TIME FOR HEART TO HEARTS
There was no way in hell Donovan could go to work today. Nope. No way, no how, hell no. He was exhausted from sitting up with Loralei through the night. She had just managed to get to sleep, and he didn't feel comfortable leaving her, not after last night. He wasn't sure if she had the strength to stay home alone with the baby. The day before, she had developed an illness that seemed to be some type of weird bug. It started out as moderate dizziness and nausea, but soon developed into something a bit scarier. Of course, at first, Loralei fought going to the doctor. She was certain there was nothing seriously wrong. However, as soon as she began to vomit and experience stomach cramps, both of them had become frightened. At that point, he insisted that Loralei go to the emergency room. As far as she had progressed in her pregnancy, a dozen things could go wrong, and Donovan didn't want to take any chances. Neither did Loralei. As late as it was, the two of them left Rachel with Angie. Loralei insisted on that end. She knew both Farron and Kara were busy people, and she absolutely didn't want to impose. After an agonizing wait at the ER, Loralei was diagnosed with stomach flu. The hospital insisted on keeping her for a few hours just to monitor her. When they were certain she and the baby were fine, they sent her home. She was sick for a few hours after that, never quite going to sleep. Although the hospital had said everything was fine, he couldn't help but worry. There was no way he could roll over and go to sleep, not with her as ill as she was.
When they returned home with their daughter, Loralei was a bit afraid to touch the baby for fear that Rachel would contract whatever disease she had. Donovan took their daughter to bed and settled her in for the night. By the time Rachel was dozing peacefully, Loralei had changed and climbed into bed. It was more than obvious she felt rotten. Every few moments, she groaned a little as a cramp seized her middle. Despite her protests ["You're going to catch whatever I have, I hope you know that."], he climbed into bed behind her and laid his hand on her warm body. She was running just a bit of fever. She was so uncomfortable, but she was trying her damned best to hide it. She was so brave sometimes, so resistant against showing her vulnerability on purpose. Not caring if he caught her virus or not, he kissed the side of her throat and caressed her arm. She moaned again as another pain attacked her.
"Do you need anything," he had asked.
"Uh uh," she had replied. "I feel halfway normal right now, just a little weak."
For a long time, probably hours, he lay behind her, giving her one of his patented 'fine ass massages' [Loralei's phraseology, of course]. Her moans and groans finally settled down and she drifted off to sleep. When he was certain she was totally out for the remainder of the night, he settled his body a little and tried to relax, but it was no use. She had called him correctly. He was a natural worrier, and he couldn't stop the emotions from filling his heart and working his body to a frazzle. He hadn't moved much for the rest of the night. Right at that moment, just before the pre-dawn hours began, he gazed down at her, to check on her just once more before he settled back again. She was still sleeping very deeply, and a brief touch to her arm told him that her light fever had broken in the night. He slid his hand down over her abdomen where her own rested ever so protectively. The baby, usually wildly active at night, hadn't moved much at all. This morning, however, the new kid [he never thought in terms of 'he' or 'she'] was raising hell inside her, seemingly doing a crazy little kicking dance. He was surprised it hadn't awakened her.
After a few long moments, Donovan drew away reluctantly and grabbed the cordless phone sitting quietly on the bedside table. He crept into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He dialed a number and waited patiently for the person on the other end to pick up. "Good morning, Cody."
On the other end of the line, Cody groaned and cursed incoherently. "Damn, Sex Machine, do you not realize what time it is? Don't tell me you're dragging my ass out of bed for a new case or some shit?"
Donovan wanted to laugh. The definite lack of sleep was making him feel a bit hysterical. "Cody, I'm not trying to drag you out of bed. I need for you and the others to work on pending cases today. Loralei and I had a bit of trouble last night. I think I should stay home with her."
"Is something wrong, Boss," Cody asked, the flippancy leaving his voice immediately.
"No, everything is fine. She has a bug of some kind, but she's doing well. Take over today, will you?"
