Title: Doushite?
Author: Hikari
Email: machi_no_tenshi@excite.com
Rated: PG-13
Part: Part 2
Disclamer and Traditional Warnings...
This fanfiction takes place right after the end of Hikaru no Go:
Volume 15. Due to the rating you can expect Mild Shounen-Ai,
and my paring of choice is Hikaru x Akira. This story is my own
and will hope that no one posts it else where without my permission.
Also, just in case you're wondering, 'doushite' means 'why.'
DOUSHITE?
Part 2: WHERE?
"What's wrong, Akira-san? Aren't you hungry?"
Touya blinked and stared up at his mother. He picked up his
chopsticks again and grabbed his bowl of rice. "I'm fine." He said
softly as he began to eat once more. He had to stop thinking about
it. He had to stop thinking about it!
She looked at her son with worry, but remained silent at his
answer. If Akira chose to say something, he knew that she would
listen. Her eyes threw a side glance at her husband who remained
stoic. She wished she knew what had happened to cause such tension
in the room.
"Gochisou-samadeshita," Akira said as he bowed his head and
began to stand up.
His mother stared at his half eaten food and raised her
hand timidly. "But..." she looked away as she bowed her head.
"Never mind."
Touya left the dining room and went up the stairs towards
his room. Closing the door, he leaned on it as he stared up at the
ceiling. 'Had he really...?'
The events of earlier that day seemed so fuzzy in his mind
right now except for one: his kiss with Hikaru. He couldn't
understand what had driven him to do that. In his head their
relationship had always been rivalry because as much as he hated
to admit it now Hikaru had always been considered his rival, even
when he had negated the fact. In the beginning he had chased after
Shindo, and then Shindo had chased after him... Now it seemed like
it was back to him doing the chasing. But when were they going to
catch each other?
He propelled himself from the door as he covered his mouth
with shame –the blush staining his cheeks very apparent. 'Baka!' he
called himself at the stupidity of his own thoughts. He was just
obsessed with Shindo right now because of go. After all... weren't
just supposed to be rivals?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hikaru sat on the floor leaning against the side of his bed
as he stared intently at the goban. 'Sai…' he wondered as he rested
his weary head on his arms. 'Why did you leave?' He had searched
everywhere: Torajiro's grave, the Go Center, Grandpa's attic, yet
it seemed like he was no where to be found. "I promise I won't play
anymore, just come back." He whispered.
"ARGH!" he groaned as he wiped angrily at his eyes. He was
beginning to behave like Akari would. Crying all day long, it
seemed like that was the only thing he did recently. And to have
Touya see him like that... "TOUYA!" He blushed in remembrance.
'What the hell?!' he thought to himself. Why was he blushing?
He brought his knees closer to his chest and wrapped his
arms around them. With his chin resting on top, he mulled over the
encounter. It had felt so nice to have someone there trying to
make him feel better. But he had to admit that what had made it
even better was the fact that it had been Touya. After all that
chasing, he had finally made him turn around and look his way –even
if hadn't deserved it.
With a shaky hand, Hikaru traced his lips. He could still
remember the feel of it. Everything Touya had done to him. He
didn't deserve such compassion. It was his fault that Sai had gone
away. But the fact remained: that had been his first kiss...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Coming back from the bookstore, Hikaru called out "Tadaimasu~"
only to have no one answer. He looked in the kitchen, the living
room and his parent's room but his mother was not home. Heading back
into the kitchen, he placed his bag down as he opened the fridge and
proceeded to pour himself a glass of orange juice. As he closed the
door, he noticed the note left there by his mother. "Went to the
convenience store... be back soon... dinner later..." he read.
'Whatever,' he thought as he grabbed his bag and went up to
his room. He took out the new volume of Magazine Z that he had
bought and plopped down on his bed. Manga... as good an escape of
reality as anything.
Half way through it, he felt sleep try and take its toll,
so placing the magazine down, he rolled over and took a nap. An
hour later, awakened by a cold chill, Hikaru sat up in bed. Rubbing
his sleepy eyes, he looked past his open bedroom door and heard
voices coming from downstairs. He sniffed the air. 'Mom's home.'
Going down stairs and into the kitchen, his eyes could not
believe what he saw. With a dry throat, he croaked out, "Tou...ya..."
