Note: Sorry for the long wait. Stupid XP! Anyway.... Here is another story of that wonderful fic... yeah right.... Anyway, this is... well, you can probably guess who it is, since I already did Zell. Well, here it is!
Chapter 5 - The Handmaiden
I do now know how much time I spent weeping over the man whom I thought I loved. It felt as though he had took half of my heart and fed it into darkness. I felt so lost and confused, not knowing what had happened. Why did he turn me away? For a long time, I believed in every word he spoke of me, that he loved me, but my doubts were confirmed on that night. I cried in my sleep and when I thought of him in the morning, my tears were still heavily falling upon my cheek. I could not confront the Queen. She has been my good friend ever since I can remember and she has always been there for me. I have always called for her, asked for her advice, even though it was my responsibility to watch over her. However, no matter how hard I called, I could not open my mouth to call her name. She could not help me now.
I was ready to walk out of my room and tend to my Queen and to take my mind off of him, when I heard my Queen's voice speak behind me.
"Selphie," she called. I turned, slightly startled by her voice so nearby and smiled, bowing my head out of respect. It has always been that way, even though she was my closest friend out of that womanizer, husband of hers. I could not understand how King Irvine could stay King and husband to the most loyal Queen when he is with a girl.
"Yes, Your Highness?" I looked up to wait for her answer.
"I have missed you during dinner time last night. I wondered if you were fine."
I shook my head, hoping she would not see the tears that once clouded my eyes in which I wiped away quickly. I wished I had not gone out that night just to see him. If I knew what he thought, I would never have felt as hurt as I was then. "I am fine, Your Highness."
The Queen walked up to me, examining me carefully with her blue eyes. I did the same, keeping my eyes away from her, to avoid eye contact with her. If I did, she would know that I have been teary-eyed throughout that night. She knew me too well. I have been her loyal handmaiden for a long time.
I shook my head gently once more and smiled, hiding away all the pain and the loss that I felt during my escapade earlier. I turned and walked away, excusing myself to leave the room. I could feel her watching me as I left. More tears suddenly streamed down my cheeks as I closed the door behind me.
****************
"Selphie..." I closed my eyes and I imagined him here, holding my hand, whispering in my ear that everything will be well. I wanted to believe it so. I wished for him to be near and comfort me when I needed to be. It felt as though he was here, wiping away the tears which he resented so. Yet, as I opened my eyes, I only noticed myself, the bed and a mirror glaring back at me with its reflected shadows.
"Selphie, please speak to me." I could not hear. I do no wish to hear him. I wanted him to leave me be after the pain he has caused me. I felt soft hands resting on my cheek, forcing me to turn towards the voice.
"Selphie... You are the only person I have ever loved, never forget that." I felt his warm breath on my skin and I wanted nothing more than to be with him, to touch him forever and claim him as mine.
Finally, I turned and saw him, watching me with his green eyes that mimicked my own. I wanted to smile, but I could not. He seemed to have noticed I was displeased with him here, yet he did not stand on his feet and turn away. He continued to lean towards me, giving me a soft kiss on the tip of my nose. I loved his touch. I wanted him so. I wish I could claim him. I wish I was more than just a handmaiden. Maybe he would love me if I was not. Maybe he would love me if I was a Princess or the Duchess of Esthar. However, try as hard as I could, I was neither one of them.
"Zell... would it have been different if I was the Princess or the Duchess?" I asked. I wanted to know what he wished from a woman.
I could see him from the corner of my eye, shaking his head. My heart soared once, knowing he wished nothing more of me than myself.
"Selphie..." He laid beside me on the bed and rested his head upon my shoulder, kissing my cheeks with comfort. He wrapped an arm around me to warm me with his body and smiled. "Yes. I would rather have you being yourself, than a Princess or a Duchess."
I smiled. "Why, Zell? Why did you hurt me so?" I could not turn and look at him in the eyes. I was still too hurt to look at him.
"Selphie... I am the soldier of Esthar and I am the bastard who hurt you so. I was frightened. I was frightened that if I love you, I would lose you." He kissed me so gently upon my lips, in which he had to lift himself up almost over me to press his lips against mine. I could not take it, as I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck as he towered over top of me.
"Afraid? You will never lose me, Zell. If you love me, you will only keep me, not lose me." I kissed him, our lips meeting into a passion that flared like fire through her bodies. I loved him and he loved me. That was all that mattered.
"Then, I shall keep you, claim you as my own." He removed one arm from around me and reached inside the pocket of his tunic. I watched him curiously, wondering what he was up to and the moment I noticed the ring in his palms, I knew what he was asking. My eyes bloomed like wildflowers. He showed it to me, as if teasing me in some way as I watched in desperation. "Will you do me the honour, Selphie, Queen Quistis' handmaiden of Balbadia Castle, of being my wife?"
I could not express my happiness, except by tears. I was happy and that was all that mattered. I nodded, smiling in complete silence.
He smiled as well, pressing the round, gold metal inside my middle finger and kissed me lovingly on the lips. "You shall be mine," he whispered in my ear.
