would. You going to tell me or would you like to be turned over to the Government." Said the normally sweet teen with a smirk reminiscent of the dark prince of evil, Vegeta. The gravy got the idea.
"But what if I let it slip that you happen to be an alien. Or better yet your brother." Said the evil minded, or um. stuff.
Goten paled, if They found out about Gohan it would ruin Gohan's normal life and new job. And even though They couldn't capture the universe's strongest person, Gohan would hurt him because though his elder brother was nice and all around easy going, ruining another job would earn Goten the number one slot on Gohan's Very Long List Of People to Hurt And/Or Kill. Despite popular belief the sweet momma's boy had an evil vindictive streak bigger than Vegeta's.
"Okay, so you want to play hardball. Too bad Trunks isn't here. He'd like you." The demi-Sayajin gave the gravy a rueful glare. "I think Gohan would be happy to know you threatened to expose him. He loves folks who do that."
"You try it buddy, I play dead very well. You'll end up in a padded room and I'll find someone else to be my pawn. Maybe Bra or that cute little Pan."
"Your prawn? Like in chest?" asked the clueless one.
"Its chess, not chest. Its pawn, not prawn. Now I can see why you need someone to guide you."
"You're evil though. If you're my guide. . . am I supposed to be evil?"
"Yes. You are really an evil dictator reincarnated and I am your teacher. We ruled the world with an iron fist together. How could you forget that?"
"Wow. I guess I could be. . . anything can happen. You sure Trunks wasn't the evil dictator? He seems more like the type." asked Goten. The gravy bubbled angrily.
"No! He's the one who killed you! When I died he became your best friend and left you open to attack, he didn't watch your back and make sure your enemies didn't get to you. What's worse we were sent to Hell and he got to go to Heaven. He should die!"
"No. He's my best friend, we've been best friends since I was. . . um, since before I can remember."
"Listen you brain dead little boy, I think I know. . ." Goten cut off the gravy's rant.
"Oh be quiet." A little boy in a scarlet cape and cowl was sneaking along the floor. Goten grinned and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Lay off. I'm making a break out of the evil villianess Rosalyn's prison." Snapped the rude little kid.
"Easy, I can totally sympathize man. You're the brat she baby-sits, the one who locked her out in a rainstorm?" he asked amused. The kid sprang up.
"I am not Calvin, I am Stupendous Man!" He shouted in a very heroic voice. Then he grinned, and pointed at the tray of slop. "What is that? It would totally freak my mom out and that evil Suzy too." The kid was grinning evilly now. Goten grinned, he could get rid of the insane gravy!
"You want it?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay, take it. You can hide in the library, down the hall third door on the right. Better hurry up." The kid took the green tray and ran. Goten sighed and smiled in relief. Now he was sane again.
The End.