Soul Reaver - Chapter Ten: A little break from the journey.
Notice: Don't own anything but the computer I write this on.
Me: Sorry about the delay had to get over the Christmas excitement. Well this chapter is about Raziel finding the other glyphs and going to the human city.
Raziel: How many? How many more chapters must I suffer through?
Me: Many. As many as I want! MUHAHAHAHHAHA!!!
Raziel: Damn.
Me: Well here it is, Pt. 10!
************************************************************** *************************
(We come as Raziel is finishing coursing the latest banana peel to slip him, he stops and thinks about something.)
Raziel: You know. I should go and get the last of those glyph thingys that A-Hole mentioned.
(He then goes in search of them. Now I will split up each finding of the glyphs so as not to bore you with the details of the travel.
***Earth Glyph***
(After traversing through the giant skull that resembles Nuraptor's retreat. Raziel arrives in the room with the Greek like statue.)
Raziel: Hello? A-Hole? Someone?
(Suddenly, like before, people drop out of nowhere and surprise him.)
Raziel: GAH! Don't do that!
(A woman dressed fancy like walks up to him.)
Woman: CONGRATUATIONS! You are the winner of the Earth Glyph!
Raziel: I know, A-Hole sent me.
Woman: An ass hole? He's my brother.
Raziel: O.o He is?
Woman: Yes. My name is Ima gonna kill ya'.
Raziel: O.o Okay.
Ima: Here's your prize.
(She hands him the glyph and then leaves; everyone else vanishes like last time.)
Raziel: Must have been a strange family.
***Fire Glyph***
(After the ridiculous running back and forth, Raziel makes it into the glyphs' chamber, again everyone appears again.)
Raziel: I'm glad that if I had a heart attack, I can just come back.
(This time a man appears.)
Man: Hello, I'm Andy Jackass, but you can just call Jackass.
Raziel: O.o *Blinks*
Jackass: Here's your glyph sir.
(Hands Raziel the Fire glyph.)
Raziel: Thanks.
(He leaves, the crowd doing the annoying cheering.)
***Force glyph***
(Blah de blah, he gets to the room containing the glyph, the crowd and a man appear.)
Man: Hello I'm Harry Ballsac.
Raziel: O.o Right.
Ballsac: Here's the Force glyph.
Raziel: Cool, does that mean I grab people by the throat and choke them from far away?
Ballsac: No.
Raziel: Damn.
(He walks out, the crowd being a bunch of morons again.)
***Fire glyph***
Raziel: Here was the place I had only one F*****G demo in, no solving a few puzzle and then movie showing me about to fight some one just a simple climb up this mountain and entering a cave.
(He enters the building and solves the annoying machine puzzle, the annoying one that I didn't figure out for a while, and then enters the small temple like place.)
Raziel: Why is that the glyph is all the way out in this place when I had to go about 2 miles underground to solve the damn puzzle?
(He enters the small room, all of sudden the crowd, now twice as huge, appear and two men walk towards him.)
Man #1: *with a voice like Joe Pecci* Hello, ya mook, I'm Tony.
Man #2: And I'm Tommy.
Both: We're the Fagotonie bros.!
Raziel: Alright, what is up with the weird names?
Me: What? It's funny.
Raziel: I give up.Why are there two of you here?
Tony: Well I'm the representative of the Water glyph, but some scmuck blew up the place. So we're gonna give you both the Sun and Water glyphs.
(They give him the glyphs and then vanish.)
Raziel: Thanks, saves me the bother of getting the last one.
(He turns to leaves, but the crowds cheering sets him off the edge.)
Raziel: THAT'S IT! YOU'RE ALL DEAD!
Crowd: *In unison* Oh SH*T
(He uses all his new abilities on them, after about an hour, he leaves, the room is in a state I think you might not want to like to see.)
Raziel: I hate contests.
(He returns to the abyss, he then notices that the water surrounding the platforms has a cave in it.)
Raziel: I wonder what that is.
Elder God: Aren't you gonna get the Fire Reaver?
Raziel: Why should I? I won't have it at the beginning of the sequel, besides it's already getting to the end of the game.
Elder God: Guess your right.
(Raziel then jumps into the water and swims into the cave, he submerges and sees Human Citadel.)
Raziel V.O: The humans' citadel, the place that has only about fifteen people -- a crappy looking place, its towering walls with a bad paint job. It's deep moats engineered to keep Nosgoth's Vampire and lawyer plaque at bay.