The green haired boy upon hearing his name stopped smiling
and turned his attention at the new comer. His blue eyes took in
Shindo's rumpled hair and childish face. It was a test of strength
to prevent the blush that wanted to surface from appearing.
"Hikaru..." he whispered and turned red then at being so bold.
'It was his mother's influence,' he told himself. He had heard her
call him that so much... it was only natural his tongue would slip
up, right?
It seemed that he had finally gotten his emotions back into
control. Green eyes showed signs of anger as they stared down at
the guy who sat so naturally at his dinner table. "What are you
doing here Touya?"
"Hikaru!" his mother snapped. "Don't be rude to him. He
helped me carry the groceries inside."
"I came to talk to you."
Hikaru turned around and left the kitchen, not even deigning
that statement with a response. 'Stupid Touya... First he runs
out of my house, and now he comes back to talk!!'
"Shindo!" he heard from behind as he stopped half way up
the stairs. "I need to talk to you."
"Funny," he said as he looked at Touya. "It seems that you
think that just because you want it, it's going to happen." 'Things
don't work like that,' he continued in his thoughts. 'Otherwise Sai
would already be here.' He had reached his room, fully aware that
he had been followed the whole time. Heading to his desk he sat
down and pretended to start doing homework -his senses completely
aware of the fact that Touya had closed his door.
"I'm not leaving until we play a game." He said, voice
determined.
Hikaru sighed. "What makes you think I'm going to play?"
"I'll make you a deal," he said as he neared the desk. "If
you just play me once, I swear I won't ever bother you again."
He turned around and looked at Akira. His eyes were serious
and he could tell that he meant everything he had said. It was
tempting. So tempting, but Sai... "No."
"WHY?!" he yelled.
"I'm no good."
Touya groaned out and Hikaru felt himself being swung around.
Staring face to face, he could see the anger in Akira's eyes. They
were as bottomless and as torrent as the sea... "Don't...lie...to...
me!" he ground out.
"Fine!" he said as he moved his head to the side. Their
faces had come to close for comfort and he was beginning to feel
uncomfortable again. Bending down and pulling the goban from its
neglected position, he placed it in the middle of the room. He
cleared it and passed his arm over it to clean off the dust. Touya
sat on one end, his eyes like they always got went in battle.
They nigiri and Hikaru won black. "Douzo," they said in
unison. The first move was his. 'Gomen... Sai,' he thought as he
placed the first stone: kosumi. Touya moved next, and Hikaru
responded. Stone after stone, the game began to fall into shape.
Every now and then, Akira could feel Shindo's eyes on him.
He knew not why, but the more they played, the more he saw a light.
It was as if the answer to an unsolved riddle was close to becoming
known. What has started as a strangely tame game, was beginning to
turn into an interesting battle.
Touya could see it. It was there every time his eyes caught
Shindo the moment he placed a stone. Determination and the will to
win the game... No matter how hard he tried to hide it, he was good.
He couldn't help but smile. He was finally playing the game
he had so long been dreaming of: Touya Akira vs. Shindo Hikaru. He
had missed this feeling. The way the cold stones felt between his
fingers. Their smooth texture and the commanding sound they
produced when placed down. The desire for a better game... like
trying to reach the perfect hand, the Hand of God...
Hikaru's eyes lost their focus, as he felt his silent tears
stain the goban. Touya retracted his hand and placed his stone back
in its container.
'Sai...' Hikaru lowered his head. 'That's what Sai had been
trying to reach.' All this time, all those years… he still could
not understand why he had left. But as he stared at the goban, the
stones aligned so perfectly... it was as if he was beginning to
understand something that was beyond the now. 'Why had *he* given
up? Why had *he* lost faith?'
He placed his hand on his knees and began to cry in anger at
all the time he had wasted and how stupid he had been. Sai would
have wanted him to master the move if he couldn't. So why had be
been so blind? "Gomen ne, Sai." He whispered.
Touya's eyes widened momentarily wondering if he had heard
correctly, but unsure if he should ask. It was obvious that Hikaru
hadn't been feeling so well. "How about we continue this game
another day?" he suggested with a smile. Shindo was going to be
just fine. Something inside him just told him so.
As he gathered up his stones and returned them to their
place, Shindo smiled sadly and said, "Arigatou."
