Ripples In Time
By: Can (lucyc_23455@yahoo.com)
Spoilers: Up through Unrealized Reality
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own them
Thanks to gbbarb for reading
Part 5
John felt the pounding in his head, the voice shouting in his ear. "Get down here now Crichton!" D'Argo's voice loomed over the comms, waking his befuddled mind. John fell back in the chair, slamming his head against the floor. He winced, stunned for a moment, his hands massaging his temples, the ache in his head growing worse.
"Ok, ok.D'Argo, I hear ya! Just stop shouting!" John replied, lifting his head carefully and looking around the room. "What's up?" He asked, not quite feeling right, knowing there was something he had to do.
D'Argo growled. "John, get your eema to command now! We have a dreadnought in sight!" He knew John had his own problems, but this wasn't the time to deal with them.
Aeryn held her breath listening to them talk, wondering if the other was still aboard. "John is.he.with you?" She asked, hoarsely, her throat dry.
John couldn't move as it all came back, his brother, the Ancients, the Scarrans and his part in it. He pulled himself to a sitting position, trying to put it all together, his face showing nothing but shock. "Shit," he said dropping his head into his hands, remembering his last moments with his twin, feeling a sense of loss.
The silence was starting to worry Aeryn, D'Argo and Chiana. "Well someone say something to him!" Chiana stated, worried about John. "What if the other one won't let him talk for some reason?"
Aeryn shot her a warning glance. "Don't Chiana!" Aeryn said sharply, fearing her own thoughts.
D'Argo tried again. "John is he with you?" If Crichton didn't answer soon, he would go to his quarters himself.
John contemplated ignoring them, wanting time to absorb all he had learned, but he knew it was probably useless to think he could get away with it.
"John answer or we're coming there!" The urgency in Aeryn's voice prompted him, knowing what she wanted to hear, unable to satisfy her need.
"No," he said, his voice faltering, pulling himself slowly to his feet. His body ached, the weariness setting in. "I'm.on.my way." John shut off his comm, wanting only silence so he could think.
John limped out of his cell, walking along the corridors, absorbing all his twin had told him. It was up to him now; he only hoped he could do it.
xxxxx
"Where the frell is he?" D'Argo shouted, only to realize he couldn't communicate with John any longer. D'Argo turned to Aeryn for the answer, only to see her paled expression.
Chiana stepped closer to D'Argo wrapping her hands around his arm, worried about her. "D'Argo, there is something going on that only John and Aeryn know about," she said, fearing for them all, noting Aeryn's silence and the despair she detected in John's voice.
"Aeryn?" D'Argo spoke softly. "Do you know where he is?" He saw her facial expression change, her lips twisted as if she were in pain.
Without looking at him, she laid her hand on his arm, staring straight ahead. "He's gone," she stated softly, walking away to stare out at the stars.
D'Argo watched her; sure she had lost her mind now. None of it made any sense! You just can't disappear on a frelling Leviathan! "Chiana maybe you need to see to Aeryn. I think she's fahrbot now! Nobody just disappears!" D'Argo had all he could take for the microt. His biggest worry was the Scarran vessel and that was where he needed to focus his attention.
John walked into command seeing the Luxan using the plotter. "Worried D? Well don't. I've got it all under control!" He had used the time it took him to get to command wisely. John would carry out his duties and worry about everything else later.
"Spare me, John. I think we can do without your brilliant ideas right now. This dreadnought is almost in range," D'Argo replied harshly, noting the green shirt he was wearing. He was happy to see John, but this wasn't a time for a reunion.
"Then what the frell are we still doing here, D'Argo? I thought you were a better captain than that," John chuckled, playing with his friend.
D'Argo growled in warning. "Pilot instructed me to wait because of something Aeryn said to him. If not for that, we would have starburst arns ago," he replied, resentful over the situation. "Where is the other one?"
"Gone," John replied. He saw D'Argo open his mouth, but John cut him off. Now was not the time. "We'll talk about it later, D."
John glanced at Aeryn and turned away quickly. He couldn't let it in now. It would have to wait, he thought, as he walked towards the view screen concentrating. "Pilot, get ready, it's almost time." John closed his eyes and allowed the equations to flow through his mind, breathing deeply as each one formed and came together with another.