Though the city was somewhat well-fortified against vampires, its human architects and sushi chefs hadn't considered a breach by a creature such as myself.
(He then continues on, kicking down a sign that reads 'Vampires' please leave'. He enters the door in the side of the mountain and makes his way through, he comes across two humans, and both have a flame-thrower.)
Pyromaniac: BURN! BURN! (Translation: Look over there, what is it?)
Bill from PSM: It's a Smurf! I love those little guys.
Raziel: I'm not a Smurf!
Bill: You look like one.
Raziel: But I'm not.
Bill: Then let's kill him.
Pyro: BURN! (Translation: Ok.)
(They attack him, both sending a turret of flame at him, he jumps in the air and glides over their head, and he then stabs Bill in the back with a spear. But is burned to death by the psycho.)
Raziel: Damn.
(He eats Bill's soul, which has crossed into the spectral realm, he suddenly has the urge to wear a gorilla suit, fighting that off he then returns to Material.)
Pyro: BURN! BURN! BURN! (Translation: I thought I killed you!)
Raziel: Oh shut up.
(He fires a projectile at the Maniac, who is standing right by the window.)
Pyro: BURN! (Translation: Oh crap.)
(He is hit and falls out and dies. Raziel then glides into citadel.)
Raziel: Alright! Time to kick some none-Vampire ass.
(He enters the town and finds the place is empty, he then hears cheering and applauds a little ways ahead.)
Raziel: What's this?
(He sees a poster saying 'See Kain the magnificent!'
Raziel: Odd.
(He then peeks around the corner and sees Kain on a small stage performing magic.)
Raziel: O.O
Kain: .And now for my next act, I will need a volunteer.
Random humans: Me! No Me! Me!
Raziel: O.o
Kain: How about you!
(He points to a man.)
Some guy named Stan: Really! This is so great.
(He gets on stage and then goes in a box that Kain points to, he then performs the box being skewered with swords.)
Kain: Alakazam! Now when I open the box, the volunteer will be unharmed.
(He peers into the box, he closes it suddenly.)
Kain: O.O *Chuckles nervously* Uh, seems that we can't complete the trick.
Random human: Why?
Kain: Uh, Kazam!
(He zaps the box and it explodes, noting is left.)
Kain: I have made him vanish instead.
Crowd: Yeah!
(They throw roses and applaud loudly, Kain bows repeatedly, as he bows he spots Raziel.)
Kain: Geh! Gotta go. You've been a wonderful audience! Bye!
(He vanishes.)
Raziel: Damn! I wanted to another trick.
(He then decides to have some fun with the humans, by taking a bite into a woman or two, but not fully devouring their souls.)
Random people: AHHHHHH!
Raziel: Hehehe. huh?
(He spots a trail of banana peels and sees hands from around a corner place another down, he runs around the corner and sees a cloaked man.)
Raziel: Finally! I will have vengeance!
Cloaked man: Oh crap.
(He runs off with Raziel in close pursuit, he is cornered on that giant water tower like dome.)
Raziel: Now you will pay for all the suffering that you put me through.
(He uncloaks the man.)
Raziel: It's you!
The DOLE banana mascot: Yes, you can not stop me! MUHAHAHAHAHA!
Raziel: Well see about that, here Jojo!
Dole mascot: Huh?
(Suddenly a monkey appears.)
Jojo: O'! O'! O'!
Raziel: Yes My pet now attack!
(Jojo lunges at the giant fruit.)
Dole: AHHHH! NO! A monkey! Bananas' worst enemy! AHHHHH!
(They struggle until they both fall off the edge into the water below, the giant fruit dissolves into mush and the monkey shrieks loudly, Raziel jumps down and pulls the small creature out and dries him off.)
Raziel: Thank you my small furry friend, your love for bananas has helped me. Now for my part of the bargain.
(He pulls out a bunch of bananas from his cowl and gives it to the monkey, it opps gladly and then scampers off, he leaves the city and then returns to the second platform of the abyss. He begins to head towards the path that lies ahead from Dumah's lair.)
Raziel: Just one more chapter and this parody will be over.
************************************************************** *************************
Me: Well what do you think?
Raziel: Now that the peel problem is out of the way, it's to kill Kain.
Me: Yep, but there will be another parody with you in it in soon.
Raziel: NO. Damn you.
Me: Anyway, please review and I will give you all the stuff I usually give and I will throw in a Moebius detector, which will lead you right to him where ever he goes.