Akira just held himself in check for his body almost dropped
to its knees and brought the boy in for a hug. It was in moments
such as these that he seemed so sweet and beautiful. He gathered
up his strength and stood ready to walk towards the door.
"Touya..."
He stopped and turned around to look at Shindo. "Yeah?"
Hikaru raised his head and looked into his Akira's. "Why
did you run away yesterday?" He stood and neared his rival. "Why
did you kiss me?"
It had been such an innocent question. However, why could
he not answer it? Touya opened his mouth but no words would come
out. He could see the expectation in Shindo's eyes, waiting... "It
–It just felt like the right thing to do at the time."
His heart felt slightly heavy and he couldn't understand why
those words had not made him feel any better. 'What type of answer
had he been hoping for?' He glanced to the side as a smile spread
on his mouth. He looked up at Touya, his eyes serious as his face
drew near. Then, before the green haired boy had a chance to step
back, Hikaru pressed his lips to his and kissed him.
Akira closed his eyes. 'This isn't real.' He thought, as he
felt Shindo timidly slide his tongue across his lower lip before
gently nibbling on it with his teeth. He felt the soft withdrawal
and when he opened his eyes again, Hikaru was looking at him with a
glazed expression he was sure was a mirror of his own.
He fought to bring himself back to the present, and he knew
that the question was clear in his eyes as he stared into Hikaru's.
But the boy just smiled as he took a step back. 'Was he going to
make him say it out loud?' He wouldn't. He had his pride.
Touya headed towards the door, his hand wrapping around the
knob -yet he could not open it. "Why?" he asked. Because he needed
to know... Because he wanted to be sure...
Shindo smiled from his bed as he watched Touya's back. 'He
had guessed right. He knew it!' Grabbing a magazine, he flipped
through it dragging out the moment until Touya could take it no more.
The instant he turned around and Hikaru could see his face he said,
"Because it felt like the right thing to do."
To be continued...
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Author's Notes:
I'll make it short, I promise!! I just wanted to thank all of you
who replied or emailed me about this story. I'm really glad that
you liked it. I don't know how soon I'll be able to get the 3rd
part written since I'm starting semester finals, but if there is
one thing that you can be sure of is that I always finish what I
start. So stick around... I will get it done!
att: Hikari
Author: Hikari
Email: machi_no_tenshi@excite.com
Rated: PG-13
Part: Part 2
Disclamer and Traditional Warnings...
This fanfiction takes place right after the end of Hikaru no Go:
Volume 15. Due to the rating you can expect Mild Shounen-Ai,
and my paring of choice is Hikaru x Akira. This story is my own
and will hope that no one posts it else where without my permission.
Also, just in case you're wondering, 'doushite' means 'why.'
DOUSHITE?
Part 2: WHERE?
"What's wrong, Akira-san? Aren't you hungry?"
Touya blinked and stared up at his mother. He picked up his
chopsticks again and grabbed his bowl of rice. "I'm fine." He said
softly as he began to eat once more. He had to stop thinking about
it. He had to stop thinking about it!
She looked at her son with worry, but remained silent at his
answer. If Akira chose to say something, he knew that she would
listen. Her eyes threw a side glance at her husband who remained
stoic. She wished she knew what had happened to cause such tension
in the room.
"Gochisou-samadeshita," Akira said as he bowed his head and
began to stand up.
His mother stared at his half eaten food and raised her
hand timidly. "But..." she looked away as she bowed her head.
"Never mind."
Touya left the dining room and went up the stairs towards
his room. Closing the door, he leaned on it as he stared up at the
ceiling. 'Had he really...?'
The events of earlier that day seemed so fuzzy in his mind
right now except for one: his kiss with Hikaru. He couldn't
understand what had driven him to do that. In his head their
relationship had always been rivalry because as much as he hated
to admit it now Hikaru had always been considered his rival, even
when he had negated the fact. In the beginning he had chased after
Shindo, and then Shindo had chased after him... Now it seemed like
it was back to him doing the chasing. But when were they going to
catch each other?
He propelled himself from the door as he covered his mouth
with shame –the blush staining his cheeks very apparent. 'Baka!' he
called himself at the stupidity of his own thoughts. He was just
obsessed with Shindo right now because of go. After all... weren't
just supposed to be rivals?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hikaru sat on the floor leaning against the side of his bed
as he stared intently at the goban. 'Sai…' he wondered as he rested
his weary head on his arms. 'Why did you leave?' He had searched
everywhere: Torajiro's grave, the Go Center, Grandpa's attic, yet
it seemed like he was no where to be found. "I promise I won't play
anymore, just come back." He whispered.