Donovan didn't see, but Cody pulled the phone away from his ear and gazed at incredulously. Surely this wasn't the boss they all knew and loved? Donovan had never put him in charge before. Jake had turns; Alex had turns, but never him. Cody brought the phone back up to his ear again. "Uh…Boss? I'd be…well…honored."
"Thank you. Divert any priority cases through Shoemaker. If he wants me, he can call me here."
Without another word to Cody, he hung up and crept back into the bedroom. He noticed that she was still out. He turned the ringer off and laid the phone back on the bedside table. He sat on the side of the bed and turned toward her. Her gorgeous auburn hair was fanned out behind her, and he found his fingers drifting to it. It was just as soft [maybe softer] as it was the first time he touched it. He wasn't sure what kept bringing his mind back again and again to those first few weeks they were together, when they had just begun exploring each other. Was it her pregnancy? No. He hadn't reflected that much at all before Rachel was born. Of course, they hadn't had much time to reflect, had they? He drew his hand away as Loralei stirred a bit. At first, he thought she intended to rise, but she didn't. Instead, she rose just a bit before turning to her other side, and was now facing him. She hadn't opened her eyes once. Her hair obscured her face from view, and he brushed it back a little, still reveling in its soft touch. His mind began to drift again; it drifted back to the day when he was certain she had died. The one thought that would not leave him was the unabashed horror that entered him when he realized she had died without knowing the true depth of his love for her. He thought he had waited much too long, but fate had decided that they deserved another chance. Since that day, he hadn't failed letting her know how much he loved her. She would never doubt it as long as he drew a breath.
Why am I thinking this way? What's going on? As he gazed at his wife, it came to him little by little. His mind had drifted to Farron and Kara. He had watched his brother, his love struck brother, seemingly giving his heart to Kara. Again, he had never seen Farron act in such a way. In the past, Farron had only been interested in Donovan's girlfriends. He had wanted to best his brother, had never wanted to be ensnared in any type of serious relationship. Had he ever had a steady woman in his life? He hadn't, had he? Farron had already had a couple of close calls with Kara. The first, of course, was when Alca Huete abducted her and Loralei. The second was her near kidnapping and murder by her psychotic stepbrother. He didn't want his twin to suffer the same pain that he had. What if Farron hesitated to do the right thing, to marry her, to make her a permanent part of his new life? God forbid, but what if something happened to her like what had happened with Loralei? Did he want to see his twin face such horror? It was more than true that Farron had done some truly horrible things to Donovan through the years. However, Farron had acted so very selflessly when he took Loralei to the hospital when Rachel came early. That one act had done more for Donovan's heart than any other. Farron had grown and was continuing to grow even more every day. Donovan felt as if he needed to return Farron's favor of seeing to his wife when he was unable. He wanted to reach out to Farron, to tell him not to wait to show his love for Kara, because in an instant, it could all be taken away. Donovan knew this, he had been there, and he never wanted anyone else to go to that dark, dark place. Again, he didn't want to see Farron fuck this up. He had worked far too long, far too hard to build this up.
"Frank?"
The soft voice startled him. He didn't realize he had been drifting so far away. He glanced at his wife and watched as she gazed up at him. "Loralei? Baby? How do you feel?"
"I'm okay, just a little yucky still, that's all. Tummy ache is all gone," she said with a little smile. "You were so lost in thought there for a moment, and I wasn't sure you had heard me at all. What's up?"
He shifted position a bit and sprawled out next to her on the bed. He reached out to caress her hair. "I was thinking about the past, about the day I nearly lost you."
"Frank, I wasn't that sick."
He smiled a little and leaned toward her to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. He moved back a little and gazed at her. "I know, but this was more in line with Farron and Kara. I was thinking that I didn't want Farron to hesitate to express his love for Kara, because at any moment, she could be taken away from him. I don't want to see that happen to him. It nearly happened to me, to us, and I was lost."
"I've learned that you have such a capacity to forgive, baby," she said softly. "You love and trust your brother again, and he needs that. I think he needs you. Despite the anger, despite his misdeeds, he has grown and changed so much. If you reach out to him, I'm sure he'll reach back. After all, he's been doing that for months now."