Aeryn and Chiana had been quiet when John entered, listening to him banter with D'Argo. They were both surprised by the lightness in his tone, after hearing him on the comms earlier. Aeryn knew it was time and warned Chiana.
"Time for what, Aeryn?" She asked, not knowing what to think.
Quietly Aeryn said, "Starburst. It's done." She bit her lip knowing he was gone, only having his words to hold onto. She decided that would have to be enough. Being with him she considered a gift, one she wasn't likely to receive again. Her life was with the one standing before her.
"Commander, I see it developing," Pilot said, anxious to get away from this quadrant of space.
John opened his eyes and smiled, the blue twirling tunnel welcoming him and his friends, never to allow the Scarrans their wish. "Let's do it Pilot!" John shouted, as the crew looked out upon the wormhole that was ready to take them to safety.
Aeryn slowly walked towards John, feeling the Leviathan power up for starburst. Standing by his side, she looked up at him. "Are you alright?" She asked softly, fingering his jacket.
John was still smiling, never looking her way. "Don't know. Give me time. I.I .think I have a lot to .think about."
They all fell to the floor as they felt the thrust of starburst and the wormhole sucking them in. John was the first to his feet knowing he had to close it or the Scarrans would follow. Aeryn rose to his side, holding onto him as they navigated the tunnel.
John tried to clear his mind and let the formulas surge again, only this time in reverse. It wasn't working; feeling the panic rise, the calm gone.
John pulled away from Aeryn. "Please, God no.don't do this to us now," he pleaded, struggling to get back control, as John felt himself pulled into another realm.
Aeryn saw the light that surrounded him, not daring to disrupt it, stepping away, seeing fear grip him for a microt, then peace. John basked in the glow, his whole body giving into the soothing calmness that washed over his soul.
The equations started coming now, crashing through, causing his body to shake uncontrollably, the gap closing behind them.
D'Argo watched his friend in horror, rushing to his side to help him. Aeryn grabbed his arm. "No D'Argo, don't interfere or we're all dead. They are helping him close the wormhole."
D'Argo hesitated for a microt before calling Pilot, "Are they following?" He wanted to know who 'they' were, but it would have to wait.
"No, D'Argo. It seems Commander Crichton was successful.the wormhole has closed," Pilot replied, relieved Officer Sun's plan had worked.
The threat over, John collapsed to the deck, his whole body spent, the crew gathering around him. His mind was hazy, the voices distant, "You did it John. They can't follow us now!"
John knew D'Argo was talking to him, but he was too exhausted to answer. He closed his eyes and welcomed the sleep that called him.
D'Argo swept him up in his arms and turned to carry him to his cell. "Chiana, can you stay in command while Aeryn and I tend to John?"
"I'll stay, D'Argo," Aeryn said, quietly. D'Argo looked at her with questioning eyes. "It's best this way. Chiana, go with him please." She needed to think and this would give her time to do so.
xxxxx
John tossed and turned in his sleep, the events from the past few days circling his mind, dredging up real and not so real memories. Seeing his twin with Aeryn cut through his heart, never imagining it could happen again. He remembered his own doubts about himself, willing to take the twins place with the Ancients so Aeryn would have her love. With these memories also brought terrifying nightmares; he saw himself fail with the wormhole technology, the Leviathan being destroyed by the Scarrans. It seemed so real it jolted him forcefully from his sleep, the sweat pouring off of him, screaming only one word, "No!"
John sprung up in his bed, trying to catch his breath, the dream terrorizing him. He shivered as the air met his warm body, drawing the covers over his shoulders. John wiped his face off with both hands and just stared, the dream so real to him. What if he failed the next time and it became a reality? He almost did today in that last minute. John slowed his breathing, recalling the explanation given to him by his twin.
The Ancients knew he had been working on his own, learning more and more everyday about wormholes. If they were going to allow him to live, he needed all of the equations to protect himself and the rest of the universe. His twin had that information and was sent to him for that purpose. With his help he had the rest of the knowledge he needed to control wormholes. It made sense now. The dreadnought was a test to see if he could handle it.
John felt the weariness come over him again, not wanting to sleep. He leaned against Moya's pulsating walls and closed his eyes, resting them.
xxxxx
"So," D'Argo said, rising from the table. "You have told me everything now, Aeryn?" He asked, measuring her expression.