Bye!
Notice: Don't own anything but the computer I write this on.
Me: Sorry about the delay had to get over the Christmas excitement. Well this chapter is about Raziel finding the other glyphs and going to the human city.
Raziel: How many? How many more chapters must I suffer through?
Me: Many. As many as I want! MUHAHAHAHHAHA!!!
Raziel: Damn.
Me: Well here it is, Pt. 10!
************************************************************** *************************
(We come as Raziel is finishing coursing the latest banana peel to slip him, he stops and thinks about something.)
Raziel: You know. I should go and get the last of those glyph thingys that A-Hole mentioned.
(He then goes in search of them. Now I will split up each finding of the glyphs so as not to bore you with the details of the travel.
***Earth Glyph***
(After traversing through the giant skull that resembles Nuraptor's retreat. Raziel arrives in the room with the Greek like statue.)
Raziel: Hello? A-Hole? Someone?
(Suddenly, like before, people drop out of nowhere and surprise him.)
Raziel: GAH! Don't do that!
(A woman dressed fancy like walks up to him.)
Woman: CONGRATUATIONS! You are the winner of the Earth Glyph!
Raziel: I know, A-Hole sent me.
Woman: An ass hole? He's my brother.
Raziel: O.o He is?
Woman: Yes. My name is Ima gonna kill ya'.
Raziel: O.o Okay.
Ima: Here's your prize.
(She hands him the glyph and then leaves; everyone else vanishes like last time.)
Raziel: Must have been a strange family.
***Fire Glyph***
(After the ridiculous running back and forth, Raziel makes it into the glyphs' chamber, again everyone appears again.)
Raziel: I'm glad that if I had a heart attack, I can just come back.
(This time a man appears.)
Man: Hello, I'm Andy Jackass, but you can just call Jackass.
Raziel: O.o *Blinks*
Jackass: Here's your glyph sir.
(Hands Raziel the Fire glyph.)
Raziel: Thanks.
(He leaves, the crowd doing the annoying cheering.)
***Force glyph***
(Blah de blah, he gets to the room containing the glyph, the crowd and a man appear.)
Man: Hello I'm Harry Ballsac.
Raziel: O.o Right.
Ballsac: Here's the Force glyph.
Raziel: Cool, does that mean I grab people by the throat and choke them from far away?
Ballsac: No.
Raziel: Damn.
(He walks out, the crowd being a bunch of morons again.)
***Fire glyph***
Raziel: Here was the place I had only one F*****G demo in, no solving a few puzzle and then movie showing me about to fight some one just a simple climb up this mountain and entering a cave.
(He enters the building and solves the annoying machine puzzle, the annoying one that I didn't figure out for a while, and then enters the small temple like place.)
Raziel: Why is that the glyph is all the way out in this place when I had to go about 2 miles underground to solve the damn puzzle?
(He enters the small room, all of sudden the crowd, now twice as huge, appear and two men walk towards him.)
Man #1: *with a voice like Joe Pecci* Hello, ya mook, I'm Tony.
Man #2: And I'm Tommy.
Both: We're the Fagotonie bros.!
Raziel: Alright, what is up with the weird names?
Me: What? It's funny.
Raziel: I give up.Why are there two of you here?
Tony: Well I'm the representative of the Water glyph, but some scmuck blew up the place. So we're gonna give you both the Sun and Water glyphs.
(They give him the glyphs and then vanish.)
Raziel: Thanks, saves me the bother of getting the last one.
(He turns to leaves, but the crowds cheering sets him off the edge.)
Raziel: THAT'S IT! YOU'RE ALL DEAD!
Crowd: *In unison* Oh SH*T
(He uses all his new abilities on them, after about an hour, he leaves, the room is in a state I think you might not want to like to see.)
Raziel: I hate contests.
(He returns to the abyss, he then notices that the water surrounding the platforms has a cave in it.)
Raziel: I wonder what that is.
Elder God: Aren't you gonna get the Fire Reaver?
Raziel: Why should I? I won't have it at the beginning of the sequel, besides it's already getting to the end of the game.
Elder God: Guess your right.
(Raziel then jumps into the water and swims into the cave, he submerges and sees Human Citadel.)
Raziel V.O: The humans' citadel, the place that has only about fifteen people -- a crappy looking place, its towering walls with a bad paint job. It's deep moats engineered to keep Nosgoth's Vampire and lawyer plaque at bay.