He nodded and brought her hand up to his lips. "I want him to have a life, I want him to grow and become the man I know he has inside him. Kara has been very good for him, and I don't want to see him mess it up. I know how it feels to nearly lose someone you cannot live without, and I wouldn't want anyone to experience that kind of pain."
"Maybe you should have a heart-to-heart with him, Frank. Maybe he needs your support in this as well."
Donovan reached for her and drew her close. "I love you, LD. You have shown me my own heart time and time again."
* * *
Farron watched as Kara paced the living room. He was beginning to think the cordless phone had become permanently attached to her ear. He listened with amusement as she soothed the ego of some high-strung artist who was in the process of putting together his first show. Her caring nature and soft demeanor appealed to the neurotic temperaments of the majority of the artists she worked with. She always had just the answer to their problem. Whether it be rearranging the displays, adjusting the lighting, or just spending what seemed like hours listening to their problems; she would always get them back on track again. Helping with the shows was not one of Kara's normal responsibilities, but Antonia always managed to sucker her in.
Kara spotted him watching her and joined him on the couch. She curled up to him, tipped the phone away slightly, and placed a tender kiss to his neck. She knew he was tired; he'd put in a long day with the local PD and had called home letting her know he was stopping off for a drink with the 'boys.' She mouthed, "Love you," before returning her attention back to Stephano. The sooner she could calm him down, the sooner she could focus her attention on Farron.
Farron wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap. She laid her head on his shoulder and he rested his cheek lightly against her head while she continued her thoughtful nurturing "yes, you are so right" and "no, you are talented." He stroked her hair and his thoughts drifted to the happenings of his day. Overall it had been a good day, busy.
"Come on, Donovan, relax..."
Farron reached for his glass of bourbon as he turned to face Sergeant Stuart "Stu" Coleman. Not quite six feet tall, Stu had a stocky build. Short blonde hair and ice-blue eyes gave him an oddly albino quality. Although he was nearly forty years old, his boyish face and charm made him seem much younger. Farron still found it unfathomable that he had made friends with those that upheld the law. He was so used to being buds with those on the wrong side of it. "I am relaxed," Farron assured him.
"Yeah, right," Officer Scott Deaton said, joining the conversation. He was a stout man who stood six foot one, had sandy brown hair and green eyes. If Farron were to be perfectly honest, he would say Deaton was a little on the young side. He'd almost swear Deaton lied about his age to get into the academy while still in his diapers. "You're so relaxed, you can't take your eyes off the door."
Farron was approached from behind and was greeted by the friendly chuckle of Officer Terry Creecy. He and Deaton were partners. Creecy was a few inches taller and just a few years older than Deaton. He was a lanky man with Popeye arms, coal black hair, a mustache, and blue eyes. He had actually been the first of the three who had expressed any interest in Farron outside the 'classroom.' "So, Donovan...you got some hot little number waiting for you, that you just can't wait to get on your way?"
Farron grinned boyishly. Sure he did, but it was much more than that. When he had called Kara to say he was stopping off for a drink, she was fine with it. However, he had caught something in the sound of her voice; a tired, distant quality and it freaked him out a bit. Maybe she was just preoccupied, maybe she was just tired, or maybe...
"So..." Stu prodded. "At least say she's worth the distraction."
"Kara's one of a kind," Farron replied with a smile and sipped his bourbon.
"Kara...Kara Everett," Stu asked curiously. When Farron nodded hesitantly, Stu continued, "I read the report of her brother's kidnapping and her near miss. She was one lucky lady."
"Ha! Not as lucky as you, Donovan," Scott blurted out. "She's quite the babe, or so the pictures of her in the society column make you believe. She's loaded, too."
Oh, here it comes, Farron thought as the smile faded from his lips.
"She's a bit...out of reach, don't you think, Donovan," Stu commented. He noticed Farron back up in his chair, an obvious sign he had hit a nerve. "Hey, no offense. I've just seen so many relationships doomed...and, buddy, you've got to admit, that lady isn't meant for a life like we lead."
