PG 13 basically for this chapter
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Another night has fallen and the night of Yule had arrived. Legolas stared out into the darkness, his hands hung at his sides as many painful thoughts ran through his mind. He began to wonder if he even belonged in this world. It seemed wherever he went he was nothing but an outcast. It had been two weeks since he last saw his lover. It seemed that the more he longed for the less he had.
"Legolas… isn't it?"
"Oh, yes." He turned around and bowed to the elven lord before him.
"Good to see you are feeling better…"
"Thank you." He answered with a weak smile.
Elrond smiled. "Do you and Estel wish to wed?"
"…I don't know…" Legolas replied sadly, "I am not sure of anything right now."
"He cares a lot for you."
"Yes, I know he does." Legolas sighed, "But I feel that I've put him in an awkward position…" He looked up; he had said more than he meant to.
"And I am sorry about this whole thing…Estel breaking off the marriage with…" Legolas stammered, although he had decided to avoid the subject before. "You must think that I am a terrible whore of some sort." He blurted out. Elrohir's words have not left his mind.
"No, I don't. These things happen, and the best is just to go with it." The elven lord said in a comforting tone, "But I am afraid that not everyone shares my view… if you are to wed, I cannot promise for it to happen here."
"Of course, you have already done so much for me, for us."
"You are truly your mother's son." Elrond said after a moment of silence. He smiled at Legolas before turning to walk away. "And do not let my sons bother you, they love their sister very much and…they will get over it in time." He added. Legolas smiled back awkwardly, not knowing how to answer. He stood there gazing into the sky as the smile faded upon his face.
"Will you not come down and join the feast?"
"Thank you." Legolas replied as he turned to the lord, "But I do not think I have a place there." He turned away with sadness still in his eyes.
"Come, at least have a glass of wine. I think you'll like my halls if you give it a chance."
"… Alright." He agreed. It would be a nice gesture to thank the lord.
The halls were full of people singing, talking, and drinking. He sat alone in a corner while he watched. It was not his place to be around so many people. Every once in a while a drunken man came over to talk to him but left once he gave them cold shoulder. He wondered where Aragorn was; he needed to speak with him terribly.
"Hey… what are you doing all alone?"
"Oh hello." He looked up to see Eomer. He smiled forcefully for he felt bad about how immature he had acted. It was rude to be so bitter when Eomer was being kind.
"I see you don't enjoy big crowds."
"It has never been my scene." Legolas replied softly.
"Never been mine either." Eomer smiled. He could not believe the elven beauty that was sitting before him. Legolas's golden hair was hung down his shoulders and his sapphire blue eyes were turned away toward ground. His skin shone moon bright in the dim lighting but his face held a sorrowful look.
Legolas looked up to notice the man staring at him again, "I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"
"No, not at all." Eomer whispered, as he moved closer to Legolas.
"It is nice of you, to show me such kindness." Legolas added, "Especially since… all the trouble I've caused these halls." He made an effort to make up for the way he acted when they last went for a walk.
"It was not your fault… so where is Aragorn?"
"Pardon?" Legolas stared.
"… Estel."
"… I do not know, I have not seen him for a while." Legolas said quietly.
"With princess Arwen I expect." Eomer said casually. He did not know about anything that had happened and was not making an effort to hurt the elven prince. But he did succeed. Seeing the disappointed look on Legolas's face, he felt his heart drop.
"I am a bit tired, I'm afraid I must retire for tonight." Legolas spoke as he stood up, "It was really nice talking to you." With those words he left the halls. 'Great, that was nice. Way to go, you shunned him again, he is only trying to be nice to you, what is your problem?'
He scolded at himself as he was back in his room. He soon fell asleep with a heavy heart. But as he awoke again in the middle of the night he saw a figure standing at the door.
"Estel? Estel is that you?" He called out. It had to be; no one else knew where his room was. The figure approached his bed as he squinted to see.
"What are you doing?" Legolas questioned as the figure drew a little too close to him. He felt uncomfortable as a cold hand lay upon his arm. Before he knew it, the hand was pressed over his mouth and he was shoved back on the bed. He could feel something being shoved in his mouth as the strong grip pinned him down to the bed.
"Stop it!" He tried to scream but only a muffled sound came out. He felt his hands being bound to the bed and he struggled as hard as he could, trying to jerk away but he could not. He felt the cold grip going toward his clothing as he tried to pull from grip. He felt his shirt being torn and the ice-cold touch down his body.
"No…" He whimpered, but he could feel the tongue down his neck. He closed his eyes in pain and prayed dearly that it was going to be over.
Aragorn flinched as Arwen pulled away in sadness. He tried his best to comfort her but she would not even look at him. She did not seem angry, only sad and that made his guilt ten times worse. After a bitter and heart breaking conversation Arwen fell silent, her bright eyes watering and her hands shaking.