"Yes," she replied, still feeling miserable for not being able to tell sooner. "You know if I could have told you then I would have. It was.hard.keeping it all to myself and having to deal with both of them on my own."
"Where do you stand now?" D'Argo inquired, leaning his hands on the table, searching her face. He could see sadness, but she was basically unreadable.
"It depends on John. I know he is hurt and confused right now, but I am willing to make my life with him," Aeryn replied, still having the other one on her mind. She didn't know if she could ever forget what they had. She consoled herself with his words, 'We are the same, only different memories.'
"Aeryn.do you love him?" He asked hesitantly, not sure what he was going to hear.
Aeryn looked up at him, a few tears falling slowly. "I.I .love.them both!" She smiled, trying to bite back the tears. It hurt so bad, yet felt so good to know what love was finally. She couldn't imagine her life without it now.
D'Argo reached down and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. His heart went out to both his friends, hoping they could overcome the turmoil the others had caused. "Give him time, Aeryn.show him again."
xxxxx
They found John in command with Chiana after finishing first meal.
"We thought you would still be sleeping, John," D'Argo stated, pleased to see him.
"Couldn't sleep anymore, D. Too much going through my head," he replied, his voice flat, glancing at Aeryn before returning to the repairs Pilot had asked him to perform. "Chiana, when I tell you to, flip that control," he said, sliding back under the console with his tools.
"Whoa, hold on a microt!" D'Argo shouted, his hand up, trotting over to the console. "What the frell are you doing Crichton?" If anyone was going to do anything with the controls it would be him.
John's head emerged enough for him to see D'Argo. "It's no big deal. Pilot said there was some sort of lag in the reaction. He asked me to check it out," John replied, his tone harsher than he meant it to be. "Just leave it alone."
D'Argo was furious that Pilot had asked John instead of him. "Pilot, why didn't you call me?" The Luxan's voice was demanding.
"Ka D'Argo, you and Officer Sun were occupied and the Commander was already here. I think he is capable of handling this," Pilot responded, indignant over the question. It was his ship, not the Luxan's.
"You are right. I am sorry Pilot," D'Argo replied, knowing he had been put in his place gracefully by Pilot.
"Well I'm glad I meet with your approval," John said sarcastically, sliding back under the console. Working on the wires, John wasn't surprised that the Luxan didn't trust him. He too doubted himself especially after his twin. He figured D'Argo couldn't help but see the difference between them also.
John was jolted by a wave of impulses. "Shit!" He yelled, knowing it was his fault for not keeping his mind on his work.
"Are you alright John?" Aeryn asked quickly, knowing something had gone wrong.
"Yeah, I'll be finished in a microt," he said, fusing the two wires together. "Try it now Chiana." He hoped it worked. Now that they were all in command he wanted to leave, not ready to answer the questions he knew would come.
Chiana did as she was told and felt the control move easily now. "Seems good John," she said smiling. When she had met him in command she never pressed him for anything. She just let him talk.
"Pilot? Good to go now?" John asked, ready to split.
"Very good, John, thank you," Pilot replied, grateful. Pilot had asked him to make the repair to take his mind off what he had been through. He didn't anticipate the others returning so soon.
"Glad to help, Pilot," John replied, sliding out from under the console and getting to his feet. He stood to see all eyes on him. "What?"
"Are you alright my friend?" D' Argo asked, the sadness in his eyes showing. He knew the pain he had gone through over Chiana; he could only imagine how John felt, it being his own twin.
John chuckled. "Why so solemn D? I'm fine.really," he said, starting to walk towards the exit.
Chiana knew John didn't need questions now. He would talk about it when he was ready, and it wasn't now, if ever. 'How much can one man take?' She thought to herself, ready whenever he needed her.
Aeryn stepped in his way, blocking the exit. "Can I walk with you?" She asked softly. There were no demands in her voice, only the question, her eyes showing sincerity.
John hesitated, not sure he was ready for this yet. He remembered his twin and his words, conceding for the moment for him. He nodded, his mouth dry, not sure he could find his voice.
Once in the corridor, Aeryn spoke first. "I'm sorry, John. I was so surprised.I didn't know what to do," she said, her voice filled with pain. She knew her apology didn't make up for the hurt, but it was all she could say to start the healing. "He reminded me of something before he left. The only thing that made you two different were what each of you experienced apart.other than that you are.exactly the same. He died, but you suffered as well."