Farron sighed inwardly and kissed the top of Kara's head. They were right, she wasn't meant for the kind of life he could give her. But did that really matter? If their love were strong enough, would she really miss the life she led before him? It wasn't their standard of living that Farron worried about. Often times he wondered if she really knew what she wanted; if he was the one, or if she was merely settling for him. After all...he was her first. His thoughts took a detour when she stirred from her resting place, turned the phone off, and set it on the coffee table. "Is your shiny new artist all better now?" he asked, amused.
Kara laughed. "He is now. He and Antonia disagreed on how his exhibit should be set up." She gave him a slight push when he rolled his eyes in mock exasperation. "He really is a talented man, Farron."
"Is he now," he asked as he reached for her hand and turned it palm upward. He suckled and kissed the tender flesh of the underside of her wrist.
"Ah, but not so talented as you, my darling," Kara whispered and fingered his silky raven locks.
Farron looked up at her and found the question that bothered him earlier dancing on the tip of his tongue. Ask her. Just open your stupid mouth and ask her! Her eyes questioned him silently when he stopped his erotic path up her arm. She would ask him what was bothering him in a moment. Might just as well grow a pair and lay it all out on the table, so to speak. "Shel...do you ever...regret..."
Kara backed up a bit. She slid off his lap and lifted herself off the couch. Regret. Regret what, Farron? Our life together? Do you? Is that what you want to tell me? She moved away from the couch and stood with her back to him. "What are you trying to ask me, Farron?" She couldn't face him; didn't want him to see her devastation when he told her he was tired of her.
Farron was taken aback at her sudden flight. He'd hurt her somehow, scared her, perhaps. What could she possibly be frightened of? He was the one so terrified he could barely form the words to ask one stupid little question. "Are you settling for me, Kara? I was your first. I just want you to be sure this is...I am...what you want."
He was worried about what she wanted, when all day long Antonia's warning plagued her. He's had many women, Kara. You know that. He's told you that. How long do you think he'll stay interested in you? She wiped a tear from her cheek and turned to face him. One look at his anxious expression nearly caused her to burst into a stream of tears. "How can you ask that," she answered softly.
Farron rose to his feet and closed the distance between them. He held her gently by the arms and gazed deep into her eyes. "I need to know..."
To her ears, it was more of a plea than a statement. She brought her hands tenderly to his cheeks. "I love you. I've always loved you," she whispered softly.
"How can you be sure," he asked as he pulled her into his embrace.
She pushed back just a bit to see his face clearly. "I can. I told you once, at the beginning, no man had ever touched my heart enough for me to let him touch my body." She brushed her lips against his as she wound her arms about his neck. "And you...darling, Farron...just one look from you and I was lost. Heart and soul. Not even your crude behavior could keep me away."
He buried his face into her hair and held her tightly. She belonged to him and he to her. Were they soul mates destined to be together since the beginning of time? He wanted to believe that. He wanted to believe nothing could ever make them part. He wanted to believe in forever. Dare he?
Kara caressed his hair tenderly as she pressed tiny kisses to his neck. "And you, baby? Is being with me enough for you? Will you be satisfied with just me?"
Farron lifted his head, gazing into her deep blue eyes. "I've never lied about my past. I'm no innocent." Damn if she isn't just as frightened of losing me as I am of losing her! He kissed her forehead softly before pulling her close. "But love, if I combined all the encounters with the others; they cannot compare to just one time with you. I love you, Shel." He truly did, but would it be enough for her?
Kara felt his hold on her tighten and she clung to him in return. As she tilted her head to receive his tender kiss, she whispered, "And I love you, my beautiful, darling Farron." When he lifted her into his arms and carried her toward their bedroom, she silently wished that he could see there was so much more for them to share if he only desired it as she did.
* * *
Farron sat casually at a small table awaiting his brother. He had no idea why Donovan had called him out. His wife was ready to burst and his brother never strayed far from home. He looked up suddenly, seemingly sensing his approach. It was weird, really. Since he and his twin had been working on their relationship, his 'twin sense' had finally begun to come back to him. He wondered vaguely if Donovan was experiencing the same. Farron stood when Donovan approached, and the two brothers shared a brief brotherly embrace before taking their seats.