I pulled him closer to me and watched the ring from behind him, glitter underneath the moonlight. "What of your oath as a soldier of Esthar?" I whispered to him.
He shook his head. "They will never know. My love for you is all that matters to me, Selphie."
Tears soaked my already wet skin, falling upon the sheets of the bed. I was happy there. I wanted to stay in his arms forever and forget about the argument earlier. I want to run away with him.
As if he had read my thoughts, Zell pulled away from me and looked at me straight in the eyes. "Will you run with me?"
I looked at him in disbelief. "Run away?"
"Yes. We will start a new life together."
I furrowed my eyebrows, not knowing what to answer. I could not run away. My whole life has been devoted to this castle, to my Queen. What about Zell? Does he not need the life of a soldier to survive? I promised my mother to watch over Quistis. I promised her I would fulfill the duty that my mother could not finish. She had died before I had a chance to say good bye.
"But..." I looked at him. "I can not."
"Why not?" He gazed up at me, hurt beyond belief. I did not wish to hurt him. He had come all this way to see me and to ask my hand in marriage, much the same as I did to him. I came to him unexpectedly and was turned down tragically. I was beginning to understand why.
"Zell... you asked me to leave the only place I have ever known, the only place where I learned to live. I can not leave it."
Zell removed himself off of me and turned away, staring at the bright, shining sphere out the window, in deep thought. I crawled to him, attempting to wrap my arms around his body, yet, he slapped it away. It felt as though I had felt it before, just like what he had done when I came to see him.
"I love you, Zell, but can we not stay and live a new life in the town?" I could not believe what I just heard myself speak of. I was being foolish to ask him such a question.
"Selphie... this town is not mine and Esthar is neither yours. How can I live in a town where everyone knows of me as Balbadia's worst enemy or you as Esthar's worst enemy?"
"But, I can not leave the only place I have known. I promised my mother I would protect my Queen."
Zell stood up and opened the window to my bedroom. "Then, I believe your duties are as important as I. Good bye, Selphie."
I wanted to run to him, to beg him to stay, yet my legs were too frightened to move. I could not see myself run to him. I just watched him jump from my window and disappear into the darkness. I just watched him from me as I glanced at the ring upon my finger and watched the moonlight fade away from its reflection.
GoodGurl: Urck! Eh... to all those 'Beating Hearts' fans with the Zelphie... don't worry, it's not going to be one tragic thing. Somehow, this problem will be resolved. Anyway, on to Chapter 5... um.. well, I just hope more people will review this. I like it actually. Just like Queifer in 'Beating Hearts', there is a sudden reversal of roles.
Chapter 5 - The Handmaiden
I do now know how much time I spent weeping over the man whom I thought I loved. It felt as though he had took half of my heart and fed it into darkness. I felt so lost and confused, not knowing what had happened. Why did he turn me away? For a long time, I believed in every word he spoke of me, that he loved me, but my doubts were confirmed on that night. I cried in my sleep and when I thought of him in the morning, my tears were still heavily falling upon my cheek. I could not confront the Queen. She has been my good friend ever since I can remember and she has always been there for me. I have always called for her, asked for her advice, even though it was my responsibility to watch over her. However, no matter how hard I called, I could not open my mouth to call her name. She could not help me now.
I was ready to walk out of my room and tend to my Queen and to take my mind off of him, when I heard my Queen's voice speak behind me.
"Selphie," she called. I turned, slightly startled by her voice so nearby and smiled, bowing my head out of respect. It has always been that way, even though she was my closest friend out of that womanizer, husband of hers. I could not understand how King Irvine could stay King and husband to the most loyal Queen when he is with a girl.
"Yes, Your Highness?" I looked up to wait for her answer.
"I have missed you during dinner time last night. I wondered if you were fine."
I shook my head, hoping she would not see the tears that once clouded my eyes in which I wiped away quickly. I wished I had not gone out that night just to see him. If I knew what he thought, I would never have felt as hurt as I was then. "I am fine, Your Highness."
The Queen walked up to me, examining me carefully with her blue eyes. I did the same, keeping my eyes away from her, to avoid eye contact with her. If I did, she would know that I have been teary-eyed throughout that night. She knew me too well. I have been her loyal handmaiden for a long time.
I shook my head gently once more and smiled, hiding away all the pain and the loss that I felt during my escapade earlier. I turned and walked away, excusing myself to leave the room. I could feel her watching me as I left. More tears suddenly streamed down my cheeks as I closed the door behind me.
****************
"Selphie..." I closed my eyes and I imagined him here, holding my hand, whispering in my ear that everything will be well. I wanted to believe it so. I wished for him to be near and comfort me when I needed to be. It felt as though he was here, wiping away the tears which he resented so. Yet, as I opened my eyes, I only noticed myself, the bed and a mirror glaring back at me with its reflected shadows.
"Selphie, please speak to me." I could not hear. I do no wish to hear him. I wanted him to leave me be after the pain he has caused me. I felt soft hands resting on my cheek, forcing me to turn towards the voice.