John winced, turning away to avoid the look in her eyes. He couldn't take the pain he saw in Aeryn. He blamed her, but didn't. John felt a sense of betrayal, only imagining what she had shared with the other, but those memories the twin had kept for himself. John smiled to himself remembering that moment, not blaming him in the least; he would have done the same.
John knew he still loved her, but the piercing ache still stabbed at his heart. He blinked quickly, looking up to the ceiling, his lips quivering. "I need to. um.ask you something," he said, his voice raspy, the lump in his throat growing with each word.
Aeryn reached up to touch his face. John drew away quickly, not wanting to feel her warmth. She pulled her hand back as if it had been burnt.
"What.happened to.us?" John asked, looking down at her, the tears glistening in his eyes.
Aeryn stood there, surprised, not expecting the question. The guilt consumed her. She knew he had every right to ask after the two arns they had spent together. Aeryn realized he deserved an answer. Raising her face to his, she answered him the only way she knew how. "I told you, I didn't know what to do. You asked me once. 'Do I love John Crichton?'...well the answer is.yes. I had my time with him.but I will spend the rest of eternity with you."
John reached up and slid his hand over her cheek. "I really don't blame you Aeryn, I.just needed an answer." John dropped his hand, his blue eyes penetrating hers. "I just need some.time," he said, walking away, deep in thought.
xxxxx
They had studied the after affects of their interference. They were not pleased with what they saw. Their mission was successful and they knew the knowledge would be protected, but the man himself had been affected emotionally.
The keeper turned to him, "Are you willing to help heal him?"
"Of course, he is my brother."
xxxxx
John felt dazed when he returned to his quarters. So much of what he learned seemed foreign to him, but it shouldn't have been. He had been working on the equations for arns. They should have found a home in his head easily. Maybe it was the twin and his capabilities that still haunted him. John didn't know, he was unsure of everything anymore, including himself.
John dropped down in the seat he had used when his twin was aboard, dropping his head into his hands. "Why the hell did you choose me? Damn you!" He shouted, not caring whether anyone heard him or not. John didn't want it. He wanted them to take it back and leave him alone. Let Aeryn and him go back to the way they were.
John lifted his head, the tears blurring his vision. He stood up hastily, knocking the chair over, not believing who he saw standing before him.
The other enjoyed the reaction from his brother, smiling. "Aren't you going to say something like, 'welcome back'? He chuckled, seeing the shocked expression on his face, moving forward to take his place at the table. "Sit, John, we need to talk."
John slowly lowered himself into the chair, keeping his eyes on the twin. "Why are you back? They told me you couldn't stay." John said confused, but grateful. There was much he needed to know and he was the only one who could tell him.
"Let's just say.they are unhappy with you. You aren't handling all of this very well and that worries them," the twin replied, glad they had let him come. He knew all along they would need to talk after the knowledge had been given to him, but it was something the Ancients had to see for themselves. The twin leaned over, his hands together. "John tell me what's wrong. You have all you could want and yet you're still unhappy."
John thought for a moment digging deep inside himself, trying to put it into words. "I don't think I was the right choice," he replied, dropping his head. "I only frell everything up."
"No more than me," the twin replied, laughing. "We are both alike. If I was here instead of you it wouldn't make a difference. Remember what I told you. we are the same only different memories. I just had a knowledge you didn't and you had one I didn't. Now they are merged and the knowledge is complete. It's difficult to handle, but you will. with time."
"What about Aeryn? How do we put that back together?" John asked, knowing he needed her if he hoped to go on.
"Dig deep John, you will find the answer. In fact I think you already know. You don't need me for that one. The love I have for her is the same as you possess; just open your heart again. She'll be there," his twin replied. "John you know something I've really missed?"
"What's that?" He asked curious.
"Rock, paper and scissors. It's been ages since I played it. You up for a game?" The twin asked smiling, knowing what his brother would say. "They gave me two arns with you."
"You got it!" John stated, immediately accommodating his twin. He felt like a new person thanks to him, understanding finally.
The two sat there laughing and arguing, playing the game they brought from their home.
Neither of them realized Aeryn stood behind the door in the shadows, listening and watching, the tears cascading down her face, mixing with the smile that formed on her lips. She stood there watching the two men she loved, playing the game only they understood, content until the microt they all had to part.for the last time.