A few moments later, a server approached their table and her jaw nearly dropped when she laid her eyes on the two gorgeous twins. She immediately noticed that one had on a wedding ring [damn it], but the other did not. Perhaps before they left, she would give her number to the handsome stranger devoid of a band of gold on his left hand ring finger.
Once the server left them, Farron sat back in his chair and studied his brother for a moment. "How's your wife," he asked.
"She's fine now. She was a little sick a few days ago." When he saw Farron's expression become concerned, he shook his head. "No, no; nothing serious, just some kind of bug. She's fine. Kara?"
At the mention of her name, he smiled warmly. Just thinking of her made him happy. "Busy, but wonderful, as always," he said. I sound quite lovesick, he thought. However, that was okay. He was. "Frank, I appreciate your calling me down for a get together, but honestly, I was a bit stunned. Pardon me for being rude, but why did you want to meet?"
Donovan smiled a little. His brother wasn't an idiot. Farron knew he had a purpose, a bottom line if you will, for asking him here. "Farron, you can actually tell me it's none of my business if you wish, but I must ask you a question. What, exactly, are your intentions with Kara?"
His brother's question startled him, and for a moment he stared at him, completely perplexed. Of course, he understood every word he said, but he was stunned. What were his intentions? "I love her, Frank. I never thought I'd ever say that about a woman, but I do. At times, I think I am not good enough for her that perhaps she is settling. We've talked, but it still enters my mind." He realized that he hadn't really answered Donovan's question at all.
"Brother, you're dodging my question," Donovan said. Thoughtfully, he brought his hand up to his chin. "Do you want to stay with her? Can you not see ever being apart from her? I suppose what I'm trying to ask is have you thought of asking her to marry you?"
Farron smiled a trifle bitterly. Had he thought of it? Hell yes, he had. However, he wasn't exactly sure why he hadn't, unless it was all the doubts swirling about. "I have, but I'm unsure. She might refuse."
Donovan nodded thoughtfully and then decided to share a story with Farron that he had never shared with him before. Perhaps it would shed some light on this matter and help him decide. "I've never told you this, but I think it's important for you to know. I was in your shoes at one time; I had the same doubts swirling about in my mind. When I fell in love with Loralei, I didn't tell her right away. I hesitated. I thought we had our entire lives before us, and there was no rush. However, she was shot and she died. We each expressed our love for the other at the moment she took her last breath. I can't tell you how much I regretted that, how much I still regret it. She was revived, thank God, but I often think back and wonder what would have happened to me if she hadn't lived? Farron, if you love this woman, if you want to marry her, to spend the rest of your life with her, I implore you. Do not hesitate. Already, you have had two close calls with her. Again, I cannot stress it enough. Hesitation leads to regret. Regret leads to sorrow."
Donovan's story had rendered Farron speechless. He sat back in a daze and considered his words. His brother was right. He had nearly lost his Shel, not once, but twice. How would he feel if something happened to her? How would he take it? His darling Shel knew he loved her, but was that enough? It wasn't. It wasn't nearly enough at all. Although he never thought he'd ever steer himself in this direction, he wanted her forever, wanted her to be his wife, and yes, the mother of his children.
* * *
Farron had lost track of time. He'd been walking for hours, mulling over the things Donovan had shared with him. He'd never known that his twin had nearly lost Loralei. In his mind, he replayed the ugly scenes with Alca Huete's men and, more recently, Brian Everett. Just one moment in time, if someone's aim had been slightly shifted, if Brian had been able to pull the trigger...his world would have been turned upside down. He might never have had the chance to tell Kara he loved her. He'd done that, though, and he believed she knew it was true. A prism of light danced across his face, diverting his attention to a shop window. He fingered the glass lightly, as though he were reaching for something just out of his grasp. He closed his eyes tightly and, in his mind's eye, he could see what was once out of reach slowly moving toward him. Yes...