"ARGH!" he groaned as he wiped angrily at his eyes. He was
beginning to behave like Akari would. Crying all day long, it
seemed like that was the only thing he did recently. And to have
Touya see him like that... "TOUYA!" He blushed in remembrance.
'What the hell?!' he thought to himself. Why was he blushing?
He brought his knees closer to his chest and wrapped his
arms around them. With his chin resting on top, he mulled over the
encounter. It had felt so nice to have someone there trying to
make him feel better. But he had to admit that what had made it
even better was the fact that it had been Touya. After all that
chasing, he had finally made him turn around and look his way –even
if hadn't deserved it.
With a shaky hand, Hikaru traced his lips. He could still
remember the feel of it. Everything Touya had done to him. He
didn't deserve such compassion. It was his fault that Sai had gone
away. But the fact remained: that had been his first kiss...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Coming back from the bookstore, Hikaru called out "Tadaimasu~"
only to have no one answer. He looked in the kitchen, the living
room and his parent's room but his mother was not home. Heading back
into the kitchen, he placed his bag down as he opened the fridge and
proceeded to pour himself a glass of orange juice. As he closed the
door, he noticed the note left there by his mother. "Went to the
convenience store... be back soon... dinner later..." he read.
'Whatever,' he thought as he grabbed his bag and went up to
his room. He took out the new volume of Magazine Z that he had
bought and plopped down on his bed. Manga... as good an escape of
reality as anything.
Half way through it, he felt sleep try and take its toll,
so placing the magazine down, he rolled over and took a nap. An
hour later, awakened by a cold chill, Hikaru sat up in bed. Rubbing
his sleepy eyes, he looked past his open bedroom door and heard
voices coming from downstairs. He sniffed the air. 'Mom's home.'
Going down stairs and into the kitchen, his eyes could not
believe what he saw. With a dry throat, he croaked out, "Tou...ya..."
The green haired boy upon hearing his name stopped smiling
and turned his attention at the new comer. His blue eyes took in
Shindo's rumpled hair and childish face. It was a test of strength
to prevent the blush that wanted to surface from appearing.
"Hikaru..." he whispered and turned red then at being so bold.
'It was his mother's influence,' he told himself. He had heard her
call him that so much... it was only natural his tongue would slip
up, right?
It seemed that he had finally gotten his emotions back into
control. Green eyes showed signs of anger as they stared down at
the guy who sat so naturally at his dinner table. "What are you
doing here Touya?"
"Hikaru!" his mother snapped. "Don't be rude to him. He
helped me carry the groceries inside."
"I came to talk to you."
Hikaru turned around and left the kitchen, not even deigning
that statement with a response. 'Stupid Touya... First he runs
out of my house, and now he comes back to talk!!'
"Shindo!" he heard from behind as he stopped half way up
the stairs. "I need to talk to you."
"Funny," he said as he looked at Touya. "It seems that you
think that just because you want it, it's going to happen." 'Things
don't work like that,' he continued in his thoughts. 'Otherwise Sai
would already be here.' He had reached his room, fully aware that
he had been followed the whole time. Heading to his desk he sat
down and pretended to start doing homework -his senses completely
aware of the fact that Touya had closed his door.
"I'm not leaving until we play a game." He said, voice
determined.
Hikaru sighed. "What makes you think I'm going to play?"
"I'll make you a deal," he said as he neared the desk. "If
you just play me once, I swear I won't ever bother you again."
He turned around and looked at Akira. His eyes were serious
and he could tell that he meant everything he had said. It was
tempting. So tempting, but Sai... "No."
"WHY?!" he yelled.
"I'm no good."
Touya groaned out and Hikaru felt himself being swung around.
Staring face to face, he could see the anger in Akira's eyes. They
were as bottomless and as torrent as the sea... "Don't...lie...to...
me!" he ground out.
"Fine!" he said as he moved his head to the side. Their
faces had come to close for comfort and he was beginning to feel
uncomfortable again. Bending down and pulling the goban from its
neglected position, he placed it in the middle of the room. He
cleared it and passed his arm over it to clean off the dust. Touya
sat on one end, his eyes like they always got went in battle.