The end
Thanks to gbbarb for reading
Part 5
John felt the pounding in his head, the voice shouting in his ear. "Get down here now Crichton!" D'Argo's voice loomed over the comms, waking his befuddled mind. John fell back in the chair, slamming his head against the floor. He winced, stunned for a moment, his hands massaging his temples, the ache in his head growing worse.
"Ok, ok.D'Argo, I hear ya! Just stop shouting!" John replied, lifting his head carefully and looking around the room. "What's up?" He asked, not quite feeling right, knowing there was something he had to do.
D'Argo growled. "John, get your eema to command now! We have a dreadnought in sight!" He knew John had his own problems, but this wasn't the time to deal with them.
Aeryn held her breath listening to them talk, wondering if the other was still aboard. "John is.he.with you?" She asked, hoarsely, her throat dry.
John couldn't move as it all came back, his brother, the Ancients, the Scarrans and his part in it. He pulled himself to a sitting position, trying to put it all together, his face showing nothing but shock. "Shit," he said dropping his head into his hands, remembering his last moments with his twin, feeling a sense of loss.
The silence was starting to worry Aeryn, D'Argo and Chiana. "Well someone say something to him!" Chiana stated, worried about John. "What if the other one won't let him talk for some reason?"
Aeryn shot her a warning glance. "Don't Chiana!" Aeryn said sharply, fearing her own thoughts.
D'Argo tried again. "John is he with you?" If Crichton didn't answer soon, he would go to his quarters himself.
John contemplated ignoring them, wanting time to absorb all he had learned, but he knew it was probably useless to think he could get away with it.
"John answer or we're coming there!" The urgency in Aeryn's voice prompted him, knowing what she wanted to hear, unable to satisfy her need.
"No," he said, his voice faltering, pulling himself slowly to his feet. His body ached, the weariness setting in. "I'm.on.my way." John shut off his comm, wanting only silence so he could think.
John limped out of his cell, walking along the corridors, absorbing all his twin had told him. It was up to him now; he only hoped he could do it.
xxxxx
"Where the frell is he?" D'Argo shouted, only to realize he couldn't communicate with John any longer. D'Argo turned to Aeryn for the answer, only to see her paled expression.
Chiana stepped closer to D'Argo wrapping her hands around his arm, worried about her. "D'Argo, there is something going on that only John and Aeryn know about," she said, fearing for them all, noting Aeryn's silence and the despair she detected in John's voice.
"Aeryn?" D'Argo spoke softly. "Do you know where he is?" He saw her facial expression change, her lips twisted as if she were in pain.
Without looking at him, she laid her hand on his arm, staring straight ahead. "He's gone," she stated softly, walking away to stare out at the stars.
D'Argo watched her; sure she had lost her mind now. None of it made any sense! You just can't disappear on a frelling Leviathan! "Chiana maybe you need to see to Aeryn. I think she's fahrbot now! Nobody just disappears!" D'Argo had all he could take for the microt. His biggest worry was the Scarran vessel and that was where he needed to focus his attention.
John walked into command seeing the Luxan using the plotter. "Worried D? Well don't. I've got it all under control!" He had used the time it took him to get to command wisely. John would carry out his duties and worry about everything else later.
"Spare me, John. I think we can do without your brilliant ideas right now. This dreadnought is almost in range," D'Argo replied harshly, noting the green shirt he was wearing. He was happy to see John, but this wasn't a time for a reunion.
"Then what the frell are we still doing here, D'Argo? I thought you were a better captain than that," John chuckled, playing with his friend.
D'Argo growled in warning. "Pilot instructed me to wait because of something Aeryn said to him. If not for that, we would have starburst arns ago," he replied, resentful over the situation. "Where is the other one?"
"Gone," John replied. He saw D'Argo open his mouth, but John cut him off. Now was not the time. "We'll talk about it later, D."
John glanced at Aeryn and turned away quickly. He couldn't let it in now. It would have to wait, he thought, as he walked towards the view screen concentrating. "Pilot, get ready, it's almost time." John closed his eyes and allowed the equations to flow through his mind, breathing deeply as each one formed and came together with another.
Aeryn and Chiana had been quiet when John entered, listening to him banter with D'Argo. They were both surprised by the lightness in his tone, after hearing him on the comms earlier. Aeryn knew it was time and warned Chiana.
