Title: What I Really Meant To Say

Author: LibraryGirl

Rating: G

Pairing(s): Seifer/Squall *yummi* ^_~

Notes: Sequel to Not A Day Goes By

Disclaimer: I own nothing! If you want to think that I actually have Squall tied up somewhere in my closet, by all means, go have a look. However, you won't find Squall or Seifer. So there! If SquareSoft wants to sue me, go ahead! But ya ain't gettin' nothin'! Oh…The song's not mine either. ^_^

Written by: Cyndi Thomson, Chris Waters and Tommy Lee James

Performed by: Cyndi Thomson

What I Really Meant To Say

            Squall never would have expected to see Seifer again. Seifer was gone, now just a piece of history. But there he was. Just a few feet in front of the hero. Squall had just been out to Balamb to get Lionheart remodeled. He had been minding his own business. And there was Seifer.

* * *

It took me by surprise,

When I saw you standing there,

Close enough to touch,

Breathing the same air.

* * *

            Squall had been too shocked to even think of something to say, and that let Seifer be the first to speak, "How've ya been?" The question was asked if nothing had ever happened. As if they had never shared anything. As if they were old friends.

            A cold smirk found its way to Squall's lips. "Fine." But that was a lie.

* * *

You asked me how I'd been.

I guess that's when I smiled and said just fine.

Oh, but baby, I was lying.

* * *

            Squall knew that was a lie, the worst lie he had ever told. He was not "fine." He was dying. Not physically but emotionally. Since Seifer had left, he had begun to rebuild his walls around his heart. He wouldn't let anyone in. That's why Rinoa had left. She had given up on trying to break into his heart.

            But Squall knew what he really meant to say. He meant to say that he missed Seifer. More and more with each passing day. There wasn't a night he hadn't cried. And the truth was that he was still in love. He just couldn't bring himself to say it.

* * *

What I really meant to say

Is I'm dying here inside.

I miss you more each day.

There's not a night I haven't cried.

And baby here's the truth:

I'm still in love with you.

That's what I really meant to say.

* * *

            "That's good," Seifer replied, sounding a bit disappointed. Maybe he expected Squall to be miserable. He smiled, wished Squall a good day, and walked away.

            Squall's mind replayed the scene, and the echo of his words cut deeply. He fought to hold back his tears, trying to hold on to his pride. He watched Seifer walk away and he wondered if Seifer would ever know…

* * *

And as you walked away,

The echo of my words,

Cut just like a knife,

Cut so deep it hurt.

I held back the tears,

Held on to my pride,

And watched you go.

I wonder if you'll ever know…

* * *

            Why did he have to lie? He could've just told the truth. Maybe it would've been better if he had told the truth. Maybe Seifer would've stayed with him. Then Squall wouldn't have to hurt. Because Seifer would be there.

* * *

What I really meant to say

Is I'm dying here inside.

I miss you more each day.

There's not a night I haven't cried.

And baby here's the truth:

I'm still in love with you.

That's what I really meant to say.

* * *

            Squall wasn't as strong as everyone thought. He was weak. He tried to hold on. He struggled to hold on. But he felt as if he was losing his grasp. He was still in love with Seifer, and he couldn't deny it. But why couldn't he just say it?

* * *

What I really meant to say,

Is I'm really not that strong.

No matter how I try I'm still holding on,

And here's the honest truth:

I'm still in love with you.

That's what I really meant to say.