"I'm sorry…" Aragorn whispered as he hugged her but she pulled away.
"No… I don't need your pity." She snapped amid her tears. He looked at her with concern for a moment before falling silent. She said nothing more and ran from the room. He started to go after her but thought better of it. The last thing she needed was he trying to comfort her at that moment. He stood there for a moment in his shame.
The next morning, Eomer awoke with his head feeling dizzy. He did not remember one thing that happened last night. He supposed he had a little too much to drink. He looked down and saw the elven prince lying on the bed beside him. The elf's hands were bound to the sides of the bed and there was a gag in his mouth. His clothes were torn and ripped from him and his body was covered in bruises.
"What have I done?" He thought to himself. He quickly dressed himself and sprung from the room. How was he going to explain this? How the hell was he going to make it up to Legolas? He could feel guilt and disgust rushing in his mind, how could he have done such a thing? Even in a drunken state it seemed unspeakable/
Aragorn felt it best to speak to Legolas after the disaster with Arwen the previous night. He was feeling guilty for not visiting him sooner and was afraid that his lover was getting lonely. But the morning was still early and he did not want to burst in like that. He noticed that the doors of Legolas's room were swung open. He walked in curiously and gasped as he saw what was there. Legolas lay upon the bed his arms bound and bruises everywhere upon his body.
"Legolas?" He whispered as he quickly loosened the cords and removed the gag. Legolas coughed as he opened his eyes. He seemed in serious pain.
"Why? Why did you do it?" Legolas choked out as he sat up.
"Do what? Are you alright?"
"… Was that all you wanted this whole time?" Legolas said softly as a tear ran from his eyes.
"What are you talking about?" Aragorn whispered in concern, "What happened?"
"…I finally understand now." Legolas whispered as he quickly pulled a shirt over himself. He wanted to die. He wished dearly that Aragorn had let him die. Death seemed like heaven compared to what he had gone through the previous night.
"Legolas, you're not making sense. What happened?"
"Did you think that I was going to be ok with it?" Legolas said coldly as he limped toward the door. The bruises between his knees were too painful.
"Where are you going?" Aragorn said as he grabbed the elf's wrist. Legolas gathered up his strength and anger and struck him hard in the face.
"Don't touch me!" Legolas yelled in his fury. Aragorn backed away in surprise and hurt. He had no idea what he did that was so terrible. He felt guilty about not being around very often but he hardly thought it was this bad. He knew that something had happened the previous night but he dared not guess what it was.
Legolas felt unable to control the tears from running and he felt as if he may collapse. He limped away and down the halls. He did not know where he was going but he had to get away.
"Legolas!" Aragorn called as he ran after his lover but Legolas threw him a look of hurt and sorrow that made him too stiff to move. He seemed to only be able to watch as the fair creature walked away with his golden locks flowing behind him.
It seemed that the next few hours went by like a cold winter chill that lasts but a moment yet the feeling never leaves. The elven prince stood peering into the river that separated the valley from the world. He did not know how long he sat there in his sadness, all he knew was that the world had come to a stop and he was caught in between.
With the ground crumpling beneath him, he did the only thing he could. But before he left the merry halls behind he knew he owed Aragorn an explanation. As much pain as he had gone through, he was still alive. And he owed him for that.
Dear Estel,
I have never loved anyone the way I loved you, but I am afraid we must part. It causes me too much pain to be near you and even see you after that night. But I will never forget warmth of your arms that saved me from my untimely end. Despite anything and everything that happens, you will always have a special place in my heart. I hope that fate allows me to forgive you and maybe we shall see each other again.
With love,
Legolas
With that he sealed the letter. It was short, simple, and to the point. He sighed softly and looked toward the peaceful house. Who was he going to ask to deliver it? Of all the people who knew him, only three bothered to speak to him and only two actually liked him. He knew that the lord had more important things to tend to so he must then turn to Eomer.
"Thank you…" He breathed as the man agreed with a half smile. He noticed that Eomer shifted uncomfortably every time his eyes looked up. But Legolas made no care for it, whatever it was it could not be his concern. With that he turned away west; maybe he could find a place to settle down and live on his own. He knew his place was not with people, but alone in peace. He had heard of legends of a place across the sea where only bliss dwelled and sorrow was all left behind. Maybe he will seek it someday.
"Just you and me
on this island of hope
a breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you
my sea to your shore
let me be the calm you seek
Oh and every time I'm close to you
there's too much I can't say
and you just walk away
And I forgot
to tell you
I love you
and the night's
too long
and cold here
without you
I grieve in my condition
for I cannot find the words to say I need you so"
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It is not the end of the story. (In case it looks like it.)
The song belongs to Sarah McLachlan
Review please.