Though the city was somewhat well-fortified against vampires, its human architects and sushi chefs hadn't considered a breach by a creature such as myself.
(He then continues on, kicking down a sign that reads 'Vampires' please leave'. He enters the door in the side of the mountain and makes his way through, he comes across two humans, and both have a flame-thrower.)
Pyromaniac: BURN! BURN! (Translation: Look over there, what is it?)
Bill from PSM: It's a Smurf! I love those little guys.
Raziel: I'm not a Smurf!
Bill: You look like one.
Raziel: But I'm not.
Bill: Then let's kill him.
Pyro: BURN! (Translation: Ok.)
(They attack him, both sending a turret of flame at him, he jumps in the air and glides over their head, and he then stabs Bill in the back with a spear. But is burned to death by the psycho.)
Raziel: Damn.
(He eats Bill's soul, which has crossed into the spectral realm, he suddenly has the urge to wear a gorilla suit, fighting that off he then returns to Material.)
Pyro: BURN! BURN! BURN! (Translation: I thought I killed you!)
Raziel: Oh shut up.
(He fires a projectile at the Maniac, who is standing right by the window.)
Pyro: BURN! (Translation: Oh crap.)
(He is hit and falls out and dies. Raziel then glides into citadel.)
Raziel: Alright! Time to kick some none-Vampire ass.
(He enters the town and finds the place is empty, he then hears cheering and applauds a little ways ahead.)
Raziel: What's this?
(He sees a poster saying 'See Kain the magnificent!'
Raziel: Odd.
(He then peeks around the corner and sees Kain on a small stage performing magic.)
Raziel: O.O
Kain: .And now for my next act, I will need a volunteer.
Random humans: Me! No Me! Me!
Raziel: O.o
Kain: How about you!
(He points to a man.)
Some guy named Stan: Really! This is so great.
(He gets on stage and then goes in a box that Kain points to, he then performs the box being skewered with swords.)
Kain: Alakazam! Now when I open the box, the volunteer will be unharmed.
(He peers into the box, he closes it suddenly.)
Kain: O.O *Chuckles nervously* Uh, seems that we can't complete the trick.
Random human: Why?
Kain: Uh, Kazam!
(He zaps the box and it explodes, noting is left.)
Kain: I have made him vanish instead.
Crowd: Yeah!
(They throw roses and applaud loudly, Kain bows repeatedly, as he bows he spots Raziel.)
Kain: Geh! Gotta go. You've been a wonderful audience! Bye!
(He vanishes.)
Raziel: Damn! I wanted to another trick.
(He then decides to have some fun with the humans, by taking a bite into a woman or two, but not fully devouring their souls.)
Random people: AHHHHHH!
Raziel: Hehehe. huh?
(He spots a trail of banana peels and sees hands from around a corner place another down, he runs around the corner and sees a cloaked man.)
Raziel: Finally! I will have vengeance!
Cloaked man: Oh crap.
(He runs off with Raziel in close pursuit, he is cornered on that giant water tower like dome.)
Raziel: Now you will pay for all the suffering that you put me through.
(He uncloaks the man.)
Raziel: It's you!
The DOLE banana mascot: Yes, you can not stop me! MUHAHAHAHAHA!
Raziel: Well see about that, here Jojo!
Dole mascot: Huh?
(Suddenly a monkey appears.)
Jojo: O'! O'! O'!
Raziel: Yes My pet now attack!
(Jojo lunges at the giant fruit.)
Dole: AHHHH! NO! A monkey! Bananas' worst enemy! AHHHHH!
(They struggle until they both fall off the edge into the water below, the giant fruit dissolves into mush and the monkey shrieks loudly, Raziel jumps down and pulls the small creature out and dries him off.)
Raziel: Thank you my small furry friend, your love for bananas has helped me. Now for my part of the bargain.
(He pulls out a bunch of bananas from his cowl and gives it to the monkey, it opps gladly and then scampers off, he leaves the city and then returns to the second platform of the abyss. He begins to head towards the path that lies ahead from Dumah's lair.)
Raziel: Just one more chapter and this parody will be over.
************************************************************** *************************
Me: Well what do you think?
Raziel: Now that the peel problem is out of the way, it's to kill Kain.
Me: Yep, but there will be another parody with you in it in soon.
Raziel: NO. Damn you.
Me: Anyway, please review and I will give you all the stuff I usually give and I will throw in a Moebius detector, which will lead you right to him where ever he goes.
Bye!