"Time for what, Aeryn?" She asked, not knowing what to think.
Quietly Aeryn said, "Starburst. It's done." She bit her lip knowing he was gone, only having his words to hold onto. She decided that would have to be enough. Being with him she considered a gift, one she wasn't likely to receive again. Her life was with the one standing before her.
"Commander, I see it developing," Pilot said, anxious to get away from this quadrant of space.
John opened his eyes and smiled, the blue twirling tunnel welcoming him and his friends, never to allow the Scarrans their wish. "Let's do it Pilot!" John shouted, as the crew looked out upon the wormhole that was ready to take them to safety.
Aeryn slowly walked towards John, feeling the Leviathan power up for starburst. Standing by his side, she looked up at him. "Are you alright?" She asked softly, fingering his jacket.
John was still smiling, never looking her way. "Don't know. Give me time. I.I .think I have a lot to .think about."
They all fell to the floor as they felt the thrust of starburst and the wormhole sucking them in. John was the first to his feet knowing he had to close it or the Scarrans would follow. Aeryn rose to his side, holding onto him as they navigated the tunnel.
John tried to clear his mind and let the formulas surge again, only this time in reverse. It wasn't working; feeling the panic rise, the calm gone.
John pulled away from Aeryn. "Please, God no.don't do this to us now," he pleaded, struggling to get back control, as John felt himself pulled into another realm.
Aeryn saw the light that surrounded him, not daring to disrupt it, stepping away, seeing fear grip him for a microt, then peace. John basked in the glow, his whole body giving into the soothing calmness that washed over his soul.
The equations started coming now, crashing through, causing his body to shake uncontrollably, the gap closing behind them.
D'Argo watched his friend in horror, rushing to his side to help him. Aeryn grabbed his arm. "No D'Argo, don't interfere or we're all dead. They are helping him close the wormhole."
D'Argo hesitated for a microt before calling Pilot, "Are they following?" He wanted to know who 'they' were, but it would have to wait.
"No, D'Argo. It seems Commander Crichton was successful.the wormhole has closed," Pilot replied, relieved Officer Sun's plan had worked.
The threat over, John collapsed to the deck, his whole body spent, the crew gathering around him. His mind was hazy, the voices distant, "You did it John. They can't follow us now!"
John knew D'Argo was talking to him, but he was too exhausted to answer. He closed his eyes and welcomed the sleep that called him.
D'Argo swept him up in his arms and turned to carry him to his cell. "Chiana, can you stay in command while Aeryn and I tend to John?"
"I'll stay, D'Argo," Aeryn said, quietly. D'Argo looked at her with questioning eyes. "It's best this way. Chiana, go with him please." She needed to think and this would give her time to do so.
xxxxx
John tossed and turned in his sleep, the events from the past few days circling his mind, dredging up real and not so real memories. Seeing his twin with Aeryn cut through his heart, never imagining it could happen again. He remembered his own doubts about himself, willing to take the twins place with the Ancients so Aeryn would have her love. With these memories also brought terrifying nightmares; he saw himself fail with the wormhole technology, the Leviathan being destroyed by the Scarrans. It seemed so real it jolted him forcefully from his sleep, the sweat pouring off of him, screaming only one word, "No!"
John sprung up in his bed, trying to catch his breath, the dream terrorizing him. He shivered as the air met his warm body, drawing the covers over his shoulders. John wiped his face off with both hands and just stared, the dream so real to him. What if he failed the next time and it became a reality? He almost did today in that last minute. John slowed his breathing, recalling the explanation given to him by his twin.
The Ancients knew he had been working on his own, learning more and more everyday about wormholes. If they were going to allow him to live, he needed all of the equations to protect himself and the rest of the universe. His twin had that information and was sent to him for that purpose. With his help he had the rest of the knowledge he needed to control wormholes. It made sense now. The dreadnought was a test to see if he could handle it.
John felt the weariness come over him again, not wanting to sleep. He leaned against Moya's pulsating walls and closed his eyes, resting them.
xxxxx
"So," D'Argo said, rising from the table. "You have told me everything now, Aeryn?" He asked, measuring her expression.
"Yes," she replied, still feeling miserable for not being able to tell sooner. "You know if I could have told you then I would have. It was.hard.keeping it all to myself and having to deal with both of them on my own."