"Selphie... You are the only person I have ever loved, never forget that." I felt his warm breath on my skin and I wanted nothing more than to be with him, to touch him forever and claim him as mine.
Finally, I turned and saw him, watching me with his green eyes that mimicked my own. I wanted to smile, but I could not. He seemed to have noticed I was displeased with him here, yet he did not stand on his feet and turn away. He continued to lean towards me, giving me a soft kiss on the tip of my nose. I loved his touch. I wanted him so. I wish I could claim him. I wish I was more than just a handmaiden. Maybe he would love me if I was not. Maybe he would love me if I was a Princess or the Duchess of Esthar. However, try as hard as I could, I was neither one of them.
"Zell... would it have been different if I was the Princess or the Duchess?" I asked. I wanted to know what he wished from a woman.
I could see him from the corner of my eye, shaking his head. My heart soared once, knowing he wished nothing more of me than myself.
"Selphie..." He laid beside me on the bed and rested his head upon my shoulder, kissing my cheeks with comfort. He wrapped an arm around me to warm me with his body and smiled. "Yes. I would rather have you being yourself, than a Princess or a Duchess."
I smiled. "Why, Zell? Why did you hurt me so?" I could not turn and look at him in the eyes. I was still too hurt to look at him.
"Selphie... I am the soldier of Esthar and I am the bastard who hurt you so. I was frightened. I was frightened that if I love you, I would lose you." He kissed me so gently upon my lips, in which he had to lift himself up almost over me to press his lips against mine. I could not take it, as I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck as he towered over top of me.
"Afraid? You will never lose me, Zell. If you love me, you will only keep me, not lose me." I kissed him, our lips meeting into a passion that flared like fire through her bodies. I loved him and he loved me. That was all that mattered.
"Then, I shall keep you, claim you as my own." He removed one arm from around me and reached inside the pocket of his tunic. I watched him curiously, wondering what he was up to and the moment I noticed the ring in his palms, I knew what he was asking. My eyes bloomed like wildflowers. He showed it to me, as if teasing me in some way as I watched in desperation. "Will you do me the honour, Selphie, Queen Quistis' handmaiden of Balbadia Castle, of being my wife?"
I could not express my happiness, except by tears. I was happy and that was all that mattered. I nodded, smiling in complete silence.
He smiled as well, pressing the round, gold metal inside my middle finger and kissed me lovingly on the lips. "You shall be mine," he whispered in my ear.
I pulled him closer to me and watched the ring from behind him, glitter underneath the moonlight. "What of your oath as a soldier of Esthar?" I whispered to him.
He shook his head. "They will never know. My love for you is all that matters to me, Selphie."
Tears soaked my already wet skin, falling upon the sheets of the bed. I was happy there. I wanted to stay in his arms forever and forget about the argument earlier. I want to run away with him.
As if he had read my thoughts, Zell pulled away from me and looked at me straight in the eyes. "Will you run with me?"
I looked at him in disbelief. "Run away?"
"Yes. We will start a new life together."
I furrowed my eyebrows, not knowing what to answer. I could not run away. My whole life has been devoted to this castle, to my Queen. What about Zell? Does he not need the life of a soldier to survive? I promised my mother to watch over Quistis. I promised her I would fulfill the duty that my mother could not finish. She had died before I had a chance to say good bye.
"But..." I looked at him. "I can not."
"Why not?" He gazed up at me, hurt beyond belief. I did not wish to hurt him. He had come all this way to see me and to ask my hand in marriage, much the same as I did to him. I came to him unexpectedly and was turned down tragically. I was beginning to understand why.
"Zell... you asked me to leave the only place I have ever known, the only place where I learned to live. I can not leave it."
Zell removed himself off of me and turned away, staring at the bright, shining sphere out the window, in deep thought. I crawled to him, attempting to wrap my arms around his body, yet, he slapped it away. It felt as though I had felt it before, just like what he had done when I came to see him.
"I love you, Zell, but can we not stay and live a new life in the town?" I could not believe what I just heard myself speak of. I was being foolish to ask him such a question.
"Selphie... this town is not mine and Esthar is neither yours. How can I live in a town where everyone knows of me as Balbadia's worst enemy or you as Esthar's worst enemy?"
"But, I can not leave the only place I have known. I promised my mother I would protect my Queen."
Zell stood up and opened the window to my bedroom. "Then, I believe your duties are as important as I. Good bye, Selphie."
I wanted to run to him, to beg him to stay, yet my legs were too frightened to move. I could not see myself run to him. I just watched him jump from my window and disappear into the darkness. I just watched him from me as I glanced at the ring upon my finger and watched the moonlight fade away from its reflection.
GoodGurl: Urck! Eh... to all those 'Beating Hearts' fans with the Zelphie... don't worry, it's not going to be one tragic thing. Somehow, this problem will be resolved. Anyway, on to Chapter 5... um.. well, I just hope more people will review this. I like it actually. Just like Queifer in 'Beating Hearts', there is a sudden reversal of roles.