They nigiri and Hikaru won black. "Douzo," they said in
unison. The first move was his. 'Gomen... Sai,' he thought as he
placed the first stone: kosumi. Touya moved next, and Hikaru
responded. Stone after stone, the game began to fall into shape.
Every now and then, Akira could feel Shindo's eyes on him.
He knew not why, but the more they played, the more he saw a light.
It was as if the answer to an unsolved riddle was close to becoming
known. What has started as a strangely tame game, was beginning to
turn into an interesting battle.
Touya could see it. It was there every time his eyes caught
Shindo the moment he placed a stone. Determination and the will to
win the game... No matter how hard he tried to hide it, he was good.
He couldn't help but smile. He was finally playing the game
he had so long been dreaming of: Touya Akira vs. Shindo Hikaru. He
had missed this feeling. The way the cold stones felt between his
fingers. Their smooth texture and the commanding sound they
produced when placed down. The desire for a better game... like
trying to reach the perfect hand, the Hand of God...
Hikaru's eyes lost their focus, as he felt his silent tears
stain the goban. Touya retracted his hand and placed his stone back
in its container.
'Sai...' Hikaru lowered his head. 'That's what Sai had been
trying to reach.' All this time, all those years… he still could
not understand why he had left. But as he stared at the goban, the
stones aligned so perfectly... it was as if he was beginning to
understand something that was beyond the now. 'Why had *he* given
up? Why had *he* lost faith?'
He placed his hand on his knees and began to cry in anger at
all the time he had wasted and how stupid he had been. Sai would
have wanted him to master the move if he couldn't. So why had be
been so blind? "Gomen ne, Sai." He whispered.
Touya's eyes widened momentarily wondering if he had heard
correctly, but unsure if he should ask. It was obvious that Hikaru
hadn't been feeling so well. "How about we continue this game
another day?" he suggested with a smile. Shindo was going to be
just fine. Something inside him just told him so.
As he gathered up his stones and returned them to their
place, Shindo smiled sadly and said, "Arigatou."
Akira just held himself in check for his body almost dropped
to its knees and brought the boy in for a hug. It was in moments
such as these that he seemed so sweet and beautiful. He gathered
up his strength and stood ready to walk towards the door.
"Touya..."
He stopped and turned around to look at Shindo. "Yeah?"
Hikaru raised his head and looked into his Akira's. "Why
did you run away yesterday?" He stood and neared his rival. "Why
did you kiss me?"
It had been such an innocent question. However, why could
he not answer it? Touya opened his mouth but no words would come
out. He could see the expectation in Shindo's eyes, waiting... "It
–It just felt like the right thing to do at the time."
His heart felt slightly heavy and he couldn't understand why
those words had not made him feel any better. 'What type of answer
had he been hoping for?' He glanced to the side as a smile spread
on his mouth. He looked up at Touya, his eyes serious as his face
drew near. Then, before the green haired boy had a chance to step
back, Hikaru pressed his lips to his and kissed him.
Akira closed his eyes. 'This isn't real.' He thought, as he
felt Shindo timidly slide his tongue across his lower lip before
gently nibbling on it with his teeth. He felt the soft withdrawal
and when he opened his eyes again, Hikaru was looking at him with a
glazed expression he was sure was a mirror of his own.
He fought to bring himself back to the present, and he knew
that the question was clear in his eyes as he stared into Hikaru's.
But the boy just smiled as he took a step back. 'Was he going to
make him say it out loud?' He wouldn't. He had his pride.
Touya headed towards the door, his hand wrapping around the
knob -yet he could not open it. "Why?" he asked. Because he needed
to know... Because he wanted to be sure...
Shindo smiled from his bed as he watched Touya's back. 'He
had guessed right. He knew it!' Grabbing a magazine, he flipped
through it dragging out the moment until Touya could take it no more.
The instant he turned around and Hikaru could see his face he said,
"Because it felt like the right thing to do."
To be continued...
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Author's Notes:
I'll make it short, I promise!! I just wanted to thank all of you
who replied or emailed me about this story. I'm really glad that
you liked it. I don't know how soon I'll be able to get the 3rd
part written since I'm starting semester finals, but if there is
one thing that you can be sure of is that I always finish what I
start. So stick around... I will get it done!
att: Hikari