"Where do you stand now?" D'Argo inquired, leaning his hands on the table, searching her face. He could see sadness, but she was basically unreadable.
"It depends on John. I know he is hurt and confused right now, but I am willing to make my life with him," Aeryn replied, still having the other one on her mind. She didn't know if she could ever forget what they had. She consoled herself with his words, 'We are the same, only different memories.'
"Aeryn.do you love him?" He asked hesitantly, not sure what he was going to hear.
Aeryn looked up at him, a few tears falling slowly. "I.I .love.them both!" She smiled, trying to bite back the tears. It hurt so bad, yet felt so good to know what love was finally. She couldn't imagine her life without it now.
D'Argo reached down and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. His heart went out to both his friends, hoping they could overcome the turmoil the others had caused. "Give him time, Aeryn.show him again."
xxxxx
They found John in command with Chiana after finishing first meal.
"We thought you would still be sleeping, John," D'Argo stated, pleased to see him.
"Couldn't sleep anymore, D. Too much going through my head," he replied, his voice flat, glancing at Aeryn before returning to the repairs Pilot had asked him to perform. "Chiana, when I tell you to, flip that control," he said, sliding back under the console with his tools.
"Whoa, hold on a microt!" D'Argo shouted, his hand up, trotting over to the console. "What the frell are you doing Crichton?" If anyone was going to do anything with the controls it would be him.
John's head emerged enough for him to see D'Argo. "It's no big deal. Pilot said there was some sort of lag in the reaction. He asked me to check it out," John replied, his tone harsher than he meant it to be. "Just leave it alone."
D'Argo was furious that Pilot had asked John instead of him. "Pilot, why didn't you call me?" The Luxan's voice was demanding.
"Ka D'Argo, you and Officer Sun were occupied and the Commander was already here. I think he is capable of handling this," Pilot responded, indignant over the question. It was his ship, not the Luxan's.
"You are right. I am sorry Pilot," D'Argo replied, knowing he had been put in his place gracefully by Pilot.
"Well I'm glad I meet with your approval," John said sarcastically, sliding back under the console. Working on the wires, John wasn't surprised that the Luxan didn't trust him. He too doubted himself especially after his twin. He figured D'Argo couldn't help but see the difference between them also.
John was jolted by a wave of impulses. "Shit!" He yelled, knowing it was his fault for not keeping his mind on his work.
"Are you alright John?" Aeryn asked quickly, knowing something had gone wrong.
"Yeah, I'll be finished in a microt," he said, fusing the two wires together. "Try it now Chiana." He hoped it worked. Now that they were all in command he wanted to leave, not ready to answer the questions he knew would come.
Chiana did as she was told and felt the control move easily now. "Seems good John," she said smiling. When she had met him in command she never pressed him for anything. She just let him talk.
"Pilot? Good to go now?" John asked, ready to split.
"Very good, John, thank you," Pilot replied, grateful. Pilot had asked him to make the repair to take his mind off what he had been through. He didn't anticipate the others returning so soon.
"Glad to help, Pilot," John replied, sliding out from under the console and getting to his feet. He stood to see all eyes on him. "What?"
"Are you alright my friend?" D' Argo asked, the sadness in his eyes showing. He knew the pain he had gone through over Chiana; he could only imagine how John felt, it being his own twin.
John chuckled. "Why so solemn D? I'm fine.really," he said, starting to walk towards the exit.
Chiana knew John didn't need questions now. He would talk about it when he was ready, and it wasn't now, if ever. 'How much can one man take?' She thought to herself, ready whenever he needed her.
Aeryn stepped in his way, blocking the exit. "Can I walk with you?" She asked softly. There were no demands in her voice, only the question, her eyes showing sincerity.
John hesitated, not sure he was ready for this yet. He remembered his twin and his words, conceding for the moment for him. He nodded, his mouth dry, not sure he could find his voice.
Once in the corridor, Aeryn spoke first. "I'm sorry, John. I was so surprised.I didn't know what to do," she said, her voice filled with pain. She knew her apology didn't make up for the hurt, but it was all she could say to start the healing. "He reminded me of something before he left. The only thing that made you two different were what each of you experienced apart.other than that you are.exactly the same. He died, but you suffered as well."
John winced, turning away to avoid the look in her eyes. He couldn't take the pain he saw in Aeryn. He blamed her, but didn't. John felt a sense of betrayal, only imagining what she had shared with the other, but those memories the twin had kept for himself. John smiled to himself remembering that moment, not blaming him in the least; he would have done the same.
John knew he still loved her, but the piercing ache still stabbed at his heart. He blinked quickly, looking up to the ceiling, his lips quivering. "I need to. um.ask you something," he said, his voice raspy, the lump in his throat growing with each word.
Aeryn reached up to touch his face. John drew away quickly, not wanting to feel her warmth. She pulled her hand back as if it had been burnt.
"What.happened to.us?" John asked, looking down at her, the tears glistening in his eyes.
Aeryn stood there, surprised, not expecting the question. The guilt consumed her. She knew he had every right to ask after the two arns they had spent together. Aeryn realized he deserved an answer. Raising her face to his, she answered him the only way she knew how. "I told you, I didn't know what to do. You asked me once. 'Do I love John Crichton?'...well the answer is.yes. I had my time with him.but I will spend the rest of eternity with you."
John reached up and slid his hand over her cheek. "I really don't blame you Aeryn, I.just needed an answer." John dropped his hand, his blue eyes penetrating hers. "I just need some.time," he said, walking away, deep in thought.
xxxxx
They had studied the after affects of their interference. They were not pleased with what they saw. Their mission was successful and they knew the knowledge would be protected, but the man himself had been affected emotionally.
The keeper turned to him, "Are you willing to help heal him?"
"Of course, he is my brother."
xxxxx
John felt dazed when he returned to his quarters. So much of what he learned seemed foreign to him, but it shouldn't have been. He had been working on the equations for arns. They should have found a home in his head easily. Maybe it was the twin and his capabilities that still haunted him. John didn't know, he was unsure of everything anymore, including himself.
John dropped down in the seat he had used when his twin was aboard, dropping his head into his hands. "Why the hell did you choose me? Damn you!" He shouted, not caring whether anyone heard him or not. John didn't want it. He wanted them to take it back and leave him alone. Let Aeryn and him go back to the way they were.
John lifted his head, the tears blurring his vision. He stood up hastily, knocking the chair over, not believing who he saw standing before him.
The other enjoyed the reaction from his brother, smiling. "Aren't you going to say something like, 'welcome back'? He chuckled, seeing the shocked expression on his face, moving forward to take his place at the table. "Sit, John, we need to talk."
John slowly lowered himself into the chair, keeping his eyes on the twin. "Why are you back? They told me you couldn't stay." John said confused, but grateful. There was much he needed to know and he was the only one who could tell him.
"Let's just say.they are unhappy with you. You aren't handling all of this very well and that worries them," the twin replied, glad they had let him come. He knew all along they would need to talk after the knowledge had been given to him, but it was something the Ancients had to see for themselves. The twin leaned over, his hands together. "John tell me what's wrong. You have all you could want and yet you're still unhappy."
John thought for a moment digging deep inside himself, trying to put it into words. "I don't think I was the right choice," he replied, dropping his head. "I only frell everything up."
"No more than me," the twin replied, laughing. "We are both alike. If I was here instead of you it wouldn't make a difference. Remember what I told you. we are the same only different memories. I just had a knowledge you didn't and you had one I didn't. Now they are merged and the knowledge is complete. It's difficult to handle, but you will. with time."
"What about Aeryn? How do we put that back together?" John asked, knowing he needed her if he hoped to go on.
"Dig deep John, you will find the answer. In fact I think you already know. You don't need me for that one. The love I have for her is the same as you possess; just open your heart again. She'll be there," his twin replied. "John you know something I've really missed?"
"What's that?" He asked curious.
"Rock, paper and scissors. It's been ages since I played it. You up for a game?" The twin asked smiling, knowing what his brother would say. "They gave me two arns with you."
"You got it!" John stated, immediately accommodating his twin. He felt like a new person thanks to him, understanding finally.
The two sat there laughing and arguing, playing the game they brought from their home.
Neither of them realized Aeryn stood behind the door in the shadows, listening and watching, the tears cascading down her face, mixing with the smile that formed on her lips. She stood there watching the two men she loved, playing the game only they understood, content until the microt they all had to part.for the last time.
The end